Saturday, February 6th, 2010
1. My wife and I were staying at the house I grew up in. It was nighttime and we were getting ready to go to bed. We were sleeping on the floor of a large back dining room and I was getting blankets and pillows to use. As we were getting ready, I had ordered a porno to watch from the On-Demand section of the cable service, and it turned out to be dumb. I ordered another one quickly, not paying attention to the content.
2. I left the room to get more pillows and when I came back in I looked at the screen and saw two guys making out. I asked my wife what this was and she said this was what I ordered. I told her I didn't mean to order that and turned it off, wondering how I was going to explain the charges for the pornos to my mom (who owned the house).
3. My wife said she didn't know and then I thought that we could probably tell the cable people that some kids had ordered it, unauthorized, and they would remove the charges and descriptions from the bill. I told my wife my plan, and had confidence in it because I had once worked for a cable service and we removed charges all the time.
4. I was arranging the pillows and started to turn off different lamps in preparation for sleep. I turned on a night light but my wife protested, saying it was too bright. I then realized that the woman I thought of as my wife had morphed into another woman that I didn't recognize.
5. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud banging on the door that led into the backyard from the dining room, and the woman who was now my wife got up to go check it out. She peered through the peephole and said she didn't see anyone. I got up to check it out and when I looked through the peephole I didn't see anyone either but saw a weird light that was pulsing in an erratic manner. The door seemed like it was being pushed by something on the other side and I tried to keep the door closed. The woman who was my wife helped me try to keep it closed also, and as she did so I looked out of the window and saw this old well house in the backyard, except now it had no door and had been cleaned out inside. There were two high chairs in there and I marveled at how realistic everything looked (somewhere I knew I was dreaming but I was not fully lucid).
:
1. I was driving a car around some city with a famous actor and a couple of other people.
2. I pulled into a parking garage and the actor asked me to turn left, which I was doing, which would lead us up into the garage for regular public parking but what he meant was for me to turn right, which would take us up to parking for a mall skyscraper building. He said "Oh, I meant right!" and I did a U-turn right there and went back up the ramp for the mall parking.
3. I parked the car and we went inside the building. Part of the building was a hospital, and I veered off toward that area as the dude had an appointment that I was supposed to make sure he got to. I ran ahead of him and the other people a little bit and grabbed an elevator. There were a few people in there already, a guy and his wife and some kids, and I held the elevator door open until the actor and the rest of the people got there, which wasn't long.
4. They got on the elevator and the actor asked one of the other people in the elevator if they would push the button for floor 4, which had a piece of taped paper over it that said "Emergency Only - Call Nurses" or something like that. The kid pushed it and I told the actor I didn't think that was right but he was too busy talking to the man and his wife to notice. Once we got to the floor a team of emergency nurses rushed in, asking who was in danger. The actor just smiled and ignored them, pretending to be limping along as he left the elevator and I too pretended to be hurt (but not "emergency hurt"), as I walked past the nurses. I could see on their faces that they thought one of the kids in the elevator had pushed it on purpose as a prank and they weren't too happy about it.
5. As we got off the elevator, I decided I was going to go back downstairs to hang out. I jumped down into another elevator and some lady followed me as well. We talked a bit in the elevator as it went down and when the doors opened I walked out into some mall food courtyard to go get something to eat.
6. As I walked around, I came across a group of people I knew and this blonde woman saw me and came over to talk to me. I thought that she had a crush on me and that I was some kind of big deal now, and was swaggering and trying to flirt with her. I noticed that I was wearing some ridiculous pair of shorts, shoes and a t-shirt, all of which had this weird hunting camouflage pattern specked with randomly assorted lines of neon orange. I felt self-conscious about it but for some reason thought that it telegraphed to everyone that I had been on vacation. I noticed I was carrying around a wooden cane, and I mentioned something to the woman I was talking to that "Well, at least we both have the same cane!". I felt really lame after I said that, and I felt that although I knew the woman really liked me and was giving me every opportunity to be successful with her, I was kind of floundering in the conversation. She humored me, though, and asked about my cane which when I looked back down I had two wooden drum sticks in my hand instead. She complimented them and showed me hers, which turned out to be a better brand of drumsticks. I mentioned that mine were cheap, and I brought them up to eye level and saw they were Target brand and said so. She laughed and tried to keep up the conversation, and finally I mentioned some show coming up and asked if she wanted to go with me. Clearly she was embarrassed for me that I had made such lousy conversation but she still liked me so she said yes.
