"See, you, I'm still drowning" Nightmare monster strikes again

**Nihal** · 07-19-2013 02:54 PM

Dream of Thursday 18th - Friday 19th July 2013

I was in my room, in the exact same position how I fell asleep. I felt very weak and immediately had this vague feeling of fear, a realisation that something was wrong.
My little brother, my mother and my father (the latter being dead in real life) walked in my room through the doorway (which was in a different position than in reality). Because of the light of the hallway, I could only see their silhouettes. My little brother walked towards me and said: "I'm going to school. Hug?"
Something was wrong. I tried talking, which was very difficult. Which huge effort I was able to say: "J...., I don't want a hug right now. Okay?"
My little brother answered: "Okay", and just disappeared, and so did my mother and father. I didn't want him to be sad, so I said a little louder: "But have fun on school, alright?" No answer. I wondered if it was sufficient to make him happy again.

Then... A hand appeared on the edge of my bed, the palm directed towards the ceiling. The hand was softly moving, gesturing: "More."
Immediately I realise it's the monster and that I'm dreaming. (LUCIDITY)
I try to manipulate my dream and do something funny, so that I'll feel less afraid. I decide to put cake in her hand. Normal cake will be difficult because it's so light-coloured, but against the dark background of my room chocolate cake shouldn't be too hard. So I snap my fingers and make cake appear on her hand. I say: "Chocolate cake, bitch, mmmmm."
The hand disappears under the bed for 1 second, and the monsters says: "Mmmmm", on the exact same tone I had and with my voice. But the next second she's already there again. Waves of fear radiate out of my body. She stands up, and I become even more afraid... But curious as well. Maybe I'll finally be able to see her face, which never happened before. But where her head was supposed to be, there's only some indistinct blur.
Her clothing is very clear and very detailed: I can see that she wears a red schoolskirt, and a black vest. Her legs are not made out of grey and dead flesh, like usual, but are alive and healthy.
She climbs into my bed and desparatly I try to control my fear. She hums a weird tune as she crawls towards me. Right when I think that my fear is gone and my mind is empty, she says in English (not my first language):
"See, you, I'm still drowning." She violently bites the side of my waist and then the dream is over.

Nearly got a freaking heart attack when I woke up, realised I was awake, and still heard the humming tune. It appeared to be a chainsaw of somebody in my street who was sawing a tree. So the humming is not really relevant.
New things: she wasn't dead. This was a very, very alive monster.
Crawling into my bed and biting happened before, though.

Any thoughts?

PS: very angry that I didn't come up with anything better than chocolate cake. Wise lesson learnt this night: food doesn't solve problems.
PPS: I don't count this nightmare as lucid, because I'm always lucid in these nightmares.

**splodeymissile** · 07-19-2013 03:10 PM

Scary. I suppose the chocolate cake was an attempt to make the monster friendly? Anyways, I have a tendency to be too literal minded, so take this with a grain of salt, but I believe that the monster hiding under your bed might represent your own inner demons. The gesturing of the hand for more might be indicative of gluttony or desire for material worth. The disappearance of your family after your refusal of a hug and their general appearance might show your fears of disappointing them

**JoannaB** · 07-19-2013 04:10 PM

What I think the "drowning" may be about, it may be about drowning in emotions, not in control of your emotions toward your family members. I think the reason why this monster used to be dead but now is alive may be because before it was about your trouble handling your emotions about your father's death, whereas maybe now it is more about emotional issues with family members who are alive, such as your brother. I get the sense that maybe you are too driven by emotions: fear, anger, sadness, etc. and your family members both dead and alive cause these emotions to surface but your self who is supposed to be in control of yourself to drown. If I am right then the monster under your bed may be a part of you: the part of you that died when your father died, the part of you that is sad when your brother is sad, the part of you that needs love and acceptance to be calm, the part of you that needs comfort food for the soul. If that is what these dreams are about, then maybe a way to conquer these nightmares would be to increase your self awareness about how emotions control you, and to strive to have greater control over your emotions: to choose to resist being controlled by negative emotions, and become more emotionally even keel.

EDIT: Refusing the hug to your brother is also a very emotionally charged response. Sometimes when we do not express our emotions through external show of affection, they become bottled up inside. So maybe that is part of the issue: you are repressing external show of affection to your brother, and so internally you are drowning in these repressed emotions that you did not express. When your father died, did you express your grief openly or did you repress it and bottle it up inside of you? Maybe the problem is not being too driven by emotions, but not expressing them openly enough so that the emotions that you do not allow to surface are pulling you deep down with them in your nightmares.

**Nihal** · 07-19-2013 07:36 PM

Hey Splodeymissile,

Yeah, the chocolate cake was an attemt to make her more friendly and funny. I have this huge love for food and the tendency to believe that if you eat chocolate, everything will turn out just fine. :p Appearantly the monster didn't agree with me!
You may be right about those inner demons, it would explain why the dream started after my father died. I don't really feel like the gesturing meant gluttony, it was more like: "It wasn't sufficient enough, those words to calm your brother weren't enough, you should give him more." At least that's what I felt during the dream.
The disappearance of my family and dissapointing them might be true, I am always very afraid that people who love me will be dissapointed in me.

Thank you for your interesting answer!

**Nihal** · 07-19-2013 07:45 PM

Hey JoannaB,

... WOW. Sigh. Your interpretation made me kinda breathless here... It shocks me that everything you say feels like the truth to me. I get this weird feeling in my stomache and I know what you are saying is right.

I am a very, very emotional person and not able to control my emotions. I try to, but I always kind of "radiate" them - even our dog reacts on it. -.-'
The dead-alive thing sounds also very, very true to me. I've never thought about it that way before, but it really makes sense. That would also explain why before, when she was still dead, she was always a little girl... But now, now that she is alive, she is a teenager / a young woman. So that seems to add up to your explanation!
What you say about the monster being part of me... You are right. I believe this must be true. I've thought about it, but the thought was so scary that I chased it away immediately and didn't think about it any longer. But dang, you are right. Maybe that's why I'm never able to see her face: because I didn't want to recognize that it was me myself.
When my father died, I never grieved openly. I always denied for myself that I was sad. I had to be there for my family. My brother and my sister were openly grieving and caused a lot of trouble at home, so I decided that I would stay calm, quiet and unnoticed... so my mom could put all her attention in my brother and sister, who needed it more than me. Only a year ago I started to accept that I am sad myself as well... Surely took me long enough, after 6 years. So I think both interpretations are right - I am bottling up my emotions, and not able to control them on the inside.

Thank you so, so, so much for your interpretation. Seriously... This means a lot to me. I think you have truly helped me, not just understanding what this dream is about, but also in learning a wise lesson and that I don't need to... 'drown' myself in my negative emotions. Thank you. Really!