Hi all, this is my first post... I don't know what I want really, other than some feedback-- any feedback, be it interpretation, grammar help or advice to see a shrink...

First off, I'm 30 years old, single gay male, live in LA, originally from Spokane, WA and have always had vivid dreams, occasionally lucid dreams. Sometimes I write them down, but after this dream, I think I'm going to start writing them all down. It's affected how I have felt all day, and the first thing I did when I got up was make coffee and write it out. So here goes. And I am sorry it is long!!

Summary: I loved a man and lost him, and then he found me.

His name was Chris (I think, he looked like a guy I played racquetball with eight years ago named Chris) and he was the tennis champion for the Wildcats...(I was in Arizona at the time of this dream). I was wearing the teams colors by accident -- a red plaid colored shirt, and I decided to root for him because nobody else was. I didn't know him before the match. He was working so hard on the court, and I was sitting on the hard gym floor clapping and going "ohhh!!" when he was so close to getting a shot. But he was close to losing the match. There were people everywhere, it was so crowded I couldn't make it down the stairs at one point (somehow I got upstairs) and then I got lost in the giant school.

All the while I was watching the match, I knew I loved him. I wanted him to succeed and his strife was my agony. He was close to losing his set. The referee called off the match because he wanted the two competitors to play again in a week (I think so Chris would have a better chance?). I think I was in Colorado in the dream. After the match, he went to the locker room, and suddenly I too was naked on the court... I covered myself with a shirt and skulked off trying to avoid embarrassment at my sudden nudity.

I waited for him outside the locker room, and we left the gym together. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said "normally around now I'd be taking a girl home". He didn't want to go into any bars, and then.... I lost him. In the crowd, I couldn't find him. I looked in a few different restaurants and saw tons of people wearing the teams colors, but he was nowhere to be found.

I checked into a hotel room. It was 4am, and I was wired, almost frantically awake with anxiety and worry. I couldn't sleep and just wanted to have him there with me. The manager left a note on the bed that said "we will be discreet for your benefit" or something like that. On the dining table in the room were two leashes, apparently for dogs? It felt like the room where Winston meets his girlfriend in 1984, the cushy, old feeling room with trinkets and some dust but warm and comfortable. The windows opened up to the street-- giant glass panes. I was naked and shut them. I was desperate for Chris. I didn't want to be there alone, so I woke myself up from the dream.

I was with Louie (my dog) in bed, and the fan was beating dry air on me. It was close to chilly. I cuddled up with Louie and fell back asleep.

Now I was in a bar with Tom and Guy-- old friends of mine from DC that I have lost touch with in real life. They were being cautious, and I was being polite but distant. They had moved on and so had I. Tom was moving back to Jersey for whatever reason. I asked him but was indifferent and didn't listen to his reasoning. Guy tried to make a joke and I rolled my eyes inside and gave a false laugh. They were strangers to me and had betrayed me. They had no desire to stay in touch with me so why bother pretending things were "the same"?

Suddenly, Chris and I were reunited... he found me in the hotel room somehow. I am not sure how he found me. But we made love for hours and hours. It was the most beautiful experience of my life, pure ecstasy. We couldn't keep our hands off each other and there was so much passion. Then I woke up and wrote this all down.

I've had actual heartache all day. I can't stop thinking about it. Obviously I want him in my life, whoever he is. Anyhow, thanks for reading.