Thread: vees dream journal

june 28, 2008

Last night the chicanos were wanting to war again. Their never seems to be a reason why. They live on the left side of Wild Horse Valley in my dreams. The leader last night had blue fiery eyes that snapped with anger. He told me my brother had to stay and fight. I refused and grabbed my brother to drag him home. The leader told me I was going to get it. Thats when I looked at him and saw his snapping angry eyes. They had lightning bolts running across them. I thought to myself "Yup I am probably going to get it all right. He looks very powerful." But I drug my brother home anyway. I was more afraid for him. He's so little and peaceful. (My little brother is 51 years old in real life.)

I got him home and their was a knock on the door. I thought it was the chicano gang but I opened the door anyway. It was Patty. My way oldtimee boss. "Vee come look I brought you something." I went outside and they had brought me a friendly brown horse. He pushed his nose into mine and rubbed my face. I loved him. I took him to a corner of the yard where there was a correll. I had to go get some stuff for him. I thanked Patty and went to get my purse. I hugged my horse before leaving. He was shaggy and had a lot of soft whiskers and a rough forelock and mane.

I went to the hardware tack store. I got him a fly head screen, some grain, a halter, a bridal, some brushes to brush him and was looking at some saddles when the owner asked if I would work for him.
"Sure." I said. My first customers were from the race track. I recognized them as coming from there as they had two jockeys with them. Little short guys. The owner decided he would help them instead.

My second customer was from the track also. She wanted to know if her papers were in order for her throughbred. I said they were. I pulled out a state flag of Florida and she gasped and stuffed it back in. She said she didn't want people to know where the throughbred was from because it would screw up the betting. I thought it was odd because they have the breeding of each throughbred in the form, which people read in order to bet.
So they would know anyway by the abbreviation. (FL). I thought she was being silly.

My next customer was a guy who actually wanted to buy things. I kept ringing it up wrong. Finally I think I got it right and he departed. I can't remember what he bought.

Anyway that was my job last night. Then I woke up after I bought my purchaces which were only 6 dollars. The same day I was born on. How odd.

Last night was a weird one. Restless I felt all day yesterday. I woke up pissed off. I woke up late. I went out to make the coffee and a small bag of pinto beans was behind the coffee maker scrunched up all inbetween the coffee maker and the wall. I flew into a rage. I yanked the coffee maker out and pulled out the beans and slid them across the counter away from the coffee maker. Then slid the coffee maker back against the counter in its normal position. AARRGG. Who does such things. My Mom. How trivial. How stupid of me to get so angry. Just that sometimes I cant help it but I never show my anger to her. She didn't even know. Freud would have a dammed hay-day with this next one.

I sat in the sun a long while in a black swimsuit and then went to look for my sister. I walked in front of a preacher who was preaching away to an audiance sitting in these bleachers and he got mad. "Just like this girl walking across interuppting me." I slid to my place in the bleachers with my sister and paid no mind to what he said. I had the Nag Hammadi with me. I pulled up this tarp and me and my sister and the whole audiance hid underneath the tarp. I laughed because no one was paying any attention to this man. I was glad. I had to use the bathroom and so I took the Nag Hammadi with me and climbed the steps to the top. When I got to the top I was missing it so I had to go back down to see if I had left it. I had left it indeed. I picked it up again and paid attention to it on the way back up to the top. When I got to the bathroom it was crowded but I barreled my way in and to the end. Their were a lot of sinks and a tub on top of the sinks. I had sat in the sun for a long time and wanted to take a bath but decided just to brush my teeth instead. Then I had to use the bathroom. Their was one unoccupied stool out in the open. After I sat down I noticed 3 more out in the open. I drug the trash can from my side out into the middle of us so we could all use it.

I went outside afterwards and decided I needed to brush my upper teeth. Their was a fountain with a run-off in this restaurant where everyone was sitting. I began to brush my upper teeth their. A man came up with a woman and wanted to know if I had a badge. I told him no. I wondered if I was supposed to have a badge to be in the restaurant but I didn't think so.

