Marriage break up new beginning

I had a very vivid dream of a break up with my partner, he turned nasty and I was distressed. He had a new partner. My family were there supporting. I woke up but I quickly fell a sleep again and was back into the dream but now I had moved on and it was in secret, again the dream was so vivid. This new man adored me he was a photographer, wealthy and doting. I also was pregnant very early but lost the baby. I woke several times but went straight back into the dream. This part of the dream is was happy and felt very special. 40 years old.

You know what, ma'am? If you love your man and you honestly feel he loves you then why do you make this thread? You should just tell him instead of puzzling about it in your mind. If I were him I wouldn't give a damn about your dream, because a man in love won't doubt his ability as a lover. I'm just a 20 year old kid who's never had a girlfriend before but I can tell this, if your man loves you he will take care of you and you will be alright.

The dreams make me think that either this guy is not giving you enough attention or you have been together for a long time and you are just getting a little bored. If it is the second one you should be glad! The dream is giving you excitement :lol:. If it is the first one you might have to accept a harsh reality and stop seeing this man. You are just 40 years old and have at least 30 years ahead of you, 30 years is a damn long time you know? Don't worry about some dream, dreams can't tell you something you don't already know, they are just reminders, or they might help you see from a different point of view. Life changes too often and is too short to worry about stuff. Also, an honest and free spirited woman is quite attractive, no matter what the age :P

^ I disagree that you should tell him or that it means you should end the marriage.

People dream about crazy weird stuff all the time - and usually it means absolutely nothing. Dreams are random like that. Sometimes dreams do reveal the inner workings of your subconscious, but when they do it's through symbolism, it's never directly.

Also, people believe a lot of crazy stupid things, like that dreams are telling you what you should do or what's going to happen or what you really desire… all too often somebody has a dream about ending a relationship or cheating, tells their partner, and the partner decides it's what they must really want and the relationship is over just because of a stupid random dream.

Realize it means absolutely nothing and keep it to yourself. Unless maybe you really do want to end the relationship and think this might be the best way to go about it. But I suspect if you did think that then you would have mentioned it.

Oh come, man! Have some more faith in humanity! Don't you think two lovers can talk about a silly dream? You know, my dreams are often quite accurate in reflecting my feelings. I don't know about you, but I think a relationship that is so fragile that it can end with some silly dream is about as worthless as titties on a boar (quote from the movie Casino). People shouldn't cling on to relationships so much, don't pretend to be or have something when it's not there anymore. Breaking up or ending a marriage is not necessarily a bad thing.. And I think that it is very normal to get bored at 40, who knows how long they have been together? Being bored with each other is also not a bad thing, in fact, being bored with each other but being okay with it and still loving each other is one of the most beautiful things!

Shouldn't two lovers be able to talk about things? I always thought, and still think that nothing in the world can match the closeness and the beauty of a good husband and wife..

Hahahah… well, I'd love to have that kind of faith in humanity, but I don't want to be naive at the same time. I'm sorry, but you sound like those people who start religious or political debates with silly words like "Oh come on! We're all adults here.. we can talk about this without it getting ugly!" But I've seen it happen several times. Both in religious discussions and in people innocently telling a partner about a dream. I think you put too much faith in the idea that other people will have the same attitudes that you do. Women frequently get extremely jealous and pissed off if a husband tells them he dreamed about another woman. I mean, that's so well known it's basically a joke. And if women feel that way, then you can bet men do too. Do you forget that many people believe dreams are real, or reflect real attitudes, or foretell the future? People have all kinds of crazy ideas about dreams.

But yeah, if she really does want to end the relationship then by all means, she can do what she wants. I just think it would be irresponsible to encourage her to tell the dream to him without making sure she understands the possible implications. And bear in mind - I didn't tell her NOT to share it with him, I said she should only do it if she isn't concerned with possibly ending it. There's a huge difference between telling somebody what to do, and warning them what might happen when they do.

Haha - anyway, neither one of us is going to influence her decision all that much. All we can do is make suggestions, which we've done. The rest is up to her.

I hate political and religious debate, it's completely retarted to even attempt them, people take it way too personally. I have faith in humanity, but I am not naive, I'm just positive. I look for honesty and integrity everywhere, all the time, but it is pretty hard to find, and the more I look the more I realize how damn rare honesty and integrity is. The longer I live, the more ugliness and less integrity I see in people. Close relatives, nephews, nieces and cousins I've grown up with, best friends, loving parents, brothers, it's only good at a certain distance, no matter how close you think you are. I wonder if some day I will look back and find the same ugliness in myself. This is why I don't care about maintaining weak relationships, it only works at a distance. Just like how businessmen can keep a large social network but never really become friends with anyone. Maybe the only reason I have so much faith in love is that I haven't had a girlfriend yet. I recently fell in love with this girl, a soft sweet voice, an angelic smile, beaming warmth into my soul. I wonder what she is like up close, I wonder if she has that rare honesty and integrity..

