• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




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    1. #1
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      Very stricken by this dream with my ex

      Alright i broke up with my girlfriend of almost 9 months 2 months ago. She'll be 17 and i'll be 19 in a few months. Anyway, she was my first long term girlfriend and i have no regrets. We explored each others sexualities for the first time with each other(i was her first everything) but it didnt lead up to sex. We argued a lot for a month and decided to end it, we smile and say hello on the street today so it ended good.
      So the dream- i was back in my Elementary school building (in Serbia we go to Elementary for 8 years,then 4 years of highschool) and everyone i've ever talked to from highschool was there, the versions that i had last seen the last day of highschool a month back. I went up to the first floor and saw my best friend that ive known since we were 2 in the crowd and he told me he was there for some practice classes for the university entrance exam.
      He passed by and i looked arround figuring everyone was there for that. I don't know why i was there.
      So i go back down and before the exit my now ex runs up to me with a huge smile and jumps up in my hands. We kiss and talk just like we did when we were together. I remember feeling the intense emotion i got every time i'd look at her back when we were together.
      So i carry her like that outside to the small steps of the school entrance and stand there holding her, we talk and look in each others eyes for a bit, i grab her ass and we smile and kiss and she goes back inside and i go home.
      Now when i get home i'm stricken with a though '' Wait why did we just do that when we're not together??? What the hell just happened?! i have to ask her'' And i search nervously for my phone and find its battery drained. I plug in the charger but it wont start up and it starts starting up but stops and i never got to power it up to ask her what that thing we did was....
      Does anyone dabble in the art of dream symbols? I'm confused as fuck i havent dreamt about her in weeks but when i have a few weeks back it was again meeting her somewhere randomly.
      Thanks for any insight

    2. #2
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      It looks like your dream could be trying to sum up the situation connected with your first long term relationship and is giving you some ideas about what could happen in future ones.

      For example, it could be partly saying that you have to “go back to elementary school” to learn something very basic about yourself and relationships with women.

      The idea seems to be that it’s very important for you to learn from and to move on from your recent experience with the girl (e.g. everyone from high school is there and they’re in practice classes to move on to university but in contrast, you don’t know why you’re there).

      It might be a little hard to understand at first, but the image of your ex running up happily to you represents a kind of inner image of a girl in your psychology which will tend to cause you to fall in love with a certain type of female in the future.

      Trying to get in touch with and to understand this inner woman apparently won’t work if you try to do so “mechanically” and “intellectually (e.g. cell phone doesn’t work).

      Maybe the best way would be to look back over the relationship and let your emotions come up.

      Doing this might provide a clue about what inner characteristics in yourself you saw in your girlfriend without being aware that they were at least in some way parts of yourself.

      For example, her overall values might be similar to yours but in contrast, she knows/feels “exactly what she wants and how much she values things” while you are less in control of this aspect of yourself.

      Looking back at what you argued about could hold the key.

      For instance, was she basically angry that you weren’t “giving her enough of what she wanted” in various areas of your relationship? If so, this might hint at a selfish streak which might exist inside yourself.

      The idea is that the more aware of this part of yourself (and other parts as well), the more you could control and change this situation to some extent, lessening the chance of a relationship that fails because both of you might be tending to be unconsciously in it for what you can get out of it.

      Anyway, I hope these ideas aren’t too confusing and that they can be helpful in some way.

      Please feel free to ask any questions or to make any comments you may want to about this particular way of looking at your dream.

