Yume.no.Ato's [d r e a m ♥ d i a r y]

I’ve been using a private Livejournal account & a notebook beside my bed to write all of my dreams in, but I can imagine this would be much more efficient since I visit this website anyway, and it might provoke me into updating more often & better dream recall.

Comments are of course welcome & if you find the font colors too bright to read I'll make them darker.

Okay! I’ve noticed some people using different colors to better illustrate their dreamstates. Here goes:

Lucid Dreams Are Pink
Non Lucid Dreams Are Blue
Dream Pieces Are Orange
Sleep Paralysis is Purple
Side Notes/Interpretations are Green
Other/Personal Commentary is Black

These first 4 posts are actually transcribed from past ones I’ve already written down, some of the most vivid/detailed ones I’ve had in the past year or so. Then I’ll start updating regularly…

Library of Characters that have appeared in dreams below---
Cody, Steffi, Josh, Colleen, Jesse, May, Saining - Best Friends
Colton, Mike Nguyen, Michael, Tong, Crystal, Fiona, Maya, Becky, Alex- Friends
Chelcy - My step sister
Dave - Mother's Boyfriend
Kyla - Some bitch I knew
Mr. Hughs, Mr. Mahalik - Teachers I've had
Mike & Jenn - Mike's a friend, Jenn is his girlfriend
Tom - My mothers ex
Tom Hanks - an established actor XDDD
Homeless Guy Daniel- Some homeless douche who used to date another douche I know. They don't wash )=
Paul McCartney - Main Composer, Vocalist & Bass player of the Beatles
Grace - Crackwhore who needs to gtfo.
Dakota - Ex childhood friend turned douchebag.
RuPaul - Famous Dragqueen & Model, also host of "RuPauls Drag Race" competition.
Will Farrell - Actor/Comedian
Jack & Meg White - Members of Detroit Garage rock/Blues Duo, the White Stripes
Kayla N - Crazy psycho bitch I only met once
Tyler Wheaton - An old childhood friend I haven't seen for years
Kyle R - A kid I knew for years, went to school with.

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Nov 28th 2008
My First Effin WILD

My First WILD should start my dream journal off, so…
I started with the dream notebook but my recall was already pretty awesome (which is what made me look up dream stuff and Discover LDs in the first place) so after about 4 days of journaling I tried to WILD. I laid there, visualized for a while and felt the tremors come on. I let it happen, but after they went away I wasn’t sure what to do. So I tried getting up, but I was paralyzed. Which pissed me off a grand amount since I was heard I could WILD without encountering SP, because I had recurring SP for years and it bugs the crap out of me. So instead of what I used to do, which was try and violently shake my whole body awake, I took a tip someone gave me to try one limb at a time. Well it worked a lot easier, and when I sat up I was very pissed that I got the tremors and everything and that I went through Sleep Paralysis for nothing. I did my routine morning RC and realized I could still breath through my nose. Which made me shit about ten bricks, because I thought I’d just waken up from the SP. I’ve had some LDs since but none have been quite so vivid as this.

I stared at the fabric of my blankets, hopped out of bed and looked at stuff on my shelves, just amazed at how lifelike it was. Then I remembered tips to make people appear, like expect them around a corner or something. So I made up a reason for why, oh lets call him…Bob, (incase he or anyone who knows him every stumbles across this) would be at my door, because like a very lame person I was going to have my way with him and waste my first LD. I didn’t even have to open my front door, once I opened my bedroom one he was there, but so was Cody : / So I asked Cody to wait in my living room, to which he said fine. Had my way with “Bob”, but since I know in real life that Bob is insecure and awkward despite cute, it was terribly boring in the dream so I stopped, left the room, and my mother was in the hallway. She was folding the laundry and asked me “Why do you always have the same underwear in the laundry?” Even though I knew it was just an LD I answered anyway, “Because I bought a package that had three pairs of the same kind, you should know that you were there when I bought them. Plus there’s like 6 other pairs in there” Weird, I know. I tried turning my cat green through forced will, and my body got heavy. Things got less clear.

I went into the living room where Cody & Jesse were, Jesse was playing Skies of Arcadia and Cody was having a smoke. I took a drag of the smoke from Cody, and just became amazed at how realistic it all was. I could taste the smoke, feel it in my lungs, everything. Which made things more clear again, for a moment or so. I don’t know why Jesse was there, but next thing I know I’m in the actual Skies of Arcadia game. Somewhere between having the smoke and being in the game I lost lucidity, but not entirely. It was this weird in-between half aware state… anyway, I was following Jesse around when I came to a door. I grabbed the knob, but stopped and started staring at the wood of the door because it was so vivid…and suddenly I gained lucidity again.

I opened the door and was in Colleen’s house, and she started talking to me. I cut her off mid sentence and said “You know we’re in a dream, right?” And she paused, “… are we?” She said half sarcastically. I stopped to note how true to life even her personality was in this LD. “Yeah, I was practicing this weird dreaming stuff…anyway, you know, the bad thing is that when I wake up, you wont remember any of this.” “Maybe I will, hahahaha” “No, trust me you won’t. You’re actually just in my head.” “Well, why don’t we make plans to hang out tuesday. You can ask me then if I remember what we are talking about now” “It doesn’t work that way, I can’t make plans here and have you attend them for real on Tuesday” But she thought I was just loopy or being a jerk. I saw a girl standing there in her living room. She was dark skinned and randomly had some sort of ticket in her hand. She asked me to punch out the numbers with hole puncher. I still don’t get it. I woke up. The weird thing is, I told my mom about the laundry thing when she came home that day (with the laundry, too) and she got all incredulous because she said she actually was thinking that question when she was folding them that day. When I woke up I basically jumped out of bed and (after an obligatory RC) flipped shit about how awesome it was. I have never had such a realistic LD since.

June 3rd 2008
Mouse Crush D=

I had a very strange dream last night. I was a mouse. A boy mouse, to be precise.

And, most of this took place in my grandmother’s house, though, my grandmother made no appearances. I think that it wasn't her house in the dream, nothing was the same, save for the setting. I was a mouse, and I kept running into this large rat. The rat now, resembled the bad guy from "The Great Mouse Detective" in some instances. He was pretty much a bully, and I tried hiding from him a couple of times but he always found me. He would tell me to run errands and do this and that. Eventually, I ran and climbed up a tree, skittering up almost like a chipmunk. He looked at me glaringly from across the lawn (he was by the patio). I tried hiding behind branches and whatnot, but it was futile, he knew I had climb the tree (obviously) and was watching me. I remember, there was a girl he liked, a human girl. And she was having some sort of party or something. She came out and stood beside the tree, while someone was taking her picture. That’s when I met her. I was on a branch that sat neatly beside her face and somehow, she wasn't weirded out by the fact that a mouse was beside her. We talked, and I think she may have told me to be quiet once, for the sake of the photo someone was taking. She was really kind and sweet, and talked to me a bit after the photo was taken. I was so happy that I had made friends with her, and began to develop a bit of a crush. When we were done talking, I painfully noticed once again, that the rat was still staring at me. Only now, he was seething. Furious, that I had even dared talk to his treasured girl. As far as I knew, he only watched her from afar, and had no more right to her than I did. Neither of us seemed to understand the concept that we were not human, and therefore could not have her...I ran down the tree, and went over to where the girl and her buddies had gathered around, chatting excitedly. They were close to the patio side, very near to where the Rat had been. I seemed to fit it, and once again no one seemed to care that I was a mouse. In the middle of everything, the Rat looked at me and threatened me, angry and jealous that I was getting closer to his love than he. For all this time, I could never figure out how it was that he came to love her, when it all started. I didn't care, and now suddenly more confident by the presence of my new found friends, told him that he should leave me alone and mind his own business. I followed the crew into the house.

The dream takes a slightly different turn. I am in the house now, but I am a human. There are people everywhere, who I assumed were the girls friends. The first thing I decide to do is use the washroom. When I walk into the bathroom I am disgusted to discover that there is a plastic sheet over the water in the toilet, and underneath it is something that looks like mold, fungus, and god knows what else. I begin to get extremely paranoid, because though I was cocky a few moments back, I know the Rat is angry and is going to have his revenge on me. I push back the shower curtain. Nothing. I check behind the toilet. Nothing. I'm ready to commit myself to the toilet, despite the grotesque layout of it. Suddenly, someone walks in on me whom I assume are party friends again. They don't shut the door immediately, they stare for three seconds. I'm infuriated, so I finish up, go out and in the the room they were all staying in, and begin arguing with them. I think I've said my piece so I go back into the bathroom to wash my hands. A girl I don't know, decides to follow me in, talking about her day all the while and things I don't care about. She also doesn't seem to mind the sketchy scene in the toilet, and goes about her business.

