Cordelia's Dream Journal

December 04, 2005

Half-Life 2 Dream?!

Was a lucid one, as it usually is for me. This one was particularly enjoyable since I had some powers. I was in a train, coming back from some kind of camp. The bus was filled with other teenagers. It kept stopping in perfectly wonderful places. Something told me I was in Zug, a place I once lived, in Switzerland. The stop that I got off at was a place that looked like a Half-Life 2 scenario. It was like a huge brown cave.

Surely enough as I stood out there I got the Gordon Freeman hazard suit. I took out my crowbar and looked at all the teenagers stare from behind the windows of the train, eyes glazed over in awe.

I proceeded to a kind of.. balcony. The thing was it was absolutely immense, and seemed to be made out of beautiful white marble. The landscape was gorgeous and typically Swiss. Wonderful green, luscious mountains, and unsurprisingly, a cablecar leading the way up. I took control and said to myself that I wanted to get on the cablecar. I used some kind of powers to make it stop and swing about. However I decided it was too far and I didn't want to bother to try and get in it.

The next scene was at a runway, filled with aeroplanes and hellicopters. I remember driving one and starting out in it over and over, until I didn't crash.

Another scene (maybe a different dream altogether) was bizzare and did not concern me. Again it was in HL2 scenario. The same cave-like place I started out in. A male went up to some kind of grey haired female. I don't remember much, except that she talked and she seemed to be evil. Out of the nothing, he started to sexually molest her, and forcefully too. But she seemed to enjoy it.

Then he went around and saw another male his age. This is all I remember from that scene.

If I strain myself to think I see a glimpse of a battle scene. One of the males is hiding behind some crates. Typical mosters from the Half-Life series come through an archway and attack.

This is all for today.

December 05, 2005

This dream was very hazy, I only remember a glimpse of it, and I glad I've remembered even that.

I remember lying down, most likely in a bed. My two cousins were towering over me and smiling at me fondly.

December 06, 2005

So this time I went clothes shopping at a place I saw to with a good friend and my boyfriend. I mean... out of all things... I DESPISE shopping for clothes. I just get stuff off the internet usually. Less time wasted. But funnily enough my mom was with me and I was trying on bathing suits. O_o

After that I was talking with my boyfriend on a cellphone for absolutely no reason. All kinds of weird things started happening to that phone. Music randomly played out of it and the names kept getting all weird and jumbled.

The weirdest was when my boyfriend's name was written in 1337speak. Yes. Bizzare. >.<

Oh and also I was lying on a bench in the dressing room, covered by a blanket.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
P.S|

I tried to have an MILD today! Well I got really really close... and it was amazing even without the lucid dream. I kept seeing lights and shapes before my eyes. Huge fireworks and fiery whips were dancing around while I struggled to keep my eyes closed. Also strange non-sensical scenes kept playing out before my eyes.

I was really really close! But my dog started barking...

So I tried AGAIN!

My cat found a way to open my door and jump on my bed, disturbing me.

:mad:

Oh well, I'm sure I'll be able to do it soon! I already got pretty far on my first attempt.

I felt extremely relaxed, too... As if my bed were a soft yet firm cloud and I kept sinking in further and further...

Dec. 07, 2005

So I remember three dreams for last night!

In the first one I remember walking through this underground passage kind of thing, and I felt like I was in some kind of MMORPG. This has much to do with the fact that I was with a bunch of people I did not recognize and there were people selling things. I vaguely remember wanting to buy something from this lady, and one of the people in my party said "Don't get it." when the saleslady said it wasn't available in Argentina. Argentina?! Right. Sure.

Now in the next dream I was being chased by some kind of beast. I remember it was a dog with excessive legs or something. I think it had passed through that underground passage and followed us, even though this was a completely new dream in a new setting. It was in this beautiful green mountainy place. Anyhow, I kept trying to get away from it and/or capture it, aided by a random girl I can't remember nor recognize.

And in this other dream I was living in this really dreary place. My mom was there, and we were living in a very small hut. She told me to keep watch over this chunk of metal that was lying in this lake. She said that it was something the police needed, and I should stay there until they came. Surely enough the police raced into the scene and collected it.

