Had a dream I tried to kill myself, but failed.

This dream was very strange to me, and I'm not really sure what to think of it. I'll start off with a little about myself- I am battling severe depression right now and have considered suicide many times. But it also really scares me. I am female, and 19 years old. In this dream, I had shot myself in the stomach, but I felt absolutely no pain from the wound, until I would actually look at it. If I wasn't looking at the wound, I pretty much forgot it was there. I went about my day after this incident, and my friend Chaz, whom I had recently lost contact with but we are now hanging out again and catching up, came to pick me up from home so we could hang out. We were getting ready to leave, in the car, about to drive off, and I start to remember that I had shot myself in the stomach. I started to think that if I left with my friend and was out all night, I would end up dying from the wound, bleed out or something. I fought with myself about whether I should go or not, and ended up staying. The next thing I remember, I was fighting with my mom (who doesn't really understand my depression all the much but has always been supportive and tries to find as much help for me as I can get) about how unhappy I was, and I told her I had shot myself in the stomach trying to kill myself. She freaked out, was worried, as any mother would be, and took me to the hospital. The last thing I remember from this dream is sitting in the hospital, talking to a friend, I can't remember who, and they were asking me if the hospital knew that I had tried to kill myself. I told my friend that if the hospital didn't know by now, they would know when they saw my arm, and I looked down at it, it was covered in cuts and it was swollen in multiple places. That's all I really remember, and then I woke up. I felt a lot of remorse in the dream, a lot of sadness. But also a lot of confusion. There was worry, there was fear. When I was leaving the house with my friend, what really made me decide to stay instead of leave with her was the overwhelming guilt and fear I felt. I was kind of panicked, in a sense.

I really hope this is enough information. Any input and interpretations would be greatly appreciated. I'm most confused about why the wound would only hurt when I looked at it, and how I would forget it was there.

Hi,
Don't lose hope in yourself. I had a near death experience not quite 13 years ago that changed me. It took me into meditations and listening to my dreams. I want to tell you a bit about my personal story first, before I get to your dream, such that you can see the kinds of experiences one can have when one learns to listen to themselves. Then I'll return to your recent dream and ask you some questions...

When my grandmother died 35 or so years ago, in a dream I "found her" downstairs in her basement "lost". So I took her upstairs towards some light. I woke up, wondering what the heck it was about and put it out of my mind.

Then about 30 years ago, my dad died. In a dream, I found him wandering around lost as well. I then took him to a spiritual hospital. It was a wonderful place full of trees, nature et al. I left him in their care. Then I went back in another dream and he was now gone. At the time, I again wondered what these dreams were and simply pushed them out of my mind.

About 13 years ago, I had a near death experience. It acted as a catalyst to begin to listen to myself.

After my near death experience, I didn't just sort of wake and say "Now I know myself". For the first few years, I realized I was carrying around a lot of baggage, i.e. anger and resentment towards people. So I very slowly sucked up my courage, approached the people and forgave them. This was really the start of my healing journey.

I had started and stopped meditation many times for the first 50 years of my life, in effect going nowhere in a hurry. I had read that when one can touch one's higher self, one definitely "knows" it BUT I had never experienced it. I was now determined to do it. So I joined some meditation and spiritual circles and kept at it.

At first, nothing happened. And then one day, I did connect. It was a glorious "feeling" and then poof! It was gone as my conscious mind took over. I now "knew' why people meditated.

I then had 3 lucid dreams with my father who died nearly 30 years ago. When one has out of body experiences, it changes one's sense of what they think of "reality".

Then my meditations deepened. I then had a meditation that changed my life. I saw myself as 3 Russian dolls, the types that fit into each other. I saw 3 lives, which I knew where "me" but they weren't me. I came out of that meditation and then the following days went into deep meditations for 2 of them. What I learnt was that I had been killed in violent circumstances, one in the Middle East and the other in central Asia. These meditations really "shook me up". I realized they were what I though of as "past lives".

Now, these "experiences" for one who's not been through them, could easily discount as an overactive imagination, or whatever. But, for myself, I now "knew" more about who I was.

Then I had an experience that is still resonating with me today several years late. I was in a mediation circle. At the end of it, I "felt" a presence. It showed itself to me as a premature young boy. I "knew" it was for the woman sitting beside me. At the time, I only knew she was a schoolteacher and had 2 late teen kids. So I turned to her and asked if I could give her a message. She said yes.

