Ugh Embarrassing sex dreams guys! But I'm curious!

**eddieisnt** · 08-18-2014 05:15 PM

Ugh Embarrassing (Almost) sex dreams guys! But I'm curious!

So... There is this girl I used to date around 3 years ago. We didn't last long. I have a hard time opening up to even the closest of people in my life. She broke up with me, and we have remained really close friends ever since.
(Even though I rarely talk to anyone, including her for weeks to months on end. Having strong social phobias.) I still think of her a lot, as she is my friend.
We used to hang out quite often... but as my anxieties grew, the time in which I spend out of my home did the opposite. So we rarely see each other now.
I have wanted to see her lately though.

Now to my dreams!

Recently I've had two dreams in which I've tried initiate some sort of sexual encounter with her. I can only remember one, but both end the same way.

It's always just her and I hanging out in our usual way... We are outside, sitting on the pavement of my driveway talking about things. One thing leads to another and it becomes obvious to me that I'm attracted to her. Guy things. (If you know what I mean.)
She ends up leaning against me... I don't remember why. Knowing I had an erection I was nervous, but I didn't deny her from getting closer. She stopped, noticing I was aroused as it pressed against the back of her waist. She didn't say anything as her back pressed against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, gently lifting her shirt with one hand, and placing my other hand on her lower stomach. She didn't stop me at first, as my hand slowly swept downward. Then she turned her head to face me, denying to go any further... I JOLTED awake, flailing helplessly like a beached whale. For no apparent reason.

Mind you, I'm still a virgin... and have never been one to initiate these kind of situations. Me... having a fear of people, and situations that are hard to escape. But strangely enough I attempted to get intimate with her.

I'm just curious what this could mean? If anything.

I've had sex dreams before...
Never that down to earth and never with people I know that closely. But most importantly I've never been denied sex in a dream before. I'm curious.

Thanks in advance!

**LouaiB** · 08-18-2014 08:32 PM

First of all, you need to understand that dreams are influenced by your expectation. For example, if you see a shadow coming out of a dark creepy allyway, you might think this might be a thug, then it turns out he is, then you expect that he might attack you, and sure enough he does, and when you hide under a staircase, you feel safe for a moment, but start thinking that he might find you and kill you, and so suddenly he does.

OK, now to the dream, it's fairly a simple one to interpret (I don't believe in all the old fashion interpretations though):

You start by dreaming about being with her. This is because you were thinking about her so much during the day; it's like you unintentionally incubated it.

Second, you start feeling aroused, and get strong emotions. Emotions are naturally stronger in dreams, so it's no strange that you approached her, even if you wouldn't in waking life.

Last, she stopped you because, like in the story about the thug, you expected the possibility of rejection, and so you received it.

Hope I helped, and hope your phobia gets better

I have social phobia to, but I was forced to face it by my family. It's much better now, but it still exists a little, but I'm working the rest out

**eddieisnt** · 08-18-2014 10:02 PM

Originally Posted by LouaiB

First of all, you need to understand that dreams are influenced by your expectation. For example, if you see a shadow coming out of a dark creepy allyway, you might think this might be a thug, then it turns out he is, then you expect that he might attack you, and sure enough he does, and when you hide under a staircase, you feel safe for a moment, but start thinking that he might find you and kill you, and so suddenly he does.

OK, now to the dream, it's fairly a simple one to interpret (I don't believe in all the old fashion interpretations though):

You start by dreaming about being with her. This is because you were thinking about her so much during the day; it's like you unintentionally incubated it.

Second, you start feeling aroused, and get strong emotions. Emotions are naturally stronger in dreams, so it's no strange that you approached her, even if you wouldn't in waking life.

Last, she stopped you because, like in the story about the thug, you expected the possibility of rejection, and so you received it.

Hope I helped, and hope your phobia gets better

I have social phobia to, but I was forced to face it by my family. It's much better now, but it still exists a little, but I'm working the rest out

I quite enjoy the way you interpret dreams. It's so to the point. I'm most likely going to take it from ya' and use it for future reference.

Thinking back on how I perceive her, rejection is near top of the list of things I feel.
Which makes sense why I ended up thinking/causing rejection in my dream. Whereas in other sexual dreams, I don't usually know the people personally. So my perception of them is a blank slate basically.
It adds up.

**Darkmatters** · 08-19-2014 12:31 AM

It seems to me like your subconscious might be using her as a symbol - you used to have a relationship with her, so she represents the possibility of relationships in general. And the dream seems to be showing you your fear that you won't be able to have relationships if you continue to let social anxieties rule your life. Basically I agree with Louai, just taking his very straightforward interpretation a step further.

