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Welcome to the my online dream journal. Feel free to read it as you please. I'm using the dream journal software with this. In addition to posting my latest dreams, I will also add some older dreams which I will also add to my journal from my older hand written volumes, so they will not necessary all be in a chronological order. I will not bother to publish dreams which I deem to be suffiently lacking in anything interesting.
15.02.2010Leyland's $2 Benefit Plan (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Alex Leyland, in an attempt to become more well regarded and a great benefactor to the school (some invented high school), spent a massive amount of money in buying hundreds of blue cushions and putting one on each seat that filled completely the circumference of the school hall (it was a round hall). On each cushion he put a $2 coin. He set it up one night, hoping that the next day, when all the students go to assembly in the morning, they would each find themselves each entitled to $2 from Alex Leyland.
However, things turned out differently. The majority of the school student population were completely oblivious to the stunt, and did nothing to acquire their entitled $2 coin in their unawareness. The small amount of people who did notice the free $2 coins were quick to go around collecting as much as they could. I realised I had to get as many as I could gather in order to return them to Alex, in order to minimise his financial losses from this failed endeavor. I had to compete with a lad and also my dad in collecting the largest amount. I had completely filled my bag with $2 coins, so I started having to carry a multitude of them in my mouth, using the basin of my lower jaw for holding coins. There were also a multitude of "new edition" $2 coins which were shaped like blackberries but were made of translucent blue glass. At one time I thought I had stumbled onto unnoticed stash of coins until I realised that it was my father's stash which he guarded in a state of half-sleep, resting on a makeshift bed next to it, and he awoke to me in anger when I tried to grab them.
By the end of it, I came outside to my friends with a huge bag and my mouth filled with $2 coins. I spat out what was in my mouth into a bag, and the coins had left a truly horrible taste in my mouth - it felt like I had just licked all the city streets. On a price comparison chart that Kynan was holding, I realised that Alex had spent even more money than was initially apparent, as the chart indicated that these "new edition" $2 coins currently costed $2.45 to acquire.
13.02.2010Shark Lucidity (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was on an isolated island of tropical wilderness. I was enjoying the water by surfing, though I have never actually surfed before. I was told that there were no dangerous animals on the island, and in the water there were only sometimes some small harmless sharks. However, in the area that I was surfing in, I gradually saw that the number of sharks in the water were drastically increasing.
A helicopter suddenly came to pick me up and take me to safety, as they were concerned with the rising number of sharks. They had already picked up most of the other tourists who were enjoying the water, and still needed to pick up my Dad, who was also surfing, but he refused to believe that there was a growing threat of sharks. Once on land we were wandering on some cliffs. We came to realise that on the island had evolved an extensive range of sharks that lived on land with legs, and even ones that could fly, with feathered wings, and we realised now truly the great level of danger we were in. I even identified that waiting on a path around the corner from our present location was an approximately five meter long walking land shark with distinct skin patterns and textures that it had evolved to camouflage of the commonly found lichen covered rock surfaces, and I pranked some other tourists into getting close to it without realising it was there, by telling them to walk around the corner.
Eventually the ridiculousness of the dream dawned on me and I became lucid as we were running from some sharks. I started flying - but as I was starting to lift myself off the ground I saw something very curious; There was kind of angelic entity, clad in a majestic white robe and hat, with shining gold lining. This angel briefly appeared when I had realised I was lucid and was starting to fly from the area, and he was just standing still on some rocks, intensely staring at me - an expression which suggested he was also aware of my lucidity. I really regret ignoring his presence now.
As I started reaching great heights above the island I was trying to think of what I should do and where I should go, but the dream suddenly collapsed from my prolonged hesitation.
12.02.2010Lucidity Induced Health Advice (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In this dream I was reading stories about lucid dreaming (I never became lucid though). One particular one that I found especially frightening was a man who became lucid whilst he was dreaming that he was standing in his bathroom. Once in a comfortable lucid state, he decided to rest his head against the sink. Whilst he was doing so, a very loud voice coming from the space between the bathroom mirror above the sink and the wall behind it, urged threateningly: "EAT HEALTHY YOU LAZY BASTARD!"
Later on there was some sort of competition between all the gods of the world. These gods were in fact of quite a miniature size, and the goal of the competition was to see who could be the last one still hanging on a set of ropes that were arranged suspended above a bed in a room. In the end it was a close rivalry between 'the rat god' and a warrior god. By the end, the warrior god had transformed into a 'renaissance god of the arts', and then once he had won, the turned into a zeus-like god of storms. I was disappointed because I wanted the rat god to have won because he would have devoted at least a portion of his power to helping out all the 'marginalised tribes' such as the 'israelites', 'philistines', etc (who each had sorrowful representatives loitering outside the room). The storm god, in claming his throne as the head god, spent all his time and power from then onwards in simply creating lightning over a small geographical area. However, the rat god was still capable of sending out his army of possessed rats out every night to help people out, which was the least he could do in his now servient position.