I asked her if she had miscarried a baby boy? She said yes. Then the most wonderful thing I've ever experienced occurred...

The baby boy turned into a man and sent pure unconditional love to me. It was something words can't describe. It went to the very heart of who I am. It only lasted a fraction of a second but it has lasted with me ever since. I broke down and began to cry. The lady began to cry. I then told her, her son was telling me that he was always with her. She then replied a medium had brought him through before but she was so glad to know it once again.

He was a teacher for me. He showed me what all of us are at our soul level - pure unconditional love.

It wasn't long afterwards, one day while I was trying to interpret my dreams that the idea came to me to use my higher self, which I could now access through meditation to assist me in interpreting my dreams. This was when my dream gates swung wide open.

I then, very slowly, learnt about myself. My higher self, my over soul or whatever one wants to call it, doesn't always give me "answers". Sometimes it will. Frequently, it will tell me to "work it out on my own" with a reassuring presence/feeling/thoughts that I can.

Now I simply "reach" for my over soul and there it is, always with me. I can't prove any of what I've just said to you or anyone else. I’ve found it's a journey of one. All of us have our own unique paths through life.

Now back to you...

What I've learnt is the dreams that appear foreboding on the surface, like yours, are actually not underneath. It's been my own experience that they are some of the most powerful teachers we have in a positive sense.

What I've learnt from my own dreams is that there is nothing in a dream by chance. Therefore, if you answer the following questions, to the best of your recall ability, I will happily give you an interpretation of your dream as if it was mine.

First tell me the number of scenes in your dream. THEN FOR EACH SCENE I want you to tell me the following:

Location:
I want you to look in your mind, as the observer, in the following directions and tell me what you see:
1. To your left.
2. To your right.
3. In front of you.
4. Behind you.
5. Above you.
6. Below you.

It’s all right if you can’t recall much. Simply tell me what you see and make sure I know what direction it is from you the dreamer. In my interpretation, you’ll see how this is a symbol itself.

When you are describing what you see, tell me in as much detail as you can recall about it. So things I am very interested in is what are walls, doors, windows, stairs, tables, etc. made of, age/style, colour, etc. The same goes for anything outside. You’ll see in my interpretations how all of this tells us lots about ourselves.

Lighting:
1. Tell me what the lighting was like, i.e. bright, dull, black, cloudy etc.
2. Then tell me where the light was coming from.
3. Can you tell the time of day or season?
Lighting is important in a dream because it’s a symbol of vibrational state. I’ll explain this during my interpretation for you.

Objects:
If there are any objects in a dream scene, then tell me about them as follows:
1. Shape, size, colour and what they were made of.
2. Where the object is in the dream relative to you, i.e. left, right, etc.

I’ve found objects in dreams are usually symbols of things we first need to concentrate on spiritually. I’ll explain this in the interpretation if you had any objects in any of the scenes.

People:
For each person in a dream scene I want you to do the following:
1. Describe them to me in as much detail as you can recall. This includes age, gender, clothes, colour of the clothes, what the clothes were made of.
2. Tell me where they were in the dream scene relative to you, i.e. left, right, below, etc.
3. Tell me if they were lying down, sitting, standing, walking, etc.
4. Tell me what they did with you. Don’t skip the details. Simply tell me exactly what happened.
5. If there are any conversations or thoughts between you and the person or others, then tell me EXACTLY WHAT WAS SAID. This is important.
6. If there were others you couldn’t see but felt, then let me know where you felt they were in a scene relative to you the dreamer, i.e. left, right, etc.
7. For people who you know in real life, tell me anything that's different about them in the dream versus the real life version.

Animals. Etc.:
If there were any animals, insects, birds, reptiles, fish or whatever in any of the scenes, then tell me. Describe them in as great as detail as you can recall. Also let me know where they were in the dream scene relative to you, i.e. left, right, etc. Then let me know of any thoughts that passed between you and them.

Thoughts/Feelings:
This is a very important part of every dream scene. Take your time, go back and tell me the following for each scene:
1. What was your first thought/feeling as the dream scene began.
2. Tell me of any thoughts/feeling changes as the dream scene progressed and let me know where in the scene this occurred.
3. Tell me your last thought/feeling as the dream ended.

I realize this is a lot of work. HOWEVER, I think you might be surprised by how much you can learn about yourself from a single scene.

With kind regards,
Guy:)