Thread: Dream about someone I can't get over - help very much appreciated!

it was I was leaving, but he seemed to become less enthusiastic as the time for me to leave came. He hasn't really reached out to me since I've been gone, and the couple of times I've tried to have made me think he probably wants to cut contact with me. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, or I've done something to upset him, or if he was never genuinely interested, or if he just doesn't see the point in maintaining contact if I'm so far away. I miss him a lot but I have no idea if the feeling is mutual, and I feel like I have no closure and am having a bit of a hard time moving on.

I believe he did that on purpose, so it's not as painful to leave you in the end, because it's easier to leave someone without the final goodbye.

On the dream , maybe your subconsciousness somehow know that he actually still likes you (as you know sometimes strange stuff happens(predictions etc.) with the subconsciousness). Also maybe the subconsciousness somehow knows , that you will actually meet him again ?

Originally Posted by RobiZ

I believe he did that on purpose, so it's not as painful to leave you in the end, because it's easier to leave someone without the final goodbye.

On the dream , maybe your subconsciousness somehow know that he actually still likes you (as you know sometimes strange stuff happens(predictions etc.) with the subconsciousness). Also maybe the subconsciousness somehow knows , that you will actually meet him again ?

This is what I'm hoping he was doing! I forgot to add that I actually am going to be seeing him in a few months time, but he doesn't know yet because I'm afraid of what his reaction would be to my returning! I'm hoping my subconcious is right on that one, haha.

I fear that most likely this is just a wish fulfillment dream: you want him to be happy to see you again, you want him to love you, and so your mind conjured this up in a dream. But this is your mind's version of the dream scenario with the man of your dreams, and I think it most likely does not tell you anything about how he actually feels or what is most likely to happen, but most likely it is just a reflection of what you wish for. On the plus side of course, this does not mean that your dreams cannot come true, but they just may or may not work out in waking life. Wishing you luck!

Originally Posted by JoannaB

I fear that most likely this is just a wish fulfillment dream: you want him to be happy to see you again, you want him to love you, and so your mind conjured this up in a dream. But this is your mind's version of the dream scenario with the man of your dreams, and I think it most likely does not tell you anything about how he actually feels or what is most likely to happen, but most likely it is just a reflection of what you wish for. On the plus side of course, this does not mean that your dreams cannot come true, but they just may or may not work out in waking life. Wishing you luck!

Yeah, this is what I thought. The taking of his arm was the weird part - but I think probably reflects literally my desire to retain some kind of piece/memory of him. I think I need to 'give his arm back', haha. Thanks.

When they're between relationships with girls they're really interested in, most guys will find a girl and tell them pretty much whatever they want to hear for the sake of sex, but they don't mean it. If they're actually serious about you, they'll act a lot differently afterwards, and there won't be that kind of doubt about it.

Then there are some guys who do feel something for a short while, and they sort of imagine they mean it when they say "I love you", but they've done it many times before and it quickly fades. I think it amounts to pretty much the same thing.

Guys usually are open with other guys about this sort of thing, but they hide it from girls, because in their minds they wouldn't gain anything by being honest about it. So I think there are a lot of girls who really don't understand what guys are like and what motivates them, since they're not that way themselves and they've always been lied to. I think if most girls could hear how guys talk to other guys about some girls, they would find it really shocking.

The problem is how to get over your hope so that you can get over him. Even though in your head you may believe what I just said, sometimes there's a part of you that hopes the guy will have a change of heart of something, so you can be with him and get that feeling back. I don't know how to convince that other part. Sometimes getting hurt really bad will do it, but you might not extend the lesson to men in general, just to some men.

There are some men who won't lie to women for sex, but they're rare, and maybe they're really, really rare. Unfortunately, those men sometimes have trouble attracting women because they can't compete at the beginning with the other men who are willing to say anything.

I think its hard to overestimate how strongly men are motivated by sex, and how little it can mean in terms of caring about the other person. Its not fair to say that men don't care about women at all, that they only care about sex, because a great many men do care about particular women. But they always care about sex. Some women are like this too, but it seems that most aren't.

I have somewhat the same problem as you but in a different way. (I'm a man, if that's not obvious already.) Years ago I was hurt a lot by a girl who I loved who used me for sex. In my case it was partially my fault, because she gave me mixed signals, and I hung all my hope on the positive signals. I also felt entitled, like it was 'meant to be' because providence was clearly involved in bringing us together, and that was before I understood that a relationship can be doomed from the start but providence will create the situation anyway. In other words, if the people involved aren't totally honest with themselves and the other person, or have other weaknesses that invite romantic disasters, their karma will work like that too, so to speak. (I don't quite believe in karma, but its close to the word I want.) Worse than my experience with that girl though is experiences I had with men who I loved in a non-sexual way. We would hang out, play sports together, listen to music, or whatever. But it meant a lot more to me than it did to them, because I didn't have other friends or family, and when circumstances changed slightly they discarded me just as easily as they did girls whom they used for sex. I understand how those men are, yet I still can't get over them totally, because I still want to have that kind of experience again. I think its fair to say there is some romantic attachment on my side too, though that might be a misleading way to describe it, since that's not the way most men would describe the same sort of thing. To most young men, in my observation, relationships with other men are as important as relationships with women. I think if you gave most men the choice between having a marriage but no male friends, vs having male friends to watch sports with on the weekend but having to get their sex from prostitutes, most men would go for male friends and prostitutes. Some men might even choose male friends over female friends even if they had to go without sex. I think the desire for male friendship is generally about as strong for men as the desire for sex. I don't think this is so much the case for women in relation to other women. Their female friends are important, but only for some women are they as important as their romantic relationships with men. Of course it depends on the person, everyone is a little bit different, I'm just talking about percentages.

I think dreams about this sort of thing can be misleading. Though my dreams tend to be accurate about a lot of things, I don't trust the ones that I have about the men I'm attached to. I think I distort things a lot, taking some feeling that they have and amplifying it and making it seem a lot more significant than it really is.

I think that since he's not enough into you to make a commitment you would be best off if you could just give up on him, that nothing good can come from your hope. Not only is it bad for you, its not even good for him to be allowed to manipulate people's desires that way. But of course its hard to change how you feel, and you have to do what you're going to do no matter what the outcome is, its no good to do what someone else tells you.

I also think you shouldn't worry that you might have said or done something to alienate him. If the relationship ever had a chance, it would be more resilient than that. Being married for many years is hard. If the beginning of the relationship is so fragile that a mistake can screw it up, then its doomed anyway. Its true that men are often afraid at the beginning of a serious relationship, and end it out of fear. But I think that if they're sincere and ready for a relationship they'll be able to face the fear. If they can't then there's no way they can make a long term relationship work anyway.

I hope that helps a little.