Thread: Semja's Bananas

Chapter 1

Semja liked his new room. It was at the top of the house and had several windows on two sides of the room. The blinds on the windows only came down halfway and he felt a bit uncomfortable that his neighbours could look right in but then again he could also look through their windows.

He could see a woman sitting at a desk. She had a huge flat screen TV on the wall of her large room. He felt jealous. The flat screen TV high up on his wall was much smaller. He preferred her room. The roof of his old house poked through a gap in the neighbouring buildings.

Suddenly he noticed his mum sitting on a chair by the door to his room. She wouldn’t move. He screamed obscenities at her about respecting his privacy.

He realised it was his mum’s birthday today but he hadn’t bought her a present. His dad and sister had also forgotten. His sister had just flown in today and he didn’t want her to fly out but she was adamant. He was worried for her safety. Discussing what they would do his mind frantically tried to think of something to do or some excuse. He felt annoyed his dad had forgotten too as she was his wife after all.

Alone in his room now Semja decided to explore some more. He discovered a big en suite bathroom in the corner. Even better. It led into some kind of deserted bowling alley. He couldn’t believe his luck at finding this secret place and began dreaming about what he could do in his personal bowling alley.

His family joined him. The bowling alley began to fill up with people. It must have just opened. Semja had a bad feeling. A fight broke out between his family and another group for no apparent reason. They ran outside chased by the attackers.

Man down. Realising one of his family was missing he ran back inside to rescue them. As he passed the bouncers they offered him weapons. He turned down the knives and went for something bigger like a baseball bat.

Semja found himself in a different area of the building that felt like a casino. The atmosphere was a lot more calm there and he relaxed a bit. There weren’t many people around but he found a few people he recognised and tagged along forgetting that his family was in danger. Warning his new companions about the dangers he led them out through a door and tried in vain to shut it behind him. They sat down on the dark ground still inside the building.

They heard noises coming from outside. It was the police. Semja panicked. His companions re-assured him it was routine but he wasn’t so sure. They went outside to meet the police in the porch. A policeman told him to lift up his long baggy jumper and Semja realised he was naked apart from his jumper.
- I’m not wearing anything underneath, he said sheepishly.
- You know you’re rights, replied the policeman smiling.

The relaxed demeanour of the policeman put Semja at ease but he lost his composure again as he noticed lots of bugs coming out of the skin on his arm. The policeman sounded worried. The palm of his left hand started to bloat and a big bubble of blood tried to burst out of his skin*. The policeman told him he shouldn’t burst it or he might have an aneurism. It kept growing and seemed like it was going to explode. Semja just wanted whatever was happening to stop and in his panic he burst it anyway narrowly avoiding splattering the policeman with blood. He didn’t seem to have had an aneurism but it was all too much for him and he promptly passed out.

*The next day I watched Hulk on TV for the first time. When I turned it on it was at the scene when Hulk’s father’s hand does the exact same thing apart from bursting.

Chapter 2

War was coming to Dabor when Semja woke up. Civil war. He watched apprehensively as the warriors marched past him, one side dressed in red, the other blue. He felt a duty to join one side or the other but he was scared, he didn’t want to die. Fear got the better of him and he fled.

He thought he had better make an appearance and made his way to the battlefield. Seeing some people he recognised he went over to watch with them. The battle was taking place in a huge circle surrounded by a single file line of lots of riot policeman dressed in black with helmets, shields and batons. They just stood there watching the fight, motionless, like statues. The fight didn’t look as bad as he thought but he was still glad to be watching and not participating. Why don’t the police break it up, he wondered.
- What would you do if you were the riot police? He asked the person standing next to him.

Semja was in a hotel room. His sister was there. He convinced her to go into the sea with him with the others. He flew outside several feet above the ground and headed straight towards the sea. His sister kept pulling him down and eventually he fell into the water*. This really annoyed him. He couldn’t get airborne again once he was in the water. There were several other people swimming with them.

They gathered shellfish* from the stony wall of the seafront. A police boat appeared. What have I done? he thought to himself. The policemen on the boat were saying something but it sounded like Chinese* or French and he couldn’t understand. The boat left without a fuss.

A car came into the car park and Semja wished P would hurry up as he was blocking the car’s way. He moved to let the car through. When P arrived Semja drove them to the seafront, drifting around the corners at speed.

