Defending against insanity - diary of a madman.

Starts in a fast food resteraunt in an open mall type area (the glass front of the shop opens onto a huge carpark, surrounded by shops), it is night. I am in there with a load of people I know. One lad (I won't name him) starts an argument with some tought looking bloke who starts hanging round outside. We wait for him to go but its obvious he's waiting for us. Some of the girls get worried so a few of us run to get a car we left in the carpark. We manage to get into it but driving back to the resteraunt the bloke appears, so I jump out and run over to him, he attacks me but I knock his first blow wide and land a jab on his throat, then follow by an uppercut to the abdomen and bring my right arm up and grab both of his arms. Meanwhile, the others manage to get into the car and wait for me. I struggle with the man before forcing him down and grabbing the sides of his neck to choke him, but before long he screams and gives in, so I let him go and run back to the car and we manage to leave.

12.7.2005

Starts off I am armed with an M4 carbine, dressed in desert camo and on my own in an eastern town. I know the enemy are out there. I make my way down a street and up a level onto a sort of mini plateau. An enemy comes round the corner, I open fire and he returns fire, causing me to duck. I am pinned down and cannot aim properly. All I can do is fire back in his direction. I run out of ammo so I reload, he sees this a comes round the corner, I finish reloading and drop him. I get up and run, leaving the weapon behind. Eventually I find the rest of my unit(?) and try to help, but I need a gun! So I go back and get mine, only to come back and find them under attack. I help out and we manage to force the enemy off. We secure a few buildings and get ready to hold them against the enemy. After a while we decide to move out and leave the town. As we leave the border of the town, it all becomes woodland, dark and there is a log cabin. I enter the cabin and find my dad and my little brother. I sit down on the computer and for some unknown reason, start looking at porn. Not something I do in the waking world, soon my brother points this out "He's looking at porn!" and I say "No its not, its just a site [a mate] sent me!" I panic and try to clear the history but it won't go. The screen locks and I can't do anything. I think this dream ends here.

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Starts off flying some sort of spacecraft to a planet (a TIE fighter from StarWars I think, at least the window was similar...) when I notice on my radar that theres two enemy craft inbound between me and the planet. For some reason I know I need to get to the planet. Next we've landed on the planet and I'm in charge. The doctor from DS9 (can't remember his name now!) is scanning the people who are just walking past and tells me "They're alive, but for some reason they are unable to talk." We wander on and explore a bit more. We find a room, about 10ft x 4ft (more like a large closet) and on the shelves are loads of little boats made from small pieces of wood. I recognise some as the Pinta, HMS Victory and a Viking Longboat. With me now are Riker and Crusher from TNG (believe it or not I am not a trekkie, although my brother is, so it's always on the tele, guess I must pick up more than I think...). Suddenly the lights go out! Theres two doors in the room, one at one end of the room, which we came in via, and another at the opposite end on the left. We grab a table and use it to block the second door, because 'they' will get in. I realise whatever it is we are afraid of will get us so I send Crusher out the blocked door to get to safety (yes its blocked, but its a dream right?), I also notice she bears a striking resemblence to some girl at college I used to be great friends with till she clocked I was thinking of asking her out, now she wants nothing to do with me. Me and Riker decide to leave, as we're afraid of getting caught (what we've done I don't know), we get to a side exit when the receptionist calls my name and says theres a weird courier at the main entrance for me. First I tell Riker to leave, it's not his fight, but change my mind deciding two people will be more likely to cope. We get to the reception and the courier is there empty handed "at least theres no package" I think. He leads us to an airport style locker and gets ready to open it, Riker takes up a position to the left of the door, I grab a small newspaper and roll it up as a weapon. I know theres something in there. Suddenlly the door flys open with a bang and out springs a huge red rat with black wings "the rat!" I cry, I had come across it before in the dream, but now I can't remember where, I chase it, I am going to kill it, even though it terrifies me. I start to remind myself "it's just a dream" over and over again, then I woke up.



Funnily enough, as I typed these up, I began to get flashbacks of similar dreams I didn't know I'd had, but remember them only now, all I get are images:

A space battle a la Return of the Jedi, I am in an X-Wing fighting against an Imperial Star Destroyer fleet trying to defend a planet, we are outnumbered heavily, I remember no more than that. Except arriving via hyperspace and seeing the planet approach.