I remember vague bits from other dreams.. but they're too distant to describe.

Ciao!

Haven't been here in a while. *whistles*

I've had many lucids, in most of them I've known I was dreaming, however I didn't interfere.

The funniest one went like this:

A man clad in a long leather trenchcoat and boots held a gun up to my head. Grinning he whispered in my ear "I'm going to kill you." to which I responded "You can't do that. I'm asleep!"

Last night was strange. I tried to achieve another HILD, but was far too tired to concentrate. I slept through my alarm. Believe it or not, in the MORNING, at about six o' clock, when I should have gotten up, I dreamt. I was in my kitchen, everything was vivid and authentic. My father was sitting at the head of the table. My cat Leo.. or rather.. my ex-cat Leo was there. It really hurt to think about him so much it was like a nightmare. I pet him a few times and hugged him though. Then I told him "Leo, you're dead, please go away. I'm dreaming. You're upsetting me." Then he sort of.. smiled like a cheshire cat, jumped on the kitchen counter, and disappeared.

My dad started talking to me. I ignored him. I went outside and decided to have a fly. I did for a while, savouring the extremely vivid view of the valley where I live. However it didn't last long, since my mom woke me up. I was quite grumpy really. ¬¬

Yeaaah, and I just got sent back from school since I passed out. I'm not feeling great.

March 18, 2006

Well last night was... I can't explain these dreams. They are very abstract. Bear with me here.

So, I was at some kind of dance/camp thing. A huge wide open field with a bonfire and many people. All happy and smiling and free. It was like the embodiment of human virtue. I was clad in a flowing dress. I felt... young. I AM young, but I mean, I just felt this sense of youth that's completely incomparable. I was dancing with an African boy maybe slightly older than me. We were holding hands and dancing in circles, over and over.

His face somehow changed and he became my boyfriend Rowan. I remember running around in circles and circles, until everything was a blur. I was so happy.

Then later I'm lying naked in a sleeping bag of some sort, covered in warm blankets, snuggled up by a fire. He's there too. It's absolute ecstasy.

March 19, 2006

Well I developed a plot in my dream. Pretty damn awesome if you ask me. So it goes a bit like this:

I'm a princess and I've just arrived back from a very long journey. This bit is a bit hazy, but I think either I or my parents (who were with me on the journey) found some kind of axe and some jewels, a real treasure. They hide it somewhere.

In the town square it is announced I am to be married. The one I am supposed to be married to is a real asshole and I can't stand him. Miraculously, and not to my doing, he is killed. I think assasinated. Now I am to pick who I wish to be wed to. At first I have crowds around me. There is one prince who is particularly insistent. I at first just think he is a brute and I don't want anything to do with him. Later however, he wins over my heart.

My parents insist he is too low in the ranks for me, and I deserve a king. However I have a secret affair with this prince (who looks strikingly like my boyfriend e.e). So we always sneak into private rooms and cuddle and whatnot. Is cute.

Later, for whatever reason, I am put to a kind of trial, a test. I go through various steps. One is to retrieve something from the bottom of this deep, fairly narrow tank set in a closet. I am able to do it several times and the instructor is amazed. The "something" I retrieve is a jewel. I keep it down there.

In this story there is also a really typically evil prince. Typically evil, just like in fairy tails. Crooked nose, black hair, you know, the whole shabang. And he gets his hand on this jewel in the dream and he puts it in this silver axe. I run away, because I know he's up to something. Everyone is hiding, in closets, cubbards, you name it.

I try diving into the tank and holding my breath, but to no avail. He catches me, drags me out by my hair. He has an orc by his side, a servant. He tells me I will be his slave forever. I try and commit suicide by jumping off wherever I am being held. Unluckily I was not very far from the ground, and I lie there shocked for a while. The orc slices off some of the skin on my shoulder and neck.

I don't die. However I am somehow warped to the beginning of the story and here I become lucid. I tried to save everyone by getting rid of the treasure my parents and I found on our journey. They're dickheads and don't let me destroy it. So yeah, then I woke up.

March 20, 2006

Now this was just completely fucking incredible. I had a continued dream throughout the ENTIRE night. Almost all of it was lucid.

