Thread: hi dreamviews.

Hi shegost, welcome to Dreamviews!

We have a section dedicted to dream interpretation. That's where I'm gonna move your thread now, so you can get some relevant answers.

If you ever become interested in lucid dreaming, please post your question and we'll be happy to help. happy dreams

*Moved to Dream Interpretation

thank you, gab.

There are many reasons why one would dream of a certain person -- perhaps you could tell us one or two of your typical dreams with this person so someone could take a stab at why you are dreaming of him?

background info: we've been apart for 2 years. no contact. i was the one who filed for divorce and regretted it afterwards. i've moved on, been seeing a great guy for about 9 months.

sometimes we're getting back together, sometimes we're saying goodbye.

there was one where i was in a carebear costume and i was backstage. i was sad because my part got cut and this girl in a dragon costume was doing my part. i was looking down and he laughed at the sight of a carebear moping backstage. i looked up at him and when he realized it was me, his smile faded away and he walked away mad. then, that night at the afterparty, we were at this cabin behind the house i grew up in and apparently, he lived there now. i was outside, looking up at the house. none of the lights were on. then, i saw him standing on the roof with a gun pointed at me. seconds later, he was walking up the stairs to the cabin. he was younger, looked like he did when i first met him. his gun was for a video game and he was excitedly telling me about it and it was like we were best friends again. then, i told him i had to go because my boyfriend was inside.

i could kinda understand why i was having these dreams at first, but i don't get why i'm still having them.

I think part of it may be that by now you expect to have these dreams. Our minds get into schemata and sometimes get stuck in them. You probably started having these dreams because you regretted filing for divorce, but then the dreams continued maybe because when your mind reaches for dream content it goes with content it is used to. Your ex is imprinted on your thoughts, and perhaps kind of stuck in there. It could be that he represents some common concept that your mind finds simplest representing by visualizing him. It could be that he represents a part of your own personality that is kind of like your ex. or his presence brings out an emotion that your mind is struggling with, for example: guilt and remorse - it could be that you still have a lot of that in your mind, and your subconscious finds that your ex has a lot to do with those emotions.

Here are a few ideas of what you could do: (1) you could try to accept that you have these dreams and try not to feel bad about having them - this could help make them go away, whereas if you tried to fight them or tried too hard to ignore them, that would just reinforce them. (2) you could learn lucid dreaming using your ex as a dream sign, tell yourself, "every time I see my ex, I know I am dreaming." And then once you do realize that you are dreaming, you can either ask him why he is there, or tell him firmly that you do not wish to see him in your dreams again (but for this to work, it is essential that you expect it / believe it will work), or you could just leave him in your dream once you are lucid or cause him to leave (teleport or something?); (3) if your ex is in your dreams because of feelings such as guilt and remorse in waking life, you could in waking life work on recognizing the cause and effect of such emotions, become aware of having them, stop them in their tracks, and transform them into more positive emotions. Look into meditation and mindfulness practice, and avoid living your waking life in memories but rather live it more in the moment, and become more content and self-assured.

I am sure there are many other explanations and possible solutions. Feel free to discard any of my ideas if they do not sound useful to you.

thank you, joannab.

i haven't given lucid dreaming much of an attempt. i often realize that i'm dreaming when i see him, but i kinda just go with the flow. maybe a part of me wants him there, or i want that part of myself back. i don't know. i will try to ask him why he's there, i don't think i'll be able to. i'll work on not feeling bad for having the dreams. that's something proactive i can do right now and that might help.

i really appreciate your response.

Originally Posted by sheghost

i will try to ask him why he's there, i don't think i'll be able to.

This statement will likely be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Dreams work by expectation: if you expect something not to work, it most likely won't. If you really wish to try it, you need to expect it to work.

If you know that it is a dream, then you are already having lucid dreams. All you would need to do then is to change your expectations that when you are dreaming you have control of your dreams. If you do not want your ex to be in your dreams, you can change your dreams. Yes, you can. You need to have confidence in yourself. You can be whoever you want to be in your dreams including someone much more confident than your waking self. Expect it, make it happen, and I bet you will not regret it. lucid dreaming can be very pleasantly empowering when you let it. Remember you are the dreamer, not the dreamed. You can be in charge of your own dreams, and they will not control you unless you let them.

i asked the question over and over again before i drifted off to sleep, hoping i'd remember to ask if i saw him there. unfortunately (and fortunately), i didn't dream of him last night. i had a dream about my boyfriend.

so, i don't know. it's just a night.

thanks for the pep talk. i'm usually very confident in waking life, so i'm sure i'll be able to do anything i set my mind to.