Normally I can kinda figure out the general meaning behind most of my dreams, or at least I think I can. I don't keep a journal or anything (I'm HORRIBLE about things like that -- Never been able to keep a dayplanner, nothing). This dream I had today though *really* weirded me out because I hadn't had anything like it before.
I'm not quite sure how it began, and I'm not sure on my feelings about it -- However, I remember that I was in the Army, like I am now, and that I appeared the same as I do to myself. I ended up with my face changing, though, but not my body, into a chick's (This isn't a lucid dream, or a controlled dream, or whatever -- Just a regular dream). It was rather oval-ish, with black hair in the style where it's long in front and gets shorter as it goes back. The front was probably about jaw-level, except the right side, which was just below the shoulder. I remember I got onto a blackhawk next, no real explanation why. I remember the green grass, and flying with the doors open on the side.
I was at the home I spent almost all my life at, in the next instance that I can remember, and was in my old room (it's now my mother's sewing room in reality, and was in the dream), doing something that I can't recall. I went into my bathroom, and my mother (Who I don't recall as having looked like my mother) came in. I became a little scared, but more secretive, at this point. I hid my face and hair, and she walked out -- When she did, I stepped outside the bathroom, then back in. This part repeated itself twice, but the third time, I didn't hide my face and hair. I remember she got very angry, and took a straight razor (The old barbershop kind) and put it to my neck, cutting deeply. She said something to me that I can't recall exactly, but it was disapproval of what I had done to myself. I fought back with a lamp that was in the bathroom (that isn't there in reality), and ran out the front door.
I remember dialing 911 on my cell, but never talked to anyone in the neighbor's yard, and thinking to myself how badly I needed a cigarette. It was dark out, probably around 10pm -- I remember it raining, and then remembering that I had left all of my clothes, everything in my old room/mother's sewing room. I debated going back inside, but then concluded that the police wouldn't believe my domestic disturbance report.
The next phase of the dream had me running through a hallway, flipping through a diary that I had kept while I had my new face -- the majority of the pages were blank, except one that read "I finally did it!" and another that I don't remember the exact wording to because I scanned over it quickly, but I remember it was about my 'mother' trying to kill me. After flipping through it, the pages became... I'm not sure how to describe it, it was sort of like the paper doll chains, but not really -- the images on it were of me with the new face, and I remember them being represented by the American flag, and of me as I was, which was represented by the Iraq flag (I spent three months in Iraq, if it means anything), and at the end it sort of spiraled into a half american flag/half Iraqi flag banner. The end of the dream found me standing at the edge of a stage, and then I woke up.
I have never had a dream that involved me personally and intimately before, and it really disturbed me in a different way -- almost all the dreams that I remember are of broad apocalyptic events -- than my other dreams do. If anyone can help me with this, I would greatly appreciate knowing what it means, at least parts of it if not the whole thing.
Currently, I'm recovering from a pilonidal cystectomy, am having performance issues at work, and am preparing for a deployment to Qatar later this year.
