Chevalier_Violet's Dream Journal
Hmm, I guess this is my first post on here not aimed for other people. I usually want a huge response or something, but this I'm writing just because I need a place to put my dreams.
Anybody reading, what should I do with the dreams I have, that I've collected? I know there is some valuable psychological material here, I just wish I knew what to do with it.
I was doing something before I got under the shelter. It was a fresh day, and we were walking then about 7 of us students got under a shelter. It was a shelter by Lake Michigan, we could look out over the lake on the fresh blue day and it was beautiful. There was a vivacious girl I like from my choir, a guy who's always around her. She's in a long distance relationship, and I like her but I feel bad trying to break the long distance relationship thing. She dove in the cold water and we all said you're going to freeze. She agreed it was cold after diving in and came back out. Class had just been cancelled because of irresponsible TAs, and we had the afternoon off. They wanted to get some tea, but I wanted to just go home and get some responsible work done.
Nuggets: (nuggets are pieces of reality that led to the construction of this dream) A scrubs episode where Elliot wants to finish a project way in advance. I've always wanted to do that. I wanted to finish this paper way in advance and then get to play with it. I wish I had done that when I was in school, I wish I had turned in my paper early so I could get comments and perfect it. Also, I liked the girl and wanted to express that I liked her. i wanted the power to seduce her. I wanted the will to seduce her. I wanted to feel safe seducing her. I didn't though, so i was quiet and didn't express how I felt. The lake was beautiful - it always is. That said, I'm not in school so it's a bit of an odd dream.
I was walking the streets in Paris and a huge demonstration came by. They were all wearing tattoos and chanting in English. The organizer spoke English but then spoke to most of them in Spanish. I think the original scene was in Spain, but I willed it to switch to Paris. They began chanting in French as well. Thefunny part is that they were saying tongue twisters, and they were reading them off a sheet I found on the wall. Tatou qhattou, rattou, gattou, le tatouage c est une chose assez effrayante. (I don't want a tattoo, I hate tattoos and I find them fake). I spoke to the organizer and she explained the demonstration to me. The demonstration was broken up by police and I was scared. They fired stuff into the crowd and a riot broke out. Somehow, I was missing the normal content of my pants afterward. I was wearing pants, but I didn't have a wallet or keys. All I had was a metro pass. I remember, some lady was sitting outside the metro at Jules Joffrin, and there was Simplon metro too. Maybe all this was at Marcadet Poissoniers, but no, it was the four and Jules Joffrin which is line 12 in Paris. Both lead up to one sort of cavish entrance, which it doesn't in reality. And I sort of thought I could stand there and wait for the contents of my pants to reappear. And that the lady would go down whenever the train arrived. I assumed we could hear it, and all I had was that metro pass and maybe a memory key. But we never heard the train, and we were there forever without either coming by. That's when I realized that she wasn't waiting for the train, she was just sitting there and that I'd better go. I remembered how far out into the burbs the Parisian RER goes, it was beautiful. Somehow I ended up back at my apartment with my current roommate in Chicago - a gay El Salvadoran. He was lecturing me about something and I was embarrassed that I had lost my keys by the lake, maybe when I'd gone swimming?
I rarely lose the contents of my pockets because I'm always wearing the same pants. But I wanted to find my pants. I was worried that I'd never find them again and that I'd have to find my wallet, and cancel all my credit cards and remake keys and go through a huge hassle. In fact, a nugget there was that I was thinking of making a ton of copies of the keys to my house, that way I could always have extras. I could store all the extra keys in a safe and then carry that safe key around with me.
Something about writing down dreams opens something in my mind. It's very cool, like a snake slithering off a section of my mind, uncovering an idea. Very cool. It's so good to write dreams down, I only wish I could wake up during them.
My recurring dream is liking a girl and not saying anything about it- I always wish I could or would. Good for me when in a dream I do something about it.
You know what I just realized about my real life? I like women but I only want to do something when I'm really, really into a girl. I need to learn to act on women even when I'm sort of into her, or even if there's some difficulty. I say this because that's what I secretly want. I just need to make it clear to myself and to her, that I'm not ready for anything serious because of the reasons involved. Like the main reason right now, is that I'm still in love in a strange way with my ex over three years ago. Some would say that is pathetic, but I say love lasts.
CV
