She gave me roses, then I beat her :(

Hello, My first post. A really important dream for me that I'd really would appriciate to be interpered :)

I am 23 years. I live with two guys and a girl. we all moved togheter recently. We are all getting along well. I fell jeolus somethimes with this girl I'm seeing and one of my room-mate. This guy is a good friend and our relation-ship is very good even though I feel jeolus somethimes when he talk flirty with the girl I am seeing. I just try to let it go and meditate. I don't think he think he has any motives anyway.

Fear of loving someone and then be rejected have been big in me. But I feel more ready and able to handle big rejections now.

Family: Don't get along with my mom. Feel like she can't stand me being in a good mood over something that not have anything to do with her. So I took the coice to stop seeing her. She has a guy she is with now so I think she is fine. My dad and I dont see eachother much. but we talk on the phone somethimes. our relationship is much bettar than before. Don't know if old patterns will appear if I see him alot again. he seems kinder. Mom and dad has been a relationship starting with my father cheating and then got back togheter with another girl again.

Yesterday I had a discussion with the girl I have been seing for a bit over two and a half months. Becouse we both needed a new place to stay when we met we ended up moving in togheter very shortly after we met. Like 7 days of hanging out. Now she sleeps in my bed becouse we are restoring her room.

I feel like we know eachother qiute well. We have shared everything. We had blissfull moments of laughter and joy. Great sex. Caring for eachother. however I experience some emotional pain in my solar plexus often. And this area is stiffer after I met her. I might feel like I am not good enough for her becouse I feel like she give my that vibe sometimes. She says she are afraid of not being good enough. Other than this she is very kind, loving and caring.

We are both intrested in the spiritual path.

So back to the discussion. It was firstly about some yoga teachings and then about being pressent and what it ment to be in the now. Then she started talking about how she felt very uncomfertable in a resturant with me the other day. We where talking and then she made me jeulos or feel bad somehow and since I dont wanna be reacting that I just tried to fokus on my breading being pressent. So I went into a state of relaxion and allot of emotions starded comming up and being released without crying, just the feeling of a blocked river being released. I looked her deeply in the eyes and smiled of joy becouse a birden was being lifted. I smiled for a long time. she looked serious. she said, «you are not your self Eric, if you gonna be like that I'm gonna leave » I replayed after a moment. saying I am me now, this is pure me. «You are not here Erik, you escaped becouse you can't handle the situation».. I got sad cos I only wanted to show her a loving smile. And I proccessed allot of emotions. releasing. Got som small spasms before I was feeling good and smiled again. Then she left me alone. My jaw started shaking, but my body was feeling lighter and lighter. I sat there for a while before I went home feeling alot lighter.

Yesterday this happend in our livingroom again. I just decided to be here now. pressent. I said I'm pressent now. Then she said your pressence dont feel good. Like other people pressence. I replayd maby becouse I release negative emotions when I am pressent. «You are not pressent. You are uptight.This is not how pressence is. I don't wont a boyfriend like this » Feeling very relaxed and misunderstud that brought up another big wound that I just allowed my body to live out. After 15 minutes of spasm and shivering I felt very light and good once more, and I just walked out the room to my friend and gave him a big hug. Talk for 30 seconds with him, walked back, Then I said to her. lets have a break for two three days. You can sleep on your own maddrass tonight, that is for the best.

The dream:

In the middle of the night in a steep street she was sitting on the sidewalk leaning into a rock. This street is where my uncle used to live when I was younger. As she sits there and I walk over to her, she looks up sadly from her knees, she have a bouquet of fresh roses between her legs that she kindly hands to me. I got a very angry feeling and I start to hit her sevral times in her face. I was really really angry.

Then there is a new scene showing some drama with a gay guy who likes me (a friend i got on a travel. he is going to visit me soon. he was jeolus on me for being wiht a girl last time I saw him). The drama made me not wanting to pay for his plaintickets that we had agreed on.
He was also sitting down, but a difrent place. He and me was a bit hurt. I left. Then I felt a rush of guilt. What have I done!? She gave me roses and I beat her badly! :(

Seeing a bit of landscape. open grass field from where I lived from age 5-18 (not sure where in the dream this was)

I was waking up ( not realising, but still a dream). Felt like crap, wantet to scream. everything was fast forward. I heard crazy mumbeling sounds (maby from her) and answered with gutherless sounds. Like to people whith their tounge removed trying to argue and comunicate loadly.
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Woke up..

Now I don't feel like talking to her.. I feel like I am avoiding her this morning. She just came in this moment and wanted to talk. I said I needed to be alone abit.

It seems to me like you are angry with her, but you have a hard time finding a constructive way of expressing this anger. You are trying to avoid conflict, because your anger makes you feel guilt over being angry at someone who gives you affection. But she isn't validating your feelings, which usually is hurtful.

Waking up in a dream, for me, usually symbolises relaisation, gaining insight, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sover

It seems to me like you are angry with her, but you have a hard time finding a constructive way of expressing this anger. You are trying to avoid conflict, because your anger makes you feel guilt over being angry at someone who gives you affection. But she isn't validating your feelings, which usually is hurtful.

Waking up in a dream, for me, usually symbolises relaisation, gaining insight, etc.

Thanks! :) I talked to her about validating my feelings before. But she has made it very clear that I makes drama and it is within me (kinda my fault cos I am very able to take blame and say maby it is just me and old feelings about not being validated) She framed it so I feel like I can't express my feelings cos she have been all upset before.

Hmm.. I kinda feel like this relationship is not worth pursuing anymore.

I told her I was angry cos I felt misunderstud. she said that I was not normal in my behavier. I told her that I am not normal. I do what makes sence and feels right in the moment. She said she felt missunderstud also.

I feel burdened by her pain. everyday she brings up her problems. I feel like I cary them. Then let go of them when I am pressent. Then she feels like I don't care.

she is very kind and loving, but might be manipulating me into being a certain way. Then again relationships are not my thing so I don't really know what to expect.

Could you tell us about the uncle and the street you dreamed of. Also, is the rock there in real life?

Also the guy in your dream, you say he "likes" you and was jealous, would that imply that he has feelings for you as in a erotic kind of way, or just as a buddy?