7. As she did so, another woman saw me and waved to me and I waved back, knowing that it was going to cause the woman I was talking to to be jealous but not caring that much. I quickly made plans with her and went over to talk to the other woman.
8. As I did so, I noticed that people were forming in lines (about five of them) in front of some venue in the mall courtyard. I stood around to try to figure out what the people were doing and then Dave Chapelle came walking through the crowd dressed as his character Tyrone Biggums. The crowd went nuts and Dave played to them as his character. I went over toward him because I knew that he knew me personally and it would look good in front of everyone to see him treating me as a peer.
9. As I got closer, more of his characters showed up including some character that I have never seen in waking life, that of a nerdy guy who wears glasses and has a bad haircut and looks nothing like Dave Chappelle. That character came over to me and though he stayed in character the whole time, talked to me for a bit.
10. Satisfied with that little exchange, I said something to some of the dudes standing around in the line and walked away, feeling that those people were foolish for standing around like that.
11. I walked through the mall looking for a bathroom. As I moved toward where I thought they were, I saw some girl dressed in some kind of NBA jersey walking out of a sports store. I wondered if she was a sports star in her own right, and as I was staring at her trying to figure out who she was she glanced up at me and smiled. I was embarrassed for some reason and smiled back but quickly looked away. Before I looked away I happened to notice that the girl actually worked at that sports store; as I looked away, I caught the eye of another girl standing in front of a different store and she smiled at me also, and I smiled back. I felt good that I had caught their attention as they were both attractive, and I looked down at my ensemble to see my clothing had change from that weird camouflage pattern to a billowy, light blue shirt and jeans.
12. I kept walking and saw the bathrooms finally (or what I thought were the bathrooms) and made my way toward them. It seemed like it was still nighttime and I saw my older half-sister closing up some store, talking on the phone. The idea came to me that she owned her own business and the store was hers. She was deep in conversation on the phone but when she saw me she waved hello and I waved back.
13. I walked into the area with the bathrooms and as I did so a tall man walked in the area behind me. I realized it was Conan O'Brien and I paused and said hello, as I had the thought that he knew me as a friend. We talked for a minute and then I started to do this weird running dance and he followed suit, and it was like we were doing some well-known comedic bit together. He then he walked through some doors and I followed him and suddenly we were in the Tonight Show studio. He sat down in one of the audience bleacher chairs and I noticed it was really dark in there and realized that his writing staff was spending their time there, still in limbo in the aftermath of his gig as host of the Tonight Show being cancelled. I then felt uncomfortable as being there, as there was a sense of camaraderie in the room that I wasn't a part of. I sat down anyway and kind of hung out while he talked to everyone and then was about to leave when some performance started on stage.
14. Some people started to stand up as they cheered, and I saw some older woman and a younger woman performing on stage. They were singing something but I didn't know if I should stand up or not. Then more people walked and suddenly everyone stood up, and I did the same to see who they were standing up for. I couldn't tell who had walked in but saw Conan holding a little girl, presumably a daughter. I was ready to leave and realized I had taken someone's seat (there was a coat on the chair I sat in but I disregarded it and sat there anyway when I first came in). There were two kids sitting in the chairs to the right of me and a woman came down the aisle to hand the kids their coats.
15. I moved out of the way so they could give them the coats and apologized for taking their seats, and the woman was nice about it. I then noticed some "celebrities" dancing in front of the seats in the front row and wanted to get out of there, as I didn't like that they had turned this into a stupid Hollywood dance party. Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were there, dressed in some weird forties costumes and dancing with some people.
16. I walked out of the row of seats I was in and started up the aisle to leave. Most people were leaving too, and as I walked through the exit I came to a point where one door went left and one door went right. I was unsure of which exit to take, as I knew that one of the exits led to a public parking lot that was guarded by security guards to ensure that the public didn't go wandering around the studio. I didn't want to leave out that door as I needed to get back into the mall.
17. Some actor came up to me, though, and started talking to me. I tried to get out of the conversation but he kept me in it, and as he did so was heading out the door that led into the parking lot. He wanted me to follow him as we talked and I did so, telling him that this door went out into the parking lot.
18. He asked if I wanted to go smoke with him and I said okay, and he poked his head out the door to see if there was a place we could do so. It was dark outside and the security guards were nowhere to be seen, so we stood next to a dumpster just outside the door.