*The previous evening I watched a TV programme about China. I saw monkeys leaping into a swimming pool and women collecting oysters from a river.

Chapter 3

Semja was home, at his parents’ house. Home sweet home. So what if there were several armed men in the dining room. Realising they were the good guys he came out of hiding with his arms up, albeit slightly apprehensively.

Unfortunately for Semja the good guys liked to “discharge their weapons” and “spend some rounds”. He took four bullets before they stopped firing*, two to each side of his stomach. Pretty symmetrical. Maybe by the kidneys but he would freely admit he was no doctor.

He looked at one of the bullets. It was silver, looked like your stereotypical wild west bullet, and had writing on it. UB something, 40?

Despite being hit Semja was ok. There was some debate in the kitchen with his family about whether the bullets were still inside him but they decided they had gone straight through missing any important organs. The good guys shoot to immobilise the target, not kill. Apparently. Still, It bloody hurt.

It was still hurting at a party later. No one took him seriously and poked him which made it hurt even more. He didn’t care too much though as he was secretly proud of his war wounds.

A female led him to a sex shop with someone else. The ceiling was only a few feet high and they had to crawl their way through over lots of jewellery. Semja put on a rubber glove. They left shortly and realising he still had the glove on as he walked past the counter, Semja felt awkward and took it off as he didn’t want the staff to think he had hidden any of the small items of jewellery in it.

* Ever played paintball? hahaha, this has happened to me before.

Chapter 4

Semja was back at home. Then it hit him. He’d missed his flight! He couldn’t believe it. He’d booked it months ago and he wasn’t even packed and his plane left in two hours! A whisper in his ghost kept nagging him that his flight did not leave today, but apparently it was.

He looked out of his window and saw his parents’ car leaving already. The whisper told him that they were not supposed to be coming with him. He then realised his parents were still at home. They said his sister had gone without him. She wasn’t supposed to be coming either. She’s not insured to drive their car. His mother was predictably angry.

Semja got a later plane. He met A when he arrived at his destination. Semja was slightly surprised to see A sporting a huge funky blonde hairstyle and dressed quite strangely. I’m sure A doesn’t look like this normally, he thought. But he let it go. He hadn’t seen A for a while and people change.

Something fell on Semja. Then everything started shaking violently. Earthquake! Semja turned around just in time to see impending doom bearing down upon him in the form of two gigantic trains that must have de-railed in the quake.

Later that day Semja was strolling around the city. He knew he was in the Far East but something wasn’t quite right. Everyone was white. As soon as he realised he started to see more and more Asian people. Maybe I was just in a touristy area, he thought to himself.

Chapter 5

The Wizard of Dabor was up to his old tricks again and had erased most of Semja’s recent memory. Why? Semja didn’t know but he thought it had something to do with increasing sales of his magic devices.

Semja was left with fleeting flashes of a thrilling adventure. He remembered a great flood and being on a boat in a raging tempest with formidable tornados and water spouts dancing menacingly around the ship. His boat was swept off course to a hostile land. Beyond that his memory was pretty blank but at least he made it back alive. Bloody wizards.

Chapter 6

Semja loved it when gravity almost disappeared. He was enjoying himself as he leapt around town like a ninja without any particular purpose. He couldn’t fly but he was able to almost float as jumped onto and off rooftops and buildings. He felt a strong feeling of power, free from the normal constraints of gravity. This feeling was tinged with a hint of vanity as he enjoyed the looks of awe and wonder from the people below.

As he reached a vantage point looking over a huge playing field full of people he realised he had run out of obstacles to boost off. The playing field reminded him uncannily of his primary school. He couldn’t leap across it. He decided to try to glide across instead. He threw himself from his vantage point and held his arms straight out from his sides perpendicular to his body, his legs straight and together behind him, and arched his back like a skydiver.

It worked. What a feeling. The ground seemed to pull him towards it and he tried to keep this out of his mind to stay airborne longer. He realised if he also kept his back arched almost looking up to the sky then he descended slower. Eventually he landed somewhere on the playing field surrounded by players. He couldn’t work out what they were playing but he picked up a tennis ball* and threw it back to one group.

