Dreams of ex-girlfriend

Hello Everyone,

I'm new to the forum but I have some questions I would like to see if you can help me with.

First I have some info about myself to help with the background.

I'm 26 years old, have had and am in the process of getting rid of PTSD which was caused by drugs about 8 years ago. About 3 years ago I was feeling more positive and climbing out of the hole of depressions, negative self-thought etc.. I was thinking of maybe going to look for a girlfriend more seriously.

Then I asked a friend of mine out to running etc. we started dating and we ended up getting into a relationship. This relationship lasted for 2.5 years during which I was feeling increasingly happy. However due to my PTSD (but what I now realize was my ego) I started clinging to my ex-girlfriend. Yet I also wanted her to be as free as she wanted to be. So I had a huge internal struggle for about 7 months. I was thinking about how she was going to leave me because I wasn't worth it, I didn't trust her etc..

I do have to be honest, she wasn't really communicating towards me about what she was doing when I wasn't there, which is fine, to a certain degree, but not hearing from someone for a day or 4 in my opinion is too much. After that she acted like nothing had happened and that I was everything to her when we saw each other again (these two things don't match up in my opinion). But I wanted her to have her freedom and not complain about it. This didn't help at all and I was still in the internal struggle.

Fast forward a bit. She was not communicating with me during the week and I asked her "Where do you see us in 5 years". Apparently this freaked her out so much that she barely communicated with me for at least 3 weeks. This resulted in me being fed up with it and starting a "talk" as soon as I saw her again.

Then came the stream of emotions she had been holding back all this time. I had already decided that depending on her answer I was going to end the relationship, even though I still really loved her (and to this date still do). I was shocked by what she had to say. She still wanted to be friends and whatever, she still loved me, I was her best friend, she never felt so equal and accepted to anyone before. She didn't ask why I had started the conversation at all (because I wanted to see if there was something to fix, mainly our communication).

Fastforward even more, I haven't seen her since June/July and I have since gained some amazing insights.

I basically collapsed into nothingness, as I had build my entire life on helping her achieve her dreams. I came from a period in my life that was dark as the night and had found light in our relationship, which then ended as suddenly as it began.
I have never clinged to material possession, politics, hobbies, or anything. I had already begun looking into buddhism a few months before, and what I found in the nothingness in the wake of our relationship was shear bliss, I had absolutely nothing left in my life, and it felt GREAT.

Fastforward to now.

You know the background, and since that experience of nothingness I've been looking into all sorts of spiritual doctrines, as well as dreams.
I have been wanting to talk to her to let her know that she doesn't have to feel guilty about anything, and I read something about influencing other peoples dreams. I had never set a conscious goal to do something like that to her, but the thought crossed my mind. I dismissed it because I found it morally unsound.

Still being intrested in dreams (I have precognitive dreams) I experienced my first lucid dream about 2 days ago (note that this was not done intentionally, it just sort of happened, she was in that dream as well).

So the dream from last night was quite odd.

I was having vivid dreams about all sorts of things (I never seem to remember all of it however), but what stuck out at was that at some point I saw someone sleeping in a bed with a lot of sheets, then I saw blonde curls sticking out at the top, and I just knew it was her. I even felt nice and warm.
Then for some reason I saw this guy who was (I think a friend of my little brother who I recently met, not really sure though..) smiling at me, because of the distrust I still have in my dreams towards her I immediately thought she was cheating on me with that guy.
Which is of course totally ridiculous because we broke up months ago.
After that I saw that she woke up and started crying, which caused me some pain because I made her cry about three times during the relationship, because of my distrust towards her.

So what does this mean? I have no intention of getting back together because I want her to be free to chase her dreams (I struck up a conversation on facebook 2 days after the break up because I was still sort of in shock, she then explained that it wouldn't work in the future because she would travel the globe), yet I still think about her from time to time and dream about her frequently.

I don't really know what it all means, did I really go to her in her sleep, and tell her that it was ok? Or is there some other meaning I'm not getting from this?

Thanks to anyone willing to read this entire text.

Much love <3. areNdee.