Looking at porn on the internet again?! I don't think I've ever done this, so where this comes from I don't know.

Some sort of evil little monster, possibly the satanic rat.

13.7.05

Starts in my house, I get up late and head to school, meaning I don't have time for a shower. I get to college and walk in, conscious of the fact I haven't showered. There's something going on, so we're all walking up/down stairs and around. I find a mate and we're heading to a lesson (in the waking world we are in Physics and Maths together, if I remember right in the dream we were walking towards Physics). It is raining, and I have no shoes on. Someone else walks with us (female I think, although I'm not too sure, possibly someone in my Physics set) and the floor is soaked as we cross the courtyard bit on the way (we don't usually cross it the way we did, but it can be done in RL, we sometimes do go that way if it rains...) and the others complain about getting their feet wet but I go out of my way to get my socks soaked!? I don't remember any more than this.



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Starts off we are entering a house, there are a group of us, some sort of well trained team, all armed. There is something in there. We have some sort of futuristic laser weapons (possibly a la Phasor Rifle from Voyager, similar any way). We enter the house but find nothing, despite searching the house. After this, we head outside, to let some other people in (thinking about it now, it seems our job was to clear the house so these other people could go and do their job), we follow them into the house.

I have a feeling something else happened, such as we went round the house again, but there seems to be a blank. Although I know something else went on.

Eventually, whatever it is we were making sure wasn't there in the first place comes back. We are scared. Those of us who are armed take up positions to stop it as it enters the room we are in (looks like my living room). It is a shape shifter. Right now it looks like a small, black panther. As it comes into view up the stairs, we open fire, but we can't stop it. It runs straight for me, and jumps at me. I remember it is just a dream just before it lands on me and wake up with a shock.

14.7.2005


Right, a weird one tonight:
Starts of I am walking down a highway with friends, generally laughing and joking. We the highway (its like a californian raised highway) dips up and down at sharp angles. After a while, we come to a lake I often used to windsurf at, and decide to go out on the water. I borrow some kit, but find parts of my wetsuit are soaking (rash vest I think, it was saturated for some reason) so I didn't put it on. After sailing round a bit we give up and carry on walking. Soon I see a girl from my college - in the waking world I think she is the most wonderful person ever, it is probably fair to say I'm crazy about her. She is feminine perfection on legs...you get the idea. I was thinking of asking her out until she realised I felt that way and abruptly stopped speaking to me. So yeah, theres the background. - and I decided "what the hell have I got to lose?" and asked her out, and she said yes!!! Great! I was genuinely in heaven at this point. I agreed to meet her at a certain time and we carried on walking. I notice the resteraunt where I work and remember that I need to see what hours I am working this week, so I walk in and head to the kitchen where the rota is and see that I am supposed to be working when I said I was going to meet her! My boss tells me I have to work, and I can't get someone else to cover it so I tell her, she flips and tells me to choose between her and my job, I stand there speechless so she storms off, leaving me. I have gone from being the happiest guy in the world to probably the most miserable.
Thats about all I remember, I don't think I had any other dreams, and it didn't involve me being attacked by something. Surely thats a plus point lol.

16.7.2005

This one starts off in a supermarket, I am working on a till but the shop is empty so I am looking at some stuff on a shelf (a model space shuttle for some reason...). Soon, a friend appears at the window and shouts for me, I can't hear him but I know what he's saying, so I wave him into the shop. He comes in and we have a chat (I can't quite remember what about, although I have a feeling he was offering me something) before he leaves again. I pick up this plastic thing which fires little springy darts into the air when pushed and play with it for a bit. I also wander round the shop a few times.

Random interlude:
I am in my car (1977 Triumph Spitfire), my mum is driving and my brother is in the back (OK, so in the waking world it's a two seater, but who cares right?) Going to Southport (a town 15-20 min from ours) The radio is off and its warm outside. We go to southport then get ready to drive back (now the car looks more like a GT6) and I get in the back. It is foggy, icy and wintery now, and I am worried at how the old car will handle in the conditions. My mum starts driving and I ask for the radio to be turned off because
a) the driver needs to concentrate
and B) the music is awful.
They both overrule me and turn to some worse radio station, again I tell them to turn it off but they just ignore me. Eventually we get home, interlude over.

