Thread: Spade's Analyzing Myself

The "reawakening" of my dreams

I would first like to note that for the past couple of months I haven't had any dreams (or remembered any of them). Last week I began dreaming again so I want to put the last couple of days down first.

Why would you do that??
May 17, 2008


Foreknowledge:
1. Strangers (~ 7 or 8)
2. Unknown room
3. Me and 3 or 4 others had bought a dog
4. Strangers had killed the dog for food
5. I loved the dog.

I was naked only wearing a robe sitting on a couch talking to the strangers whom were my friends. It was an unknown discussion. I learn they killed the dog and ate it and I was filled with anger. I end up killing one of the men by beating his face in before waking up.

Recurring feeling: "Why did you do that? Why didn't you ask me first? Couldn't I have done something about?" I don't remember if I physically asked these questions to the strangers, but I "feel" like I asked it over and over.

Vision: Disturbing act very similar to the scene from Kenny versus Spenny (the goat).

Oh my god...Matt!!
May 18, 2008
Foreknowledge:
1. Unknown area
2. Uncountable amount of strangers
3. Had packed bags
4. Was late and in a rush (Unknown reason)
5. Was never going to make it to destination


The place I was in was completely unrecognizable, it seemed like a train station only there were buses instead of trains pulling in and out. I was late for a bus going somewhere but knew I was never going to make it. I bump into Matt my old friend from NY who's significant feature was the shape of his face. The people I was with = strangers. Matt was only recognizable figure. He was disinterested in talking to me and left quickly before I woke up.

Recurring Feelings: Matt knows who I am but wants nothing to do with me. He's trying to get away from me but I must be persistent even though I don't want to.

Afterthought: Maybe Matt represents a modern day friend and we're distancing ourself from each other like how moving distanced me from Matt. Why Matt and not a closer friend like Zach? Maybe because me and my modern friend weren't that close to begin with (like Steveo and not CJ). The unknown area may symbolize a situation Im unfamiliar with between me and this friend. I may have been so persistent because I'm the one distancing our friendship but feel it necessary in order to get a point across to friend.

Lets play ball
May 19 2008

Foreknowledge:
1. Area = a variation between on campus dorm and where Steveo use to live
2. Had packed bags again
3. Uncountable amount of strangers again
4. Significant people = unrecognizable.
5. No destination, goal or objective.

This was an odd dream in that nothing significant happened. I had to go somewhere but it wasn't important, I was doing something but I forgot what it was, I believe we were going to play basketball which is weird because I hate the sport.

Afterthought: Maybe a change is coming? Or happening?

I had several others from there until this one but I can barely remember them and don't think its very important to add them now.

The most lucid of them all

In a cafeteria with no walls, "How did Iget here?" I must be dreaming. The cafeteria represents the one from my last High school here in Florida. A sense of urgency comes over me and I realize everything's fading from view, I supress this feeling and everything comes back into relative focus I believe I was waking up but now staying asleep is no problem. I look around, the tables are pushed end to end in rows (no columns) and everyone sits shoulder to shoulder. Other than for the immediate 5 around me No one has any significant figure or feature, these are the strangers.

The Strangers: They're best described as "Blobs of people", and this is my first good, conscious look at them. They "felt" unique, but nothing about them WAS unique. Repetitive, recurring actions throughout them they have individual color but its more of a "dull tint" as if only a dim light came or reflected from them. I was very disinterested in them and this is what I remember only from a quick view of them. They just posed no importance to me.

Things to look for next time: Do they have faces? Can I talk to them? Can I touch them? Do they really have a color to them?


The 5 around me all have significant features. I only recognize the girl to my right who portrays the woman I met at work a few months ago. I turn and talk to her

Me - "How old are you?"
(She laughs at me) - "Im three"
Me - "Come on, don't bullshit me like that"

I turn to the girl to my left whom I don't recognize.

