First of all, thank you so much for your reply, it has given me some new perspectives and fueled some deeper thought about it for me as well.
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Your description of apparently being very shy during all of your childhood, as well as currently, might explain your liking for sci-fi stories about alternative universes, different timelines, time-travelling and paradoxes (as well as explaining why these concepts appear in your dreams). (...) The result would have been your going into much deeper layers of your psyche which are in effect “timeless” and too far away from the here and now.
This is an interesting way of seeing it, I've never thought of it like that.
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But on analogy, a university in a dream conjures up the image of “mind”, “thought”, “words” and “learning” etc. which somehow relates to the dreamer’s situation.
An incident occurs where you correct a guy’s technical error without being asked, but the relationship ends there because of a certain hesitation and shyness.
It’s possible that the dream could be presenting this scenario as a symbolic rendering of how you might too often tend to be approaching others using “mind” as opposed to “feelings”.
This is very true. I am quite worried about "bothering" people I interact with. Also "mind" as opposed to "feelings": I'm starting to thinking being emotionally reserved and "cold" is at least partly some sort of overcompensating on my part; the more I get used to the thought of living my life as a guy, the more content and in touch with my feelings I, well, feel.
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You carry her around protectively although some rashes on her face are a little off-putting. Although rashes have mostly physical causes, they can be made worse by psychological stresses. You could ask your mother if perhaps you had such rashes at this age. If so, this could be a marker about how sensitive a child overall you might have been even at that time. The underlying meaning of the image could therefore be that such “sensitivities” still occur often and are unconsciously “disconcerting” to you, perhaps especially when dealing with others.
This is also very helpful since I felt stuck on that particular detail and couldn't make sense of it.
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The idea could be that she doesn’t want to “merge with you”, as it were, as a male, but wants to remain “separate” and “conscious” as an “other”, possibly representing an innate part of yourself that is the so-called “feminine” aspect of a person that is able to relate confidently and well with others.
And this. It makes me think a little about Jung's theories about anima and animus which I recently read about.
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Panic and confusion ensue which could mean that a basic failure to allow something “feminine” to co-exist with your new, stronger masculine gender identity might cause a certain “disorientation” and “lack of direction” towards reaching an overall sense of wholeness and contentment in the years ahead.
(...)
The phrase "how the hell do you lose yourself?" seems to be the dream’s way of emphasizing that of course, you shouldn’t lose this crucial part of your personality.
Certainly, it has been a confusing time with much desorientation. Now that I think deeper about this aspect, I realize that I have in a sense thought about this as if it would disregard my entire past, which it obviously won't since everything that has happened in my life has lead me to this point, and also future plans and possibilities. I think this might be a crucial point in the dream: I'm making a change, but not a complete 180 - I'm starting a new chapter in my life, not an entirely new book. The idea of suddenly shifting to the woods as a hermit could also point to this - I subconsciously approach this as if I'll suddenly cut off from everything I have been, which I, again obviously, isn't, just continuing down the road in a vehicle better suited for my needs if I may make another silly metaphor. The point being I'm not throwing anything away but simply continuing the life I'm leading but in a better way.
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Doing so, and adhering strictly to a certain kind of “masculine” intellectual stance as symbolized by the university, apparently isn’t the best way to go from the dream’s point of view.
For example, the scene about the election of a university president perhaps shows the danger that you might fall prey to a kind of strident, 180⁰ turn in your personality as does the woman who’s running.
The idea might be that doing so “wouldn’t be the real you”, and that conscious work at expressing your true feelings and values would be best over time.
This makes sense. I actually had a dream last night in which I saw myself in one of my coats. I can't remember the dream in its entirety but what I remember getting from it was that it's fine to be feminine as a man. I've joked about having a "macho-complex" before but I seriously think I did, as if the idea was that if I have to be seen as a woman, at least I've got to be a sort of masculine one. I absolutely think I can start letting that facade go as a guy because I know inside I am not a so called macho-man. :) And you're right about rejecting femininity, which I also think might be easier over time. Same for the idea of "womanhood", which I now understand both why I've felt alienated by it before, and that I don't have to feel alienated because it doesn't apply to me anyway.
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Similarly, the next scene where you eventually kick the man in the crotch could mean that you won’t gain any “respect” in the end for who you really are without gaining some control over being able to assertively stand up for yourself as opposed to perhaps being too “aggressive”.
Going through my dream diary I've noticed that I, in dreams, tend to react strongly, often with violence, whenever I feel I'm wrongly treated, which is as I've mentioned far from how I am in reality. Perhaps I should strive for a balance between being meek and violent/aggressive?
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“Right” and “in front” in dreams usually relate to the outer world and interacting with it (as opposed to “left” and “behind” which are mostly linked to dealing with inner parts of oneself).
Unlike yourself at that age, she has apparently related very well with the other children in the room, becoming happy and relaxed.
This might point to the idea that a part of you that was left behind long ago because of some very difficult issues now needs to be supported and nourished as an independent, “feminine” part of yourself as connected with relating to others as a whole (e.g. you walk away hand in hand).
Oh, wow. That got to me. I think this points to both, as you said, the feminine part and the past and the present being connected and walking together towards the future. As opposed to carrying the feminine part/the past around, constraining both it and my entire self. Yes. This feels profound. =)
This got a bit longer than intended as I did a lot of thinking while writing, but again, thank you for your input, I feel like I have a clearer grasp of it now.