I walk out of the bathroom, and I'm a mouse again. I'm still nervous, waiting for the Rat to appear at any moment and do some horrible thing. I run over to the living room, and there is DreamGirl, lying on the couch, looking less than amused. I climb up and begin talking to her, again. I'm so in love with her, and I forget all about the Rat for a moment. Then, to my surprise, she begins telling me about the Rat. Images of everything she tells me flood into my head (because in dreams I suppose you can see others memories if you want apparently) I see a picture of her on the couch, lying the way she is, and a man lying beside her, his arm around her. I'm shocked to know that she does know him, but even more shocked to know that they used to be lovers. "He...used to be human?" I asked. "Yes" she said. She told me all about their past and how in love they were. I'm listening, and only slightly disappointed by this news. Suddenly, the Rat decides to make his appearance. I'm startled, worried, and the balls I had a while ago seem to have disappeared. I suck up to him, afraid of what he's got in mind to hurt me with. I start by telling him something I think will really please him, "She was just telling me about how in love you two were" "Hey!" She says, almost embarrassed, "Don't tell him that..." I suddenly understand why he adored her so much and tries to shield her from anyone or anything else. The question of how be became a rat in the first place however, never rises. I wake up to my alarm clock, and only remember this dream about 5-10 minutes after waking. Somehow I remembered a large portion of it, in great detail. Though I can't help but get the feeling that I'm missing something.

Oh well. So, that was my odd dream.
I have no clue what it could possibly mean D=
It was kind of fun being a mouse with a crush, though, hahaha

Nov 15th 2008
Disney Anastasiaaaa

I woke up at 10:00 am. Too damn early.
The tv is still on, buzzing. Disneys Anastasia is on.
I watch about 10 minutes of it, then roll back over and go to sleep.

And so, I dream I am Anastasia, of course. -sigh-.
Though, the dreams were very interesting. Demetri (anAnastasia character) was on about how he needed to find an Anastasia lookalike. I was having dinner with some guy, and people were giving me weird looks cause I was in rags. Then, there was a talent show I was apparently supposed to be in.

Ever have a dream, where inside of the dream you think its happened before? Or you think, "I've had this dream before"?? Well, it was sort of like that. Apparently I'd done this whole show thing, before. But I’m sure it was a false dream memory. But, all my prints I was going to use were like, stolen or something. Suddenly, the person that was around me (I think it was a hybrid of Demetri and someone my mind made up) became violent. So, I was hiding in this back area... but the culprit walked by.

I decided to leave the building, which somehow turned into my building. There were ghosts or something in the house (yes, my dream went from one extreme to another) I went downstairs, and there was some old black guy. He wanted to split a smoke with me, so I was like, "Sure". Apparently he'd just moved into the building. For some reason, I'm back in the apartment. And Demetri, who is now a weird Demetri/made of dream person/Colton hybrid, is as abusive as ever. I run from the house, and into the black mans house across the hall. The door though, wasn't locked and the guy broke in. However, upon seeing the large black man he quickly backed off. I light up another smoke.

Cut to, Hybrid man buying alcohol. Me and someone else waiting in a restaurant. I think it was Kyla. I decide to steal Hybrids liquor from him (which was a 40 of spice rum and a 40 of something purple) And I booked it...all the way back to the talent show. Which I sat at, with Kyla and the weird guy who I was having dinner with in rags, earlier. I open the rum, It looks as though everyone has a glass in front of them but someone snatches mine. I reach for another one... its greasy and brown. It shatters.

Something else vague happens. Hybrid looks for his alcohol. I worry about the talent show I can't be in. I wake up.

Jan 19th 2009
Stupid Sleep Paralysis :0

I fell asleep on the couch, beside my mother. Who, for some odd reason, kept trying to talk to me even though I was obviously trying to sleep. I kept slipping in and out of it, telling her to leave me alone. She eventually stopped, but obviously between her presence on the end of the couch and the background noise coming from the TV, I somehow slipped into a lucid body paralysis instead of a dream. Guess I was too aware of my surroundings as I drifted off.
First, I am shaking trying to get my mothers attention and get my body to functionally move.
She is sitting right there, she is right there. Surely she must notice my sleeping convulsing body and try to wake me up. That, or I'm not moving at all and trying a lot in vain. But then, I notice she grabs my ankle. She pulls, attempting to wake me up, but I still don’t wake. That’s when I realize, okay, I'm hallucinating big time now. So I eventually use all of my strength and wake myself up, look around, my mother is sitting in the same spot but of course, my ankle isn’t in her hand like in my dream.

You should know that its never wise to go right back to sleep after coming out of a sleep paralysis state. You will (I guarantee) go right back into the state. Which is exactly what happened.

Only this time, the room felt a little more desolate, a little more askew, though everything was in the exact right spot and looked the exact same. And suddenly, there are voices that sound like a low rasp moaning into my ear, and this is of course very alarming. But, I can't move. So the whole room is vibrating with these rasps & moans & whispers and my mother is still sitting there, gazing at the tv, when I remember that I am very into lucid dreaming and have already learned that I can change any of this because after all, I'm only hallucinating. I've done it before, and isn't that what Lucid dreaming is for? Controlling your dreams so you can never have nightmares.

So I focus on quieting the voices, and they die down, but spike back up rather quickly. Obviously I am not convinced I am in control enough, and I'm not calm enough to be really good with it. So I turn my head slightly (which is basically all I can do...that is, if I even moved in real life at all) and try to watch tv and make the voices go away. The tv is oddly vivid and there is a closeup of a mans face, sweaty and wild-eyed and angry. I dont know whats going on, but as I keep watchign the screen of my tv starts turning very red and I can't look at it anymore, and the voices rise again and I can't remember what happened after that.

I do remember having a dream, though.
I'm guessing I must have slipped from my sleep paralysis into a full on dream state, since I dont know what happened in between.

I dream about being on a sketchy street, unable to walk home alone because I will get mugged, raped, killed, something. I think Tom is there. If not Tom, then some random older man. He walks with me to the bus stop so that nothing bad will happen, but we get ambushed anyway and he gets killed. I run back to the house. I am trapped within the house and for some reason I can't contact police and I don't have money for a cab. A lot of it is hazy, but when I wake up I feel sick with guilt and I can't remember why, and even when I remember my dream I still don’t know why I feel this way. I didn't feel that way in the dream, and I don’t feel that way about the dream. For some reason though, everything feels wrong and I feel so wracked with guilt I am almost going to puke : / . My mother is still sitting there, watching TV. I must have a very melodramatic subconscious hahaha…

Mar 23rd 2009
A Witch, A Miscarriage, And...other random crap?

I had the most intense series of dreams last night.

My vision lately has been blurring a bit and making me worried,
And that's what I think spurred on this dream---I was in a giant pool of water,
in pitch darkness, wading around trying my hardest to find a ledge.
It was so alarming, not knowing what was in front of me or behind me,
Or even if I would end up drowning, but eventually, I grabbed into a ledge.

(This might've been spurred on by having watched Quarantine the night before that)

Once a light was flickered on, the pool was gone and the scene changed.
I was in my bedroom, and Cody was there on my bed half asleep.
Even with the light on, my vision was blurred everywhere.
I could barely speak, my throat felt constricted and I though I was going to die.
I woke Cody and tried my hardest to say, "Call 911" and I remember him hugging me.
I think I woke up right after that. I remember the utmost feeling of relief.


Then I went back to sleep. I think my next dream was related somehow with a mixture of modern and medieval times. I was in a high tech building, that had a pool on top, and for some reason there were women playing volleyball.

I forget why but there was something in Mikes house that we needed, in another part of my dream that was somehow attached. We knocked on his door, and I suppose one of the other faceless and vague people with me just strolled on in. I didn't notice, really, I just followed them in, looking for whatever it was I was looking for. I forget what that was, as well. Suddenly, when I realized Mike or his girlfriend Jenn weren't around, I said, "Did he...answer the door?" and one of them replied "No, I just went in" so I flipped shit and was like "Oh my God, we have to get out right now! Before he comes back and thinks I'm like some crazy stalker person, fuck!" We didn't find whatever it was we were looking for but in the end we forgot about it.

Then, there was an invasion of little creatures in this randomly high tech/medieval building that looked like kids but where somehow different, and they would come in and take something of yours and you couldn't stop them for some reason. So you had to convince them to take something of little value and trick them into thinking it was good. I told one girl I'd give her a crayon and draw a picture of her. She was content.