Suddenly I realized I was stark naked. I freaked out and ran back into the bathroom. My swimsuit was beside the stool. I put it on and realized I had also left the Nag Hammadi there too. I picked it up and walked out. Then I woke up. Freaky flipping dream.

Have no idea where this came from. I have to admit I do not think Obama is nessesarily a sexy man. In other words he doesn't turn me on at all. I think he is a good looking man but so are a lot of men. I lean more toward the rougher type dudes with broken noses and stuff. Rugged faced individuals. That is why this dream surprised me.

He came to my family's home and we were dating. How strange. He ate supper with us a couple of times. We kissed and then I looked out the frontroom window to a mountain outside covered with snow. Big horn sheep were nesting on the top of it. One got up and had horns like a moose with real sharp edges on them and the points were as sheer as knifes. It right away got into a fight with this other one who suddenly I realized was a big brown bear or who turned into one suddenly. The ram was a big one. At least as big as the bear. WHAM! They slammed each other again. The ram raised up on his hind legs, turned sideways with his front hooves in the air then WHAM! He threw down on the bear again shoving him over a beat up tire. The bear lay on the tire and didn't get up again. The ram had won.
When I woke up I couldn't believe it. The Obama part not the ram and the bear. I was disgusted. I thought of his wife and couldnt remember who she was for just a moment. I remember thinking in the dream that the tabloids were going to catch us.

freaky flippin dream

I didn't wake up until 9:00 this morning. I hate to start setting the alarm but that is rediculous. I wonder if I am more depressed then Im willing to admit. Hmmmm. Could be, could be. Im taking lexapro but that shit dont do nothing for nothing. I bet I need to go see a psycologist. Get something better then that binaca. So then I had no cereal so I went out and got some then ate. Geeze I didn't get through with breakfast until 10:00. I gotta have cream-o-wheat. I cook it up, not too thick then spread a fine thin layer of sugar on it. The sugar turns into a glaze. Like on top of a donut. Yummmm goood.

Last night I was dressed real fine in my high heels and a slick lil dress. I sure do have good taste in my dreams. I fell asleep several times in my dream to wake up with a man. These men all had different personalities. Most didn't even acknowledge me. Then I lost my high heels and was running around barefooted trying to collect my paycheck. I had missed a day working and they decided to dock me. I tried to cheat them out of it but they caught on and docked me anyway. Then I looked in a mirror and scared myself to death. I had black koal all around my eyes real thick like the egyptians and really black eyebrows painted on. So not me with my blond hair. I totally freaked but then forgot about it. Then I woke up. NOthing seems to carry any meaning here. JUst a bunch of willy nilly crap.

I remember that I never trusted adults when I was little. I had a great fear of them plus they lied like crazy. I disrespected that so I disrespected them. So of course after awhile I didn't believe anything they had to say on anything. NOT even my teachers. Pretty soon I started lying and I got real good at it too. I learned to lie to my mother especially and I didn't feel too bad about it. But my daddy I could never lie to really. I still respected him so when he asked me something it was usually to hang my head in shame if I did it. With mom I was defiant and outright rebellious. Then came a day where I thought I knew more then everybody or they were just lying to me cause they didn't want me to know the truth.

We were playing hide and seek at a friends house and it was Bonnie, my little sisters turn to seek. She closed her eyes and leaned against an old tree and started counting. I ran likity split around the corner of a shed and started to sprint over the bridge that covered the canal. I screeched to a halt from what I saw on the other side of the bridge. It was a monster. It was twilight time and none of the other children had taken the same route as I had so I was all alone. This thing stood on all fours. He had cats claws and two huge bubble eyes that glowed red. He was my height and I was about at least 4' 6" or so. He dropped his lower jaw and saliva spilled over his teeth. Two fangs came out and hung down on either side of his jaw. Now I know what a cougar looked like and this wasn't one. I began to back up and his eyes glowed and I could see him thinking weather he should come after me or not. I kept moving backwards until I got back to the corner of the shed. I slipped around it then ran as fast as I could to the front yard where my father was talking to the neighbor. I told them I saw a monster and they called the kids all in because they thought it was a cougar. We all ran back around the shed and there was nothing there on the other side of the bridge.

