Here's a weird one for you...

I had a very strange dream back in November that tops every weird dream I've had before or since. To help you perhaps spot things in the dream here is some info about myself, I am a 20 year old male from the UK, I study Mechanical Engineering and love to cycle.

It began with me standing in an ASDA car park on a snowy day playing with pieces of ice. With no explicable transition, I am suddenly in Italy with my parents on a hot summers day, it was my first day of training in the police force and I go to a petrol station with my parents in a Blue Nissan Micra as part of my training.
Then I am being given a guided tour of a water bottling factory, at the end, I am given two bottles of water and I make my way out of the factory. To exit, I have to climb up a water slide, a friend tries to take a short cut up some stairs, I nearly follow him, but decide to take the long and more difficult slide.
As I am climbing I hear a thud as my friend falls down the shortcut and presumably dies, then it turns into a safety commercial about how you should climb the water slide instead of the seemingly safer stairs, in the same advert there is an old man lying down in a muddy field and getting eaten by invisible creatures, there’s blood, flesh and other things flying everywhere but no sign of anything attacking him.
As I climb to the top of the slide I enter an aeroplane cabin and it turns out that I'm wearing nothing more than a pair of speedos. As I enter the cabin I have an out of body experience and see myself entering the cabin and as I do so a morbidly obese Glaswegian socialite complete with orange fake tan and ill-fitting party dress, opens a 2 litre bottle of irn bru in my face. The voice that narrated the safety commercial returns, warning us to look where you’re opening bottles and reminds us of an event called “The three fat ladies disaster” where people died because these Glaswegian socialites were careless in what direction they pointed their irn bru bottles when opening them.

I am on a flight to Nigeria and I am going to see my parents, (who apparently now live there) when I land, I start cycling home, now I have clothes on, though I am in Nigeria the weather and general appearance of the houses and streets looks like the UK (I assume this is because I have never been to Nigeria and therefore could not accurately picture it)

I cycle into a forest, I go round some fallen trees, and I reach the other end of the forest where there is a big grand stately home that looks somewhat dilapidated and neglected (my house in the dream). There is a large green snake sitting on a branch of a tree just before the gates, I think I give it a wide enough berth, but as I ride past it the snake leaps out at me and wraps itself around my legs, it is a constrictor, I shout for help for ages, but help never comes, I deliberately fall to the ground so I can retrieve my phone to attempt to call the emergency services, but I don't know the number in this country. I am left screaming for help (and very scared) and then I wake up.

I can't remember where abouts in the dream this happened but I dreamt that I was in my Gran's living room and my ex girlfriend (who I had a very bad relationship with, she controlled me and was unfaithful on more than one occasion, I regret ever meeting her) was chasing me around the house trying to grab me by the balls with a pair of barbecue tongs.

I can spot where a few of the details may come from, at the time that I had this dream I was working on a computer programming assignment for a course I was doing at university, it used the computer programming language Python. I also have a lot of Nigerian friends on my Engineering course.