It started out with me as a kind of Ayame character (from Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven) and I had to assasinate this other kunoichi ( female ninja). So I go into this dark gym. I have a stealth meter and everything. The more I get into the light the more visible I am, and one can see that on the meter. So I actually screwed up a few times in the dream, and I had to do it over. In the end I succeded with the assasination.

I go back up to my room and I'm told that I need to get rest as I'm visiting a school tomorrow. So that's fine. I get clothes from this dude, put on a nightgown, and rest. Next morning (this is the only blurry part in the entire dream) I go to this school and tag along. Everyone knows me and keeps congratulating me on my successes. I think it's about the assasination at first, but no, later I find out I'm a very popular junior athlete. And after the school day I have a match. I take on these 5 girls in a martial arts fight and fucking kick their asses.

I woke up around here, but went back to bed and woke up where I left off. I'm with Rikimaru (also from Tenchu) in a room and we're given instructions. Rikimaru has to assasinate this wealthy buisnessman. I am to keep watch in the park. To get to the park we go through a skating rink where a hockey match is taking place. Both Rikimaru and I have two guns and many kunai and shurikens. I see a bunch of my friends from school and wave. Rikimaru forgot one of his guns in the skating rink and can't find it again. He only has one gun now. The hockey match is very fierce and the building itself is tipping over and swaying from side to side.

I go outside and wait. I am transferred into the Rikimaru character. I get in a car (GTA style) and I actually feel like I am pressing the buttons on the PS2 controller to get to my destination. I run up the stairs and hold this guy at gunpoint. But alas! My gun somehow turned into a cellphone. So I find out I can shoot bullets with the cellphone. But no matter what I do the mofo won't die. I shoot him in the head like I dunno how many times. Then I get a call to abort the mission. So I run out of the building, leap into the car, and get back to the park.

I wake up around this point, but quickly fall asleep again. I am myself again (I look like Ayame still). I am in the gym, the same one where I had the martial arts competition with the five girls. I am with my team. It is some kind of dancing competition. I am rooted on as my team outdances every other team. Half of the teams, including mine, make it into the next round. This is weird, because it really reminds me of Blitzball, but it isn't. Firstly, we're not playing in water. Secondly, the goalees are robots and you can shoot in either of the goals.

As soon as I get my hands on the ball the announcer says something like "Finally Cordelia Schmid, our main player today, has the ball." I shoot and score several times after having a really awesome game which involved heading, kicking and punching the ball from teammates and also into the goal. We win.

I wake up around this point. I fall asleep again. I am still Ayame, although I look more like myself. I am on a horse in the gym. My horse is going berserk and starts to buck and gallop down the gym. I get fed up and get off. I practice a bit with my teammates. At this point the finals of the "Blitzball" tournament begin. There are some weird fucked up rules here. We stand in a line and a ball is thrown. I catch it. I'm out of the game. O.o

I get back in because it's halfway through the game and I'm to switch with an injured teammate. I get the ball and score. I think we won for good, but at this point I woke up completely and it is now 1 PM.

I am sooo happy I don't have school today. What an awesome awesome dream.

Yeah well last night's dream was... interesting to say the least. And horribly brutal and traumatising. I'm going to explain this in great length and also summarise it for those too lazy to read it fully.

This is all non-lucid. I could not... in any way... I was helpless. And every time I woke up and went back to sleep it came again.

I was captured by an Egyptian warlock who raped and tortured me. Now, that dosen't completely sum it up at all but maybe that sentence triggered a spark of interest in your sick minds. :P

Warning: This is not for those easily offended. It includes graphic sexual violence.


I am on a tram. It is dark outside and I am the only person. I am sitting down next to the window which I look out of. There is a very adorable young child near me. He sits down next to me and we begin to talk. I have "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" by Nietzsche clutched in one hand. Then he crawls onto my lap. I feel quite happy and the child is simply adorable. I just rest for a few minutes. The child starts to do quite.. horrible things like groping my breasts. I am quite surprised and try to get away, but I find that I have been paralyzed. The child sprays something in my face. I find I can move again. The tram stops and I stumble out, confused. I find that I have been drugged.