My original plan was to hide in the willows across the bridge. But no. The adults said it was probably a dog or something and left. I stared at the willows and knew it was in there watching me. Great fear came upon me that day. Daddy wouldn't let me talk about it in front of the other kids. This great fear stayed with me for about 2 years straight. I couldn't go alone to the willows anymore. I always felt it was watching me waiting to strike.
Daddy didn't believe my lying eyes. But I did.

Last night was a doozie. As soon as I fell asleep I got all dressed up and went to quit my job. I have been quitting off and on for awhile now. I felt bad about it and my boss threw a flipping fit but oh well. Where I worked is located in a college and when I went out to get in my car and drive home it was gone. I tried to remember if I had made the payment on it. (In real life my car was given me as an estate settlement by my Aunt Carol) The payment in my dream was 130 dollars a month. I went across to this low flat building half underground like a basement apartment and opened the door. I had to climb down these blocks set into the side wall in order to get to the floor. A tricky descent. The room was full of black and white girls drawing with charcoal. They drew swiftly, fluidly and their work was exactingly beautiful. There were a lot of character drawings. I went straight to this black girl and she showed me the ropes. Boy did I want a job here. I felt that I had the talent to do this too.

Their work was used by a lot of magazines. They had a male boss who seemed good natured. He sort of interviewed me. Suddenly the girls started laughing. My old boss was coming out of a building and something she had done set them off on a hilarious vent. I don't know what she did. I asked them if my car had been towed. They told me some white car had been towed earlier. SHIT! I had forgotton to mail my payment on time. I climbed back up out of the building and got whoops and hollars and cheers for my precarious advance to the front door. Which was a floor above us.

I woke up. I fell back asleep and soon I felt someone sitting on my bed. I suddenly knew I was in my room and that I was awake and someone was sitting on my bed. They got up and moved across the room and I spun round to see who it was but was struck with paralysis. I peered into the dark and a shiny substance came towards me. "Who are you and what do you need?" I asked.

The shiny substance began to take on a liquidy form. It kind of looked like a clown. It began tearing up papers. Were they papers I had written. I dont know. It was tearing and tearing into little bitty pieces. I extended my arm and asked the entity to help me up. I thought if I could at least sit up I would get rid of the paralysis. The entity turned from a clown into a young maiden and grabbed my arm lightly to help me up. She had a white cap on with frills all around the edge. A long blueish dress and white apron. She had a kind face. Sitting there I began to feel the paralysis go away. But suddenly I passed out. I woke up later for real.

I sure hope to hell I get that job.

AARRGG! Didn't I resign. Didn't I say I resigned. Now they sent me on a stupid trip to get more training. We had to go on a bus. It was just a regular old schoolbus. We had to go to a big city to continue our training. I didn't like what we were doing there from the start why did they think I was going to like it any better if I got more training? AARRGG! I got on the bus with all the other people then I calmed down when I found out one of my old best friends was there. Her name is Martha and she is Navajo Indian. I took off my shoes and rubbed her back with my feet. Then she took off her shoes and rubbed my back with hers. Then she fell asleep but we had gotten to the city and I wobbled my way down the isle to see better the city we were coming too. We were coming to an overpass which we had to go under when a huge semi roared by us and someone hollared, "He's not gonna make it his trucks too big."

Sure enough it was too and there was a big shearing off of the top of his trailer that he was hauling behind him. The trailer was a brilliant red. Off it goes.

Finally we get to the place we are supposed to get additional training and I had to put my shoes back on. They were tied in knots and it took me forever to untie them, put them on, and tie them correctly. When I got off the bus they gave me a big blue book. A training book I guess. Some guy started talking about all the accidents they were having in the town. He was the training leader. I kept wondering what that had to do with the price of beans in china. I sat on a chair. Then I got up and moved and sat on another chair and forgot the book. So I had to go back and get the book and I saw I had also forgotten my purse so I picked that up too. We were in a sort of an ampitheater where we had to descend some steep stairs to get here. I spun around and looked out and saw the ocean flowing behind us. I thought about jumping in and swimming out of this mess of so called training but didn't. Instead I woke up.

