Odd dream that seeemingly came out of nowhere.
Hello,
I woke up this morning with this odd dream in my head and i felt a burning desire to share it for some reason, so i jumped on over here after breakfast.
I have posted before and just writing it out helped me realize some compartments of it. Add the amazingly helpful insights of the people on this site and a bright light was shed on the dream very quickly. So now, i wanted to discuss this strange occurrence with you.
I'm 19 and am currently at my first year of university. Ever since i came here, living with a best friend of mine in an apartment, i have set a lot of things straight in my life that were previously a mess in elementary/high school. Prior to coming here i was in a relatively long relationship that ended because of my unconscious laziness and denial of the amount of dysfunction i was in. The previous dream i stated here was right after the breakup and man was it a kicker. Fast forward to the here and now i delved deeply into self development, mastery of ones self and can now say i have set myself on a course for the life i want for myself, i feel happy, fulfilled and am connecting with the people around me with a very strong energy. See now this university is mostly studied by women, it's for speech therapy and being one of the, let's say 10, guys in the whole crowd i told myself before coming here that i won't be dating the women from my particular class because then i'd be seeing that girl every day, the breakup would suck etc. But, a beautiful blue eyed girl caught my eye and long story short we went on a date recently, sparks flying, teasing all around and we had fun.
Now, since we see each other every day, bar Friday since it's a day off, i decided to take it slowly so i don't push it too much and it get's annoying, so we nudge, tease and chat briefly after classes in the hall to keep it light until i call her for date 2. Furthermore, most of the other girls i talk to when i sit at a random spot in class seem to resonate with me and we chat and have fun. I feel no pressure, i structured my day so i have time to play my drums, listen to audio books, draw, listen to some lectures apart from class and then study later in the evening before going to sleep around midnight/ 1 am.
This study schedule worked great for me up until last night, when i was coming back home from the study hall around midnight, tired as a dog, and i realized that i needed to move my studying to an earlier time so i can go to bed earlier. Being sensitive to my inner needs and changes i felt that i wasn't getting enough rest for my schedule, even with the 20 minute nap i manage to slip in around 3 pm almost every day. So i decided i'm moving the studying to an earlier time starting today, had a bite to eat, listened to some lecture (Check out Paul Chek, i love the guy) and went to sleep at 1 am, planning to wake up at 8:45 today.
The thing is, i woke up at 6 am as if i was fully rested, felt incredibly tired after few seconds and went back to sleep. That's when i started getting troubled with this dream, cut up buy constant awakenings, twisting, turning and wondering if i had missed my alarm clock. I had no reason to feel that way. During that unsettling period of 2 and a half hours i started getting flashes in my head of that girl i liked being with another guy, seeing her talking to and smiling with some other dude in my class (i didn't recognize him but he was taller than me, had an awesome short beard that i've always wanted and admired in other guys and was jacked. I just now realized i've been not jealous, but admiring guys like that and i've been seeing a lot of them at a sports college mess hall near my building that i've been going to for meals. Might have something to do with them projecting a stable, masculine vibe that i started working on awakening in myself after the breakup.Exercising, particularly the gym and monkey bars, has been a huge part of my life in the last 2 years and it skyrockets my vitality like nothing else. I'm not a skinny weakling but i was 2 years ago, maybe it's a hidden, subtle feeling of inadequacy that's trying to poke me and make me unstable. Huh, i felt very grounded in my center up until now, maybe i lost touch with that recently ...) So anyways, the flashes would be of those scenarios, then me asking myself ''Why the hell are you thinking about this? Where's this coming from?'' Then another flash like that and i'd twist and fall asleep then wake up 2-3 more times.
Finally i woke up with the alarm and felt a kind of relief as it rang, i just jumped out of bed like saying ''Finally, it's over'' and had that burning desire to know what the hell happened from that moment to the one where i sat down to write this.
Again, i'm sorry it was this long, when i start typing my thoughts just flow like this and somewhere inside i feel like all of this that i've stated here has something to do with the weird dream. It's not jealousy, i have no idea what it is, we don't chat over facebook nor do i have her number, there was nothing but positive emotions from that one short date and onward and it puzzles me as to what could be bringing this up in me. Might be that i need to go back into mediation to recenter myself even though i don't feel that out of center, i paused that for a long time for no apparent reason...
Anyways, thank you for reading this and any insight will be helpful,
Many thanks, Janko. :D
