Awkward dreams about racism
(WARNING: These dreams are sometimes sexually explicit.)
I have had a set of dreams about race relations that have been occuring for three nights.
First some background:
I have been reading a lot about the black power movement the last few weeks out of a personal interest. I am also a white male and am originally from a lower economic background.
The dreams:
In the first dream, I was Fard Muhammad, the founder of the Nation of Islam. I had returned to America after apparently faking my death to form a new movement similar to the Nation Of Islam for poor whites. I went to a predominantly "redneck" trailer park and the people there gathered around me and chanted, "Jesus, Jesus," referring to me. The children of the neighborhood ran up to me and I gave each one a big hug. I felt like I was a father figure to them and they needed my help because I knew their real fathers were in prison. I looked over the crowd and felt strongly that I could help them out of poverty. I began to give a speech but then my alarm went off.
The second dream the next night, black women came to my neighborhood and enslaved me. They chained me to a wall in a Southern plantation and forced sex on me. I found it sexually enjoyable during the dream but when I woke up I felt very awkward at the idea of finding sexual arousal from a role reversal of a historical tragedy.
The third dream occured after I went to bed after being awakened from the second dream. I was deserted on an island with a black woman I used to work with. We were happy there.Eventually, we had sex and I told her before waking up, "our children won't know poverty, racism or war on this beautiful island." (I consider this statement significant because I usually have a hard time remembering my exact words in dreams and I remember this word for word.) This dream made me very happy.
Last night was the fourth dream about race I had. I went to a church in the middle of no where. I sensed that this church was "my childhood church" in the dream, even though I have never seen it in real life. I went in. A warm, Southern minister greeted me. He was my childhood minister in the dream though once again, he was not a real life person. I had dinner with his family at a house behind the church. I remember feeling a strong sense of nostalgia as in the dream, I was from the South and this was my first return visit after leaving (I am not from the South). During the meal, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I walked upstairs and before I reached the bathroom, I saw something hanging from a tree outside the window. I turned and realized in terror that it was a black man who had been lynched. I ran for the back door to alert the police but the minister saw me. He rung some sort of alarm and a mob of Southern whites dressed in 1860s era clothing led by his wife came from the woods nearby and began shooting me. They chased me deep into the woods, some in Model T cars, some on horse, some travelling by foot, shooting at me. At sometime, I remember at a major road, a Cadillac car full of Black Panthers shot at me too but they drove off and I didn't see them again.
I reached a town where a friend of mine (who really exists) was standing on a bridge smoking a pipe. I told him what happened and he helped me hide. We went to a fishing shop and asked someone to teach us how to fish. This took up enough time where we did not seriously think the mob would still be out when we left, though I still had anxiety. The dream ended with us leaving the store.
Any thoughts? These dreams make me feel incredibly awkward.