What am I to do with myself. I am thinking I do not want to be an artist anymore. There sure are enough artists out there. Really excellent ones and I don't think I have anything to contribute to that profession anymore. Maybe I am just tired. The foot rubber is back.

He came this morning at 8:00. I was watching the news when I felt the pressure on my legs and feet. Sometimes he does my calves. He basically rubs my feet. He has done this countless times. Off and on now for about four years. Sometimes it is really strongly felt. Other times not so discernable. But most of the time strongly felt as if he were there in the flesh. Sometimes he pokes my back. Sometimes I can reach around and hold his hand. It is large. There is the form of his hand. It feels like flesh to me. Sometimes he lays down behind me and puts an arm around me. But mostly he just rubs my feet. Such strange things.

Last night was a doozie. I was roomates with my friend Laura (who has an uncanny resemblence to Nicole Simpson). She sold me some nice pot. I had a little girl who was my daughter with me. I do not have a daughter. The little girl and I went to go get some coffee. I spilt my coffee 3 times and they called the police on me because I was stumbling around like a drunken idiot. A blond man showed up and said "I know her and she is sick, I'm taking her to the hospital." I asked him how he knew me and he told me he had met me several years before at another hospital. I thought he had a pretty dammed good memory as I did not remember him at all. He took me to the hospital on a flatbed with a table full of card playing characters who thought they were all that. I saw the cops begin to seize my car. As they were hooking it up I became so alarmed I semi woke up. I saw I was in my own bed and went back to sleep. We came to the emergency room and the cardplayers let me off the flat bed but the blond man took me in. They found the pot at the hospital and helped me into a bed. I became angry because they took the pot away from me or acted like they were going to. I remembered I was asleep and started looking around more closely at things. At bottles on desks and at my surroundings. Everything was so real that I decided I wasn't dreaming after all. Then I must have fell into a deep sleep. That's just nuts. I sure was dissapointed to find out I didn't have that pot when I woke up this morning.

When the foot rubber first started coming he wasn't rubbing my feet. That was 4 years ago. He first began by sitting on my bed. He would come about twice a month and this had been going on for about 3 months when I finally gave him a name. I began to call him Boo. All those times I was awake. His sitting down heavily behind me always made my eyes fly open. I slept facing the wall. In all those times I wouldn't turn over. I was very frightened of seeing him and what he looked like. I could feel his power and knew he could blow up the earth if he wanted. But one day I said to myself...."The next time he comes Im flipping over." I always kept a night light on as I liked the soft glow it provided as I fell asleep.

Then he came again. He sat down heavily. I drew up my knees to get the leverage and then whip I flipped completely over. As soon as I did the night light went out where it was completely black. In the meantime he had jumped up and slithered his great arms underneath me and yanked me up out of the bed. I began to kick and scream and beat on him but he held me tightly and suddenly flew straight up into the atmosphere. It felt like he was going the speed of light and I passed out. I came to and thought I was dead. We were still winging it way out in outerspace in an entirely pink atmosphere. I began to think I had died for sure in my sleep. He sat me down and began to teach me to fly. He sat me down in mid air. He had long brownish blond hair, a severe face and a long white linen shift of some type on. I tried to fly and pretty soon got good enough I guess. I remember flying in the pink atmosphere off and on and passing out off and on. I woke up the next morning in my bed much surprised I wasn't dead after all.

