Dreams of an old crush and getting euthanized.
Several months ago, I had a dream that I was about to be euthanized. I was running from men who had gotten me and was lying chained in a bed along with other people. A creature who had a red hood and a skull face switched on a stereo, got a match, and kindly told all of us to "Relax, it will be over soon." He put the match to us while something that sounded like "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong played in the background. The match lit up and very bright oranges flame surrounded us all. Surprisingly though, I felt very warm, like a comforting warmth you would get from sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold day. As the song came to its end, I closed my eyes and felt sleep taking me over.
Last week, I had another dream of being killed. Because I was being a "non-conformist" I was sentenced by some unknown government to be euthanized via a pill that puts you into the "good" kind of sleep. My family agreed to it for some reason, and all my relatives came pouring into my house the night I was to die. I was dreading the moment and someone asked me "Are you afraid to die? What are doing in preparation?", and I told him "I'm afraid for the people who will suffer because of my death, and I'm praying to every single god that's up there that they spare me from some horrible fate." The time came and I was allowed to talk to one more person. So I went up to my mother and began crying, saying that "I'm scared to die because society hasn't received any of the gifts I was about to give it." Then I woke up crying, and it's the first time I've ever done that.
Last night, I dreamt I was in some competition at a theatre and my partner was a classmate whom I used to hang out with in elementary school. We won several of them and received some prizes (like books). I encountered an old crush at a church, and he mocked me openly, saying that I didn't have a chance with him to begin with. I spat at him that he was arrogant and that I don't know why I ever considered courting him. He sank down in shame, and I resumed the final competition with my partner, that we drive around the city to reach a stage and perform something. We won, and the dream ended.
I'm a teenager from an upper middle-class family. I do not live in an abusive household. I'm Asian, more specifically Filipino. I recently denounced my faith as a Christian, though in secret, because I was unsure about whether I was worshipping the right deity or not (Hm, I'm worshipping Jesus Christ. Should I be worshipping Allah? Something like that.) I haven't dared to tell anyone about it except on the internet, and I've been scared about death ever since, constantly wondering whether I would end up in Hell or some horrible place after my passing. Also, I plan on being in the health career, adopting children, and doing various charity works when I am older. The classmate I used to hang out with in elementary school I am currently dating. Though I would want to go steady with him, I'm hesistant since there's an oddness about it and what my family, friends, and everyone else would think of our relationship. He a somewhat obese, huge, six foot red-headed German/Jewish boy and me a thin, small, 5'1 black-haired Filipino girl. I thank all the interpreters in advance.
