Underwater Dream.

Ever since I was very young, I had a fascination with the ocean. I went diving (in lakes. No oceans here haha...) and I did tons of research. I spent hours playing a Wii game called Endless Ocean, which was really, really fun for me. However, it was also absolutely terrifying. I know it kind of sounds dumb, but yes, I was completely captivated by this dumb game. But I was scared to venture to the places that looked empty, or with ominous names. Even as I grew older I always got a really bad feeling about certain places in the game. I couldn't stay in them for long. It was a tense fear.
Well, eventually I had to stop playing it because dreams would mix with reality and I started having nightmares that, even now I'm not sure if they were really nightmares or if they actually happened. Anyway, I stopped playing. I haven't played in years.
Last night, I had a dream that a friend and I (I don't remember the friend much; I no longer see him anymore but he shared my interest in marine biology) went in a submarine into an abyss. I don't remember a large majority of the dream, but what I start to remember is being really deep in the ocean and being absolutely terrified. I hated it. I wanted to leave. I remember jumping at every sound, and hearing whales. God, whales scared me the most. Well, we came to a tunnel and we both got out (don't ask how, it was a dream,,) and went through the tunnel. I remember a deep fear that I have never felt before. We came out of the tunnel into a large cavern area, which was somehow well lit even in the deepness of the ocean. And for some reason I knew there was a great spirit there that was waiting for us. We came close and he wasn't there but I knew he was supposed to be, and I felt a longing. Then for some reason I seemed to start having flashbacks of being on a beach on an island, walking around by myself in the silence. There were bits of wood everywhere, as if there had been lots of destruction. The island was otherwise empty. I felt an extreme sense of...nostalgia, I think? And then I was back in the cavern, and I can't even describe the feeling. It was like I was scared, but I didn't want to leave because it was so pretty. Nothing like this plays out in the game I used to be addicted to, so I don't know why I thought it might be related. It's so confusing that I deeply love the ocean yet I'm absolutely terrified of it. Also, I can describe to people what it feels like to drown even though I've never come close to drowning. I really, really want to know why I had this dream and why it provoked such strong, unfamiliar feelings. Im sixteen and (trans)male.

Hello, VelvetCotton. I'd like to try to offer up an interpretation of this dream.

I feel like the most important clue for my interpretation that you gave is the last one, "I'm sixteen and (trans)male".

You said you don't remember your friend who appeared in your dream much, except for a shared interest in marine biology. Since this is how you begin the dream, the introduction of the friend, he could help to represent the main setting of the dream, which I think is not really about marine biology. At your age, with transitioning on your mind, I think it's safe to consider that you might dream of what's important to your daily waking life.

Transitioning.

Your old friend is there because your mind is saying, "This dream explores deeper issues surrounding biology." You find yourself in an abyss, which can represent gender fluidity, and you feel terrified by this environment, and want to leave. That doesn't mean that you don't want to be transgender. It means that it's a subject which feels dangerous to you, and that's normal to feel with so many people in the world who will judge you. The opinions of others are represented by the sounds of the whales. Those are the rumors and whispers you probably pick up on all around you in waking life, and the dream seems to say they feel threatening to you.

For what it's worth, I've never played "Endless Ocean", but I read a little about it, and I notice the father of the main character went missing while looking for a whale called "White Mother", and this could be significant if you feel that your actual mother is critical of your transgender status, or if you feel she's trying to "vanish" your masculine nature.

In order to escape, you have to traverse a tunnel, which you say causes you a "deep fear" you've never felt before. This tunnel represents the act of physically transitioning. It must be a very scary process . . . anyone would be afraid of what will be at the end of that process.

The cavern you enter represents the illumination you predict feeling at the end of the transitioning process. The spirit that awaits you is your own, male, spirit. Because you are sixteen, you're close, but not there yet. The longing you feel for that spirit is the longing you feel towards completing the transitioning process, and becoming a man, in the broad daylight.

The flashbacks are your reflections of how you think you will view your "old" life, after transitioning. You feel you will view your life as a female as a desolate, and destroyed, but still having memories that are valuable, or "nostalgic".

When you return to the cave, you're feeling scared because transitioning is a big deal and scary, but it is so attractive to you that you don't want to leave, despite the anxiety you feel.

I think this dream is about growing up.

What do you think?

I've played Endless Ocean:Blue World before. That game is so much fun! I was also captivated by this game until I achieved the majority of the objectives and lost interest in it.

One of the places in the game, I'm pretty sure its called the Red Sea, has a very deep cavern. A backstory behind this level is that somebody in the past had gone into the cavern with a submarine but didn't make it out and ended up dying. In the level, the player finds this submarine in the cavern and in it finds a letter from the person who died. In the letter, he states that with his equipment failing, he intends to swim to freedom, and apologizes to his father for causing him pain, bearing him no ill will for their disagreements.

Also in the cavern, the player has to coax a sperm whale to chase away a giant squid that is blocking the path to the submarine.