Later on I was in some sort of camp full of people who were around my age (adolescents). I was showing off how I had a pair of flashing lights in my breast pocket. Eventually everyone started claming large indulgent servings of jelly from the food staff of the camp.
30.12.2009Mental Illness (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
The first part involved me getting into a heated argument with my mum - however it turns out I was in some sort of trance and I didn't truly mean the verbal abuse that I spouted out at her. The next morning I got into an argument with Rafael, who demanded that I "go for a run" before I eat lunch that he had prepared, which consisted of carrot salad - I simply wanted to eat lunch without doing exercise. Then I went to a park that looked like the one on the way to school, where I met Sebastian, who said he would see me later, as he rode off on his bike (I did see him later, in my next dream). The park then changed slightly, becoming dryer (all the grass looked dead now) and hotter, with less trees. I walked to a bbq area, where there was also a well. Around the well stoof my mum, Sheree, Bob and Shifra - I greeted each one of them and had a small chat with Shifra. Then I proceeded to enter a small building in the park, where I sat at a table with some people, notably my grandfather Hal.
I talked to Hal for a while, and then he called in a friend of his, who looked exactly like my school mate Pat Orms, but wasn't the same person. Hal explained that this friend was greatly handicapped by a mental illness he suffered from. Eventualy Hal and the others had to leave to do something in a seperate room, so I was left alone with this mentally ill Pat Orms character. At first he seemed normal and the conversation seemed natural, and we got along fine. Then gradually I started becoming uncomfortable as I found him starting to invade my sense of personal space, as he talked he became more intense and put his face close up against mine as he spoke. Through what he was telling me, I eventually learned that he had recently stopped taking his medication taht he was meant to, which subdued the effects of his illness. Eventually, my discomfort began to climax into fear as he began to intensely grab me down and push himself into me as his speech became more manic. He ended up pushing me onto the floor where I wrestled him to push him off me with much effort, and I suddenly felt that he was trying to kill me. I started screaming for help and for the others to come back, but I didn't feel like anyone was coming, so as a measure of self defense, I grabbed a pencil and plunged it straight into the side of neck, effectively killing him (amazingly the pencil withstood the plunge unbreakingly). As soon as he died, the others rushed back in - and everyone showed signs of sadness, but however they all agreed that I was completely justified in my actions, and sincerly apologised for leaving me alone with him.
I left the building and onto a night time street. I was walking, and was suddenly joined by the company of three mysterious mongolian looking children dressed in fur coats (although by their faces it became apparent that they were actually older midgets), and they joyfully ran and played around me. There was some sort of industrial truck parked on the side of the road, with a mechanised ramp extended out the back which folded as the door of the its storage area. I witnessed one of the mongolian midgets stumble into the back of the truck, tripping over, and falling into unconsciousness at the inner side of the ramp, with his head hanging off the side of the ramp. Suddenly, the truck started up, and the ramp began to fold upwards. The midget regained consciousness too late, once the mechanised ramp started brutally slicing his head off as he let out a multitude of horrifying screams before his head silently fell to the ground. At this point I became extremely horrified and traumatised. However, after a few moments of nauseating grief, the three midgets revealed this whole spectacle to in fact be some sort of illusion trick which they put on to scare me, similar to a magician's sawing a woman in half trick; supposedly one of the midgets was the body, the other the head, and the other operating the truck. They all laughed at me for my reaction to the event. At this point I woke up.
30.12.2009Meeting with Sebastian (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This was a fairly short dream and consisted entirely of me meeting Sebastian, on a staircase at my old school, and talking about events in the previous dream. We talked about my "tranced induced" actions at the begining of the events, how I had an irrational surge of verbal abuse directed towards my mother, which to me was a blank state in my memory, as supposedly I did it in some sort of "trance induced" state of as a result of being mind controlled by a hypnotist. Sebastian asserted that in fact I may have suffered from an attack of some sort of mental illness. Then the topic of conversation moved onto lucid dreaming. We talked for some length about lucid dreaming - Sebastian owned some books on the topic ("Lucid Dreaming - Gateway to the Inner Self" by Robert Waggoner), and I expressed my intentions to obtain lucidity in my dreams. Amazingly I did not realise I was in fact dreaming at the time. I abruptly woke up in the middle of conversation.