Of course she doesn't - nobody really does. That's just a fantasy image you built of her because of the way she seems to be. If you expect her to live up to that fantasy image all the time then you'll only be disappointed. In fact the same holds true if you expect people to be honest and have integrity. People don't. Some do some of the time, some most of the time even, but those are very rare people, and even they are only human and have their bad qualities as well. But you're young, I guess when I was your age I had the same kind of illusions. One day you will be able to see the same occasional dishonesty and manipulativeness in yourself as well - we don't allow ourselves to see it until we get older. Well, many of us don't - some are aware of it from the beginning apparently. Sorry, going way off topic here!! And I hope you don't take what I'm saying as being insulting or anything, I don't mean it that way at all. I'm just being honest actually.

I hear that a lot, "you will understand when you grow up", "you haven't seen the world yet", "You think like a kid", "you are naive", what am I, retarded? I'm 20 years old and you're telling me I still have to grow up. You say you were a bit like me at my age, I wonder why people become like that at 35, 40. It makes me sad, really. Not because they might be right, but because they think they are right, because they have such a grim and hopeless outlook on life. I can't stand it! They are so scared to make mistakes, to get embarrassed, to lose what reputation or social situation they have that they forget to be themselves. Man, I will put everything on the line before I lose integrity, I will become lonely, broke, frowned upon by everybody before I tarnish my soul. The most stable thing in this world, the only thing that doesn't change, betray you or die before you do is your soul, it is your character's supply of life. Your character is a reflection of your soul. If you don't satisfy your soul, your character will become dull, get rotten. I don't care what people think about me, as long as my soul is intact.

When that girl smiles the way she does, I see a beauty I can't find anywhere else, even in the best music. I don't care that she believes strongly in Allah, while I don't believe in any kind of gods or mysticism, I don't care about her bad habits and I don't care that she's not perfect. The good things about her outweigh the bad. Her soul is beaming through her eyes when she smiles and none of her off-turning behaviours or habits can change that.

I don't know enough about the lady to justify an advice like that but I was just sayin' that a good couple wouldn't break up because of a dream. At least they shouldn't. And if they do, I think it is not a very good couple.

Man, I I'll lose my sense of humor before losing my soul, if that is even possible.

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

I hear that a lot, "you will understand when you grow up", "you haven't seen the world yet", "You think like a kid", "you are naive", what am I, retarded?

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What??!! Who said you were retarded? You're just young. And I know, I remember being 20 - you feel so much smarter than you were just a few years ago - but trust me, that continues, it doesn't just stop. Your brain isn't finished growing until around 25, give or take, and the last parts to grow in are the most 'intelligent' - the last bits of the neo cortex. After that you're better equipped to start really learning about life. Plus when people are young, unless they've lived a really hard life that made them jaded, they have an amazing buoyancy and joy that is precious - it isn't something to be ashamed of or to feel insulted about. Enjoy it. Savor it while it lasts.

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

I'm 20 years old and you're telling me I still have to grow up.

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You do. most people are still pretty 'high school' until their late 20's at least, if not well into their 30's. I know from your present perspective it doesn't seem that way, but later you'll look back at how you are now with a knowing smile and just shake your head. I mean seriously, imagine a 12 year old saying these same things to you. And it's not so much that you necessarily get 'smarter' after about the mid 20's, it's more that you develop life experience and things start to make a lot more sense. It's wisdom.

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

You say you were a bit like me at my age, I wonder why people become like that at 35, 40. It makes me sad, really.

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Don't be sad at the natural progression of life. There's nothing you can do about it. You trade the enthusiasm and recklessness of youth for wisdom and understanding.

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

Not because they might be right, but because they think they are right, because they have such a grim and hopeless outlook on life. I can't stand it! They are so scared to make mistakes, to get embarrassed, to lose what reputation or social situation they have that they forget to be themselves. Man, I will put everything on the line before I lose integrity, I will become lonely, broke, frowned upon by everybody before I tarnish my soul. The most stable thing in this world, the only thing that doesn't change, betray you or die before you do is your soul, it is your character's supply of life. Your character is a reflection of your soul. If you don't satisfy your soul, your character will become dull, get rotten. I don't care what people think about me, as long as my soul is intact.

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Wait, what? Grim and hopeless? Now you're just getting carried away. It's not grim or hopeless to be realistic, in fact it helps you to not get hurt when your innocent illusions are shattered. You can't expect everyone to live up to an unrealistic level of perfection, to be honest and have integrity all the time. People aren't like that. I mean, unless honesty and integrity are conceived as something that fluctuates, as everything in a living organism does, and will erode from time to time only to be renewed now and then. Everybody lies, and it isn't a terrible thing all the time. Sometimes you find yourself in a complicated situation where you HAVE to lie to somebody. Does that mean you instantly lose your integrity and honesty and become some kind of outcast or a grim empty specter? no, it means you're human.