Back to the other bit:
I get a text message from some guy I know who is moving to Spain, he wanted me to go see him before he left (that was weird in itself, as I was reading it, it dissapeard, so I pushed a button and it appeared again) so I get my running shoes, and put them in my bag and run down. Eventually I get there and find that they've left, so I wander round till I spot them and run over, stopping to put my running shoes on. He says "We rang you ten times and if took you ages to get here..."

And thats it.

A few weird ones to add now:

Starts off I am a Policeman, we are chasing someone (a rapist I think?!) and I caught up with them. They are all bigger than me so i give in and lie down and they leave. Eventually we catch them again and one of them attacks me with a stick, I am really angry and manage to overpower him and hit him with the stick. For some reason I want to kill him. Eventually I stop and he is arrested, but I find myself being bribed by someone else. He gives me a house, inside there is a room with a huge TV, and a small one with a videoplayer and 2 beds. I am thoroughly impressed.

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Starts off in a museum. I remember in the dream I have had this one before (in fact, I don't ever remember it) and know what is going to happen. We are running (me and some girl) and I know inside some door there is a car that will try to run us over. I can't find it and know the dream can't continue without it. Eventually I remember and we find it, and manage to escape. This one is very fuzzy from here on.

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I am in a sports field with a load of my friends, I am trying to get them as fit as me by making them do crazy runs and stuff. At the end I test them to see if they're trying by checking their arms (I have a vein on my bicep that sticks out when I am working out) I decide a few arn't and keep them back, I get to Heather and decide to keep her back anyway so I don't get accused of favouritism. I then realise who she is and am so shocked I wake up.

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I am in a junk yard with a load of people living there. We are all running from something. We keep being attacked and having to hide and take cover. This is a really werird and all broken up, it seems to go forward and backwards in time. It goes on for ages, just hiding, coming out and waiting for the next one. Really weird.

Starts off I am standing in the road somewhere in my town (it's a cross between two places actually). There's loads of people around, including my brother. There's a girl there who I start talking to and (I think) flirting with. Eventually I give her a hug and try to kiss her (I seriously can't remember if I succeeded or not lol). We go to the car and get in, theres someone else in the driver's seat so I sit in the front and she sits with some others in the back. We generally chat and get along well. I really like her and I think she really likes me, and everything seems fine. Then we are in my road, and something is going on (I can't remember details, just theres something) so we get out and walk round for a bit together, then I woke up.

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Starts off I am on my way to the swimming pool, I go into the changing rooms which are for some reason mixed (now I think of it this is a common theme in dreams??!) so I strip off to get changed and there's a nice girl there with a rather nice backside (What? It was a dream!) so I start flirting, but she ignores me. I give up and get changed then jump into the swimming pool, it's freezeing! Then I woke up.


This reminds me of a memory I have, which I seriously can't tell if it's a dream or not. It's about a swimming pool and racing and swimming. Thats about all I can remember.

OK, a few odd ones last night:

Starts off outdoors, I am with two friends, then we see some idiot from the year below in college who comes over and gives us a load of grief (as per usual in RL) so one of my mates, a 6 foot 4 beast headbutts him and we all join in to beat this idiot senseless. It then becomes apparent we are standing in a classroom thats outdoors, so we go and sit down. The guy who is moving to Spain is sitting on his own and the teachers asks why, so we make a joke about no-one liking him, and then invite him over. Thats about it.

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I am at college standing out the side of the building when I see some guy I know, and I tell him I had a dream and he was in it, but he just ignored me and carried on! As far as I can remember thats it. But today in RL I found myself in the same place, which is itself unusual, talking to him. So I told him I had a dream and he was in it, and he said nothing and just carried on!


I did have another dream but I can't remember what it was...

Great! Since my last post I haven't remembered any more dreams but last night I managed 3! Here goes:

11.7.05

Starts off I am standing by a steep hillside with some sort of huge gun, shooting at people, theres about 5 other people with me, all firing at the enemy (whoever they are, I just don't know). We scramble up the hill (which by now is like 70 degrees, i.e almost vertical) knowing that the enemy will come over it. Gradually they appear and I shoot them one by one. Eventually we decide to see whats over the other side, so I climb up and see three women there (this is where it gets a bit random), and get my phone out to take pictures or film them. They are very pretty. Thats it.

