disturbing dream

here's what happened: my boyfriend, our 2 daughters and i were at a barbeque at our friend todds house. i'm pretty sure everything was fine for quite a while, although i dont remember any detail. my boyfriend, todd and i are outside while the kids are playing inside. there are other kids in there too (todds kids?) there are a few large bay windows with no glass in them, so we can hear them playing and see them pass the windows once in a while.

next scene, todd forces himself on me on the trunk of a car. my boyfriend is yelling at him to stop and trying to tell me i'll be ok. it's like he wants todd to stop hurting me, but he wont touch him or try to get him off of me. after the rape todd says something (?) and i just know he is going to kill my kids. i try to tell my boyfriend, but he insists that he take me to the hospital, and todd will watch our kids for us (like he wasn't the one that hurt me). so he takes me to the hospital in the same car, and i realize i'm locked in the car (it only opens from the outside).

then i feel like my boyfriend is in on it and i'm not safe with him. i just know that todd in going to kill my kids, and my boyfriend is ok with it. we get to the hospital and my boyfriend tells them that i'm crazy and that i hurt myself. i think to myself that they will do a rape kit on me and know that i'm not lying. but i dont say anything to them. i am thinking in my head what i want to say to them, but i dont open my mouth (i dont know why).

next scene, i'm in a large room in the hospital with other ppl. it seems like a psychiatric wing in a prison. i go on a computer there and i find a familiar picture of my oldest daughter and i stare at it.(it is familiar in the dream, but not in real life). i am overwhelmed with emotions (knowing that she is now dead) and i never want to stop looking at the picture, although i feel bad that if i never look away i will never see a picture of my other daughter. for some reason i leave the room for a moment, and when i come back someone else is on the computer. (i think it is my younger sister). i scream at her for losing my place on the computer because i will never find that picture again. this is all i remember.

if anyone has any insight as to what any of this could mean, please let me know. it is all fairly vivid in my mind still, and quite disturbing.

just remembered this: while i am being raped i am very worried that my kids will see what is happening. i think that is why he takes me to the trunk of the car, to be less visible to them.

It seems like an anxiety dream about your children and like most parents you worry about keeping them safe and what would happen to them, if anything ever happened to you. I think the rape is just a symbolism of your anxiety and maybe symbolic that you do not feel in control, because you can't control the environment for you kids as you would like to or what the future may hold.

The whole dream seems like it is showing how you feel helpless about everything. That can be really frustrating. Maybe you feel like you can't control what happens to your children and you can't depend on your boyfriend.

i think you are absolutely right! i have been struggling with a lack of control lately. we are losing our house to forclosure and need to be moved out in the next month. thank you for bringing some insight to this very upsetting dream.

Rape is the awakening self speaking. The dream wants your full attention. It wants your full attention so bad it includes your kids, because if you cannot wake up to your own hurt you will wake up as a parent to your own children's hurt.

The dream is calling for you to parent and protect yourself first and foremost, as without you first protecting yourself you will not be able to protect your children.

I feel this dream is protecting you.

There is probably some picture in the computer you may need to have a closer look at. I feel this part may be literal. If you have a child look at the picture that you would look at that reminds you of your child most.

If you do not have a child, then look at the picture of what you wish to nurture - a job, a career, another person maybe a partner etc.