I also remember going to school late, which was oddly attached to this weird building, walking in late and having the teacher send me upstairs and telling me to wait. So I went upstairs, and the whole room was a drained pool, but the pool was so shallow that even if it was full you'd only be wet up to your knees give or take. It had no sides, either. The floor just began sloping at a certain point, and in the middle of the slope there was a drain. I was listening to my mp3, to some Justin Nozuka. The teacher came up, who was an odd mix of Mr Hughs and Mr Mahalik. He started talking to me, but then started...singing at me. Singing exactly the same lecture he was about to give me. When he stopped telling me off in song, I just laughed and said, "You sound like Justin Nozuka" and he got all upset as though he wasn't just singing.

Back to a scene from another part of the building, I am unclear as to my role in that medieval place but it seems as though I was trying to escape at some point, because I remember being in a place with wooden ledges, and a dirt ground. And as I tried to get out, a team of very vicious large dogs came out, and somehow I fended them off, though I remember pushing their faces away just as they were about to bite me, scrambling up over a wooden ledge with an adrenaline rush caused by trying not to get my feet ripped off in the process, and running my ass off.

Then, I remember being in the woods near the place, camping out with like, my entire family, friends, and people from the building. We were all eating supper, I think, talking excitedly. For some reason I walked further on down this path, and came across a group of people sitting, one of the volleyball girls was there, and to my horror there were two fetuses (I tried to spell feti, but Firefox keeps spellchecking it as wrong, and fetuses as right....) that were so small they fit in the middle of my palm, and the girl was trying to kill one. I grabbed one up, it was so...small, and fragile and red and ... horrifying, but I couldn't believe she was there trying to stab her own prematurely born children. She was determined to kill at least one of them, and I pretty much had to fight her off of the second child, but I failed anyhow. She'd crushed it with a stick. I felt sick to my stomach, and I ran back to the campground with the survived child fetus in my hand. I remember the rage I had at her, for just how comfortable she was with the situation and how determined she was to kill it when I could have saved it.

Then, we were in the city, and somehow I was some sort of...witch hunter or something.
We had caught this evil powerful woman and taped her to a board, so she couldn't move. I must have spent about 20 minutes of my dream taping. In fact, my dream was almost a lucid dream. Any clearer and I would have began to realize I was dreaming, done a reality check and tried to stabilize the dream with full awareness. Anyhow, I remember being so precise with this tape, I remember it folding at the edges and everything, getting frustrated with it when it peeled up, or when there wasn't enough tape to cover something properly, ect ect. Anyhow, some sort of overseer, some sorcerer dude with blond hair came down and asked us why we were being so nice to her. I was confused. He pointed down. "You taped her head down....with a pillow underneath it". "Oh! Did I?" I only vaguely remembered, which either means I was so focused on the taping I forgot I did that, or my dream created a random memory the minute he told me I did it.

We ripped it off and kept taping her face down, but the board began flying away. Which was fine because it was attached to a rope, which I used my magical powers to send electricity down. Odd, Gay, I know. But I know it was almost a Lucid Dream, because things I learn through Lucid Dreaming I remembered, the only thing missing was I wasn't aware I was dreaming, and so I couldn't take those last steps of control. But I remember thinking how hard it was to electrocute her, how much energy it was actually taking, and thinking vaguely, "Well if I think it'll happen, it will happen. If I convince myself it'll happen, and assert it, it'll happen" so the electrocution grew stronger. The wire was wrapped all around her and the board, so she got fried pretty good. Then, I remember dragging the board across the pavement with her face down pretty harshly, I must have scraped her nose clean off.

At some point, people in the building were being killed, and I can't remember if it was the witch who got free who did it, or some other force, but I remember worrying about all my people in the building like it was fucking Schindler's List or something.

Anyhow, that's all I can remember from last night.
I'm aware its an awful lot, but the reason this happens see,
Is my alarm is set weird and on days when I skip school,
I keep waking up on the hour or hour & a half,
which just increases the clarity of my dreams,
Makes them a little more rampant and makes me remember a lot of them.
I fall right back to sleep after the alarm goes off,
kind of like a DEILD without the Lucidity.

Okay! Up to date stuff, now.


Evil Vague Santa Clause Thing With A Gun. Lmao.

Most of it is vague becuase my dream recall has been sucking this week for some reason >: /

Last night I had something close to a nightmare D= I know Colleen was there, and she didn't say or do much, and Mike Nguyen was there for a moment or so. Its pretty vague but I was being chased for like an hour by something that probably changed image throughout the whole thing, since my last impression of him that I remember is an evil vague Santa clause thing....with a gun. So, I'm running with Colleen through towns and such, at one point we were on a very tall & intricate jungle gym at night, and we've climbed halfway up and were looking down to see if he was following but we couldn't see him anywhere. Suddenly we got the horrible realization that he was ABOVE us at the top of the giant jungle gym contraption, so we book it again. At the end we're in this building, scaling flights of stairs, and finally we reach the top where there's nowhere to go. I'm standing there while the Santa clause thing laughs at points his gun at me.

Suddenly I guess the fear of being shot made me realize that I must be dreaming, and I became lucid. I was pretty stoked actually, so I grew a pair and told the thing to shoot anyway. The first bullet felt weird/painful, but only because I was a bit scared of whether or not it would hurt. The second one he fired I just deflected.

I figured Dream Colleen (and randomly two other people who were there now) would be pretty happy but unlike usual how my friends act true to life, these Dream Characters were unresponsive and void of emotion. : /

Could the Santa Claus thing be subconsciously a play on the one from Futurama? I can't imagine where else I'd get an evil Santa Claus with a gun from XD

Shit Dream Recall, Computer Stuff

This week has been sucking for dream recall ;__;
As of late its been slipping...So this is a bit hazy,
But I remember being on a computer, and I was in this odd building.
The halls were dark but this room was right and there were like 5 people in the room. One girl, who I was supposed to know, kept trying to sit on the computer chair with me, and kept pushing me over, and I couldn't type properly anymore. I can't remember if what I was typing was even important or not. I got extremely irritated and then prematurely woken up. >: (

Doubtful I'll have clear dreams tonight as well...
My mind is too foggy as of late, (not to mention its my friends 19th & I'll be partying tonight anyhow). I'll pick up on sunday...

WILD Attempt

This morning I go to bed and attempt to WILD,
But it was a silly idea because I'd been up from 11:00am yesterday morning until 1:30pm today. trying to sleep for two hours (And WILD) was a stupid idea given those circumstances and yet I tried. The result was that every 5 minutes for about an hour, I would feel a wave go over my6 body, but the moment I did I was so aware of it that my breath would naturally hitch with the fluttering feeling, causing my eyes to flutter open or my body to become too awake. I'd close my eyes, suddenly have a hypnagogic jerk from seeing myself walking up Steffi's front stairs, then crash back to reality all very quickly.

And so here I am with still no sleep aside from an hours worth or half formed hallucinations.

Hopefully tonight will be different, but for now I am awake to staaay.

Glass Eye & Snippets

Finally I had a somewhat vivid dream earlier this morning.
When I woke up I only remembered a bit, but I sat there for a good ten minutes trying to scrounge up the rest. Its surprising how this actually works o_o Though, there's of course some still missing.


First I remember that I had a glass eye, & the only person who knew how to change it was Steffi, and she for some reason or another had my real eye (which apparently could just be popped back in whenever I wanted)

The glass eye though started getting cataracts, and red veins everywhere. I was alarmed so I called Steffi, and I don't remember why but we started arguing on the phone.
There's parts missing so the dream skips around a bit.
Now, I'm in a classroom with dim lighting, watching a movie with Steffi.
Another girl was there two rows ahead, and a generic male teacher. The movie for some reason was about someone we actually knew, and apparently who the teacher knew, too. Thinking about it now, I'm not sure he was a teacher. Just someone with us (which is creepier XD). The video features a woman who I knew for some reason was a killer, & I'm guessing the reason is fake dream memories, or that she was in the dream earlier but I can't remember what happened. I'm leaning towards the latter, for reasons that are purely based on feeling as though I'm missing details on her that I knew. I turned to the teacher and asked him, "Did she continue to wear red lipstick even after she left?" For some reason, the man knew... "Yeah, but she wore it every other day" The girl two rows in front of us was told to move, but she tried sitting at the desk between me and Steffi. It was only after she tried to sit down that I noticed Cody there.

--------
I'm sitting with the teacher/whoever/random person, and Tom Hanks for some reason >_> Me and other people, who are not clear in my memory right now, (I think it was Steffi & Colleen) were there. For some reason we also knew Tom Hanks was a killer, and Tom was telling a story. Whatever was said between the two I can no longer remember, but whatever it was at the time prompted me to jump up, completely psyched, and oh "OHH mannn! I hope you're BOTH killers!" to which MaybeSteffi said, "shhh!" As though I was giving away a movie ending or something. So I tried to save it, but it was so bad... I said, "Yeah... Cause I mean.. if Tom was a killer that'd be crazy, if you were both killers it would be insane!" ...... D= the guy didn't seem to catch on, so I was lucky.

