Mother Suicide...ex girlfriend...
I had dream last night, that my mother had committed suicide. It was so vivid...so real...
I was at my grandfathers house (which is very strange, because he called me...from HIS house....which I was in.....?). So my grandfather called me. He sounded upset...obviously. He said my name, his voice waving. I asked "whats wrong papa?" he said "shes gone....."
"whos gone?..."
"your mother.....she killed herself."
".....what?.....haha ok papa...you got me!"
"Im sorry.....she did...."
".......what....no.....how..."
".....she took one of my rifles from downstairs..."
"....no...."
He was crying...thats when I started screaming. I was screaming as loud as I could. Screaming "NO!". As I started screaming....my ex girlfriend came into the house......she ran to me, and grabbed me as I fell to the floor....screaming. I was in a rage.....pounding the floor. Lying on the floor....as my ex girlfriend embraced me. Then I woke up.
When I awoke...I was breathing very fast and heavily. I was also shaking quite viciously...
The feelings I felt in the dream, were basically what I, or any other person would have felt in reality. Pain, agony, over mothers suicide. Confusion over ex girlfriends arrival...
The ex girlfriend...she left me about two months ago. Recently I came to a....disturbing discovery...ever since she left me, shes been lying to all her friends about herself.....she lied to me as well about things she did with guys after the breakup. Its not like her at all. Even so....I dreamed about her before I found this out. At first, the dreams would be about us back together. Then, they would be about her ignoring me. Then they stopped for a while...then started again. The first of the new ones, i was in my old high school, and she walked into the class, looking very depressed. Then, I had a dream that we were in my room...starting to get sexual...when a bug started crawling up my leg. it looked like a maggot/caterpillar. I got up off the couch, and next to it, was a spider, about the size of a basketball. I wasn't scared, I like spiders, so its symbolism escapes me....I think I tried to poke it with something, and it went into a defensive stance, with its front legs raised. It ended around there.
Now in this dream, my ex showed up, ran to me, and caught me before I hit the floor...
even though shes lying, I still love her....and want her. I think she has a really low self esteem, and since she left me, there was no one.....like me.....to comfort her and support her......so she turned to lies to make people think shes better than she thinks she is....but everyone knows shes lying......how do you save someone who doesn't know they need to be saved.....
So what could this dream mean? The suicide one that is...the others.....perhaps I'll make a separate thread...
