My dad tried to kill me last night (in my dream)
I'm not quite sure why I'm even posting about this, apart from the fact it's been freaking me out all day :?, but here goes.
About me: I'm seventeen years old. A girl. My dad and I are really quite close and I trust him implicitly. We have this thing where we get into slapping/flicking/poking/attacking contests, but never really hurt each other, yaknow? My mom doesn't approve but that's life.
Every now and again, I do something wrong (in my dad's eyes, not always in me and my mom's eyes) and my dad gets really mad. He shouts, he rages, he gets really, really pissed, but throughout all that, I never, ever, ever think he'll hurt me physically. He doesn't even throw things at me (although he did throw his headphones (big bulky things) down once and they rebounded and ALMOST hit me).
I don't remember everything about the dream, mostly because I've been trying to forget it all day. Last night, I was going to start my dream journal 2.0 today, with the plan to write directly into that (I'm rubbish at keeping notepad journals, so I thought I could do it on my Blackberry every morning onto here) and start it off with this dream. Yeah... decided this would be the worst thing to start off with, so I didn't. But I guess I will now, as I'm going to write it down here. I'll stop babbling like a nervous git.
The dream: (in blue) I'm in my kitchen, angry and upset. My dad and I... we're yelling at each other for something. I've done something he thinks is wrong. Mom's upset too, but I'm barely paying any attention to her, only to my dad and how pissed he is.
I'm not sure what we're yelling about, but we're both getting madder and madder and madder... And then my dad lashes out. He grabs my throat with his hand (big, big hands, which is strange because my dad's hands aren't that big) and starts to squeeze. I can still remember feeling his hand closing in around my throat. It was so real. And I was suddenly terrified.
He stops yelling now, but he's still squeezing, and I'm choking and I can't breathe. He tells me off, quietly, and angrily. Mom's gone now. I don't know where she went.
Next thing, I'm in my bedroom, and my dad comes in. He says he wants to talk to me, but he doesn't look much like he's repenting, more like he wants round two. I tell him sure, and that he should sit on my bed. When he tries to close the door, I ask him not to. I want it left open.
He sits down on my bed on the side closest to the window, and we start talking. I barely remember what we're saying. Then, when he gets angry again, he reaches out, puts his hand on my throat and says something about what he's doing. I ask if he's going to strangle me or something, completely terrified at this point and he says, "No. You're lucky I don't just break your neck."
Then I woke up. The terror stayed with me for at least ten minutes after that and I spent the rest of the day being weird around my dad. I made some comment about my brain dying, causing me to forget what I was doing and, in his usual joking manner, he raised his hand and said, "Maybe I should smack it back to life!" and laughed, but I just felt sick instantly, even though this is something we just do around each other and I know he'd never hurt me. I can't stress this enough.
But this dream has stayed with me so much. It's horrible. I still trust him, I'm just having vile flashbacks and when he touched my neck to kiss me on the cheek to say goodnight, I had to try so hard not to move away.
For the record, I haven't been watching anything all that violent recently, I haven't been writing anything all that violent (I write. It's what I do.), I haven't seen anything with child abuse or anything like that... But, anyway, I'm hoping this is just temporary insanity and it'll be gone by tomorrow, but, can anyone tell me, maybe, why I dreamt this horrible thing? :/
