Moonshadow Revelations - Kayjee

**Kayjee** · 10-21-2007 06:19 AM

This is the beginning of my lucid dreaming journal. I guess I will start with the one lucid dream I will remember in vivid detail for the rest of my life.
A little background is required, so here it is: My father died of lukemia when I was 24 (I'm 42 now). He and I never had an easy relationship because we were very dissimmilar personalities, and when he died we were having major disagreements about how I was living my life. He was in the hospital for a month, but I only visited him twice - and the second time he was unconscious. So, inevitibly I had felt guilty about our unresolved differences since the day he died.
Background finished - now on to the dream...
I was walking down a hallway made of incredibly beautiful marble threaded through with every color you could imagine. I reached a living room type space that was also marble, but had comfortable chairs and couches scattered around. I barely had time to look around when I realized that someone was behind me, and when I turned around I saw my father. Instead of looking ill and wasted as he had before he died, he looked very much younger and healthy - a lot like I remember him from when I was a small child. He was wearing a white shirt and blue pants, and he had on what he called his "boat shoes". He told me that he knew I had desperately wanted to be able to talk to him, and that is why he was there.
He took me by the hand and we sat on a couch facing each other. I started to speak, but he held up his hand and asked me to let him talk first. His voice was filled with sorrow and regret when he said, "I'm sorry that I never let you cry on my shoulder. I never knew that having me there to just listen to you when you were upset and crying was so very important. And I just want you to know that I am here for you to cry on any time that you need to." Well, as you can imagine, that is exactly what I did in my dream. (When I woke up, I still had tears on my face.)
As I cried, my Dad just cuddled me up in his arms and did his best to explain to me that, growing up as the youngest of 7 kids being raised by his mother, he didn't know how to raise a little girl. When I was a baby and a toddler he was away most of the time fighting in the Vietnam war, and when he came home I would cry or run away because I didn't know who he was. As I got older, I always preferred fantasy to reality - and I was always very emotional; and he explained that he didn't know how to handle that. He was very much a person who lived in reality (in fact, he called fiction books "lies" because they weren't about true things). He told me that he was afraid that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself in the real world, and that was why he hounded me about living my life in a fantasy world.
At that point I interrupted him and said, "You were right about that, though. Reality has always been hard for me, but because of the things you taught me I have been able to take care of the required reality and keep my sanity-saving fantasy life seperated enough to survive". That made him break out into that wonderful smile of his that lit up his face.
Finally, he gently dried my tears with his big, slightly calloused hands, and told me that our time to talk was almost up, and there was one more very important thing he needed me to know.
(Whenever I remember this part it still makes me cry)
"DON'T feel guilty about the things that happened when I died. I know now, as I knew then, that you love me and you always will - and nothing else matters beyond that knowledge. Everything happens for a reason, and there will come a time when your experiences with the pain, guilt, and heartache will help the people you love from making similar mistakes and having to walk down that road. Use your writing talent to tell the story - no matter how many tears you have to cry while you're doing it. Always remember that I'm watching over you, and even though the path you've chosen isn't the one your mother and I dreamed for you, I'm so very proud of you."
Then the dream was over. I sat up in bed and wiped away the tears on my face, realizing that for the first time since his death - my heart was warm and at peace when I thought of him.
This is the lucid dream I will never forget, and the one I'm doing my best at this point to write for the benefit of several of my nieces and nephews who are, as my father predicted, in similar situations with their parents.
So, the next lucid dream I have will be my next entry.

**Hazel** · 10-21-2007 11:45 AM

Wow, that is a very touching dream! Do you think that was really your father coming to tell you that it was ok?

**mark** · 10-21-2007 02:04 PM

wow that is a really really touching dream it also seems very nice nice and powerful to. I have never been in that situation before so I cant say I fully understand but I guess it really helped you alot.

Im looking forward to reading more of your dreams.

**Kayjee** · 10-22-2007 06:03 AM

Originally Posted by weelilhazel

Wow, that is a very touching dream! Do you think that was really your father coming to tell you that it was ok?

