unsure

hello i googled this after two sleepless nights, the dream has shook me to the core.
The Dream,
My wife and I take a trip on a ship i do not know from where or the destination. I believe that it is a trip for my work, however, I produce concrete block... it is a fairly large ship, would say luxury though i have never seen one other than on tv. My wife and i decide to take our children, daughter 9 and my two sons 6, 2. This is not out of sorts because the ship has other children on board also. We are basically having an interesting time when a commotion amongst the ship workers starts. i ask what is happening and am answered with " do not panic" a single buzz alarm sounds and you can feel the ship lurch and the instant sensation of sinking is felt. the ship does break into chaos, though my wife children and i stay on the main deck where other children have begun to gather. My wife is calming all the children down and has them stand in a large circle holding hands i at 6 o'clock she at 12. My admiration for her at that moment is incredible, though i have faith that the rescue boats will be deployed the rate of the sinking ship is alarmingly fast, so i am at the verge of panic though her courage keeps me in check. the other children look to her as well for her comfort. the water reaches us and before you can think about it i am treading water. i look around and do not see shore or the life boats. though i see a stack of cement block that was on the deck of the ship, the last to sink. i search the heads for my family and spot them they are going under. i know at this point there is no rescue or survival but as a father i do not want to give up, not for me but for my wife and kids. i dive down in to the darkness of the water, i spot my youngest and grab him while looking further down to my daughter and middle son sinking lower and my wife in pursuit to the depths of the abyss. i look into my youngest's face in what seems like forever, my heart is aching, i decide and race to the top only to shove him out of the water, in which i believe i am giving him an attempt to breath before i plunge back in. though i can not confirm that because i had awaken. the dream has made me feel and think horribly of myself, ashamed. i told my wife tonight about it. but that was after she had went to bed i had to wake her and she had little input at that time, mostly because she kept slipping in and out of sleep.
about me.
i am 29 years old just celebrated my birthday. i work as a supervisor in a cement production plant. i have been there for 10 years. i have been married for 8 years however i have been with my wife for 13. i love my kids and wife though i do work a lot. i dont understand how i could choose one over the other and why i had or if i had. i had the feeling i was going to dive back down though i had woke.
thanks for any help

angus

Angus

This dream touched you very deeply. Something very important to you has risen to your awareness that is usually deep in your unconscious.

You contrast your actions with your wife's. She was orgaising the children in a way you don't feel able. Is she like that in real life? Or perhaps you believe she could be like that? If so I would suggest that this is a part of you that you hope to find in her as you can't find it in yourself. However it's there (as you dreamt it) if you can get in touch with it. The way you express your feelings sounds like an infant would its mother if it were able. Indeed she was being a mother character to the chiidren in your dream.

Your actions were more about rescue and it sounds like your shame is linked to your letting the children drown or be near to drowning. Again this contrasts with your wife's actions.

The presence of cement on the ship sounds like it's you taking your work with you on your journey. The ship is sometimes said to represent your emotional state. As it's a luxury liner, it sounds like you have pleasant emotions. Until disaster strikes, that is. Pleasant emotions turn to panic, calmed only by your wife's actions.

Diving into the water sounds like your delving into your unconscious - dark and seemingly bottomless - to find the lost children.

In general I get the feeling this dream is you getting in touch with your inner child(ren). He/they are looking for a feeling of security but the adult you is having trouble providing that. Perhaps if you got more in touch with your nurturing (feminine) side the child(ren) in you will float in light rather than sink in darkness.

Bu