I had a disturbing dream last night and I can't get it out of my mind.
My real situation: My best friend was diagnosed with quite advanced breast cancer last week. We have known each other for more than a decade, but grew very close over the last 2 years. We're like sisters, even though she's 12 years my senior (she's 44, I'm 32). After a rough divorce, I moved to an apartment around her corner 2 years ago and we see each other almost every day for coffee, dinners, secret cigarettes on the balcony, catching up,... We share everything and went through a lot of heartache and mental ups and downs together. So the news of her illness was obviously very upsetting, especially because it came as a total surprise. But at the moment, I am mostly worried about her day-to-day well being: dealing with the anxiety while waiting for more test results, empathizing with her for the hard months full of aggressive treatments she is now facing in the prime of her life,... I haven't really thought consciously about the outcome yet. I guess I am just convinced that she will pull through and get better. I can't imagine any other scenario at the moment.
My dream: a bunch of people I know were meeting at the hospital to accompany my friend to her chemo session. I got lost in the hallways and ended up in the wrong waiting room. When I finally found my friends back, they all looked really worried. It appeared that I was diagnosed with cancer too. I thought it was the same diagnosis: breast cancer, which is still one of the more curable kinds of the disease. But I met my best friend and she looked really worried about me too. And then my dad told me the news: my cancer was far more severe and advanced. It had already spread out all over my body and it was clear I wasn't going to survive. It was very weird and unreal to have to face the fact that I was more sick than my friend, but at the same time for some reason I was at peace with it, like all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly fitting together, giving you a deeper understanding of everything (even though I have no idea what that understanding would have been).
I've been feeling unsettled by this dream all morning. What would it mean? I felt kind of guilty too, after I woke up. Could anyone help me analyse this dream? Thanks!
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