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    Thread: Why does everyone I dream of disappear from my life?

    1. #1
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      Why does everyone I dream of disappear from my life?

      Hi, I am new to this forum...in fact, new to everything. I've come here looking for an answer or even someone else who has experienced what I have. I am female, 19 years old, and have been dreaming (and remembering) vivid dreams my whole life. I ALWAYS dream in color, and MOST of the time I can sort of control my dreams. I often wake up feeling like they were real. My dreams are so realistic...all the time. Anyway, here is my problem along with a few examples:

      Every time I have a dream about someone important to me, they disappear from my life. For the past 6 years this has happened with boyfriends, crushes, and friends. Using the boyfriend example: At some point in every relationship, I would dream of the person. In the dream we would always be very close. This would range from general physical closeness to getting married or seeing what my married life with this person would be like. The dreams are always happy. But after every dream (a few months, weeks, or even days later), the relationship would abruptly end. I realize things end - that is a part of life. But what creeps me out is the pattern I am experiencing. EVERY. SINGLE. relationship and friendship has ended shortly after dreaming a nice dream about it. Whenever I crush on anyone, I eventually dream about them. And no matter how good things seemed to be going in pursuing the crush, they would drop off the face of the earth after dreaming about them. It has become so crazy that every time I like someone, and I can feel myself thinking of them before I go to sleep, I get scared...because I know that if I dream of them, they will leave my life. It almost feels like some sort of weird movie... These pleasant dreams are turning my real life into a subtle nightmare by stealing away important people. For a few months last year I was seeing the face of a woman I was close with (but at the same time barely knew) that I met 3 years ago. I had this weird feeling that she was dying. Seeing her in my dreams and daydreams was bittersweet. "Feeling her energy" (I don't know how to explain it) was comforting, but I just had a feeling something was wrong. When I returned to the place that I met her, I asked about her...and I was informed that she had died of brain cancer about a year ago. A few days ago I had a dream about my brother who I had not seen for many years but love very much... The dream was extremely short. In the dream, I was in my house by the stairs near the front door...suddenly my brother came up from behind me and gave me a hug. I turned around and saw it was him and then woke up. Upon waking I kind of wondered if that was a sign that I will never see or hear from my brother again. The pattern is unbelievably accurate and hasn't been broken in 6 years.

      So, Why is it that my dreams always signal/warn an end to something in my reality? Why are the opposites of my dreams coming true? Does anyone else have this problem? What could this mean? Why does it keep happening over and over again? Is there a way to prevent it? (My only idea would be to try not to think about certain people before I go to bed.)

      I appreciate any and all feedback/thoughts.

    2. #2
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      Dream interpretation requires a fairly detailed description of a dream, plus the events in the person's life surrounding the dream, that might be the cause of it. Could you describe one of the dreams as well as you remember it, and also give a basic account of the relationship and how it ended? If you could do that for several of them it would help immensely.
      You sort of did that for the dream about your brother (though you didn't say why you haven't seen him since then), but how about one of the more romantic relationships or friendships, since it sounds like that's what you're mainly asking for.

      The 2 dreams you talked about at the end - your brother and the woman who died, don't actually fit the pattern. You dreamed of both of them long after they left your life.

      Also, when people say "this always happens to me" it's usually just an emotional over-reaction. Usually it really only happens a lot, but not always.

      I'll go ahead and post the 2 things that came to mind, but really they're just guesses based on the rather vague information you've given.

      1. Possibly your subconscious mind picks up on cues that you aren't consciously aware of that the relationship is about to end or the person is about to leave. Most communication is done subvocally through facial expression and body language and subtle hints and insinuations, very little of it is actually conveyed directly through words. Those kind of hints and insinuations get through to the subconscious but you don't pick up on them consciously, and the way the subconscious communicates with you is mainly through dreams and fantasies. So before you're consciously aware of what's going on at the subtle hidden level, the subconscious will start giving you hints through dreams. Often the dreams aren't direct messages, they're more like guesses or just a sign that something is happening that you aren't picking up on consciously. And of course, most relationships or attempted relationships will end - most of them pretty quickly.

      2. You might have unrealistic expectations of a perfect romance or a perfect relationship, and this might cause you to put too much pressure on your prospective partners to behave like some kind of perfect fairytale prince or something. Basically this is a different way to say it's possible you're being too 'clingy' and putting too much pressure on your partner to move into a deeper stage of relationship before they're ready for that. When a person feels this kind of pressure it can make them panic or just get annoyed and decide it's time to move on. What made me think of this is that you said every single relationship or friendship has ended after you dreamed about it. Often when a person experiences the same problem over and over with different people, it means there's something inside themselves that needs fixing - some unrealistic expectation or demand that they tend to put on everyone. If that's the case, of course it isn't necessarily that you're being clingy or putting too much pressure on to advance the relationship too fast - I suppose that's more of a stereotype that sprang to my mind. But then since you only gave such vague information concerning the relationships and the dreams, I have nothing else to go on, so it's only stereotypes that come to mind.

      3. (extra bonus answer I only just now thought of) It could just be that you're young and haven't lived enough life yet - haven't developed enough experience and learned how to do relationships and friendships all that well. Or it could just be the fact that as I already mentioned, the majority of friendships and relationships are going to end pretty quickly - it's only a handful that go for the long term.

      Ok, I feel like all I've done is lay out a bunch of commonplace advice. If you could provide better information on a relationship or a friendship plus the dream, plus specifically how the relationship or friendship ended (and why), then I or someone else might be able to give a better analysis.
      Last edited by Darkmatters; 12-09-2017 at 03:17 PM.
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      Thank you so much for the advice! I apologize for giving so little details... Since I am new to all of this, I didn't really feel comfortable doing that - it was already a big deal for me to open up about it. Honestly, I think the advice you gave is all I need. There might not really be anything deeper to my situation. I thought about your advice and it makes a lot of sense. I have been working on myself and improving for a while now (used to be REALLY shy and angry, now I am very social and friendly), but there is ALWAYS room for improvement. This was kind of a reality check. I guess I will spend less time trying to fix my dreams, and more time trying to fix myself. Thanks again for taking the time to respond to me!

    4. #4
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      You're welcome - I'm glad if it helped.

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