19. The actor had been talking about a time when he had filmed his "friend Kramer from Seinfeld" outside of a comedy club telling the story of when he had lost it onstage and yelled out racial epithets to the crowd. I told the actor that I had been there when he filmed that, and he said "Oh yeah! But you didn't talk at all, that's why I don't remember you!". I tried to tell him that I was being quiet because filming was going on, but he said "You were probably too busy thinking about which gang to join...", as he took a drag from his cigarette.
20. I tried to tell him that I was never in any gang and that I wasn't that kind of person, but before I could do so the guy took off walking down a small studio lot street to talk to some person wearing a large yellow haz mat suit.
:
1. I was in a hotel with my wife and several of my family members.
2. We were going outside by the pool to watch some movie that the hotel was showing, and it was really packed with hotel guests. Some of my family had secured some seats in the front row and saved one for me. I walked up and before I saw down I put this weird exercise device (flat plastic seat with two long springs attached to it, the springs had handles for your feet attached to the other ends) on the chair. I then sat down and put my feet through the handles at the end of the springs, and started to bend my legs straight and back down. After a few moments of this one of the plastic legs on the chair broke and I went tumblig down. Before I even hit the ground this hotel employee, a Middle Eastern looking guy with a dark mustache and neatly trimmed hair, came up behind me and grabbed the broken chair leg. He started to yell at me for breaking the chair and I got up and in his face and yelled back at him, saying the chair was defective and that it was a liability for the hotel. I felt everyone in the movie audience staring at me but I didn't care.
3. The guy kind of shook his head and walked away as he instructed some minions to take away the old chair. I stopped the guy and told him I was going to just take a chair from somewhere else and put it there. He said no and I said yes again, yelling at him.
4. I looked around and realized it was so packed that I might not be able to find a free chair. I then thought that I might have to ask the guy to replace the chair with a new one from the hotel storage. My sister came up and helped me look for a chair, and then pointed out that they had put a new chair there but that the head guy had instructed his minion to sit in it, facing away from the movie screen, as a sign I could not sit in it.
5. I got angry again and yelled at the guy some more, and he was adamant about not letting me sit there. I said "Fine, fuck it we're leaving anyway" and gathered up a newspaper and the exercise device and my entire family got up with me and we walked away from the movie area. We talked about what to do next and we decided to go get something to eat in the next thirty minutes. My sister said there was a steak place right across from the hotel that was good, but that the wait might be a while so she and her husband were going over there to wait for us, and to just meet them there. We said okay and everyone kind of split up in their own directions.
6. My wife and I walked through the hotel past the lobby. We walked to a bank of elevators and when one opened up we got on board and pressed the button to take us up several floors. We stopped at the next level so some people could get on. This African man wearing a brown polyester suit and a big smile got on and some other dude got on behind him.
7. The African man walked straight to my wife and got in her face and was flirting with her. I walked straight to him, put my hand between him and and my wife and pushed him away. He tried to ignore me but I kept pushing him away and getting in his face. As I was doing so, the other dude in the elevator was trying to hit on her as well. I told them both to fuck off.
8. We stopped at the next floor and some other dudes tried to get on. They were rowdy looking and when they saw me fighting off those other guys, they laughed and acted like they were going to mess with me too just for the hell of it. Before they could I told them I would fuck them up, and one of them got really mad and the other just told the rest of them to walk away.
9. We finally got up to our level and exited. By now my wife was acting all weird and wouldn't talk to me or anyone else. We stood around outside the elevator, waiting for some people to show up. We were going to meet them for something very important but I wasn't sure what that was.
10. Some of the people we were waiting on showed up and I talked with them. My wife had disappeared and I had the feeling she was mad at me, so I didn't bother going to look for her as I was going to let her cool off first.
11. We got in some other elevators and went up several floors. At one point the elevator stopped to let some people on and off, and I saw the character "Sayid" from the TV show Lost sitting in some chairs. I knew that he was part of our group as well and I yelled out to him when I saw him. It was clear he had been drugged or some such thing, because he was slumped in the seat and although he looked at me, his eyes were unfocused. I knew for some reason that I couldn't get out of the elevator or force him to come with us, so I had to just watch as he sat there and the elevator doors closed. I knew he would show up eventually, though.