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Starts off, I am outside the house I used to live in in the USA. We go in (now I know inside it wasn't the same, but whatever), only it's now in Wales, in the dream it's Llandudno, but it's inland, with a huge lake called 'Conosftn' (in the dream I realise that the 'f' is silent, so it reads Conostn, which sounds like Coniston, which is a lake in the lake district?!), I know in the dream that Llandudno is on the North Coast, but I ignore it and put it down to the fact that there are two places with the same name. The whole place reminds me of Ullswater (so basically it's a mixture of many places). My brother and my Mum are there, and she asks me why I miss the States so much, I explain its probably because I liked the outdoorsy lifestyle, where we lived in a forest and everyone drove pickups and were real 'outdoors' types (basically I mean rednecks, I think). We then go into the kitchen (which is from the house I am in now?!) and she has a backpack, which apparently weights 60lbs, so I pick it up and put it on, and it's not too heavy, I can cope, but it is noticable.

The map of the area we look at or that I have in my head is that of Apple Valley, a place near where we used to live in the USA. The word 'valley' also appears randomly throughout the dream. At some point, which I can't place in the sequence, I am given a wooly hat, gloves and scarf, but don't want to wear them.


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Starts off I am outside a tower block (like you can see on the train past Seaforth, if you know Merseyside at all). I go in. We are looking for a murderer/rapist sort of guy, and he's upstairs, so I decide to run all the way up. Two people in my year from college are there, and they both decide to take the lift, all the way up I am there before them. Eventually we get to the right floor, but he's gone. He's outside, with a huge mob on a grassy area (yes, we've just run up several flights of stairs and it still seems like we're on the ground floor, but what the heck, its a dream right?) and I shout "Hang him!" and everyone agrees, so the mob starts hanging him. I stand there with the two people I know and look the other way.


Thats all for tonight folks![/url]

OK, rock'n'roll! I put a gargoyle over the head of my bed and since then I haven't had any bad or violent dreams!

Last nights:

Starts I'm arriving at college, its dark, as I get there some cocky little git starts giving me some hassle, so we start squaring up. Then I see the girl I'm seeing and start to feel guilty about it, so I go and apologise about it to her. Nothing happens with the cocky git but he keeps making snide remarks for the rest of the dream. I get back to where my friends are sitting and my mate is flicking MY curry at people! This isn't on so I leave. We wander round town for a bit, outside someones house we have a chat and they go home. Thats about all I can remember.

Starts in town. I get to the shop where said girl works, and go in to see her. I have to pretend to be buying something so she doesn't get any problems from her boss, we then find an excuse to go outside, the end!

Starts I'm watching a TV documentary about some kids walking into a school and shooting people, I then find myself in the school, as one of the people being taken hostage. It turns out that the people behind it are a female student and one of the teachers, who are doing it so they can escape the country together. We are moved round and round the building, trying to find somewhere that we can't be rescued, all the while talking to them and trying to talk them out of it. Eventually she goes into a room on her own, theres a flash and a gunshot so we walk in and she's shot herself - end of dream.

OK, a few weird ones with a common theme last few nights:

Starts I'm at home, I've bought a motorbike! I check my helmet fits but testing the neck and then fasten it and put on some boots, I then ride it to college - this bit was really in depth, working the gears, wind int he face, leaning into corners etc. I then got to college and said "Hey lads! I got me a bike!" so we all went for a ride (they all have bikes BTW) so we went into the middle of town which was cobbled for some reason, and I pulled a wheelie and got myself arrested for going the wrong way down a one way street, and having no L plates (I pointed out tho, that I didn't need L plates cos I have a full UK drivers license). End.



Dream #2:

I'm driving my Triumph Spitfire down the bypass (local duel carriageway) and come to a roundabout, and start to turn round it at speed, heading right, slowly I lose the back and it starts to drift but the road is wet and I start head sideways into a hedge, in the last second I catch it and manage to head down the road I want to (albeit on the wrong side!) and spend the rest of the dream ragging round at speed with the roof down :D Again, loads of detail, including the feel of the gear shift and the pedals and the steering going light as I started to slide. End.

Starts in an industrial estate type place, I'm driving my dads car. Richard Hammond off Top Gear is there, I'm speeding round a corner and lose the back - slide into a lamp post leaving a dent in the car. I feel really stupid and my brother has a go at me.