---------
I am knock on a mansion door, a lady lets me in.
I remember sand in a glass tank coming to life and snaking up the side of the tank in a line, and the lady telling me to close the lid before it escapes. I know there is a ton more to this that I can't recall, which annoys me. I remember she didn't like me or that I wasn't allowed to do something specifically but not sure what.
--------

Having a smoke outside. I see Steffi Kyla & Josh across the street. They call me over and say they wanna match up.


Hopefully even clearer dreams tonight?
Hopefully the end of the dream draught?

Half Abusive Mother & Beans

So quite obviously my sleep schedule is fucked up,
Because I woke up at ... 4:00pm. Anyway~

I remember George Costanza being at field right by the school for some reason.
In a non creepy way though, despite how lecherous it may sound XD

I was by my old elementary school, and down from the woods came this little asian girl who was crying. I wonder whats wrong and take her back to her house. I walk inside where I see her mother, and a small tub of icecream half gone. I yell at her, "You can't force feed a child like that! You could make them puke!". This pissed her off even more, & yet when I looked at a bucket she was holding and asked "whats in it" she showed me, they were beans, some white and some green. I said, "Good luck planting those!" & left.

Daniel Has a Gun?

I'm walking down on Simco street at night time.
There's another guy walking on the other side of the street slightly ahead, with blond hair. Suddenly, from the top of the street a guy who looks a lot like that homeless guy Daniel starts running after us with a gun.
Police sirens are heard, and he runs away. As soon as the sound die off though, he comes running back at full speed. He shoots one guy, and I for some reason have fallen to the ground at some point. He tells me to get up, or he'll shoot me. The Blond Guy tells me to stay down anyway and that if I stand up he'll just shoot me. I stay down, and the crazed guy fires some warning shots. I wonder if they hit my shoulder or not, and for some reason don't realize that if they did I'd feel pain. I stay down but only because for some reason I think if I do he wont kill me. I was luckily right, and got up after he put his gun down. I ask him why, and he says, "Man, doesn't matter, I just wanted to do it, and I'll do what I wanna, but I don't want no trouble, dont come like looking for me or anything like that"

Could guns be a sort of dream sign for me? It seems lately there's a lot of malicious people in my dreams and at least two of them had guns, and I never question it.

I'm walking on Dunbrack in the middle of the two lanes. There are tennis courts painted here, I notice. I wonder how people play tennis here without hitting the cars with the ball or causing accidents.

Well, last nights set of dreams were allll over the place o__O
This is good, though. I'm coming out of my dream dry spell =D

Wow.. I LOVED the first one
especially the part about the laundryy..
Wierd huh.
Anyway
I Thought all your dream journal was great
cant wait for your next entry'ss.
[:

^ Thanks~ Haha its fine, I was amused by the laundry part more than I should have been, too. I mean who wastes their successful WILDs talking to their mother about panties? XDD


Melatonin, Mortal Kombat,& The White Stripes

Last night before I went to sleep I took half a strip of Melatonin (1.25mg).
I used autosuggestion like usual since I've been having poor recall & went to dreamland. It was the first time I ever used anything to aid Lucid Dreaming.

I'm at Pauls house, and there is a guy who at first is Michael, but as the dream goes on turns into another DC. The DC is blond and has a girlfriend who is there. We start playing videogames, Paul, DC dude & Pauls roomate. He has the largest tv I have ever seen, and it is white. We are picking pokemon for some reason. After that my dream skips to me being inside the videogame (which is suddenly a fighting game) while I choose a character. Theres characters from different games but the ones I remember most are the Mortal Kombat ones. Theres Sub Zero, Scorpion, and even a female version of Scorpion. I pick Scorpion.

After that I just remember that random DC sitting at the table with his girlfriend. I said something to him that I forget, and he said something about being a devout christian. I say, "Awww, you're a little choir boy," or something along those lines.. which I still don't understand but whatever. I was sort of mocking him in a way (??). His Girlfriend got mad and started shakign her head at me angrily. The DC was so passive he didn't tell either me or her to not fight.

I call my mom to pick me up. Apparently Steffi is with us in the house now.
I notice in and odd clarity that she seems upset or in an odd detached mood, and the way she is walking seems to mirror that as well. But then I come to a somewhat sad realization that she is just awkward and I feel bad for her. I don't understand the meaning of this emotion in the dream, and it makes no sense... Once in the car I try explaining to the guys girlfriend that I was only teasing in an endearing way & not trying to be a jerk. The flow of this dream seems more realistic and my thought patterns seem more true to life than in my recent dreams. Could this be due to the Melatonin? Or the sudden consistency I've been journaling with?
I look at the blond DC and think for a moment to myself about why some men like being a tool and having people dictate their life for them.

-------

I am walking down Rosedale with Kyla, while Steffi & Josh walk ahead. The sky is gray but the weather isn't too cold. Its like a scene out of real life.
Kyla passes me a smoke, and I wasn't expecting it so I say thanks. I take a drag. The feeling is intensely real.

I notice that in my dreams whenever I smoke, my dreams becomes more vivid...

--------

Now, one of my LD goals I came up with two weeks ago was I wanted to play drums for the garagerock/blue duo The White Stripes.

Now I'm posting this like 4 hours after I woke up, but only a half hour ago did I remember this part, and it bugs me. I can't rightly tell if it was lucid or not. Kyla called me on the phone in real life and was telling me about a new DJ set she bought, and I was instantly reminded that I played the drums. It took me a moment to realize I didn't actually do this in real life (never have), and that it was a dream I didn't remember from last night.
But as I recall it now, I remember making very conscious decisions about which drum I'd hit, and I remember playing to Icky Thump (A white strips song). I remember thinking that I didn't know which note each drum gave so I tested each one out. But so much of it is missing. I think I was lucid at some point, but I'm really not sure. I read somewhere head on Dreamviews that its speculated there are levels on conciousness in dreams, and after this I fully believe it. I mean, I did before but this just makes it all the more clear...

I'm very upset with having accomplished my goal and not being able to remember it clearly. I don't know if the melatonin brought it on, but it doesn't matter so long as I have this shitty recall. It never used to be like this, I used to be a natural, not even months ago. I dont know what the problem is or how to fix it >: / ....

The parts I remember playing were fun though .__.

Drama...?

This is for May 8th, I didn't write down my dream online yesterday but its in my journal so I'm posting now :0 Though last night I didn't remember any dream because I had about 8 beer in me before my head hit the pillow (someones beanbag?)

I'm at Josh's house, but I don't think Josh is there.
May is with me and I think I give her a package of stickers.
Tom comes to the door for some reason and is already drunk.
I really don't want to talk to him, he offers me a smoke and I take it anyway.
I let him in since he's insanely inebriated, he sits on the couch & complains about something.

May says when I was asleep the door was unlocked & people broke in.
For some reason my dream switches from me listening to her about it, to me actually being there when it happened : / She tries to get them to leave, but she can't on her own so I try to help her.

The house is in disarray when I wake.
Somewhere along the way the dram turns sort into a musical, that continued out into an adjoining restaurant, and the black dude from MadTV is there o_O
(I know there's like 5 black guys on the show... I forget his name though XD)

I am at my grandmothers house and I forget what happened or what someone said to me but it caused me to freak out and scream to them " This is why I don't believe in that bullshit Christianity!" & then I remember pondering the backlash of having finally come out as an atheist to my grandparents.


Dad is at my house & he is leaving but says he wants a picture of me. I'm assuming because Grace burned every photo he ever owned of his family irl cause she's a douche. I say, "Hey! I drew you a picture before and you said you wanted to keep it and wouldn't lose it but you did! you do that with everything!" (which actually happened when i was like, 13) I think I gave him the pic at the end of the dream anyway.

------

My dad is telling me something and I say to him that I know he lies a lot, and that I know he went through a lot and that's how he copes with life. He says "Whatever, I dont care" and I say I know he does even when he says he doesn't and he starts to cry. I think at first he's laughing quietly so I laugh for a moment, then realize & hug him. .__.

My dreams have been semi depressing at certain parts lately. Ugh

Michelle Obama?¿

No dreams the night before last as well.
I went out on a random road trip that night to a cabin with friends.
My kidneys are shriveling up. That can't be good for recall.

