Dream: First New Project Complete
Date: 8-12-09
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I have been working on something, kinda as a back project for myself, when i dream.
The basic premise is that, i can not dream like normal. I have found that no matter how i try, i can not do it. Well, i have come up with the next best thing.
Last night i finally was able to let my mind drift, and though i still knew i was dreaming, i was able to sit back and watch as the whole world around me just went out of control. I was watching myself, and what i think was myself having a normal dream, only i was watching it. The dream though, is very bad. It is like my inner self is projecting thoughts that i never knew i had. Insecurity, is this dreams basis.
Disclaimer: It takes A LOT for me to find a girl i like, and want to make an attempt with. You all saw how i fantasized about selena gomez. No one else was better then her. Now though i have a girlfriend, and she is perfect. And i am all over her just as i was for SG. Her name is Ashlyn, and that is what the dream was about.
The dream starts in a play ground. I am standing back and watching as my dream self climbs into a sort of tube. The tube is really small though, and i can not fit. So i get out, and i notice that that a girl comes up to me. She says that my girlfriend is not wanting to do anything and something is wrong with her. So my dream self decides to go to her and see what is wrong. When i get there, she is making out with a guy that i have no recall of. She says "You knew this was giong to happen since you cant give me what i want" (again, the insecurity coming in to play. I have never thought i was insecure about anything.... I get upset, and when i get THAT sad i just turn quiet and walk away from the problem. As my dream self did. Then the boy calls out "we have been dating for ages now. You just dont know how to make her happy". I replied "Yeah, well we arent dating anymore", and i continued to walk away.
Suddenly my (as in my "real" vision) gets really blurry and then i see myself standing in my living room. I am pacing back and forth with tears in my eyes because of what i just saw. Then the phone rings and someone says "Ashlyn is in the hospital. She asked to see you.". I immediately went out the door.
Suddenly i am in the hospital. I watch as myself goes into the place and sees her. I see her and she is really banged up, and she all hooked up to those machines and such. She says "i just wanted to say that i never loved you, and that i want you to move on and find someone who did". Then she flat lined.
This whole thing made me freak out so much, and i was just watching it. Not living it. I couldnt stand to watch it anymore and i forced myself to wake up.
So the thing is, i was able to watch a "normal" dream. My mind made me see what i was worried about, and i was terrified.
Needless to say, i just got done telling my girlfriend about this dream. She assured me, and we said a lot of those sweet things that made everything seem ok still but still, i wonder what my mind has to offer me, that i dont know about? It is like a gateway to the subconcious, and all the thoughts that i have held in for so long, locked away for me to never think again. It is truly a freaky thing.
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