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Starts, I'm on my PC chatting to someone on MSN. I then 'wake up' and go on MSN after breakfast and tell her, she says "Ah, the thing is this is still a dream." (I don't clock or go lucid cos I'm a plank). So I go down to the station - and it's dark now - and get the train rather than drive to where I'm going to I can talk to some girl (see other dreams for reference). End up not talking to her but get off and drive back. I'm sure other stuff happened but I forgot.

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OK, I'm in the market in town, theres loads of kittens (awww) in lockers. We're pulling them out, one is like bagpuss but is red and black instead of pink and cream (weird) so I take it and give it to some girl I was sorta (and would like to still be) seeing a while back as en excuse to talk to her. She bails on me. I'm gutted, I go home and find myself fighting in a forest, work my way into the house where someone I hate has moved in. End.

After almost a year... I'm going to start writing here again. A few weird ones last two nights which have triggered this, so here goes:

1) I'm in some sort of public building (possibly a restaurant?) with loads of people who I have known over the years - old friends, coaches, team-mates, family (with a strong bias to windsurfing buddies) etc as well as people I know currently. There are two tables - the one I am sitting at, and another one behind me - which everyone with me is sat at. I am talking across the table to a guy I used to windsurf with about another guy who used to windsurf with us (it's like we've met up again and are catching up on what's happened to everyone). This goes on for a while. Eventually the meal is over and we all leave.

I am walking down the street (recognise it as somewhere but not sure where exactly) and there are two women walking in front of me and I can't get past them (I'm walking quicker than they are). Eventually we all turn left onto a path I often run down or take my dog walking down. (It's now apparent that they have dogs with them.) There is also a 3rd woman now, who is now in between me and the other two. It feels like trying to overtake in a car on the road?! Eventually I manage to speed up and overtake the first two women, but the 3rd woman does so at the same time and I end up walking just behind her, but slightly quicker and trying to get past again. (This is something that happens in RL, I tend to walk quite quickly and 'overtake' whilst on the pavement etc, but sometimes when I end up going in the same direction as someone but not much quicker and it feels awkward for some reason?) as we get to a flight of spiral stairs going down (these aren't there IRL) I manage to get past, but because she's on the inside of the stairs we end up side-by-side. She then suddenly says "That was pretty funny what you said about Dave - is that REALLY true?!" referring to a story I'd told back in the restaurant-place. I realise that she had been there and open up. We both start talking and keep walking to wherever we're going, stopping off at a butchers where she buys a bag of mincemeat( wtf?!), someone who I used to go to college with is at one of the serving counters. We leave and keep walking.

Eventually we get to a corner and she says she has to get on a plane to go back to London. I'm gutted. She asks if she can take a photo of me with her phone because the one she has isn't very clear despite the fact that she had it digitally remastered or something. I say OK, then we hug. She is a little bit shorter than me, and had brown hair (almost a ginger colour?) tied back in a pony-tail. She is fantastic - she's smart, pretty, laid back and has a sense of humour. We're about to kiss :oops: when I realise that I'm about to sneeze and it would be really embarrassing so I hold back and look away for a moment feeling like a fool. She then leaves to get on the plane.

2) I go back to a store where I used to work (I left last year as I was doing full-time nights - not fun!) and ask for my job back. I hate the job (as I did) and do my best to annoy my boss (again, like I did). I do however, start working out how many weeks I'd need to do to make £1000 and decide to stick it out till then. I also keep my current day-job, so in the dream I haven't slept for 3 days and am worried about getting sacked at my day-job.

3) It starts of with this sequence. I'm then in the TV show somehow. I get into the car (Classic old-school Granada!) and drive off (inside it's similar to my '77 Spitfire). Along the way I spot the girl from the previous dream and pull over. It turns out we were engaged (yikes!) and I pulled out at the last minute a while ago. Now she wants to know what I'm doing with her, and why. I try to explain "You're a different person now compared to back then, and will be a different person in the future compared to now.". For some reason we need to go to Siera Leone (which is written on the road), but I'm almost out of petrol so we drive back to where the dream had started. We pick something up and head off, but I had forgotten to get petrol and I'm not sure we'll make it to wherever we're going.