**LouaiB** · 08-19-2014 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

It seems to me like your subconscious might be using her as a symbol - you used to have a relationship with her, so she represents the possibility of relationships in general. And the dream seems to be showing you your fear that you won't be able to have relationships if you continue to let social anxieties rule your life. Basically I agree with Louai, just taking his very straightforward interpretation a step further.

Yes, but basically this means that the dream has a message to tell. So you stand with Freud's interpretations of dreams. On the other hand, I like to treat events in dreams as thoughts from the day emerging as events, or in other words unintentional incubation. So I stand with what Stephen Laberge says about dream interpretations. But even if it does seem likely, Frued's interpretations might be true, because the incubation one might seem true only because we tend to think about things that bother us a lot. But, still, some things we do during the day are truly random, but maybe just a little interesting, and then we dream about them, but still it might be the same case as before. Truly we can't tell which is right yet, but I think the later might be true. It seems much more likely and uses much less assumptions.

**Darkmatters** · 08-19-2014 09:48 PM

Originally Posted by LouaiB

Yes, but basically this means that the dream has a message to tell. So you stand with Freud's interpretations of dreams.

No, I said the dream is showing him his fear that he might not be able to have relationships. That's actually more of a Jungian reading than Freudian - Jung said that often a dream is a correction of some conscious attitude. It's actually fully compatible with LaBerge's ideas. Keep in mind that the conscious mind tends to operate by repressing things we don't want to face, using mechanisms like denial or rationalization. The conscious is only active when we're awake (and maybe some fragment of it is somewhat active in dreaming) but in dreams unconscious activity comes to the forefront. I totally agree with you that most times, in ordinary circumstances, the unconscious doesn't have some deep message for us, only random day residue regurgitated and mixed with whatever memories seem related to it by association. But at those times when there's tension between the conscious and unconscious (like when we're in conscious denial of something the unconscious is aware of) then that unconscious material becomes very important and will show up. Think about it - if you're deeply worried about something but you've pushed that anxiety out of conscious awareness, then it actually is nothing more than day residue really - stuff that's been on your mind even though you weren't aware of it. And dreams (and the unconscious) deal mainly with emotions.

So basically, to put it another way there's a dialogue going on between the conscious and unconscious all day - the unconscious has been saying "careful dude - if you keep going the way you're going, you may never have a girlfriend", and the conscious has been sticking its fingers in its ears and going "Lalalalalala - I can't HEEEEAAAARRRR YOOOUUUU!" While the conscious is asleep it can't do that, so the unconscious can come through clearly (in its symbolic way). This isn't a "message", it's just the mind doing what it always does, processing thoughts.

**LouaiB** · 08-21-2014 05:45 PM

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

No, I said the dream is showing him his fear that he might not be able to have relationships. That's actually more of a Jungian reading than Freudian - Jung said that often a dream is a correction of some conscious attitude. It's actually fully compatible with LaBerge's ideas. Keep in mind that the conscious mind tends to operate by repressing things we don't want to face, using mechanisms like denial or rationalization. The conscious is only active when we're awake (and maybe some fragment of it is somewhat active in dreaming) but in dreams unconscious activity comes to the forefront. I totally agree with you that most times, in ordinary circumstances, the unconscious doesn't have some deep message for us, only random day residue regurgitated and mixed with whatever memories seem related to it by association. But at those times when there's tension between the conscious and unconscious (like when we're in conscious denial of something the unconscious is aware of) then that unconscious material becomes very important and will show up. Think about it - if you're deeply worried about something but you've pushed that anxiety out of conscious awareness, then it actually is nothing more than day residue really - stuff that's been on your mind even though you weren't aware of it. And dreams (and the unconscious) deal mainly with emotions.

So basically, to put it another way there's a dialogue going on between the conscious and unconscious all day - the unconscious has been saying "careful dude - if you keep going the way you're going, you may never have a girlfriend", and the conscious has been sticking its fingers in its ears and going "Lalalalalala - I can't HEEEEAAAARRRR YOOOUUUU!" While the conscious is asleep it can't do that, so the unconscious can come through clearly (in its symbolic way). This isn't a "message", it's just the mind doing what it always does, processing thoughts.

Oh, so it's like also unintentional incubation because he's thinking about this problem all day. He's dreaming of something that is important happening during the day. So because it's troubling him, it's something significant in his daily life, and so his subconscious puts it in his dreams. And, because he might be suppressing it, the idea/problem isn't going away, thus recurring several times in his dreams!

Makes sense