Me - "How old is she"
(She looks at me confused, clearly bewildered) - "She just told you...she's three".

A feeling of defeat comes over me, I feel as if I won't get the answer I want, that I asked the wrong question. What was the answer I was looking for? I forgot while dreaming. I can now feel the eyes of all the Strangers on me, even though only the Significant 5 were looking directly at me. I shouldn't stay here anymore...I've set myself apart from them. I ask my cousin to follow me outside and we go through the doors and we find ourselves inside the entrance to my old High school in NY.

Personal Note: My cousin wasn't a part of my conciousness (or my dream), until I wanted someone to continue "questioning" somewhere other than the Cafeteria. I think he rose out of the Strangers and I don't think I ever physically went through any doors in the Cafeteria, but rather came out of the doors leading into the entrance. Its hard to explain...


While in the entrance I forgot what I wanted to question him about, in fact it was completely insignificant and my cousin was no longer there. I want through the entrance of my High school to find myself in the yard of my old house also in NY. Everything's very bright and heavenly. I see a line of rabbits running by the fences they aren't actually moving, but add to the peace and tranquility.

I move into the garage which represent the secondary garage of my old best friend. There I notice a garbage can among all the junk with various gardening tools. I use this in order to produce a gun in my dream. I begin to will it there (as I usually would while lucid dreaming), but it doesn't feel right. Instead I began to "feel" its presence".

The Feeling:
Whenever I try to will something while lucid dreaming, I get very poor results. This time was different. Looking at a broom handle while in the garbage can it was as if I could "feel" it being there, like it was an extension of myself. I took to feeling and I imagined it to be black, and the handle also became black. I felt the handle was wider, metallic and hard. I felt that the part of the broom I couldn't see was actually the shape of the gun and when I pulled the handle out it was in the form of the M4A1 I imagined.

The M4A1:
It was nothing like how the gun should have looked. It was too large and felt as fake as it looked. I noted this while dreaming, but it worked as I wanted it to and that's all that really mattered.

The Bullets:
I could see the bullets going through the air and felt that I could control them. A good experiment next time would be to see just how and what I could with that.


I took the gun, went out and shot at the rabbits. They would burst into feathers an lay lightly on the ground. I got bored quickly and tried flying for the first time. I failed the first couple of times and managed to take flight for a short amount of time. While flying the scenario changed drastically, I was suddenly in between two floors, only about 5 feet apart, flying in between them with nothing else around. I felt the urge to piss, woke myself up and went to the bathroom.


Flying:
I tried willing myself to fly but failed horribly. It wasn't until I felt the floor leave the bottom of my feet did I actually take flight. It was hard to maintain this feeling probably due to the fact that I was trying to concentrate on it and see the response at the same time. I think after some practice it'll come naturally.

Waking up:
This was the weirdest aspect. I knew I had to piss while sleeping and woke up, immediatly getting up and going to the bathroom without a second thought of what just happened. It was as if I was doing any normal daily activity and didn't realize what just happened until I laid down in bed.

Afterthought:
The feelings I was getting was much more profound and controllable than in my previous vivid dreams. I think becoming aware of this feeling is going to give me full control over my dreams. These feelings also include that the environment was an extension of myself and that only by changing the way I felt was how I changed the environment, and that was surprisingly easy. This was also easily the longest and most detailed lucid dream I've ever had. I think suppressing the urgency I felt at the beginning of the dream was what kept me from waking up as that feeling is something all my lucid dreams have shared. I have to remember to do this again the next I find myself dreaming and see if it works again.

The question:
My goal in vivid dreaming is to interview the characters and ask them questions in order to gain insight about myself. I wanted to make them aware they were a part of my mind and see what they knew about it and how they reacted to it. This is what I ultimately wanted to do during this dream when I went to talk to my old coworker and cousin but failed to remember this. Asking them how old they were is a step up though, it means I remembered to physically talk to the characters which is something I've never done before now its just to remember why.