4) I'm driving a Ferrari 430 (coupe, NOT the Spyder!) racing some guy who is driving a Ferrari F50. We are racing down a road near where I live. I spin off the road and try to hide in some grass (my car must have disappeared here?!). A girl comes walking down a path in the grass and we start talking. She's criticising the guy in the F50 for driving like an idiot, and I agree "People like him are stupid for driving like that, not all Ferrari drivers are bad though, I mean people like me just like to cruise along because they're fun to drive." She agrees. It's the same girl as in the previous dreams, but now her hair is a lighter brown. We walk through the woods and see some pandas (I love pandas! They're so cute :oops: ). People are crowding round them and I think someone will get bitten soon "They're not just cute cuddly panda bears - the clue is in the word 'bear' people, they might bite you!" But they ignore me. The pandas are really cute. Can't really remember the rest of the dream.

Strange indeed maybe?

Another Ferrari linked one last night?!

Starts of I am at home, and we make a deal with my younger brother that if he does well in his upcoming exams then we will rent a Ferrari for him.

Anyways, I assume he must have done well as said Ferrari then drives in the back garden (actually looks more like a Porsche 924). He decides that he doesn't want it so myself being the caring sibling I am take it off his hands. Inside it's more of an airplane cockpit, and for some reason the brake pedal is up in the air (and on the left?!) and the accelerator is on the floor. There are loads of switches and dials (similar to a Tomahawk cockpit?). I look around the car and it now looks like the Testerossa (sp?) in Miami Vice (and it's now white instead of red). It's very hard to drive as there is a band across the roof (which is now glass and curved, similar to a fighter plane) and I can't see much of the road.

I manage to make it away and drive to a restaurant I used to work in. This is all a bit fuzzy, but I went inside and I think talked about the car and that was it.



Why the sudden Ferrari obsession?! I've never particularly liked them more than any other car, and now I've dreamt about them for 3 nights?!

A while since my last entry (net got cut off!) but here goes:

I'm driving my car in the country with my friend in the passenger seat - we stop for some reason and get out (to look at something I think), when we get back in he starts driving and we get lost in a random little European town,
turn down a cobbled side street and emerge on a station platform. We then leave, my friend gets us lost as I have idea where we are and at some point I manage to get into the drivers seat and we drive out of town. I end up on the wrong side of a 3 lane highway type road and drive over the kerb in the centre with a bump and carry on (area looks familiar but I don't know why). Somewhere along the road my friend is replaced by my mother and a cat, and we are trying to find a cattery for some obscure reason and eventually find one, which was a farm cottage type building with lots of cats in.



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This one starts at Admiralty Interview Board (which I recently attended), except that it is underground for some reason, and there are swimming pools and canals EVERYWHERE and lots of people. We are walking through, and the tunnel leads down and down. Eventually some random things happen (I think stuff that happened when I was there for real?). Then we eat and everyone leave, but myself and another member get separated and have to look for the other people, whilst dodging water filled pools for some reason. Eventually we find them (at the bottom of the tunnel?!) and make our way out. The whole dream was a bit disjointed, but I think that was the main flow of it.


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Another one at AIB, we're walking down the beach in suits talking, or performing a task - I seem to remember some of the staff talking to us. A plane flies overhead (a small business jet). There is a chain-link fence on our left (sea is on our right) into which the jet clips it's wing and crashes into the beach, so we run to help them only to find that most of the people are ok. The person standing on might right then says "Heh, Mike would be so gutted if he was here...she's naked!" referring to a girl just on the other side of the wreckage...I go to see but my alarm clock goes off and I wake up!

Me thinks I need to work on my recall again...

OK some more...

I'm back at 6th Form, walking past the arts theatre into the main gym (trying to get the balcony in the arts theatre), whilst in the gym it turns into a physics lesson with one of my old teachers (who was just the best) and we're talking about trying to build the fastest rocket possible (target speed 22-23 Mach). I immediately consider some kind of explosion but am told 'no ignitions!' which rules that out. I then consider some sort of pressurised water system to power it, which I discuss when walking through a courtyard. Now we get back to the task of getting to the balcony, using a series of ladders and spars tied together AIB style. We now begin discussing world events including Iran, and I relate a bunch of Tom Clancy plots which sound plausible. It all sortof goes fuzzy here...


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I find myself in a hospital type building applying to Oxford and Cambridge?! Oxford has a neat blue form to fill in available at the front desk but Cambridge doesn't seem to have any forms available and then it all goes fuzzy again.