I can't manage my thoughts and I am dizzy. I can barely stand. I am whisked away by a dark, large figure. My vision swarms and then I am unconscious. I wake up chained to the floor of a room, naked. I am pretty stable again. Sitting on a bed leering at me is a shirtless, heavily muscled man. His skin is dark tan. He has a bald shaven head and no eyebrows. His neck is huge and bulky. Thick black circles are visible around his eyes. His cheek bones stick out in a very striking matter. He has a long goatee. He wears a necklace with an ankh, and two decorative eyes hanging around his collar bones. He is blatantly an Egyptian, and a man of great power. He seems to be 18-22 or around that. However he seems immortal, age does not apply to him.

The grin on his face is disturbing. He walks up to me and towers over me as I struggle with my chains. I madly try to escape... but to no avail.

"You are of a rare breed, Cordelia Schmid. A breed of which I will have fun breaking."

(Note: Exactly what was said is not completely known on my part. It was a vivid dream, however the EXACT words I cannot remember. Improv is golden.)

"You cannot break me."

"I conquer everyone's feelings. Fuel everybody's fires. And soon, I will have you. I will win you. You will see."

He removes all of his clothing except for the necklace. He lies on top of me, his hips painfully pressing into mine. I am raped by this disgusting beast. He makes a show of telling me how divine I am and I feel. This makes me feel dirty and horrible. The helplessness is overwhelming. I however refuse to cry or to show fear. I let him see my bitter and utter loathing for him and swallow back other emotions.

I am suddenly back at home. I sit my mom down and tell her what happened to me. I tell her not to interfere if he comes back for me. I tell her not to meddle or try to save me; that it will be her downfall. I phone my boyfriend (strangely while walking in a greenhouse full of commotion and people) and tell him what has happened, and also not to try and meddle.

Later I am taken back into the warlock's world. In my dream I was raped multiple times. I met his mother who merely looked at me as if I were a slave. In all fairness, I was. The warlock obviously had powers. One of them was seducing me into being attracted to him. I felt the physical pull but I was always able to withstand it. This just made him hunger me more. Every woman he ever took as a slave fell for him. Over all the time he had me, I did not.

I met some of his "friends". Apparently once the warlock, whom I find is called Rajkar, gives them to his "friends" to have fun with and then dispose of how ever they want. I show them all utter despise. They are surprised and speculate on how great I slave I will make once I am broken. Unlike one would think, I am never punished. No matter what I do I am not punished. I usually just hang by chains until I am to be used or talked to. My wrists, ankles and neck all hurt from cuffmarks. They bleed all the time.

My dream did end. I know it will come back some time, especially from what the warlock said to me.

"Time is only as humans judge it. You break it down into seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years. Time itself has no mass. It is an unending sliph. Know that I will always come back for you. Know that I will never leave. Your true life may be unharmed by me, your love for others will stay true. I can never completely break you, my rare breed. However you will amuse me. I will have you for my needs. Otherwise your true loves will suffer. Blackmail is sweet for me, my dear. Never forget this face. It will forever haunt you."

^^^ :shakehead2: whoa, that is effin intense...it also strikes me as highly symbolic...you might not put much meaning behind your dreams, but perhaps you should try to interpet its symbolism. the manner in which this motif was thrust upon you (no pun intended :lol: :roll: ) seems to warrant reflection.

"know i will always come back for you. know i will never leave..."

this sentence seems to scream out that this character is a manifestation of a part of your darker subconscious. likely that is why you are so certain he will return....deep down you feel he is a part of you?

the sweet child----->groper------->drugged state------>egyptian warlock sequence also strikes me as quite significant.

this dream was obviously a potent manifestation of dark, obscure recesses of your mind...the sooner you assimilate them into your consciousness the sooner you will find a way to conquer him in the dreamstate, or perhaps transmute/absorb his essense in a beneficial way/

just some thoughts....again, intense dream...

Yeah I agree totally and there must be some way to get rid of him.

Here is what I did last night; I called up a lucid and summoned him. Things got out of control and no matter what I did I could not fight him or confront him in any way. He was too.. powerful. More details once I get them down on pen and paper.

omg you didn't summarise it!

