I had a most interesting dream the other night and would love a different point of view.

It started as being on a huge cargo/freight ship, that looked to be hauling lots of goods on the outside, but on the inside was actually a top-class cruise. The bizarre thing was (and I remember thinking this during the dream) that because it was a freight ship on the outside, there was basically no outdoor access on the ship. You could only see the outside world through the windows. But on the inside, it was like a Titanic-era first class cruise. It felt like a theater inside, classy and luxurious. Fast forward, I'm entering a cabin that I knew to be my brother's. It was quite small. I left and went down to my cabin a few doors down. It was basically the same cabin, only with a small stairwell down to another level, which I just had to explore. That level was huge, many times the size of the regular room. I went in and thought to myself "I could spend the whole cruise never leaving my room!" The level actually was a library. It had a ton of books as well as tables and chairs and plenty of space to be comfortable. As I'm walking through I see a figure. It's the grim reaper. There was no sense of fear or anything. I was actually very comfortable with its presence. It told me I could select three bottles of wine for the cruise. There were a number of bottles on a shelf beside it. I asked which bottles it would recommend. I tasted one that it gave me to try, and it had a vibrant orange flavor. I said I would take that one. I tasted another and didn't care for it as much. While it was searching for another for me to taste, I caught it a glimpse of it's face beneath its black hooded robe. It was female, to my surprise, probably about 50's in age. Again, there was no fear about her presence, and I was actually quite intrigued to have such interesting company. I notice how lucky I am to have such a large cabin on the cruise, and reflect on how interesting it is to be on a cruise on a freight ship!

Fast forward, I'm at a football game (American football). I'm standing behind an end zone while a team is kicking the PAT after a touchdown. Only they punt it through the end zone instead of kicking the PAT. I nearly caught the punt. I ask another bystander why they did this. He said to add insult to the victory over the other team.

Fast forward, I'm at an amusement park. The staff at the park seemed very serious, strict, and mean (they reminded me of TSA agents). I'm leaving one section of the amusement park and going through security to another (something like DisneyWorld where there are different themes in different areas). The section I enter is a recent addition, brand new. I remember reflecting on how comfortable and familiar I was with the old sections I had just left. I get in line for a ride that was based on "The School of Rock." There were drum kits outside the ride entrance where kids were allowed to play along with the songs. I remember seeing some kids sit down on drum kits and notice that they seem to enjoy the experience. I notice that they have such a care-free life, and I observed that that made them a little different from me -- not better or worse, just a different kind of life experience. I still feel pressured by the park staff and start to feel like they are out to get me. I start walking and find a bathroom. I find an emergency/staff exit in the bathroom go through it, only to find myself in yet another bathroom. I'm starting to feel a bit panicked, like I can't get out of the park. I look for another exit, and the dream ends.

In my real life, I'm a guy in my late twenties, and about three years ago my business fell apart and I began to feel withdrawn physically and mentally. I thought I was going through a spiritual phase where I wanted to stay home all the time and have space for myself. I was in fact going through such a phase, but I also was losing my kidney function, which led me to the hospital last year. I then started dialysis. Also, I'm living with relatives, on dialysis and uncertain about my future. On the other side, through this experience I've gained tremendous clarity about my life and feel that I've grown in ways I never otherwise would have been able. It really has been a spiritual journey, a sort of "Job" (the bible book of Job) experience. I now feel content most of the time, and welcome whatever comes next for me. I do long for a change in my life that would allow for more independence and freedom, however. That would settle things with my family and give me the chance to live more of my dreams.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!