    3. #3
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      Oh wow, you have illuminated the situation for me fully. I can't express my gratitude enough , thank you so much!! I've passionately delved into self improvement right after the breakup, met all my emotions head on and i've come across all those points you have pointed out in your reply.
      I've had dreams about her from time to time and it would always make me wake up with a smile becuase while i was with her, i was having nothing done, everyone was studying for the universtiy entrance exam and i was doing nothing but gaming and hanging out with her after school. I was running away from myself and the things that had to be done. I was unhappy deep isnide and she sensed it, and my lack of drive or goal, and now i see why she started going cold and bored.
      I moved from pleasuring her oraly with passion and love to just doing it so she orgasms and so she can reciprocate so i could too. Like an oblgation, i felt i was getting selfish but i chose to ignore it and tell myself different stories. I would get frustrated when she wouldn't do it and expect it of her instead of just love her for what she is...
      Looking back on the relationship i now see many many things in her about myself that i have now left behind. I'm living life more fully and smile deep from my core now, i have changed and i am grateful i was with her because without that relationship i wouldn't discover and allow the new stronger version of myself to break out. It broke out after 4 years....
      One question, there's something poking me in the back of my head every time my thoughts come across her. During the day, now less than before but it still happens, i'd just go about my life e.g. eating lunch and a random part of our relationship would just come into my mind, like what we were talking about on a bench or how we laughed or things of that nature. It's never painful, i just let it fully unwind in my mind like a segment of a movie and it'd pass since i'd unconciously shift to something else after a while.
      As we sat down to have a talk to break up, since we both agreed that the relationship was going nowhere and making us both miserable, a lot of emotions rose up as i was walking her back to her house. She wanted me to walk her all the way to the door and we actually started talking there for almost an hour. It was just like when we first met, she was talking left and right,bringing up subjects out of nowhere but since the fights started she wouldn't say 3 words. It was really odd to me but i was really quiet since i was on the verge of breaking down in tears.
      So anyways, we hugged and went our separate ways, i still see here arround town and she has a huge smile when we say hi to each other. So i still have this thought poking me somewhere back in my mind that ''we aren't looking at the world in the same way, partly because of the age difference and partly because we need to grow as individuals separately, but we might get back together in the future''. I can’t help but think that the way we talked when we broke up left things unfinished and thats what’s troubling me. She made it clear that she doesn’t want contact when i asked her to come over to take a picture with me for my Prom, she ’’had a friend over for a movie and couldnt make it’’ even though it was 5 mins from her house. It upset me but i moved on.
      It's always there, whenever she pops into my mind. I want new relationships, i want new experiences and i'm going off to university in 4 months but this thought won't stop poking me. I want it to go away and separate completely but it wont go away. What can i do? Maybe thats causing my time to time dreams about her?
      Sorry i typed such a long text, i just needed to express myself, i want to detach from this and go about my life...

    4. #4
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      Hi again,

      I’m happy that my ideas about your dream helped you and all I can say is that the memories of a first serious love won’t ever really go away completely, but they should slowly become less present in your mind.

      It might not be very romantic but one way to look at the random memories about her that come to mind is that they’re kind of inviting you to look back at the particular moment involved and to learn more about it.

      For example, when a memory appears, you can ask yourself “What’s the first thing that comes to mind about this memory?”

      A memory about something else might appear, or a thought or maybe an emotion etc.

      By looking at what comes to mind, more clues will probably become clearer about what was really going on at that moment between you, maybe mostly unconsciously.

      For instance, a person might remember something that happened when they were a child which might have been connected to “wanting to be loved” by their mother, or maybe they acted in a greedy way, or on the other hand, they acted in a good, friendly way etc.

      Working at this gradually will kind of satisfy an inner part of yourself that “really wants to find out everything it can” about the relationship, and the memories will gradually appear less often because you’ll have learned a lot and be able to move on more confidently.

      You can use this method for other situations as well. If you get really angry about something, ask yourself “So what’s really underneath that anger” and see what comes to mind. Or if you feel attracted to a girl, ask yourself something like “What’s the real reason I’m feeling like this?”

      Maybe you can even ask yourself “What detail should I notice about that big smile she gave me?”

      And maybe you can even ask yourself why the thought keeps coming back to mind that you’d like to get back together with her.

      Since you seem to be a person who likes to look inside yourself and figure things out, you might like the book “Inner Work” by Robert Johnson. I don’t know if it’s available in Serbia but you could probably order a copy from a site like Amazon for example.

      So overall, it might be best not to force yourself to “separate completely” from your thoughts about the girl because a first love goes deep and needs time to heal if it didn’t go completely well.

      Anyway, if you have any other questions, please let me know, but if not, best of luck as you start off to university in a few months!

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