I have been trying to figure out why my hands are shaking so violently. They make me so tired. My whole body becomes alligned to them until all I feel is a great weariness. It travels up my shoulders across my back and eventually my whole body is under the influence of the torrent of my shaking hands. I for one am sick to death of it. So I quit taking my medicines. I have 3 that are suspects. I dont remember the shaking coming on until about a month after I had been taking them. It creeped in quietly then as the weeks passed got more and more severe. The 3 medicines I quit taking are omeprazole; metoclopramide; and lexapro. The ome and meto are for stomach issues and digestive problems. The lex is for depression. I would rather have stomach aches and be depressed then all this bloody shaking going on. I guess I am in an experimental stage. I am also waiting for some salvia denorium. It is coming soon. I have never done it before so this will be frigging interesting. It is the 3rd day I am off my medicine and I think I have noticed an improvement in the shaking. It has gotten less radical. At least it seems so. Everyone I have talked to says the salvia is really rough. WE SHALL SEE.

It works. Stopping my medicine was a most excellent idea. Even the Lexapro. All of the horrible shaking stopped and I am in a much better mood. I have a place in the woods I want to go to today to celebrate. My son is going to come up to see me Friday. YEA!

I have not been to my woods place in awhile. It is buried in a crevasse and has a small stream running thru it. HA HA! A stream runs thru it. It is full of quail and hummingbirds and dragonflies. Once I saw a snake who had a frog half in and half out of his mouth. That frog was going down. He was looking at me like "HELP ME!" But I told him "Sorry dude your on your own." Then I quietly retreated back down the stream. So it has snakes too and lots of frogs. I imagine raccoons and skunks drift thru from time to time. It is a quiet place and since I cant talk it is just right for me.

My dreams have been so jumbled. Not worth writing down except their was one that I had that jerked me awake in a cold sweat. Just awful. Im not putting the whole dream down but just the highlights.

I ran through a crowd up to this white horse who was being way onery. He was giving all the people around him a hard time. I guess they were trying to catch him to load him in a horsetrailer sitting up on the highway. I went running up to him to try to help. He put his front legs around me and lifted me up standing on his hind legs and holding me tightly with his front hooves. I had my arms around his neck. He began to walk like a man to the horsetrailer. When we got too it he sat me down on the ground and loaded in fine. My cap blew off and landed in a shallow canal down the slope. I went in after it and so did my son. He was around 6 years old in the dream.
We both went under. We were trying to reach each other under water and couldnt. Neither could we surface to breathe. I began to see bubbles coming out of his mouth and it threw me into a panic. I woke up just drenched in sweat.

My son in real life is 30 years old. What a strange awful dream.

I have gotten some Salvia Divinorium and have never done it before. I have no sitter so its gonna be bona fide solo. Im not doing it today. Maybe not even tomorrow. Don't know when. Probably I'll do it when Ive finally grown a set of balls.

This one started in an old graveyard. We were burying my sweet cousin VivianJean who died in around 1964. All the relatives were there. We were praying around the grave. Suddenly I woke up beside my mother in a relatives house and wondered how I had gotten there. How had I gotten from the graveyard to sleeping by my mom. I got out of bed and stumbled around a bit. I walked out into an unknown frontroom and all my relatives were there. They were all mad at me. I asked them why and they said I had said bad things about my mom at VivianJean's funeral. I didn't remember having said anything at all. I went outside and some of my other relatives were playing football. I singled out my brother who looked the way he did when he was 21 in long curly red hair with a beard and mustash. Rusty was my best friend so I asked him what I had said and he wouldn't answer me. He was mad at me too. I told him I would wait in his truck. He had an antique looking rusty truck sitting along the sidewalk among all the other cars. I went over and climbed in but he didn't come.

I remembered I had already missed two days of work because of the funeral and knew I had to go back to where I lived immediately. My friend Gumbo happened along and we decided to hitchhike back home instead of waiting for Rusty to drive us.

We got out on the highway and began to thumb a ride. We ended up walking instead. When we walked up a hill the heigth of the hill was REALLY high and the depths were REALLY low. Like a roller coaster. At one point we knew we were on the Reservation because we saw many Indians riding horseback and had to go by a trading post. Gumbo was carrying a valuable bag. I do not know what was in it.