Last night, I only remember that in one, I was about to get it on with some guy who looked a lot like young Paul McCartney.
& that in the other one, Michelle Obama was my Vice Principal for some reason.
I did something against the rules, I forget what. Michelle just leans over and says very nastily, "Dia, why would you say something so damn stupid." So we went to her office, where she was debating on kicking me out. I said "Oh yeah? Well, at least I'm not a dirty alcoholic" She pauses, "How do you know that?" I forget what I told her or how I knew. In either case, I then whipped out a bottle of triple distilled vodka & offered her some, pretending to be nice. "Come on, you must be seriously stressed out with all this work.. just have a sip, I'm not gonna tell anyone." She looks at it uneasily. "...... well I suppose one sip wouldn't hurt." She takes it, and I then tell her that if she kicks me out I'll tell everyone about her alcohol problem & that she took some from a minor. I almost for a moment feel bad about duping her that way but then don't care.

>: / Too much alcohol this weekend. & there'll be drinking on Wednesday. After that however I think that's the end of this party run -_-

Blue Bikethat I once went over the side of a wall with cause the breaks didn't work and scraped my face off & needed stitches with =D ah, the good old days.

I'd say I had shitty recall tonight but hell, I didn't even try.
I was supposed to get up early for something, but just turned off my alarm when it woke me >: /

Even though I took another half strip of melatonin to knock me out...
My dreams were vivid, & LOOOOOOOOOOOONG but I can't remember half of it...
Very upsetting.

My cousin had a bike, and now that I think about it, its the first bike I learned to ride when I was younger. I took it from him, or asked, or I can't even remember, and drove to school with it. After school, I tried remembering where I put my bike but for the life of me I couldnt, & I panicked thinking it was lost. But the bike was so small I thought, how could I even ride it properly anyway? That within itself should have been a dream sign, but I just kept on... At least I'm thinking about things more thoroughly in my dreams, though.

Another Wildddd

Well I drank my guts out last night (again, ugh, I know)
But yet after waking up thismorning, having a drink & going to bed a half hour later, & making only a half assed attempt to WILD I had the longest WILD I ever had. It must have been much much over an hour, but I can't be certain becuase sometmies time is different in your dreams & I didnt look at a clock.

I did the hand reality check quite a few times becase I lost lucidity a few times. I had six fingers twice, one time they were all gnarled & half formed. What happened was, as I was falling asleep at first, I was liek "Concentrate on your breathing" but I sorta forgot. then my body starteed feeling the vibrations, but I thought I'd just woken up normally when I moved. I didnt question thta Jesse was randomly by the bed. Sexual thngs ensue & I have no clue I'm dreaming. Then I realize finally that it makes no darn sense & I realize I've succeeded. I just yell Holy Hell, & try to stay calm. I go into Kyas room (I was sleeping at Kylas house irl) and pace around thinking. I touch things as I go to keep it real. I forget entirely about the task of the month & try flying out the window, trying to believe i can do it. My hand just bounces bak. I can't even fy when I try, hell I can't even hover. & I'm too scared to jump off of something becuase the dream pain might be uncomfortable.

I look around for Cody, & find him but I'm so into all of this I dont really say anything to him. Instead I wander into the kitchen & try to induce flying. I ask anyone if they have Flying Medicine becuase there's for some reason tons of people around. Some guy says yes. Butgives me a handful of greenish ham, & I marvel at the texture as I chew it. It kinda grosses me out but I realize its dream food and there's no point in being grossed out so on I chew. Around here my dream skips somewhere else and I never really go get the chance to try & fly. I keep losing lucidity in intervals & doing hand reality checks to gain it back. Or touching things. Or just thing sgetting hazy so I run my hands on a wall, or even tried sleeping with one of my friends, Tong. She just happened to be in the dream randomly since I seen her the night before, & in real life of course that would never happen since I've known her for yearrrs. In the dream however she was pretty into it, and the realism of the heat from her body is just crazy. I still haven't had many very clear LDs and so I'm still impressed and also surprised when the realism gets like this.

At one point I'm trying to find Jack White so I can fulfill one of my Dream Goals, which is to play with the White Stripes as the drumming part (Meg). So I tell myself if I expect him around this corner, he'll be there. I look in a couple of rooms, nothing. I get very sure of myelf suddenly of this next door and smile, I run to the side door and.....Will Farrell? o__o In a wig. Smiling. I leave.

I find Jack but my mind can't decide which hairdo he's gonna have for some reason. I find him in a mae up dream room, where my friend Crystal is there playing videogames on a large flatscreen, a couple of people are smoking & others are talking. Jack was sitting watching the screen. I pull him & he comes but he doesnt stay consistent. He keeps turning into different versions of Jack that I've seen in photos.

I keep remembering my real body & getting upset when I start fading the dream. I had like three FAs during the dream because of it. Okay, wake up, hand check, haha 7 fingers okay I thought I was stil dreaming just making sure. I try a nose RC at some point, & think about som info I heard, which I dont know is true or not because I forget where I heard it. That your dream breathign is in tune with your real breathing. So at some point while I was holding my breath at something interesting something was saying, I was like "OMG WHAT IF I'M SUFFOCATING MY REAL SELF" spurring on anoter FA.

My father was there at some point when I wasnt lucid. His ex girlfriend Grace, whome I despise with a passion because she is quite literally a crackwhore (no pun. I mean.. she really is) was there. Irl she was with my dad for about 10 years since I was 3 so when she was in Kylas house in the dream & I wasnt lucid, I just kept saying "she's not my mother." when Kylas mom would ask. I was getting intensely offended when I suddenly stopped to think ".... wait, why is dad with Grace again when she lives in Ontario & why are they in Kylas house" -insert another reality check-....-insert sucess-

At another point I remember being lucid but not quite lucid enough that my reason was flawless & completely realistic. I remember Kyla & a friend looking into the room while I was sleeping & sayign "Look, she's still sleeping man" & I was behind them as they looked in at the other "real" me, thinking I wonder if this is really happening. Obviously it wasn't... I was all worried if I was talking too loud in the LD & they could hear me mumbling or something.

Somewhere along the way I remember writing down the things that I did so far or that hppened, becuase I thought that by doing that I could help myself remember in real life to write it here. I laughed while writig becuase I noticed that as I finished one line, the line above it would become a scrawled mess of pen, & interested by it because I realized then that I never thought that "Oh obviously my brian cant remember this word for word so it turns into nothing." but I kept writing becuase the purpose was really just to kinda lock i into my memory since I've been having shit recall.

I tried something I asked Shift about the other night.
I asked her if it was possible to do autosuggestion while in the dream itself. and she said that it probably was if you were lucid enough. so I repeated to myself that I'd remember in the dream & to be honest I think its much more effective now that I've tried my idea.... You're much more confident & I think since your subconcious is more open in that state you have almost direct access to it with autosuggestion. Just a note...
& I think maybe I should pose the idea in a thread?

I went into my room & realized that there was only one poster that was consistent with my real room.
The feeling was so intense, I tried looking at one side of the room at the details, then looking at the other, then looking back to see if anything had changed since its a dream. It wa all very amusing. My old desk was there, and my room felt like it did 3 years ago. I can't explain what I mean by... FELT, just, the feeling of my old bedroom was here. I wonder breifly if you can unlock memories that you wouldnt be able to in waking life through this state.

Also some dumb ghetto chick I know who got me fired from work wa there. Her face as painted yellow & green and she had rouge on her lips. It was insanely retarded and gross but fascinating to look at in a dream world.

Anyway thats all I can remember but I think I've covered most of it for once. STOKED!

RuPaul's Drag Race Supreme~

So, my dream recall is coming back it seems.
I didn't get much details from last nights dream but,
Upon awakening I knew most of it without having to try hard to remember.
I was just too lazy to write it down... and now I forget some again XD

Oh &, excuse the millions of typos from the last entry XD it was right after I woke up and I was in a rush, and still half asleep lmao.

Anyhow, I was in RuPaul's Drag Race, even though I am a female : /
It didn't seem to matter I guess. I was telling Nina Flowers that she is my favourite from the show so far (even though I was a contestant... I was talking from the view of my irl self who would watch the show) & I told RuPaul that my favourite outfit from the whole thing was, "Oh, you know the one with the crazy Mohawk of red hair" "Oh yes girl, with the red tartan suit?" "Yeah, that one!" >___>

It was pretty vivid, my thinking was clear but the only thing missing was lucidity. I remember one of the contests we had to sing a song, but I thought "Why didn't we get a week in advance to learn it??" But in dreams time makes no sense, he was like "I told you last week" and I was puzzled because I was positive I'd only just heard that news now. So I remember as the other contestants were singing, I was trying hard to write a song in my head really quick. But the lyrics I kept coming up with were cheesy... I'm talking like, Early-1963-Beatles-Mop-Top-Doo-Wop-band Cheesy. (don't get me wrong, I love the Beatles XD) So when it was time to go up I just sang "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton : / It felt like singing in real life though. I remember trying to hit the notes and hearing it when I messed up and being like "Ugh that was sooo flat" I'm sure this is because someone mentioned the song to me two days ago irl and I was like "oh snap I remember that song" & Rebecca Glasscock (the name, I know, terrible) went up and sang "Part Of Your World" from the Little Mermaid.... dressed as a mermaid... .. . . . . .