Yet I did read it... Hmmm, if you have more of this (kind of) dream, I would try figuring out what causes them... have had some problems in the past? If there is a reason, try to find it. If you know the reason, it might be usefull to try to 'sovle' the problem, no Idea how. But since you describe it as 'traumatising' it wouldn't be really cool if you had them (dreams) often.

And in your next LD I would just go and visit the dude, and defeat him one way or another. Maybe then he will not come back. Might work.

The lucid was immaculate. Just what I wanted. A room, simply done with monotonic walls. “Come out warlock. I’ve got a lesson to teach you.”

And he did come. Exactly as I remembered him. Grinning and shaking his head as if he were tut-tut ting a small child.

“Do you always make efforts to be hurt by your most powerful enemies, dear? If so it’s a bad habit you should lose. I was planning on giving you a peaceful night to recover. Heck, you could have had a nice little play around with your little dreaming powers. But no, you decide to try and have what you fear most stuck before your face.”

“You’re in my territory now. I control this entire dream, including you.”

“But am I a simple part of this dream? Am I just a pawn in your mind? Think carefully, dear. This could cost you. I am not what you think I am.”

I shake my head and focus greatly, trying to have him in chains. The chains appear, and coil around him… But he snaps his fingers and the chains disappear.

“Feeble, dear. Quite feeble. You need to work on that. Let me show you how one does that, shall I?”

Chains attack me and thrust me to the wall, causing a painful impact on my back. I cough up a bit of blood and glare at him. Then my despise turns in to utter disbelief.

“This is impossible.”

“Rethink your definition of what is possible, dear.”

He walks up near me and looks at me for a long time, the same smug grin on his face.

“Someday I’ll wipe that grin off of your face.”

He chuckles. “Your boyfriend must have a nasty time with you. So disobedient. But I can’t bring myself to punish you. You just have spirit I gather. I guess that makes him a lucky man at the same time.”

“Contradictory, warlock.”

He looks at me with the same savage lust. The same gruesome act is preformed upon me again; rape.

“Don’t try to overpower me. You’ll end up with dreams you find more unbearable than this. This, my dear, is just a taste. Remember what I said. Know that I will never leave.”

He pauses and watches me closely.

“I decide your fate.
I pull the strings.
I wield your chains.”

And with that he is gone. All in a lucid dream. A lucid dream that should have gone my way but backfired.

I am still chained. The chains have lost their controlling power as the warlock is gone. I summon a bobby pin into my mouth. Spit it into my hands and fiddle with the locks until they’re open. I get out of the chains and stand up. I summon clothing onto my body, heal the chain wounds, and decide to just leave the matter be for now.

The dream is fading, and I let it. I have some unsignificant dream about octopuses taking over the world. I don’t feel like trying to recall it… it just isn’t on my list of priorities.

Alice in Wonderland Lucid Dream
<span style="color:#990000">
I had it planned out this time. After reinstalling American McGee’s Alice and having a blast, I wanted to experience some first-hand enjoyment. I woke up 6 hours after going to bed and got Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland out. After reading for about a half hour I fell asleep with the book in my hands. I woke up in my bed with the book but felt bizarre. I did a few reality checks and figured out that I was dreaming.

I tried reading the book but it was too unclear and all I could see was a swarm of floating shapes and letters. Suddenly the book floats away and says “Enter&#33;” So I walk towards it and a green/purple portal swirls up from the book. I slip inside the void and suddenly down rabbit hole I go&#33; I sit on a dresser, look at my pajamas and think “This simply won’t do.” So I settle for a nice Victorian dress and land on my feet.

The setting was immaculate; the table, key, “DRINK ME” flask and the doors. I didn’t want to just play through the story though. I wanted my own version. I summoned up the Cheshire Cat… except he was more like a Cheshire Tiger. I rode around on him for a while and asked him to tear down the doors. I bounded out into a maze-like garden. The colors were inversed and strange. It was very dark and twisted. After much burning through hedges I came to a garden where the March Hare and the Mad Hatter were sitting and drinking tea. Thing is they were also eating raw dormouse which was rather upsetting (he’s one of my favorite characters).