There was a deep river to our left. As deep and smooth as the Ohio. A huge barge loaded down with smashed cars and trucks was beginning to cast off so we jumped on since we couldn't get a ride on the highway. We climbed up to the top of the smashed vehicles and sat way up on top. This was about 8 stories up in the air. A ladder hung down one side to the surface of the water. We drifted along.

Suddenly Gumbo saw somebody he knew on the bank and literally jumped off with the bag in tow to the water far beneath us. I freaked. I thought he had killed himself jumping that far but he came up ok. Him and the bag had gotten seperated and he swam to the shore. He motioned for me to jump and yelled for me to grab the bag but no way was I jumping. I climbed down the ladder and slid into the water. I grabbed the bag and swam to shore.

His friend was nowhere to be found. Suddenly a wicked woman with black hair to her shoulders and a black and white outfit stepped out from behind a rock with a wicked looking spear. The spear had barbs on it. I screamed for Gumbo to look out but she threw it at him and it went thru the back of his neck. He fell into a deep pool of water and I could see him dead just below the surface. I grabbed the bag and began to run. I knew I was next and didn't know what to do. Then I woke up.
'
July 24th, 2008
The next night I had made it back home. This home is the same one we have been renovating for years. (Only in my dreams) My father decided we would make it into a hamburger stand and sell hamburgers and frenchfries. So thats what we did. We cut two windows into the kitchen and frontroom and sold out of both windows. I did the dishes and there were lots of them. When the day was over I went to go decorate my room some more and people were at a table in my room eating their hamburgers and frenchfries.

I flew into a rage and wondered how they had gotten in. Suddenly a door I hadn't noticed before opened and another stranger walked in. He said he used to live in the house and had left some arrowheads there and could he look for them. I told him yes and he bent down to the ground and began to find many arrowheads. I wondered why I had never noticed them before as they were all over the place. The people eating the hamburgers finished and left and then I noticed a window that had been cut away to where I could see into the kitchen. They were selling hamburgers to people who were coming into my bedroom to buy them. OF ALL THINGS. All of my privacy felt lost and I woke up.

Maybe I better start taking my lexapro again. Sure would like to kick that one too. Could be the book I am reading. It is way sad. I try to stay away from sad books. I didn't know it was sad until I got a quarter of the way through it. Then again...I woke up sad.

My dreams have been panoramic here of late. Those seem the most difficult to describe. I cant seem to give them any real clarification. They are extremely deep and wide as dreams go. Once you dive in you rarely come up for air except to check if its a dream or not. Can you really not find your car keys and purse? So you swim up almost to the surface but not quite because their is still a heavy fuzziness that pervades all around your head and you suddenly realize on the outer planes of your brain; "Ah yes.....it is just a dream." And then you slowly sink down and down back into its theme and substance and carry on from there. One dream of the same theme carries on through the whole of the night or you skip from one theme to another with the fluidity of a flashing fish never worrying about how the substance of each dream is entirely fragmented from its predecessor. How can one even begin to describe wide screen. Where to even start. But I will try.

I knelt on the beach facing the water and waited for Mary. I drew patterns in the sand with the tip of my dagger and stared across the water. It was night with a full moon and the sea lay like dark glass expanding out to the island. Our destination. I didn't even ask myself why we were going there. In the dream it seemed irrelevant even though it was for a purpose. The waves of the sea were barely discernable. I thought perhaps it was a huge lake and not a sea at all. I turned my head to the left and grinned. Here come Mary. Tall and lythe and dark chocolate. Her dagger strapped tightly to her right side. She grinned back across the sand. Her Afro was shaved tightly against her head and she wore a rusty colored shift like mine. When she got to where I was I stood up and we took our shifts off and tied them around our middle. We then both kneeled down in the sand to wait again.
Being naked from the waist up I knew I stuck out brightly in the night because of my white skin and blond hair. This struck me as worrisome because we did not want to be seen. Mary finally said "Here he come." and I looked to the right. Sure enough coming up the beach was Michael strapped up with a long sword and wearing dingy white shorts. (Note: These are not people I know in real life.) When he got to where we were we all looked out to the island.