In conclusion I have to stop watching TV & being up to date on 50 billion aspects of the Media because it seems like my dreams revolve around celebrities, shows, and political figureheads XD
---------------------

In another dream I know I was fighting with someone, but God knows who, but I was vicious... like, downright rude D= I spit in her face I remember, like, twice. And its odd because I've always said that even if I was fighting someone I'd never do something that degrading XD But in the dream I was uber pissed and I MEANT it man, ... Lets just hope I never get like that in real life because I'd be ashamed XD

At one point I was running from Dakota, in fact..it might have been him I spit at. I remember becoming invisible with some sort of pill but yet he still cornered me, I got out of that one and booked it down this hallway/street. It was like.. a high tech street with tall borders. I confronted Dakota a couple of times, but I can't remember what happened in them. Either way no one really got hurt I don't think. And it wasn't a nightmare, it was rather nonchalant.

Then I started getting it on with Saining, and right as I was about to take her top off Cody called me, & woke me up. And now he's on his way over & I'll have to whine at him now~

Sadism

There was a small child who had knives, & I'm not quite sure why she was so pissed of but she kept swiping at me with this knife, So I grabbed her by the neck, grabbed the knife out of her hand and started cutting her face, one small paper-cut size slice at a time. I don't know why but the worst in me came out in this dream, I was absolutely livid and sadistic. Then I told her to count to three becuase I was going to cut right across her face, and she started crying and screaming. So I yelled in her face and told her that if she didn't kindly fuck off that she knew what would happen and that I'd kill her D= The kid was like... 10 years old. Yikes.

Ah, yea :shock: I've had dreams like that before, they are so incredibly weird :shock:

^ Yeah, I was really weirded out cause I'm like "Oh my god does that mean I could do that in real life if I was pissed enough? ;_;" lmao

Puking Nightmare

I haven't been properly updating D=
About three nights ago, I had the most absurd nightmare ever.
It was almost as realistic as a Lucid Dream, which added to the terror..
Cody was telling me something about Jesse, and I said
"Well, why don't you tell him?" "Because, he acts as though it never happened"
The whole time we're talking I am eating something similar to Trail Mix.
We walk into Codys kitchen, and I put the Trail Mix down only to read and discover that it is actually Hamster food. There are hard kernels and grains and the whole thing takes on a different feeling altogether. I look at Cody and say, "Its hard to believe I ate half of that bag without puki----" before I finish my sentence, I feel myself dry heave, and a bit of the hamster food comes out. Horrified I run to the bathroom, and shut the door. I pull my hair back and wait for the onslaught, thinking to myself Ugh, Cody must think I'm like bulimic in here or something. Finally it pours out, but its a large constant stream that doesn't stop, but I can feel the texture so vividly and it scares the shit out of me. I think "My throat must be bleeding from the pressure & the grains". I stop and my eyes are bloodshot, I open my mouth and I'm about to touch my throat to see if there's blood, but I say, "If I use my hands I can't do a reality check" but then I said that Its obviously not a dream and that at a time like this its ridiculous to stop for something that trivial. My mom called and woke me up, and I still felt sick to my stomach, and my eyes were actually bloodshot for some reason. But they've been doing that a lot lately so its just an annoying coincidence.

The worst part is, if I wasn't so positive I was awake I could have had an LD and stopped being afraid ;_; Next time I'll listen to myself! RCs no matter what the situation! (Can you imagine RCing at a funeral? Your family would get so mad, and you'd say something silly like "BUT WHAT IF SHE'S NOT REALLY DEAD!?")


And tonight I dreamt...
Slides, Signs & my Little Brother

It was nighttime & I was with May on this playground. My mother was there too, for some reason, waiting for us as though we were 5 again. The slide though, was really really tall, like the ones at theme parks that you slide down on a sac with. But this one had for some reason, a walrus face on it. And John Lennons face. And of course, "I Am the Walrus" was playing o__O.
So I slide down it, but turns out it turns up and the end. Like a ....ramp. So I went flying at full speed down, and up super high into the air.... I actually got butterflies, it was awful and exhilarating at the same time. I must've known on some level I was in a dream because I was like, "I've done this before. I know I wont get too hurt" and I landed in a way that I thought would be the least damaging.

Afterwards I was in some sort of semi deserted hotel with Colleen and Kyla. We were walking past a table and saw a bird statue. And Kyla said, "You know, when you see birds you're supposed to follow their direction!" And it was facing towards this room. So I walk in, a little nervous. Theres a doll on the bed, though I've no clue what that even means. Theres another room, and Kylas mom is in it, drunk and pissed off for some reason. It gets fuzzy here, but we're in the same hotel and I see my brother DJ. He tells me to call dad for him becuase dad was supposed to visit him today. So I call him, and he says he can't come for whatever reason, and I get all upset and yell at how irresponsible he is and how I'm old enough to deal with it but DJ isn't and he'll be heartbroken if he doesn't come. I see DJ in another room and I tell him I called dad and he says "I love you sissy" and gives me a big hug, then he goes frolicking with his friend outside, but the grass out there is messed up and the ground is all uneven and he keeps tripping.

Cereal~

I'm in a store with some other people. Like, shoppers or something.
There's a competition, and its where we have to match a bottle cap to a cereal box. I get a green & pink bottle cap, so I look around for a green & pink cereal box. I find a really beautiful one that has writing all over it and some model photo of a guy & a girl on it. Is this even cereal? whatever. Some girl keeps doing the competition wrong and wont give up. I think I won.

Dream Cluster/4 Night Span

Due to medical problems I've had a problem with keeping up this journal.
However the Indomethacin I am on requires me to be completely sober of everything, and the REM rebound has been great. Dreams of the past 4 days will be in this entry.

Night 1

I am watching a drive in movie about racism with someone in a car at night. Suddenly someone from the movie comes out, wearing a shield and dressing like some fort of Nordic traveler. He is chasing me, shouting racial slurs and I get to my window, where I become lucid and decide to jump out. but a fear comes over me of being actually awake, so before I decide to jump I do about 5 RCs to make sure I don't plummet to my untimely death. They work, and I jump out flying about. The chaser flies out but cannot fly as well, so I spit on him from above like a complete jerk.

Night 2

I am fighting Satan. No word of a lie, dukes up, DBZ style, fist fighting. I even remember smashing him over the head with a popcorn bowl at some point. It sounds funny now, but at the time it was terrifying. Nothing seemed to phase him. I remember that I was sent by God or something to fight him, but I am an atheist irl so even in my dream it seemed to not make sense. I remember him saying something like, "So you've been trained in holy war..." or something, and I remember thinking about how my existence is a contradiction because why couldn't God destroy him own his own, and why would a holy person have attributes of destruction? I remember climbing out of my window & fighting him in the air above my buildings lawn span.

Night 3

I am in a dark apartment building in "my" house, & I get the eerie feeling that no one else occupies the rest of the units in it. It is nighttime, and I walk out onto my deck, (I am located on the bottom floor) and a semi crazed man comes up and asks to use the phone. I reluctantly let him in. Cut to another chase scene, where I run upstairs to "my" bedroom, which doesn't look like my bedroom at all, it is decked out in pink & fruity colors. I (once again) tried to jump out of the window, gaining lucidity. But I lost it the moment I was out, and the dream gets fuzzy from there...

Night 4

I had a dream I was chilling out with my favorite rock icon & celebrity crush Jack White, and that we were talking about a lot of different issues involving the world, and music. We were in a house that resembled Paul's house with an extension on it. People kept walking in and out through the house as we talked, and I went to the bathroom at some point. When I was done and everything, some girl (who I think is Pauls roommate Syd, but not sure) calls me out to start arguing with me about something. I finish with her and walk back to Jack, who was angry with me for some reason, and wouldn't say why. Finally I think about it, "Ugh, oh man I forgot to flush the toilet didn't I?" "...Yepp" "Sorry man, some girl started arguing with me after I was washing my hands and in the anger I forgot" And we made up. Now I can't even imagine what that subconsciously means, I wish my dream would pick something more interesting than me forgetting to flush a toilet. Me & Jack took some shitty ass myspace quality pictures, I remember hugging him for some reason, sitting with him on a couch and talking ...