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

When that girl smiles the way she does, I see a beauty I can't find anywhere else, even in the best music. I don't care that she believes strongly in Allah, while I don't believe in any kind of gods or mysticism, I don't care about her bad habits and I don't care that she's not perfect. The good things about her outweigh the bad. Her soul is beaming through her eyes when she smiles and none of her off-turning behaviours or habits can change that.

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Beauty is an incredible thing, and it makes us willing to overlook a lot of other things. But surely you know not to judge a book by its cover? I know, it makes you feel fantastic when a beautiful woman smiles at you, it's like the best drugs in the world! In fact it is - it's endorphins, exactly the same thing that is released when you do cocaine. Being in love is like being high. In fact not LIKE it, they're exactly the same (aside from the side effects of doing drugs). But it's an ephemeral thing, and it passes, and because a person looks innocent and sweet doesn't mean they are. A beautiful exterior can make it harder, and take a lot longer, to see through it to what a person is really like inside - especially if they've learned to take advantage of innocent and sweet looks. I'm not saying she is definitely like this - I have no way to know, I'm just saying it's a lot more realistic, and can save you from heartache and misery, to realize that people are not necessarily what they look like. And don't instantly take that the wrong way and go to the opposite extreme - I'm also not saying there aren't beautiful people who are sweet and innocent and pure (much of the time). Just saying it's healthier to be aware that most people are far from perfect and go to a lot of trouble hiding that fact, from themselves and others. If you go around expecting perfection you're going to be disappointed a lot and end up getting jaded. Those are often the people who end up grim and unhappy. Learning to be realistic is the way to avoid it.

But I suppose you'll eventually learn all this stuff - there's really no point in me trying to make you learn it too early. One of the great tragedies of life is that, when you do develop some experience and wisdom, it's impossible to pass it on to the young. They simply have to develop it themselves the hard way - the only way.

First of all, I didn't judge the girl's entire character and existence based one freakin' smile. I have been around this girl, spent time with her, had conversations and seen enough of her to make a rough but reliable judgment of what she is and is not. I have seen how she deals with rough times, how she handles herself, kids, guests, friends, people she doesn't like, people she does like, she cooks deliciously. She is flawed, but she has real character and integrity to make up for it. More than most people, and enough to make me fall in love. Her angelic smile only drew my attention towards her and made me look closer. Yeah, she gets me high, sometimes I get warm and fuzzy inside just by thinking about her. I often act like an idiot and don't think clear when I am with her, when she smiles directly in my face standing right in front of me I lose myself in it and almost go unconscious for a moment. But not now, 2500 miles away from her, not talking to her or chatting with her, I can think about her and see her with a clear mind.

" Just saying it's healthier to be aware that most people are far from perfect and go to a lot of trouble hiding that fact, from themselves and others. If you go around expecting perfection you're going to be disappointed a lot and end up getting jaded." That first sentence is very true but I am not going around expecting any kind of standard from anybody, let alone perfection. I know that a lot of people are nasty, pretentious, selfish bastards. You think I am going to get my heart broken because I want the world to be pretty, honest and fair. That is not true and I never said that. Looking objectively and accepting reality is one of my strongest qualities. I'm not saying I have everything figured out, I probably never will, but I do know that I always try to see the world the way it really is. I see the good and the bad, but the bad I keep in the back of my mind or deep down, pulling it out only when necessary and the good is in the front, much more noticable. Life is a lot more fun when you remain hopeful and positive, you know? I have thought a lot about the purpose of life and I've come to the conclusion that it is just about being cool with yourself and having fun.

I won't need to give up enthusiasm and recklessness in order to get understanding and wisdom, cos' I've got all of it! :chuckle: Brain growth, if disease will not hit it, is there all the way until the very last breath is breathed, along with my joy and buoyancy.

Alright man, you're obviously a good person, and I don't know why I got carried away last night and decided to write all that - I really should have just let it go. Hold on to that enthusiasm. And I really hope she is everything you believe she is and that you get to spend a lot of quality time with her. Lol and I apologize to the original poster for hijacking her thread too!! Take care Ginsan.

You really challenged me there, I stayed up some extra hours thinking about what to say to you, you really made me dig deep. Dig deep and put together my beliefs and expieriences, find words for it. There is a difference between just thinking something and having some vague idea about it and really finding words for it. When you search words for it, trying to put it together clearly and simply, ready to be communicated to another person. Because it´s kinda hard sometimes to communicate your feelings clearly and simply to somebody else, you have to look at it from all kinds of different angles. It strengthens your own beliefs, just because you are thinking about it so hard. So thank you sir, it was great talking to you, you seem like a really nice person too :)

Let me tell you a joke.

A skeleton walks into a bar and he orders a beer

And a mop

This was actually a pretty awesome hijacking.. I like this! :cheers: guys!

Thanks pal, cheers to you! :cheers: The take home message? Keep your spirits up and your expectations down :P

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Originally Posted by Ginsan

Keep your spirits up and your expectations down :P

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Now there's a good motto!