Where I End and You Begin

Some things have been going on with my sleeping and dreaming and I've had the strongest urges to write it all down, learn more about and what have you.
Posts to follow will be where I start the process.

I've heard about lucid dreaming from several people so I googled it and well, here I am.

It's always seemed to me that I'd been rather aware in my dreams and I always, always remembered my dreams.
Until recently.
Which makes me not only wonder what the change could mean but it makes me the tiniest bit concernacis.
I'd really like not to lose that awareness and ability to remember.

Hokay so,
Yesterday was by far one of the stangest days I've had in quite sometime.
And it was due (in part) to my sleeping and dreaming.
This is pretty winded, my apologies.

I was here at work, tracking the orders from the day before.
This is a ridiculously mundane process which has made me fall asleep a couple times in the past. but normally, after getting close to no sleep the night before or being heavily medicated etc.
Yesterday didn't fall under any of those.
We all got to come in an hour later because of some nearby construction temporarily cutting off our electricity so I actually got up a little later and felt all around awake and good.

So there I am, tracking away.
Order number, link, FedEx, link, note of expected arrival, email.
One minute I'm tracking, the next I opened my eyes
What just happened?
I think, Oh Samantha...you fell asleep again, slacker.
Then I look over at the orders and I'm more than halfway done
I wasn't holding the pen anymore though, I hadn't been noting the dates
But I infact had been tracking
I tried to recall the last 10-15 minutes
All I could remember is seeing a slew of dreams I've had before
Watching them and also feeling like I was revisiting them
I checked over my "work" and everything was fine.
Is that like sleepwalking?
I've done that in my childhood once or twice.

I finished tracking
I picked up the post-it I had written info on from some phone calls that came in before I even started tracking.
When the people called I remembered not writing their name by the order and phone number because this specific order had so much tweaking that I didn't think I needed to.
All I needed to do was fax something to someone
But I couldn't figure out who or why or for what
I felt like I tend to after waking up after short naps
All disoriented, loopy and just generally fucked
Which I usually find enjoyable and funny
But not at work, it was just confusing and annoying
So I'm thinking that i really did nap while tracking.

So it was dead all day
I played on MS Paint all day
I just felt disconnected and strange
Maybe even mentally exhausted

I got off work
I was going out somewhere with my friend Mallory
She stopped for gas
She asked me to get her a fountain drink while she pumped
I did

The line was long
I was just standing
Holding this big ass cup and a straw and her debit card
Nothing hard about that
My eyes were open and all
Suddenly, I felt my hand relax
And I thought "Wake Up"
Like in Donnie Darko or The Matrix
And then all 44 ounces of Mountain Dew were on the floor
I just stood there in self-assessing shock
Nobody even noticed
I had to call attention to my blunder
The clerk lady was uber nice about it
I talk to her all the time when I go in there so it was ok
I was just awe-struck, what was wrong with me?

The day goes on
Nothing of any dire importance
Hanging out at my 4 friend's apartment

Derek was over by the kitchen reading
I just gave Amanda her laptop back after using it
I sat in the oh so comfortable butterfly chair
Closed my eyes completely entranced by the music
I can't even remember what we were listening to now

I always sleep with music on and I always do this thing right when I'm losing consciousness
It's the same voice same music.
But the song has different words,
it goes along to whatever's going on in my head/dream whatever.

I wasn't aware that I fell asleep until Amanda was saying my name
She'd startled me, I thought she had seen something she wanted to show me on the computer or something.
"What?" I said in a yeah-what-do-you-need kind of tone,
"You were just laughing" she said.
Followed by the you-are-crazy look.
I realized what just happened and I laughed out loud.
"I was dreaming that Derek was standing over there wrapping up some printer parts in bubble wrap.
They're really small, shipping is almost free.
You were still sitting right there.
I said something, don't remember what is was.
Out of nowhere, Derek pulled out lots of big sheets of bubble wrap.
We both laughed because you don't need that much for the small parts.
Actually, he pulled the sheets out, looked at me and we both started laughing right when that little crescendo happened in the song."
While it was happening I was so comfortable and happy.