Another part of the dream, I am sitting in a filthy room, the floors are damp and the wood is falling apart, there are holes in the floor and newspapers & books piled high throughout the room. My friend Jon is sitting with me, introducing me to dusty records of old Blues/Jazz artists I've never heard of. The covers are soaked & aged grossly, and I sit myself on some newspaper trying to avoid the filth & moisture of the ground underneath. I am oddly content to be here. The only light source comes in through the window, though outside the sky is gray.

I remember doing laundry, very vividly paying attention to every little detail. I think I used too much detergent, and I used two different machines for my clothes even though I don't think I needed to.

I remember being in a car with Colleen, parked in the middle of my elementary school. I think the car was Jon's & that he & Paul were in the car. I was arguing with some girl standing outside of the car, who I think was Syd again.

Virtigo

I just had a Dild, as I was running through a Silent Hill-esque place with Cody.
It was really fun, opening lockers and waiting to see if there were creatures in them, though admittedly I was pretty effing scared, but I like the rush~ (which is why they are my favorite games... but they are much more frightening when you are in a DILD, INSIDE the game). We randomly see Steffi, and I ask if she wants to hang out with us later tonight and drink, which is really abstract for the type of place we were in. She's stoked, but says she has to wait till her shift is over. At some point, me and Cody were running on a grassy hill, and I jumped really high for fun... however the butterflies I felt when I fell were not fun, And when I jumped again, I started getting virtigo. A feeling like gravity was changing or that I had the spins. I also became more aware of my real body from the experience )=

When I came down from jumping, we were being chased by something again, something vague though. Me and Cody jumped and pass through the glass of a window ( well, he did first but by his example I felt more confident) and onto a rope. We swung down into this factory like place, and I ran through another door.

I can't remember why, but at some point I was holding a bus up, with a gun. I'd been running all over the town before that, randomly. So I get onto this bus, and I'm pointing the gun at everyone, demanding.... something. I can't for the life of me remember. But no one wants to fess it up, so I shoot a few people. One person in the front gets the gun from me, and I fight desperately for it. I get shot in the hand but bear it, (And whoever said you cant feel pain in dreams is a douchebag) and eventually grapple it back into my hand.

I must've found what I wanted, I can't remember, but everyone was in good spirits on the bus, for some reason, like I never shot anyone at all. The bus driver begins to drive (though I am slightly worried about where I will end up) and I move to the back of the bus where I see some people I know. I also see Mr. Mahalik, my History Teacher whome I think is pretty attractive. So, I climb onto his lap and we're flirting, but he puts his hand up my shirt and takes it back, because I am so sweaty from running around/fighting for guns. He leaves and oddly enough I see him go flirt with my mother : / Outside of the bus I see Brendan waving/dancing at me. The bus stops and I get off. I meet up with Cody and as we're walking at one point I saw a gigantic bottle of beer on the street, and by gigantic I mean like a story and a half high.

I am walking by the convenience store Needs, and Brittany O is there. For some reason, I have walked on glass and now freak out, trying to push this piece out of my foot. I get it out, but this time when I walk its everywhere on the ground. The entire bottom of both feet are shredded.

I am begging some guy to give all of me and a crowd of other people who are there by money back, so we can get surgeries. I say, "But I reimbursed everyone for their money when I had it! Please, please can't you do the same? I can't stay sick"

I see the same guy later, friendly, in the Silent Hill type place. There is a giant sink behind him, the likes of which 4 people could bathe in. His dog he says, is hungry. And I look down at the poor thing licking the ground and I ask the guy if the dog can eat rice crackers, because its all I have. He says yes. The dog eats.

I wish I could have remembered more but I haven't been practicing good recall as of late, or writing in my real dream notebook. Too many concerts, Too many worries, Too ill, Too trashy to do anything productive.

Sex Tape at The Bar

I did not until last night realize how powerful a dream could be. They are just as real as real life even without being Lucid, and its not funny in the least. And I hardly believe this dream myself, so if it seems like I’m writing bull, I don’t blame you at all for not believing. There are people on the internet like that, I suppose. Anyway, It takes place over the span of at least four days…

I go to the bar at Dutchies, because I am now 19. I get a couple of beer, because I make the decision that vodka is absolutely retarded and I can’t handle it. I can see people gambling father away. I flirt up some guy, and my father happened to be at the bar and see and became all obnoxious and annoying and pissed off, so I just left. That was day one, which though I’m leaving out details, seemed as long as a full dream within itself.

However, I come down the next day to the bar, and there are these two chicks I am flirting up. One is a bit thicker and has blonde hair, and the other is thing with long black hair, both are pretty cute. So we go into a back room, and we’re making out and before I know it its getting really extreme. I’m leaving out the details, but every single part of it was super realistic. Every touch was like in real life, And I remember thinking, “Damn, I know I told Kyla she should stop hooking up with people in bars, and here I am already”. On a side note, another part of the realism of the dream was that I was reflecting on thoughts I’d already thought in waking life, with intense clarity. I was super trashed when this was taking place, though. I remember before I got on the bed, I fell over onto something vague in the bedroom, a broken chair I think? We got up after, and I left the bar to go home. The length of this segment seemed about 2~3 hours.

That night I proceed up to my friend Jesse’s house, with Cody. This is almost like a whole other dream, except I remember what just happened perfectly. I’m eating Pizza with Jesse & Cody like during our real life sleepovers, and I tell Jesse that I know his girlfriend was here for like a month, and that he could have at least answered his phone because its not like I was going to cuss her out just because she’s annoying. (in real life… right now, he is actually ignoring his phone and blocking msn to –everyone- because his stupid internet girlfriend is visiting his house for a month and shes antisocial) He doesn’t say to much on the matter, like usual about anything, and so I proceed to tell them about the hotties I hooked up with. Cody is a little worried, and Jesse just laughs and is like –scooore-. Which was fine. I contemplate asking his mother if she liked Alex (his girlfriend) while Alex was here, but decide not to because getting into conversations with Janesta (his mom) is like getting caught in a bear trap and taking at least two full hours to pry yourself out of it. That was day 2.

I am back at the bar for some reason, again, and I see my mother sitting at a table. I walk over and sit down and have a beer with her and tell her about how annoying it was that dad was here at some point. One of the girls from the other night walks by and says hello to me, and I am already out of the closet to my mother so I don’t care if I look obvious in the way I talk to the chick. I get up and leave with the girl. One of my friends is there, I think vaguely Colleen, and by vaguely I mean sometimes it was her, and sometimes it was a random dream character who I don’t know but knew in the dream. Someone is playing blackjack at a table. I order a pitcher of beer to split with me, the chick (the blonde one), and Colleen/DC. The black haired girl comes over, as well. After sitting around and having a long chat, (& some necking?) me and Colleen leave the table. I randomly wander into the room from the other njght with the chicks, feeling like there is something I need to see. So I go in, and it is the first time that I realize there is a large tripod and recording system. At first I find it sexy, and I attempt to look through the camera at us to see what it looked like. That’s when I notice there are other people on the camera too, as though this happened with different people at different times, and they’re storing it all there. I’m told to get out of the room by someoen who owns the bar. I am suddenly mortified. So, I go up to the owner, some greasy man who is lanky, has bad slightly balding hair and a creeper look in his eye. I ask him about the tape, and tell him that I had no clue that’s what was going on and so could I please have the tape. He said, “No, what, how do you think I’m going to pay the bills? Or do the things I wanna do?” And I told him that my whole life being ruined is a little more important. I went into the whole you know, sob story, blah blah blah I wont be able to go outside if people see this anymore please don’t do this blah blah, and he still refused. Then he said something that made no sense, which I guess is because dreams are random, and he was like if you’re going to adress me you have to adress hell too, because that is how strong the rage in me boils when you ask me stupid questions like this. Needless to say I left, but I already had in mind what I had to do. He was following me a bit, and I could tell he was making sure I wasn’t up to anything. So I looked nonchalant and walked in the opposite direction of the room for a moment.