12. We went to another floor and some guy was waiting when the doors opened, and he threw a tennis ball inside the elevator in anger. After that he just walked away and everyone got off the elevator as if nothing had happened. I followed my group and we walked around, saying that we were going to meet at some restaurant later that evening now that we were all together. Some other people from our group, a blond woman wearing this light blue suit, came up and said that later at the conference she was going to do a demonstration of our time travel abilities using Twitter
13. I followed two girls who went looking for our rooms, as I wanted to take a shower and a nap. We walked through extremely long corridors of rooms trying to figure out if we were even on the right floor. One of the girls pointed out these pink marble squares in the walls, saying that if we saw those we would know we were on the right floor and that those squares had caused her a lot of trouble in the past.
14. Though we were on the right floor, we still hadn't found our rooms. I hung back while the girls kept looking. I had passed several rooms with open doors and luggage inside but no one in them. I thought about going into one of them and sneaking in to look through all their stuff, but I knew there were video cameras in every corridor and saw this old Indian security guard at the end of the hall, talking to a manager. I walked past them and heard the manager discussing security protocols with the security guard. I went down another long corridor and as I was turning a corner the girls emerged from a public bathroom in that area. We resumed walking together and as we went down yet another row of rooms, the girls paused to look at something and I moved ahead of them.
15. I knew there would be more open rooms with no occupants in this next corridor, and I wanted to sneak in to see what I could find. I saw one room open and walked in a bit to see some luggage and a suit travel bag on the bed. For some reason I thought that the guy staying in there was a douchebag, and I walked out. I then saw that directly across from his room, in the hall, was a long table with a white linen tablecloth. On it were platters of barely untouched foods, including hummus and pita bread, roasted tomatoes and other goodies. I saw the girls turn the corner at the end of the hall and walked over to them and told them what I found. We walked back to the table together and looked at all of the offerings - three types of hummus, cakes, fruits covered in powdered sugar, and all sorts of other things. One of the girls grabbed a few things and took some bites of the food.
16. We finally moved on and I could see inside another room just down the hall. There were people in this one, however, and they were all musicians getting dressed up in suits.
17. As we moved further down the hall, it was clear we were walking up into a conference area. There was a huge display on my left announcing some music conference, and just down from that another multimedia display that announced the artists who were playing the conference and showing video clips of their past performances. I saw one band called "DELTA" and thought "Oh, yeah I want to see them...isn't their name Deltahead, though? No, must just be DELTA."
18. As I was talking to the girls about this, this guy who looked very similar to actor Ryan Reynolds walked up and the girls got excited. They stopped talking with me immediately and went to talk to him. He was wearing a brown leather jacket that looked like it was from the 70's and some shirt that had a list of bands on it. I thought he looked stupid so I started reading the names of the bands on the shirt in a weird voice. He started laughing, kind of in an embarrassed way, and I said "I can do this all day!", still in that weird voice.
19. He laughed again and we all walked down to this large exhibit room, which had a huge open entrance that you could go through directly from the corridor. I was talking to one of the girls about something, and she was flirting with me although I knew she was really into that Ryan Reynolds lookalike. I walked away from her when I saw that the exhibit was basically a bunch of different musical instruments laid out for anyone to play and jam together. I went looking for a guitar and saw several strangely shaped violins and other weird instruments. All of the guitars were taken, as were the drums, and I felt kind of embarrassed just standing there while everyone was playing some instrument.
20. I walked around the other side of the room, where they had these huge musically-themed postcards and greeting card racks. I was on the phone briefly with my wife and then walked down another aisle to look at some weird toys and gifts the place had.
21. I was looking at some weird device that had a long plastic handle and a bowl of sorts on the end. The bowl had some sort of vent built in around the sides and a motorized fan in the bottom. The picture on the box indicated that the point was to pass a yellow plastic ball, which would hover inside the bowl from the fan, from person to person until you reached the goal, while the other team tried to get it back.
22. As I was looking at this I saw my younger brother walking up the aisle. Suddenly my nephew peeks his head from above the other aisle and asks me if I have seen my little brother. I say no, because it is clear that my nephew doesn't recognize my little brother any more as it has been years since they have seen each other. I wanted to see how long it took him to recognize my little brother, and finally my brother looked up at him and my nephew realized it was him. Instead of laughing or something, though, the nephew got mad and told my brother that he had called and left many messages and that he had never been contacted back.
23. The nephew walked away in a huff and I just looked at my brother and asked if he wanted to go with me to get something to eat with the rest of the family. He said yes and we walked out of the exhibit and started to walk directly across from the hotel to some fancy restaurant called Elephant Steakhouse.
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