Multiple girlfriends or partners?

[OddestAnimal]

I’m really not sure if this may belong on the reoccurring forum as one of the themes/people definitely is. I’m a 23 year old male who hasn’t been in a long term relationship since I was 18, and hardly two years at that. I’ve dated and hooked up with a handful of women since then, but I was never serious with them and most of the chemistry we shared was primal or sexual in nature. These connections were largely made to fulfil our own needs and receive the validation my naive ego craved, I never made a strong effort to keep these things going, with a normal lifespan of 1-6 weeks. The last time I had a real connection with a girl beyond good conversations was before lockdown feb 2020. Since then I’ve really felt a call towards commitment and developing my interpersonal/relationship skills. I want to be an amazing partner and I think I’m starting to realise I give myself too much credit despite my low or mediocre dating experience. The last long term relationship fizzled out bright and fast right as I was about to go to college. We had fallen into something of a codependent cycle and I was really tired of always doing everything, things got stale and she started talking to another of our mutual friends. They both promise it was only words and no physical boundaries were ever crossed but I didn’t really care once I found out, my heart was crossed and became bitter and cold for a long time. At around age 20 I dabbled with astral projection and shamanic breathing, which then led to entheogens, lucid dreaming, and epistemology. I really turned my mindset and personality around, including not wanting to attach any of my happiness or personal outcomes to a girl. I still feel this way but I also think I may have taken this mentality too far to the point where I consciously write off potential relationships but crave an intimate closeness with another person almost daily. Last night I dreamt about two girls from my life, though I’m starting to believe one of them is my Anima. Ever since I broke up with my last long term partner I’ve dreamt of her. At first it was many times a week, then a couple, at this point it’s probably once a month or so. I’m not exactly sure if this would be classified as a recurring dream or character because it almost always goes the same. We see each other and rejoice, embraces are made and it almost always goes somewhere sexual or intimate. This bothered me for a long time and it eventually seemed to stop. The biggest issue I was having is that I would really feel like I fell back into the love I had with my ex and then I’d wake up to find it was all a dream. This frustrated me because I don’t want my ex back but my dreams kept making me feel that way. Somewhere along the way I realised I can’t ever see her face anymore, and that I might be ascribing my ex onto my anima. This made me feel a bit better but doesn’t really change the fact that it still feels like her. So either my ex or my Anima, or both, are the first character in this dream, and if it wasn’t for the second girl I would definitely just throw this in reoccurring because the first part has definitely happens before (and I don’t really have a interpretation of that either). The second girl is a coworker of mine who is 5 years younger than me. I don’t think it’s the best idea to date coworkers and she’s quite young but I won’t deny the attraction I see. I find myself talking to her longer than I should and finding those subconscious cues for light touch, in an animal world I would talk to her. It seems like she likes me too but I don’t want to assume anything. Last night she bought me dinner and wanted to talk at length about personal matters and dating lives. I don’t know if my attraction goes beyond the way I feel around her, or if I should even care? Anyway I think that’s probably somewhat adequate background. Last night I dreamt I was at some sort of school again. It’s pretty normal for me to dream of highschool or college campuses as if I’m back in school for my dream. So it started off a normal day at campus though I only go into one class and my main purpose is to talk to the girls in the class. I don’t think anyone spoke in this dream outside of this classroom, everything else was communicated mentally. There was some normal banter and jokes until I noticed my ex. She seemed like the exact same 18yo I used to dream of constantly, but she seemed more stoic and wise. I still couldn’t exactly see her face but my mind told me it was her. She knew the things that I think I know and laying with her felt like completely balanced energy, a yin and yang. We sort of bathed in each other’s arms and energy for what felt like a long time and no time at all. Eventually we started to have sex and it was pretty phenomenal but I stopped early. I’m really not exactly sure why but it seemed like an important detail. I was basically already there but there was a decision on my end to stop, kinda felt like I was holding out at this point. Something happens and I’m walking with then saying goodbye to my ex. I walked down a street and found a long fountain, with a shallow aqueduct moving water a few hundred feet to the next fountain. It while I’m walking along this aqueduct that I see my coworker and she is full of this shy bubbly energy I saw yesterday. We connect for a second and before I know it I want to kiss this girl. I don’t think I acted but I felt strongly towards her. There was a mental communication of our interest in each other but I also let her know about my ex. I then was back with my ex and had to grapple with the feelings. I wanted to tell my ex that there was something not right but I didn’t know what it was. Despite feeling like this ex character embodies everything I crave romantically I still felt very drawn to the coworker. Upon waking it felt like I hadn’t communicated that to my ex, I feel that she believed I was her boyfriend again and the coworker believed I would leave my ex. I really would like to work through this dream as it’s kinda seemed hopeless as if my ex will be the girl of my dreams forever... Another odd fact is that all of the girls i have been with were within a couple years of my own age or a few older. So I don’t know how much them both being 18yo girls plays into it. My ex from my dreams hasn’t aged and is possibly why I can’t see her face anymore. I haven’t communicated at all with her since 2016

[Occipitalred]

Dream brings up a sexy girl. It's your ex. Now, it's your coworker with whom there's some tension. You don't have to look very far to see the connection. I like to think of my dreams as reflections, like two mirrors facing each other and the endless reflections within them. Dream objects come and go like a mosaic reflection of things in our mind. Your ex will always exist in your mind somewhere. And as long as she was the most significant romantic partner in your life, why would she not be reflected from the depths of your psyche into your dreams frequently? And this coworker now, accessible, exciting. She's there in your mind so why not. The word anima can be convenient here. Anima is a word to conceptualize your subconscious conceptualization of women. It's not a real substantial thing. You can call all women in your dreams your Anima. That can be a useful way to say "it's not my ex. it's my Anima." and if a dream makes you feel a sense of love for your ex, remember your ex really wasn't in this dream. It was your Anima (your subconscious concept of women) and you can enjoy your relationship with your Anima knowing she could have many faces. Why did you stop mid sex? Well, one moment, you were dreaming of sex with a woman (association: a woman --> your ex) but then you responded with some logic (your ex --> "we're not together anymore") so you leave. It's quite simple really. If you don't like this theme, you could fix the "Wait, this is my ex but I am not with my ex" logic with "She's my concept of woman, my ex's face is just a placeholder" and then her face might change. EDIT: Actually, you don't see her face but that's more likely the details didn't appear yet. Dream images are often incomplete. The fact that this woman does not have your ex's face but you just "know" it's her, is more evidence that this is not necessarily your ex. It's very common for me to "know" things for which there is no basis in the dream. For example, I will think people have ill intents toward me but they're actually not antagonizing and they're busy with their own things, paying me no attention. This just shows that the things I "know" in a dream are not necessarily true in the dream. I'm making false, sleepy assumptions. And here, you might just be assuming this woman is your ex because she is the first woman that comes to mind when you see this mystery lady. So if you catch yourself on that assumption, and remind yourself, oh right, I'm just assuming this. She's actually my Anima and can have any face, the dream might then give her a face, because you will be paying attention to the dream rather than imposing your assumptions unto it. And sorry if I didn't respond quite properly. I didn't catch the specific thing you found odd about this recurring theme.

[OddestAnimal]

And sorry if I didn't respond quite properly. I didn't catch the specific thing you found odd about this recurring theme. No way I think you helped way more than I could have hoped. A lot of the things you pointed out I hadn’t seriously considered or overlooked and I’m very grateful. You turned a very confusing dream into something that makes a lot of sense to me!