They were not nice-looking fellows. There are sketches below. I ran off because I didn’t want to deal with them. After much galloping through an incredibly warped almost Salvador Dali-like scene with creatures I can’t even begin to describe (sketched) I came upon the Caterpillar. He seemed peaceful indeed… a nice light blue color. He was smoking a joint and offered me some along with pointing to a clump of mushrooms near his tree stump.

I ate some and immediately grew incredible multicolored wings. It became a bit unorthodox here. I kind of went out of the Alice world into my own. I also kept floating in and out of lucidity at this point. The rest is very, very vague. I just remember flying over the surrealist Wonderland and being attacked by giant bats. I flew away from them as fast as possible, went through the same purplish vortex and woke up.

The scenery is something I will draw sometime… but that’s quite challenging. I tried my best with the meager artistic skills I have to get the other characters onto paper.

Sketches:

The Mad Hatter:
http://img79.imageshack.us/img79/1957/random244bw1.jpg

The March Hare:
http://img95.imageshack.us/img95/880/random245qz3.jpg

The Caterpillar:
http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/4...ndom248vt7.jpg

The Cheshire Cat:
http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/1...ndom249ho4.jpg

Random Creature (I really can&#39;t remember any of them):
http://img57.imageshack.us/img57/3479/random250je1.jpg

If you have any requests to see more, tell me, and I&#39;ll do my best.

Another dream I had this morning was that I randomly was on a skiing slope with my friend Dimitri and school friends. I think it was supposed to be a snow day or something. Dimitri tells me to go with him on the difficult slopes but for some reason I was a really shit skiier in the dream. So I went down the hill sitting on my skiis and I couldn&#39;t see&#33; All was black and I could only feel the rush whilst skiing. Strangely enough I came out alive.

Later, I&#39;m on the phone with Dimitri and he wants to meet up. I ask him if our friend Julia will be able to come aswell, and he tells me she&#39;s been grounded again. I ask him the reason and suddenly it goes to a kind of cutscene where I see Julia and Susan drawing on a whiteboard with markers. Dimitri explains how her parents thought what they were drawing was weird because they erased the lower body of a man or something. It made no sense.</span>

Dream 1:

Yeah. This one&#39;s fucked up but nice. It involved me, Marilyn Manson when he was younger (before he transformed himself into an ugly freak... back when he had that nice long black hair and no make-up) and a bed. I shall tell you no more. It was funny because I hid him in my closet when my mom came in. <.<
He was very nice to me, I&#39;ll tell you that much. My feet got a lot of attention for some reason.

Dream 2:

I was in Geneva, in Globus. This random guy sits down next to me. He has long hair and looks like a hippie. He grabs the menu and demands I buy food for him, and me being a sucker, I give in. After that, one by one, a bunch of my friends come in. I get a text on my cell phone and apparently James, my internet buddy (who is supposed to come out here sometime), is in Geneva. He tells me to come down and so I do. After saying hello for a few seconds he says he&#39;s going to a movie, takes a girl along and leaves me in the dust. O_o

I am pissed off and wander off into this random junkyard, where apparently I can speak on MSN. I tell James over MSN how upset I am with the way I was ditched, and he apologizes. Then I find that the other guy I met in Globus had added me on MSN. He steals my oranges over MSN (I know, what the fuck?)

Later, James and I spend a day hiking together and meet these random French people.

Dream 3:

Rowan, my boyfriend is in Geneva. I do not remember this dream as a whole but as two parts.

One: we are walking down the street near the lake and I am displeased with what he&#39;s wearing for whatever reason.

Two: we are driving in a van he supposedly rented for us and he&#39;s driving from the backseat. I think it&#39;s dangerous, get upset with him and start yelling for him to pull over. (Funnily enough we are in Glarus... a place in Switzerland I once lived. The town is Mitlödi.) When he pulls over, it&#39;s at this square where someone is preaching, singing or the like. When we come back to the van after speculating for a while, there are policemen in the van. They tell us we have too many things in the back and we must organize them.


Dream 4:

I had a lucid, but it was stupidly short. I woke up and did a few reality checks. They were bizzare as I&#39;d only ever done text checks before. I don&#39;t even remember what I did, but it was all in my room and lasted a very miniscule amount of time. Damnit. I was prolly too shaken up by that Marilyn Manson dream.