Sent back down to basement with growing monster, not allowed to climb up stairs with everyone

[Okapi]

I'll try my best to describe this. Please don't judge. In the dream, there's this basement with what I can only describe as a growing "monster"...it seemed to be living. It was almost like sewage, a plant, mold, etc. but also like an animal. It was green, not good to be around or touch, and it kept expanding to take up more and more of the room I was locked in. I'm finally getting out of the room, and climbing up these stairs that wind in a perfect circle, very neatly. It's easy to go up, and I'm going up them with everyone I know: my mom, my brother, my grandparents (one is deceased) and friends, people from childhood, and my old therapist. For a second, I think I'm going to be free, but this voice (like a god but not God) "finds out" I'm getting out and not supposed to. As soon as the voice finds out, an "elevator" appears by passing up through the floor (like a ghost would pass through a wall). The voice asks me to step forward, and takes me back down to the locked room. I have to leave everyone. I want one more chance, but I think there's no use trying to escape, because for some reason, I'm not allowed. I'm back in the basement. The monster has expanded and it's like a poison, might kill me now that it's touched me. There's no avoiding it, because it's spread so much. Then suddenly, when I think there's no chance, my old therapist (one who got me to open up about abuse in real life; I don't see her anymore, but she really "saved" me) appears in the locked basement. There was this door that I knew about all along, but I didn't even consider trying to get out through it, because it was locked. She takes out a key and open it with ease and we go up. I'm afraid I'll be sent back down again, but this time, when the voice appears, I'm willing to do anything to stay with my loved ones, so I eat this bread that's handed to me even though I don't want it. I'm afraid to have it and it tastes bad, and I know it's going to make my body bigger...but once I eat it and keep it down even though I don't even think that will work, the voice backs down. A person behind the voice appears, and she tells me to keep doing it (eating the bread) or I'll die. I chase her because I want to ask if I have to, but she won't give me a straight "yes." I feel like I need her to, or I'll never be able to keep doing it right. In real life, I struggle with an eating disorder...I was hospitalized for it after my dad died but I've still accomplished things, like completing a BFA degree at a reputable college, after the hospital, so I'm on track with life, just still feel like I'm battling this "monster." This dream felt like it must symbolize so much. If you have any thoughts or questions I could ask myself about different things in the dream, or any ideas, that would be appreciated. It was one of those vivid dreams that stick with you throughout the day.

[Snoopy]