It was definitely time for me to go home after that.
I don't really know if any of that means anything other than my body was saying,
"Hey, I'm tired and I will not be ignored."
But it was definitely a wake up to myself
To what, I haven't the slightest.

I think it simply stops sometimes

i can't count the times i thought i would never have a decent dream in all my life anymore... but until now it always came back. :D

Just woke up
And cleaned up the living room

I remember dreaming that I was working at Johnny Rockets again
I needed Mallory and Sandy to bring me black restaurant work shoes and socks
I thought we were suppose to have white shoes
but I didn't care because I wanted black ones
I was completely stoked to be there again and Adam (old mamager of operations) actually liked me a whole lot this time.

Nothing too interesting
but that's what I can expect from going to bed drunk, I suppose
Wow, I'm not even hungover

It's Saturday and early
I'm only up out of habit
I'll nap sometime today

Ridiculous dream last night.

I was in a building
I was at the far end of it, near exit stairs
The room I was in I was my office
First Sandy and Derek were there
We were sitting out in the hallway
I could see into a door
I could see the middle of a table
and I just knew that there was one person on each side of the table
We were talking about people they worked with at CVS
They were telling me about some work gossip
I said, "Oh, so and so doesn't like ____ (can't remember name)."
A voice from the room
"What! I'm right here! Did you just say someone doesn't like me!"
"No, no I said, who else is in there?" I covered my ass really quick.
I felt guilty.
I never talk behind people's back because I can't handle them feeling hurt if they find out.
I apologized to Derek and Sandy for almost causing drama.

I remember feeling trashy because my skirt had a whole ripped in it on the side
Which in reality it does but I don't care

My grandma was in it
That's all I remember about that

At some point I was walking around a town with a big tall guy.
He was older, a big tall truck passed
We were discussing lines that John Travolta says in multiple movies.

The last and most important part
I was in that room, my "office"
I heard a kid outside
I went out to the hallway
A small child was out there by playing himself
He was one of the cutest kids I'd ever seen
I wondered what parent would leave him out there alone
And hoped I could keep him
He had a slight fro like my neice did as a toddler
I remember little denim shorts and little Vans

I talked to him a bit
I was all ready to take him with me
Then this lady came out of an adjacent room
I was glad that his mother was back but disappointed at the same time
I had a feeling that she might think I was trying to kidnap him or do something shady
I told her how I heard heard him
and it really just made it sound like I thought she was a terrible mother
She was nice though
We ended up back in my office
All three of us
I noticed she was holding a box
It reminded me of toner cartridge boxes
And I read it

Reality check number one, ever
It said what the toner cartridge boxes say for that model
B4100 / B4200 / B4300 / B4350
And a whole bunch of printer jargon
And "Toner Cart" handwritten in marker and circled
I got really excited
I asked her if she had an Oki printer
She said yes, she and the guy she's "living with" were doing some small printing
I told her to come to me anytime she needed anything for printers
Because that's my job
and she can have them delivered to he ror pick deliveries up from me
I remember wondering what her apartment number was
So I'm realizing that the building was suppose to be the apartment complex
I felt great because if she didn't like me before
She definitely would now and I'd get to see the kid again

I didn't think about it until I woke up that I had read something
I saw the box and wanted to know what it said and I read it
A step however small

I went to bed lsitening to Final Fantasy music
I had a lot of really detailed dreams
I snoozed for 9 minutes

And then actually got up on time
Before I was even out of bed I went through the dreams
Made myself remember them

By the time I was out of the shower
I had forgotten everything
I've got to start writing them down before I even get out of bed
Because I'm pretty sure at leas tone of them was rather good

Two days of no recalls.
Boo.