I have absolutely no doubt that it was my father visiting me. I think it had just taken me 18 years (wow) to be ready to hear what he had to say. He wanted to forgive me and for me to forgive him - but until I was ready to forgive myself it just couldn't happen.

**Kayjee** · 10-24-2007 09:49 PM

Okay, so I tried the sleeping for a short while then getting up for an hour and then going back to bed method (not sure of the acronym for this). Anyway, this definately wasn't a lucid dream, so I'm not sure what to think.
My dream began with everyone I know living in a mall/school type place. We were isolated, but I don't know why no one was allowed out. Anyways the really weirded-out part of it was that I figured out I was pregnant. (never have been in reality, so that's strange) The problem was, I knew that the father of my baby was either MY father (who is dead in reality) or one of my brothers (who happens to be in jail right now). I had my family doctor, who was also in this place, perform a test to find out - and it turned out to be my brother's child. Which was a relief because I couldn't figure out how I was going to tell my Mom I was pregnant by my Dad, especially since they are absolutely soul-mates and I love my Mom more than anything.
The only reason I can think of for this dream is because I've been contemplating that at my age (42) I probably won't be having children, but if I ever met an available guy like my father I wouldn't hesitate to try. Don't ask me where my brother comes in, unless it's just because I miss him.

**Kayjee** · 10-29-2007 08:00 AM

I had a huge blow-out with my sister, to the point where I was seriously considering how to distance myself from her emotionally (I can't physically because we own a house together). When I went to sleep, I dreamed that I was a little girl who had to leave home because no one understood or loved her. The only companion she had was her little dog (which makes sense because my little dog sleeps with me). I was the girl, and I had no memory of being ME. Anyways, we ran away and kept on evading the authorities because I didn't want to go home. Just before I woke up, I was hiding next to and sort of under a hedge with my dog and started to have a siezure, but I knew I had to be quiet because the police were only a few feet away and they would catch me. My dog came and laid next to my chest where he could lick my face to help me through it. When I woke up, Aaron (my little fuzzy dog who looks like a cross between Benji and an Ewok) was actually laying next to my chest close to my face. I don't know if I had been crying in my sleep or not, but he always seems to know my emotions - especially when I'm dreaming! So, not a lucid dream but definately one that was a response to what I was thinking about when I went to sleep.

**Kayjee** · 11-03-2007 11:32 AM

On a different thread, we were discussing having music in dreams, especially music that you had never heard before - so I went to bed with the specific intention to get an answer to this question.
I was walking along in a park somewhere, obviously not Utah because it had big green trees, lots of grass, and lots of flowering bushes. It actually looked like Louisiana, but without the spanish moss on the trees. After a minute, I wasn't walking alone, I was walking with Jon Bon Jovi and asking him quesions about his music. Pretty cool, since he happens to be one of my favorite all-time artists. Anyways, after about 20 minutes of conversation about music and how he gets his ideas and stuff, I asked about a specific snatch of lyrics regarding something about a tide coming into the shore and which song & cd it came from. We stopped, and I reached looked up above us and there was something like the aurora borialis (5 yrs in Alaska gives good memories of it) swirling in and out through the trees just above us. I reached up into it and pulled out a handful of Bon Jovi cd's and he pointed out which one it was on and which song it was. Then he asked me how I had done that, with that quirky smile that he has. I told him "The music is always there swirling through my dreams, I just pull out whatever I need when I need it." Then he asked me about new things and I told him "All the music is swirling there, and sometimes when I'm in the mood for music it just comes down and plays. You can only access the music in the wind of dreams if you're passionate about it - which I am." He thought about it for a moment, then said that I must be pretty passionate about it because there was a lot swirling there and in a lot of different colors. I told him that since I liked everything from "Phantom of the Opera" to Nine Inch Nails and between, that would probably qualify as passionate. That made him laugh. Then we talked for a little while more, and he had to go because he was supposed to meet his family in a little while, and I had to go back home to mine.
All in all, a very cool dream which completely answered my question. Also I'd say it qualified as lucid, so I guess that puts me up to

3

lucid dreams I've recorded on the forum - including my haunted house dream which happened before I created my dream journal.