I really appreciate your honesty & openness. Hoping some of what I have written below would be helpful. (I unintentially created 2 accounts on DV. Snoopy will probably be closed by admin soon. "Firewater" is the other account which I will probably use in the future..) In the dream, there's this basement (Part of the house not normally visible from the outside. Even inside it's not used so much unless it's furnished. Could symbolise your subconscious) with what I can only describe as a growing "monster" (Unless we believe in yettis, Loch Ness monsters etc, they are normally imaginary. Something we create with our mind. Often associated with fear. ) ...it seemed to be living (Living things have the potential to impact other living things.). It was almost like sewage (what is left after nutrition, goodness is removed.), a plant, mold, (mould is a neusance) etc. but also like an animal (Animals can symbolise motivations or characteristics within us.). It was green (In this case probably symbolising something unhealthy), not good to be around (association) or touch (contact), and it kept expanding to take up more and more of the room I was locked (someting restricting your freedom) in. I'm finally (suggests passing of time or effort) getting out of the room (It is possible for you to get our), and climbing up these stairs that wind in a perfect circle (Can symbolise completeness, wholeness), very neatly (Ordered in the right place). It's easy to go up (INteresting, normally going up takes effort.), and I'm going up them with everyone I know: my mom (immediately before you), my brother (along-side you), my grandparents (one is deceased. Your heritage) and friends (People who encourage you), people from childhood (your immediate past, what has formed you by your own experiance), and my old therapist (Interesting. Probably an indication of the extent of his/her influence on you). For a second (a moment), I think I'm going to be free (You know what freedom is), but this voice (like a god but not God) "finds out" (Normally people find out. A voice is something more impersonal. But we can create things with our words. The power of life & death is in the tongue.) I'm getting out and not supposed (Supposed by whose definition of right or wrong) to. As soon as the voice finds out, an "elevator" (Levels in our life can symbolise growth milestones. Elevators move us there without our effort, mechanical & electrical. People took you up, a machine takes you down.) appears by passing up through the floor (Should be a barrier to lower levels.) (like a ghost would pass through a wall, {something lacking substance.). The voice asks me to step forward (normally a positive movement), and takes me back down to the locked room (). I have to leave everyone (It is isolating you). I want one more chance, but I think there's no use trying to escape, because for some reason, I'm not allowed. I'm back in the basement (Perhaps a play on words- Abasement). The monster has expanded (when you don't question, resist or fight it.) and it's like a poison, might kill me (Sap your motivation, positive outlook) now that it's touched me (Contact). There's no avoiding it, because it's spread so much. (Notice how negative your outlook is here. Hope would be helpful.) Then suddenly, when I think there's no chance, my old therapist (one who got me to open up about abuse in real life; I don't see her anymore, but she really "saved" me) {Something outside yourself, professional, trained help.}appears in the locked basement (Walls & locks do not restrict her.). There was this door that I knew about all along (Hope, a way out), but I didn't even consider trying to get out through it, because it was locked (Escape possibility is there but not usable). She takes out a key (Something small that opens bigger things, normally specific for the door) and open it with ease (Significant ffort not required) and we go up (Positive direction again. This time via another way). I'm afraid (Note the fear which monsters also give us) I'll be sent back down again, but this time, when the voice appears, I'm willing to do anything (More motivation. ) to stay with my loved ones (Love perhaps is another key.), so I eat this bread (Provides sustenance. What the mould, sewerage cannot give you.) that's handed (Personal) to me (Not something you made or worked for. A gift.) even though I don't want it (*** Against your will or desires or preference? ****). I'm afraid (fear again. Why?) to have it and it tastes bad (Message from tongue {Used in speaking. Think of the voice above.} mouth to brain), and I know (Is this true? How much was given you?) it's going to make my body bigger (Thinking of possible negative affect, what about nourishment?) ...but once I eat it and keep it down (Normal healthy process) even though I don't even think that will work (Your rationale, logic), the voice backs down (You are now reducing, resisting what is keeping you priosioner.). A person behind the voice appears (I assume this is another person separate from the voice & not the person speaking the voice?), and she tells me to keep doing it (eating the bread) or I'll die. I chase her because I want to ask if I have to (Seeing it as though you are being forced to, like the the voice was forcing you to go back to the basement.), but she won't give me a straight "yes." (Maybe because the choice is yours) I feel like I need her to, or I'll never be able to keep doing it right (Could you elaborate on this a little more? Is this like asking if we are breathing right? Maybe it's just something we do, no right way or wrong way.). In real life, I struggle with an eating disorder...I was hospitalized for it after my dad died (Sorry to hear that. My wife passed away a couple of years ago. I just realised you didn't mention him as one of those with you when going up the steps in the dream. There's something of him in you, just as the others who walked up the steps with you. Perhaps imagining him with you in that context may be helpful) but I've still accomplished things (Well done), like completing a BFA degree at a reputable college, after the hospital, so I'm on track with life, just still feel like I'm battling this "monster." This dream felt like it must symbolize so much. If you have any thoughts or questions I could ask myself about different things in the dream, or any ideas, that would be appreciated. It was one of those vivid dreams that stick with you throughout the day. Perhaps re-living the last part of the dream, imagining yourself going going out the door, eating the bread may be helpful(?)

[Okapi]

Thank you, Firewater! Your reply meant a lot to me. Some of the insight is very helpful. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond thoughtfully, and your kind words. I am sorry about your wife. I always feel like you can tell someone is a good person when they are sensitive to loss, and offer condolence in the midst of conversation... Thank you. The good from both of you is with each other, too. I especially like what you said at the end about trying to image the good things. I've read about that kind of "meditation" of sorts, helping with changing our thinking or future action. It's helpful to think of eating more like breathing, first and foremost, than "right" or "wrong"...very helpful interpretation on outlook & hope, and the fact that monsters aren't real. I have to think about this and read it through again and again, it's accurate.

[101Volts]

So do you feel as though the monster and the (de)elevator were all illusion? I feel as though life is like a Sudoku puzzle; The earlier in, the more some things look as if they belong where they don't and the more real answers you get the more is filled in until it's all there but one wrong answer can ruin the entire puzzle unless it's erased. 11-Jan-2015: I just had a dream (I didn't post it in my DJ before posting this reply) where there were "Attractions" like carnival rides that were all deadly. (Go figure, right? You know how some people call working "The circus" or "This carnival ride" or whatever?) One of the rides "Trapped" me by putting a cage around me (or at least it looked that way) to give the illusion that the only way out was to go through it and be devoured, Which is absolutely bogus. (I don't know how it would devour, It just would.) I only ended up exiting it by "leaving the game" through the Xbox 360 guide button. (Dreams have to make sense to me on some level, so does the Xbox controller signify that I was playing around with the idea of being trapped and leaving it? It seems so at least.) Then, the ride tried to do the same thing again but with some sort of tape around me. I just cut the tape and left the "Trap zone" before finding another "Attraction" (Which I didn't see anyone going into; Come to think of it I didn't see anyone entering the other one either) which was also deadly and I felt was sorcery. It was quite asinine but that one didn't try to trap me.