I saw the man turn into a place that wasn’t there before, that I didn’t seem to question. The place wasn’t even a bar anymore, it just had the vague shape the bar had before. Inside where he turned into there was a small back door, and I peeked inside and noticed he was getting beer and wasn’t looking at me anymore. So I went inside the room with the tape, grabbed it out of the thing (which I should have done in the first place instead of being bemused by it) and started trying to break the casette in half. I was so dumb. I then remembered that you break tapes by pulling the string/film all apart, so I started pulling on it when a co-owner of the bar barged in, presumably also in the business with the other creep. He started trying to grapple it out of my hands, but I was so determined to not have it seen, and I remember being so anxious and having so much adrenaline from it, and I broke free and I’m running and pulling the tape out at the same time. He half catches me but I’m still pulling the tape out and trying to wrangle myself out of his grip on my shirt, until its all pulled and unravelled but its not enough for me, I want it unfixable so I start gnawing at it while yanking myself away. Then its broken beyond repair, he stops trying to grab me, and just stars at it incredulously. The other creepy man, the owner, comes over, and sees the tape in my hand, and is enraged beyond anything I could ever imagine. He begins to attack me, still after the tape which I for some reason won’t let go of even now. He has a knife, and I am backed into some sort of kitchen (yeah…theres randomly a kitchen now lmao) And he’s screaming at me, that his boss is going to be so pissed, and stupid things like how he wont be able to play golf with some guy I’ve never heard of, and I start crying and screaming. I have a knife in my hand (cant remember when I grabbed that up, but I was in a kitchen so it isn't too far fetched) but he has one, too, and he’s taller and stronger. I’m bawling my eyes out, trying to fend him off, but he cuts me several times, in my side, deep. I basically adopt the Fight or Flight instinct, and since I can't run I just attack him head on (still in hysterics) and though he grabs my arm and hurts me I manage to stab the knife through his stomach, and I don’t stop stabbing until he’s completely dead. The other guy is still there, but he is under like, a cutting board (I know, it makes no sense) and is trying to get up, and Colleen/random person somehow stabs THROUGH the cutting board into his hand. He’s not dead but his hand is locked into place on the table with the knife. I’m like, a wreck at this point, and I don’t even know what to say. Colleen suggests I call 911 but I am debating whether I want to wait here and do that, or just run home as fast as I can. I decide I need to call 911, but the place is a club again, and theres this annoying guy on the phone already calling the police. His reason was, “HALLO, poh-lice? I am at Dutchies (the bars name… it’s a place by where I live irl) and some fool here wont shut the hell up!” So I start yelling at him that I have an emergency and need the phone for more important reasons, but I’m like on the verge of tears, and he still won’t give me the phone. Finally, I get the phone and I am detailing everything to the police. And I’m half ashamed, embarrassed about the story and I start crying, and she asks where the man that attacked me is and I tell her that I killed him and I cry even harder, and I’m so worried I’m going to be taken to jail or something. I vaguely remember that I should look for the tape as evidence, if it can be salvaged at all. That was day three.

I am at home, daytime, and Colleen is sitting on the couch with me, having stayed the night before. I’m talking on the phone to Steffi, relaying everything that happened to me. From the chicks to being at Jesse’s house to finding the tape and killing the guy, and she’s all sympathy. I think to myself but don’t say to her that maybe this is karma for having watched that rape porn the other day and didn’t feel bad. (Yes, I did in waking life. What can I say, normal porn is boring sometimes. If I’ve offended anyone…oh well, the dream wasn’t real so I still don’t feel bad) And I reconsider my morals, and wonder why I need to experience something of the pain myself in order to be empathetic towards it. Then I think that, I am empathetic and understand the pain before this happened but I just don’t feel bad, which is even worse and that maybe I deserved everything that happened. I think the realism of my thoughts in the dream is also what freaks me out, along with how a lot of my thoughts are in sync with my memories of waking life. I get off of the phone and I look at Colleen. I lift up the side of my shirt to where I got sliced three times. I ask her if they’re really bad. “…Yes”. Are they deep? “Yes”. … But, do you think when they heal, they wont leave a large scar? “…No..” I thank her for being honest, and I look at her and I ask if she’ll stay the night again tonight. I say, “Look, I know you were already here and you went through a bit but…could you maybe stay tonight too? I don’t wanna stay in the house alone” And she says, “But tomorrows Friday, you have plans with Steffi, don’t you?” I reply, Oh, yeah…and trail off, unsure of if I want to go anymore or not, to another club, no less. That was day four. I woke up.

Another thing that surprises me is how in sync with time the days were to real life. When I went to sleep, it was Monday. (Well, Tuesday technically, because it was past one am, but the point is that my mind felt it was Monday). Then 4 days go by… and Colleen says on the fourth day that “tomorrows Friday, don’t you have plans with Steffi”?? Which is frightening because it truly would have been Friday, and I really do in real life have plans to go out with Steffi to the club.


I was pretty shaken up for about 10 minutes after the dream, (and the RELIEF oh my God you cannot imagine the relief) but I don’t feel bad after having written this. Well, to be honest it makes me a little freaked out about sleep now, and it makes me question waking life more. The fact that I experienced what seems like 4 days in the matter of what could only have been 3~4 hours of sleep weirds me out a shit-ton. Theres blank spots of course, like I don’t remember going to bed, or walking to Jesse’s house, or actually going to the bar, just being there, but in the dream you don’t notice that, so the passing days seem all too real. I also don’t like the consistency of the dream, is it even regularly possible? I know a lot of things were askew but the storyline never really faltered throughout, the only thing is I cannot imagine being at a bar three days in a row : / Boring. Anyhow…The End.

Matrix: Mars, Fire!

I've been recently put on an antidepressant called "Amitriptyline".
For a while I haven't been updating because its been all nightmares,
Like, I'd have at least two a week. (stress?) But ever since I started the Ami,
The dreams have been so vivid every night that I no longer need to practice dream re-call.

The drug, I later found out, has serotonin in it.
From what I've heard, isn't that whats in sleeping tabs?
And isn't it a lucid AID? I'm blaming my increase in clarity on that.
Only, theres been a lot -more- nightmares with no LDs.
Some of which I might write about later. But,
Tonight I had the first LD I had in a long while.
Aaaaand it was way more successful than most of mine 8D

The dream started out with me in a bar, drinking with Fiona, Steffi, Chelcy, and Nick. I remember taking some giant frothy shot and having trouble drinking properly.

Somehow this flipped into a chase nightmare in the place where I live. I became lucid almost instantly, probably because I have chase dreams all the friggin time. I have a nerdy Advent Children wall scroll on my wall, so in the dream I ripped it off of the wall and sort of used it as a carpet to fly on, which worked wonders. I flew out of my window and onto the adjacent buildings roof. It seemed I'd lost my pursuer, and I went to go back into my house to find something interesting to do in my lucidity (I'm usually bad at thinking up somethign interesting to do, I find it hard to remember my Dream Goals while I'm dreaming). At the side of my building there was a large wooden tower thing, with three sets of stairs. There is a creepy tall and broad man walking down one of them, and the moment he spots me, the chase is on. Even when I am lucid, something decides to chase after me, ugh. So I am flying from one building top to another, but this guy is just so creepy and tall that he keeps jumping on top of the places I reach with ease. So I go back to my building top and try to fly through the window to slow him down. I think to myself that I need to get away from this place and so the next door I open, I am in a hardware store. This is pretty random, and the guy is still chasing me. I don't want to waste my lucid like this, so I begin biding time trying to remember my Dream Goals, running through doors upon doors slowing the chaser down D=. I still can't really think of them, so I end up thinking about a really vivid dream I would have as a kid, which was turning into a Sailor Scout from Sailor Moon. Sounded like fun so I whipped out a wand (which was really easy, I barely had to try) and was like "Mars Powerrrrrrrrrr" which was fun cause the ribbons went down around me. Not like in the show, though. It was more like... I forget what they're called, but basically the girls who twirls ribbons for entertainment. Yeah, it looked more like that kinda twirling around. And basically I had the whole red outfit on. Venus randomly appears too, and I'm like "Help me kill this asshole" so we turn around. He's there all huge and sketchy looking, and I shout "Mars, fire ignite!" And these pathetic little fire puffballs are hitting him in the face and he's barely moving. I keep trying to kill him, pausing to run and rub my hands together to keep myself lucid before I slip away into an actual nightmare again, when I decide obviously being a sailor scout is not working. I think of another dream goal, which was to go into the matrix and talk to Neo or something like that. You can't go wrong with sci-fi in a lucid, right? So I turn around, and there is Neo (I am really good at making people appear in my lucids just by expecting them~) and I follow him into a door.

It was -stunning-, the whole room was black and the walls had all that green writing and code flying around, which I didn't think my dream would be able to simulate so wonderfully. There is a blond girl standing at the back on the room (wtf) so I go and talk to her, and I tell her, "Try and remember this, I had a dream that I was a sailor scout, and it started off as a chase dream". I did this because I found that in another lucid I had where I wrote down everything I just dreamt in a notepad, even though it wasn't a real notepad it helped keep it fresh in my memory. But the moment I told her about the chase part of the dream, the door busted open with something chasing me again, and I just woke up.

Despite both the Matrix and Sailor Moon thing being short lived, it was really fun and interesting :0 Perhaps being on amitriptyline isn't so bad.