Semja made his way to a gym. The gym had no roof, just high walls. He carried on his acrobatic antics here, moving along the side of a wall over various obstacles. He tried to backflip over a low wall, boosting off with his hands, only to land on his back. Practice makes perfect.

He reached the opposite corner of the gym and got some bad vibes from a middle-aged man and a younger woman, his daughter perhaps, who were standing there. Semja leapt over the wall to leave. The woman followed. He could see hair sprouting from her body. Semja sighed. Just my luck, he thought. A werewolf.

After losing the werewolf Semja came to a wide chasm with two large platforms on either side. He was with A. A zip line stretched from one side to the other. The chasm seemed significant somehow as if it was a bridge from one world to another.

On the other side Semja sat down with F and someone else. F was happy and showed him a Chinese word and taught him how to pronounce it. Semja quickly forgot it. It had several syllables, although not hard to pronounce, and sounded like tinny terry. This word appeared significant too, as a way of finding a certain place again.

Semja found himself in his office. The layout seemed slightly strange but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Bizarrely his parents were there and he awkwardly introduced them to M. He had lots of appointments but kept missing them. He couldn’t understand why. He got an email from M but found it extremely hard to understand. It seemed as though M was offering to see a client.

Semja felt like he was in M’s room. However he was on the ground floor and there were several windows. He was sitting there with his sister. Out of the windows he saw two or three strangers coming in. It seemed they were starting work. They seemed friendly enough.

After a hard day’s work Semja sailed off into the sunset, in a submarine.

*Wimbledon

Chapter 7

Semja had some fantastic sex with his beautiful dream girl which he thoroughly enjoyed.

Later, he was out on a swamp in a small dinghy with someone. They were looking for food but all the fish seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. There were however several crocodiles lurking in the murky waters whose presence unnerved Semja. Catching one of those beasts for dinner would be more trouble than its worth, he thought. He wanted to leave.

Chapter 8

As he walked down the stairs into the club with R, Semja asked two revellers coming the other way, who’s playing tonight. Pharoah Monch was on with two other acts. The strangers really liked one of the acts. R and Semja headed down into the club. The heart of the club was quite claustrophobic but at the same time comfortable. People were sitting on the plush sofas lining the walls of the tiny venue.

Outside on the street R and Semja found several people skateboarding and joined in.

I’m locked up....thought Semja. Indeed he was. It wasn’t too bad though, he was allowed to skateboard in the spacious prison sports hall.

Chapter 9

An excellent view was to be had from Semja's office high up the skyscraper. It wasn't so bad working for the Secret Service after all. His daydreaming was rudely interrupted by a shot fired through the big window. Peering out from his office he could see the culprit far below him standing on the road. Why is she shooting at us? She looked angry.

Semja tried to return fire but the only weapon that came to hand was a keyring. The imminent threat to human life was about to be neutralised. Semja decided to intervene and try to talk to the woman. He got down to the lobby. She was still ranting outside. Semja reached for his sidearm only to pull out his keyring again. Bloody cutbacks, he thought.

The long, straight beach was packed. Semja floated in the water with his group, chilling. Looking out to sea he saw a gigantic wall of water coming towards the beach, one could say a tidal wave even.

Semja was more in a state of awe and wonder than fear. He felt slightly apprehensive about what was going to happen when it arrived, in a few seconds time, but no more so than when catching a wave just outside his comfort zone while surfing.

The wave hit and everyone was washed up the beach to the sea front. It was actually quite fun, although Semja was worried about the other people, like a big wave machine.

A big spider lay smugly on the wall eyeing Semja. Or so he thought but he was probably just being paranoid. He didn't like spiders and this one was no exception.

Chapter 10

Semja found himself out in the countryside with a small group of companions. A pack of a dozen or so jet black dog-like creatures, perhaps wolves, hounded his small party relentlessly. There was no escape. Monkeys can’t outrun wolves and Gnul was no where to be seen, as usual. The black beasts seemed to be toying with them but Semja could sense death was imminent. He ran.

He was reborn in a confusing parallel world. The faces he recognised had unfamiliar names and he soon discovered even his own name was different. Semja felt a sense of loss and missed his previous life. While he felt safe, away from the wolves, and the fresh start of a new life felt liberating, he despondently pondered if he could ever go back.