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    Thread: dream about (deceased0 stepfather

    1. #1
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      dream about (deceased0 stepfather

      So, I can't quite remember how the dream began. I was on and off all night having nightmares, but this is the only one I can remember.

      The memory of it starts off in a little abandoned building. Everything was made out of wood and it seemed to be in some forest clearing, super rural place. I grew up in Oklahoma, and my grandpa's house was also remote but didn't look anything like this, not the same location either.
      I was wandering through, I think my aunt was there. My relationship with my aunt is okay. She contributed to abuse in the past but is now kind to me and helps me out financially when I need it.
      I walked through the house and for some reason I knew there was something outside. I went outside and there was a little camera on a stump. I picked it up and watched it and it seemed to be a compilation of many things in my childhood. All pretty good things. Some inaccurate, but that's how dreams go, I suppose. Mostly it just made me feel fond of my school days (as that's where all the memories were from; school. None from outside of it.)
      I went back into the building after watching it and came back out to do so again, once over and then a second time, but the second time I saw that the camera had been destroyed and there was a hole in the log as if it had been burnt. I looked up and saw my former stepdad, who was a terrible abuser of mine. He is dead now, died early this year. I was happy about it.
      He stood there, fishing. He laughed at me when I was upset, and told me that I should just die. I yanked his fishing line up and snapped it. That's when I woke up - my fiance awoke me because I'd been crying.

      So I just want to know what you all think it means. I am 19/trans male, moved out of my abusive household 3 months after turning 18, fled to a different state without the knowledge of my family until I was already gone. I haven't seen them since and haven't talked to my mother in about a year. I think about my stepfather a lot, but I usually don't dream of him. And I'm confused as to why I woke up crying. I used to have nightly nightmares but they never made me wake up crying. This doesn't even seem bad enough for that. Why was my reaction so intense? Why the strange dream, and what does it mean?
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    2. #2
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      My little disclaimer: my opinion is probably just as good as anyone else's, especially since I don't know you. You should trust your own judgments too, because this is your dream, nobody else can really tell you what it means to you. I know that can be frustrating, but I can tell you from my own personal experience that it can take years to really understand even just a bit of why we felt a certain way at a certain point in time, be it from a dream or not.

      About the crying. Anger sometimes comes paired with sadness of some kind, sometimes they are just interchangeable emotions in a situation. Often, I don't consciously realise it myself but on later reflection I find that actually I could have replaced one emotion by the other.

      I am not suggesting you're sad at his death; on the contrary, your physical feedback towards the emotional bullying being delivered to you in the dream could be seen as the sadness as an emotion becoming action with the purpose of halting what was being done to you. Anger can be seen as sadness made into action, it involves drive and a desire to do something about a situation and sometimes has frustration in the background, because sometimes you can know what you need to do, but be physically, legally or socially unable to do so. My personal perception of it is that in the dream, you had all the power to act in your own best interests.

      Unfortunately, someone's physical death or removal in some sense doesn't always mean that we suddenly start coping better with all of it. It can be a long process.

      Let me know either way if you find any of this helpful, or not.
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    3. #3
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      Thank you! This does make sense. It made me realize that I never fully got closure before his death. Never got to stand up to him, which I suppose may make the process harder. Thank you so much for your reply, it definitely was helpful.

    4. #4
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      Quote Originally Posted by watsons View Post
      So, I can't quite remember how the dream began. I was on and off all night having nightmares, but this is the only one I can remember.

      The memory of it starts off in a little abandoned building. Everything was made out of wood and it seemed to be in some forest clearing, super rural place. I grew up in Oklahoma, and my grandpa's house was also remote but didn't look anything like this, not the same location either.
      I was wandering through, I think my aunt was there. My relationship with my aunt is okay. She contributed to abuse in the past but is now kind to me and helps me out financially when I need it.
      I walked through the house and for some reason I knew there was something outside. I went outside and there was a little camera on a stump. I picked it up and watched it and it seemed to be a compilation of many things in my childhood. All pretty good things. Some inaccurate, but that's how dreams go, I suppose. Mostly it just made me feel fond of my school days (as that's where all the memories were from; school. None from outside of it.)
      I went back into the building after watching it and came back out to do so again, once over and then a second time, but the second time I saw that the camera had been destroyed and there was a hole in the log as if it had been burnt. I looked up and saw my former stepdad, who was a terrible abuser of mine. He is dead now, died early this year. I was happy about it.
      He stood there, fishing. He laughed at me when I was upset, and told me that I should just die. I yanked his fishing line up and snapped it. That's when I woke up - my fiance awoke me because I'd been crying.

      So I just want to know what you all think it means. I am 19/trans male, moved out of my abusive household 3 months after turning 18, fled to a different state without the knowledge of my family until I was already gone. I haven't seen them since and haven't talked to my mother in about a year. I think about my stepfather a lot, but I usually don't dream of him. And I'm confused as to why I woke up crying. I used to have nightly nightmares but they never made me wake up crying. This doesn't even seem bad enough for that. Why was my reaction so intense? Why the strange dream, and what does it mean?
      Abandoned building - you felt abandoned, or maybe feel that you abandoned yourself by not standing up for yourself (if that's the case, I would not blame yourself, you are definitely not to blame as you were a child here).

      Camera - memories; that time of your life, even though there were good times, are stained by the trauma caused by this man.

      Fishing - a trap, the trap is anger and depression, rather than healing, forgiveness, letting go.

      These are just my thoughts, my initial impressions. Feel free to take or leave what you like. I certainly don't know you like you know you. But sometimes it is good to have an outside view. I hope it's helpful. And I wish you all the best... it sounds like you've been through a lot, I hope things get better for you.
      DarkestDarkness likes this.
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