Micheal set off first. He waded into the glassy reflective water and struck out as we followed. We swam through the moon and the stars and we swam long and tirelessly.

Finally coming to the island Michael suddenly dove deep. We followed and he led us to an underwater tunnel in the face of the cliff where we breast stroked into it in a tight row. There was only room for us to go single file. Not to long afterward we saw a light and soon we surfaced into an underground small pool. A ledge circled the pool and a tunnel led from the pool down a small corridor into a larger room where we saw some soldiers playing cards. We quickly moved out of their line of vision which was a narrow one but the room with the pool was dimly lit by what rested on the ledge around it. Twelve golden disks pulsated and glowed with inner power. Each disk had a different design on it.

Mary whipped off her dress and turned it into a sack so I did the same. Michael snuck up onto the ledge and quietly picked up the disks and slipped them into the sacks Mary and I had made to hold them. After gathering all twelve Michael slipped slowly back into the water and we all sunk out of sight. He had to take the sacks from us or we would have kept sinking. He had an unearthly strength and struck out one handed for the underwater tunnel leading outward. He went in and then Mary. I heard a whoosh and something flashed by me by an inch and stuck into the rocky wall above the entrance to the tunnel. It was a long spear with a wicked barbed end on it. Looking back up through the thin water I saw the soldier motioning for the other guard card players to come help. I slipped into the safety of the tunnel and began to catch back up to Mary and Michael.

Coming out on the other end we swam a small ways back out into the sea. I looked up the cliff face and realized that the soldiers were held back from catching us by its eminence presence. It was a huge cliff wall stretching up to the sky and they could neither climb down it nor jump off it. I told them we had been discovered and Michael shrugged as if it was no matter.

Then as we were treading water in the vastness of the water Michael suddenly exploded upwards like a rocket taking the golden disks with him. He streaked to the heavens so quickly that he was soon out of sight. We seemed to expect this. As though it was all part of the plan.

Mary and I turned to swim back to shore. The light was beginning to come up as we finally reached it and we heard screams coming from a small village to our right as we approached land. They were alarming and I suddenly realized it was because they somehow knew the golden disks had been stolen.

This was not good. Mary and I redressed and ran though a blackened wood down into a ravine to the left. The ravine was covered with black shiny onxe stone and we slipped and slid down to its edge where there was a drop off and we could see a panoramic view of the woods far below. We could climb down into them but we could also see deer hunters in them. They all wore bright orange and both me and Mary were the colors of the red deer they were hunting. The forest blasted with their many guns and Mary said; "Besides you know I dont do no woods girl." So we turned and tried to climb out of the ravine over the slippery stones. Mary didn't have as much trouble as I did and quickly scaled it to the top and over the lip of which I could not see what was there. I swear for every one step I took I slid back two but finally I made the slow progress to the top. Along the top was a small wall that enclosed a paved parking lot. All the hunters jeeps and trucks were sitting at rest in this parking lot while they were hunting. But one hunter was still sitting in his jeep and Mary had jumped in with him and was already flirting with him to give us a ride out of there. I was all for this and jumped in too.

Suddenly the man changed his friendly demeanor and lowered a pistol at us. He said with an ugly snarl; "I know who you guys are."

Suddenly we were surrounded by many hunters and they drug us out of the jeep and down into the village.

They threw Mary into a small hut and 12 women filed in after her each with a long wicked knife. Mary started screaming and so did I. I tried to get to her but the hunters held me tight. I knew they were killing her slowly. After awhile there was silence and the women filed out waiting for me. The men drug me forward and threw me into the hut and I flew to the body of Mary as fast as I could. I picked up her head and cradled it in my arms. On the left side of her head they had carved an intricate pattern into her skin. It was the same pattern I saw on one of the golden disks. Their was blood everywhere and I began to rock her back and forth crying; "Oh nooo Raphael Oh nooo Raphael."

