Recurring dream that I'm peeing in my pants on purpose

So, this is really weird. I've never wet the bed, and when I wake up from this dream, sometimes I don't even need to pee that badly so it's not my body trying to tell me to wake up.

I will just, on purpose, completely wet my pants in the dream (and not in real life). I'm an adult female, and I don't have any health issues related to my bladder or kidneys in real life.

To recall the whole dream, usually I go somewhere private to do it but sometimes I'm out and around people, sometimes I'm soaking wet anyway because it's raining or flooding and sometimes my clothes are ruined already for some reason (in the dream). I'm in my bedroom, or the bathroom most often. Sometimes I'm looking in the mirror and usually I'm wearing jeans.

Often, there's a crack between where the door should've closed and the old hallway in my house, so I'll be trying to clean up quick, wash my clothes, shampoo the rug, spray perfume, and "hide" the damage of what I just did (there's always an incredible sense of shame).

Other times when it's where I'm in public in the dream, I will actually be mad that no one notices. Some background information that might be relevant:

- I was sexually abused in my late childhood/early teens, the sense of shame in this dream feels very similar

- I'm not sure if I was getting it before the abuse or if it started right around when the abuse started

- One time I had it where I was trying to get permission to go to the bathroom in the dream, from a teacher, and they weren't letting me, and I was afraid it was going to happen, and then I actually had what felt like a flashback to abuse in the dream?

That's all I can think of. To be as detailed as possible, I was afraid of wetting my pants in school when teachers were strict about it as a child. I never did, but was very afraid of that. I also feel overwhelmed a lot and don't express myself that much in real life. Does anyone have any interpretations or relate by any weird chance? Thanks.

Water is not uncommon in dreams when I am overwhelmed, although for me they are usually floods. But someone once told me that the flooding dreams are symbolic of being overwhelmed.

You say that you are overwhelmed a lot and do not express yourself enough in waking life. The interesting thing is that "express" is used in terminology when referring to peeing as well: to express the bladder.

So yes, I think these dreams are about your being overwhelmed and your need to express yourself and your need to choose to do so by your own choice, with you in control of your expressing yourself, not someone else in control so not abuse, not allowing someone else to impose their rules on you against expressing yourself, but rather your deciding to do what you must and express what you must even if the circumstances and situation may not be appropriate for this expression because you feel a need of not letting others define what is appropriate for your self expression. But you feel embarrassed about it, as if you had peed your pants and maybe that is why you may have trouble to express yourself because you fear that it will be inappropriate somehow perhaps?

Thank you! That makes sense because I have flood dreams a lot too, and actually ones where I'm yelling out that I was abused to people who don't know. Helpful insight about the term "express"...I didn't know that! Wow.

I wonder if I should try to resolve it in real life or if there's a way to resolve it in the dream. It does feel overwhelming.

I think you can either resolve it in real life or in a lucid dream. The reason why I say lucid is because I think the solution has to do with doing it on purpose, you having the control, that's my opinion - of course I may be wrong.

Edit: if I am right though that the "on purpose" is important, another way of solving in a dream could be dream incubation - planning out the dream and inducing a particular dream. But personally I would recommend lucid dreaming to you if you do not already practice it. It's very empowering and it can be used to resolve issues.

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Originally Posted by JoannaB

You say that you ... do not express yourself enough in waking life. The interesting thing is that "express" is used in terminology when referring to peeing as well: to express the bladder.

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In Children's Dreams (seminars), p. 307 Carl Jung says:

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If ... someone constantly avoids talking about certain things, about which he should talk, he will perhaps have such a dream sometimes, in which he suddenly has to go to the toilet or something like that.”

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Your interpretation is in good company, JoannaB. ;-)

Thank you! I sometimes lucid dream, but not by deciding to on a particular night. :P I just often notice that I'm dreaming and then I can decide (?) what to do next like fly, but I'll have trouble having complete control... Last time this happened I wanted it to be lighter out, for example, but I could only get it to be a little bit lighter. It's strange. But I've also been able to yell aloud when I was having particularly distressing nightmares, because I decided to keep yelling in the dream, sounding out each syllable slowly until I was able to.

I really appreciate the insight and will try to empower better endings in the dreams so I can find my voice in real life.

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Originally Posted by Okapi

I sometimes lucid dream ...
I just often notice that I'm dreaming

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With a recurring dream you should be able to Trigger from it.
Next time you pee intentionally while clothed you should notice that your dreaming
Start doing a RC every time you pee.
then when it happens in a dream don't clean up, just ignore it and it won't be an issue
(you might chose the nose pinch, or finger pull or some such)

Update: It went away and then I started having it again. I've been going through a more stressful time again, and not expressing myself. Lots of nightmares but this one's the most frustrating because it's embarrassing, and I always get afraid that I'm not dreaming for a second!

The flashback to the abuse in the dream seems to me like this recurring nightmare is about that trauma.

Have you told family members about the abuse? Has the abuser been ousted? I was sexually abused as a child too, and the night terrors and nightmares were bad until I spoke up (the more I spoke, the better things got). Perhaps telling more people could help?

Also, I definitely second getting lucid and trying to heal yourself through dreaming. A few months ago I went through a phase where I really wanted to forgive my abuser, and I was trying to focus on accepting the abuse rather than feeling angry or ashamed (easier said than done). After a week or so of focusing on that, and setting intentions, I had a dream centered around the abuse. I faced the DCs with love, and one of the characters (a hurt puppy) "integrated" into me (like, it vaporized into my adult dream self). I woke up feeling a lot of peace about the whole situation. It was really healing. Honestly, it was amazing.

So yes, getting lucid can help you tremendously here. Good luck!

Thanks MoonageDaydream for your reply! I'm sorry to hear that. I did have certain cryptic nightmares that went away after I told, but I reported my abuser and nothing was done (not enough evidence) so I haven't really spoken out since. That's really helpful to hear about the lucid dreaming and setting intentions. I'll try that. It sounds like such a powerful dream that you were able to have after focusing! Thanks!

Bumping this because I'm STILL getting this dream. It seems more recurrent when overwhelm and aloneness with shame is on my mind, about past events and triggers, and hiding true feelings from family. Any more thoughts?

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Originally Posted by Okapi

- I was sexually abused in my late childhood/early teens, the sense of shame in this dream feels very similar

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You have honed in on what the dream is about. It is highlighting the past and its effect on your life today. Shake off the shame and accept yourself as being clean, which you are, as that which others did to you is not your fault. If you can see yourself for who and what you really are, precious, then this dream will stop!