satan whispering in my ear

[sea00115699]

I can't remember exactly what happened in the dream. Basically I was being tortured by some entity, with super long, sharp, metallic poles being put through my body again and again. When I refused to listen to what it had to say I would get attacked. Then the same entity grabbed me from behind and was whispering smoothly into my ear and started talking. I can't remember exactly what it said at first, but I kept asking, "who are you?" It wouldn't answer. Eventually I asked, "In Jesus name, who are you?" Then it responded, "satan." I wasn't that afraid of the being as much as I was distressed about being repeatedly stabbed. I kept telling it to go away, but it wouldn't. I can't remember the whole conversation, but I remember some parts. Basically the entity told me to be a gold digger. Then I was like, "Why would I want to marry an old man?" Then it said, "then get a divorce." I then said that I would never do that, and that, in the dream, "I keep praying for God to talk to me. What are you doing here?" It didn't answer. I think at one point it referred to me as its lover, which when I woke up deeply disturbed me. I said that I was mad at God for saying I have to get married to have sex, since I currently think I probably will never marry anyone. I kept telling it to get lost, but it lingered a while. It didn't really leave until I said that I always begged for things from God, and that it could do nothing on its own, only reallocate what God had given. I also said after being told to be a gold digger, "Why would I do that, when I can just earn the money?" Lastly I said, "Why would I want to get in deeper shit with God than I already am?" That is when it finally left and I woke up about that time. I didn't even try to fight to get away from it. I was mostly just mocking it.

[JoannaB]

My reaction to this dream: satan represents temptation. What is he tempting you with? Pain. That reminded me of self harming when depressed, and the reason one self harms which is because physical pain is often easier to deal with than the emotional pain, so one does transference of emotional to physical pain. If my thinking is correct for you (which of course it may not be at all), then that question is what is it that your mind is so eager to avoid that by comparison pain is welcome? what is it that you want to get rid of so much that you cannot come up with a better path other than through pain? And the answer appears to be related to marriage in this dream - have you been so hurt by love, or experienced the pain of divorce (for example through parents divorcing or another negative example) that you would rather go through hell figuratively? Of course, marriage could also be figurative in the dream, and if so it could be about anything that is meant to remain together but is broken: could be about broken sanity or broken promises or broken beliefs. So this dream could be about coping with the emotional pain of that and transferring it into physical pain in a dream because physical pain is tempting by comparison. Or I could be wrong of course.

[sea00115699]

I don't self harm, but I do often tell myself what a worthless person I am in my internal dialogue. I think I go numb without the pain. I was on heavy antidepressants for a year, and felt nothing. I almost enjoyed feeling something when I went off of the antidepressants. I don't know why I would enjoy pain. I guess sometimes I feel like I deserve it? I'm actually never married, so by my religion I'm allowed to get married. It's just that I feel that in Christianity you are not supposed to go looking for a spouse, because you have less burden if you are unmarried, and marriage should be for love, and currently I'm not in love with anyone that I could be with right now. I did have a few crushes in college that were pretty deep on some guy friends I had, and I admit I'm having trouble getting over the crushes even 4 years later. I've definately experienced broken sanity before, cuz I went through psychosis, and it wasn't pretty. I have been suicidal before, because I didn't want to feel emotional pain anymore, so maybe it's that?

[JoannaB]

I do think that sound like what this dream is about, and I would think that the fact that you have this dream now is likely a sign that things are not good for you right now in terms of depression: a dream of being tempted by pain and suffering, a dream of death to a certain extent since surely this dream was about a hell of sort. I suspect it is a dream of your mind trying to cope with major current issues not just past major issues.