I woke sitting up in bed rocking back and forth cradling Mary's invisible bloodied head still moaning "Oh nooo Raphael." Sweat and fear were pouring off of me. Suddenly I realized I was sitting up in bed and it had all been a horrible dream. What the HELL!!!

Now that is a panaramic dream. It tells a complete story but some have so many twists and turns that they are hard to string together into the full story. This one followed a more simple course and so was at least tellable. From beginning to end I remembered all that happened and their was no skip tracing or back-up starting over points of which are hard to explain or sudden empty spaces only to pick up the threads of the same dream furthur down the line in a different mode and a different place. Even in a different space all with the same theme. Those are the kind most difficult to get down onto paper.

It does not take much to be at the bottom of a pit for me. Others too. A knife in the spirit will do it and accomplish it with a bloodless jesture of deep evil. Leaving the smell of burnt sulfur in the nostrils and taking one to a place where they cannot stand to even be touched. Not even looked at. Do not look at me nor touch me nor address me for my rage is such that I am not in the world. I am in another one. It is a "World of Rage and Sorrow." How do the two mix you ask? Just like a fucking nasty pudding dripping thick puddles off a spoon of pooling energetic depression. What to do with oneself when this monster comes into your life. Its thickness holds you back and your energy keeps trying for your freedom from it. What is the cure you ask? It is to move an inch to the right or an inch to the left. To move. The cure is to move.

Have got no fucking dream today.

WOW has it been that long since I had a dream that I felt I could put into words. I guess it has really been awhile. I had a doozie last night.

I was out on a small veranda drinking a little bit of water out of a crystal wine glass when I heard a noise over my right shoulder. I stood up and looked back and their was a low wooden fence with a gate in it but I could see out into the street. A young blond man and pretty good looking I might add with a suit and tie was standing by his car and he looked up and said something to me. I thought it was just hello you know like how's it going or something but he told me to wait and he walked up to the gate and opened it. I thought about how safe he was and decided he may not be but it was too late to run into the house. Before I knew it he grabbed me and dragged me over to the lawn and I screamed good and loud. I knew my mother was in the house but I figured the two of us could take him if she would come out. His intentions where rape. I thought he had made a mistake in seizing me up because I am so old even though I have hair down to my waist I suspected he had not seen my face. So in all the fighting I let him have a good look at my face knowing deep down he did not want to rape someone so old and ugly as me. He let go wrestling me and ran through another gate on the other side of the house to go and get away but my Mom let the dogs out. One was black and white and reminded me of a dog I had in my childhood and the other dog I have never known. It was brown. Both leaped at him and chewed him up pretty good before he got to his car and took off.

Mom called the police and I remember lots of uniforms and badges and clipboards and men walking around looking real important and gathering all the facts but not one asked me anything. I became dis-interested and went out into the front yard through the side gate. The lawn of the front yard stretched forever and forever untill it dissapeared out of sight. I could see deer all over it. Their were huge trees here and there. I looked down into the grass and it was teeming with snakes. All different colors of snakes and other little animals too. Many many insects all going about their business. I stepped through the grass carefully and went into the backyard again through one of the gates. There was a bush to my left and a huge father red and black hummingbird was feeding one of his babies. The baby was as tiny as a fly and the father was dripping nector into the babies mouth. Their was a mother hummingbird helping too. She was mousy and brown. I should add I have never seen a red and black hummingbird and do not know if they exist. Anyway I was watching this huge man continue to feed the baby hummingbird with a teeny tiny dropper. WHAT!!! I had to look again. The red and black hummingbird had turned into a huge man. The man was all naked and golden with pink highlights across his shoulders. I could not see his face because he had a sort of a brown straw chinese hat on that completely covered his features. He was very heavy set but looked much like a wrestler. It was odd to see such a powerful figure feeding such a little helpless hummingbird. I watched him for awhile then stood up to walk around him and he grabbed my ankle. Surprised I looked down at him and he looked up letting me see his face. It was very rugged with blue eyes and was covered with old achne scars. He was a very scary looking fellow. But then I woke up.