31.12.2009Punishment for Lamingtons (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
My main recollection of this dream took place within a city shopping centre, in the middle of the night, where everything was supposedly closed. It was a gigantic place, and Kynan and I had found a way to get into a coles, which seemed to be completely deserted. We walked though the isles with the impression that we could do anything or steal anything. I came across a selection of delicious lamingtons on a stand. However, as I reached out to grab one, I suddenly became suspicious that we might be under surveillance after all, so I desisted, and walked away. However, Kynan came shortly and took a lamington and ate it. At various times we came across a horde of girls from school who were in a heavy state of drunken revelry, but however seemed possessed and ethereal, and kept swiftly drifting around the place.
When we reached the exit, we were confronted by a female black security guard who immedietly seized Kynan for his stealing of the lamington and began taking his details at a makeshift desk near the checkout counters. I stuck around, seeing myself as innocent; however when she was done with Kynan she called me forth to charge me with the same crime. I protested, but she showed me the security camera footage from a camera which was situated behind me so one could not notice that I did not in fact go through with the action - from behind it looked exactly the same as Kynan's action, at least by their logic.
01.01.2010Slicing off the Hands (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This night I was at times exposed to freezing cold air that made my hands go numb whilst I was outside, and this feeling must have inspired the main part of the dream.
The first part of this dream was concerned with downloading torrents.
However, eventually the dream became focused around the even of me chopping off my two hands and placing them to soak in a bowl of warm water overnight, with the intention of connecting them back on. Curiously I seemed to have 4 arms (each arm had another one directly beneath it in my shirt sleeves), so I stil had two hands left with which I could get by. My mum was anxious that I should visit my grandmother, and I said I would in a day or two. I eventually became anxious about my hands and decided to reconnect them. I didn't seem to be able to gain control over them at first, but I seemed strangely confident tha they would soon bond with my arms and I could use them again, as if I had done it many times before. My mum kept requesting that while they were disconnected, that I chop off a small part of the end of my little finger and give it to my grandfather, who was apparently missing part of the end of his own little finger, so that he could play piano again normally.
07.02.2010Entering the Fruit (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This was an extremely long and vivid dream. What I write down can only be a fraction of what occured.
As early as I can remember, it started off with me being sent on a mission to try and find out how to get into a certain bar in the city which was supposedly in the upper levels of a McDonalds building, opposite the cinemas. I found an odd passage in - a golden gateway with lots of metal latticework - which was more appealing than any other entrance of the building, so I took it. It led to a ramp that took me up to a courtyard around the back of the building. All the architecture here looked and felt in an elegant old fashioned style of a royal palace or sophisticated castle.
I walked inside and through dozens of small rooms, corridors, staircases and passage ways, until I came into a room full of formally dressed wealthy old men who were having some kind of conference or get-together. They greeted me warmly and showed me great hospitality, but also acknowledged the strangeness and unanticipation of me being there. My memory of the remainder of this episode gets hazy after this.
Later on, I was in the city with friends, but for some reason I kept having an urge to walk down and visit the scientologists in their building quite often. I'm unclear on what I was trying to achieve by seeing them, but I remember I had made some sort of plan, or at least wanted to. The people there were very nice and hospitable to me, especially a reoccuring woman who was very conversive, but I still had my cynicisms that this was just another recruitment tactic. They had a chart with a set of scientologist principles which I secretly found hilarious, but I pretended to show general interest in it, and as I left I asked nicely if I could have a copy to take with me. They said no, but instead they gave me what looked like some sort of application form, which was several pages long and complex, and asked me to, if I wanted, copy down onto a certain section on the form (where an appropriate writing box was present) their list of scientologist principles, provided that I, for each one, provide an example from my own life which would relate to each principle, as a kind of exercise for cohesion of their principles into my life. Amazingly, I actually started doing so. I can't remember what the principles were, but I remember often relating family situations quite often in my related examples.
In another episode, I remember catching a tram back homewards with all my friends. I was still writing out my scientology application form on the tram and my friends kept asking me what it was but I kept it secret from them in fear of social embarrasment. On the tram, an asian girl came and sat near me and started flirting with me. Then an old friend from primary school appeared and sat across to me. I was very glad to see this old friend, and we engaged eachother in conversation. He also had an almost identical haircut to mine.
When we were off the tram, I was walking with a quite large group of friends, through an old, sparse and semi-industrial area with lots of grasses growing tall everywhere. My friends had gotten possession of my scientology form, and in their hatred of scientology, were laughing at it, throwing it on the ground, and stomping on it. Suddenly, a group of scientologists who were working in the building, notably the familiar conversive woman, and another amiable young man, had appeared and intersected us. They saw what my friends were doing with the application form and were determined to stop them. The woman and the young man whom I knew, recognised me, and beckoned me to come with them. I asked them were they were going, and they showed me an industrial complex that was embedded with an abundance of grasses and flora. They said that in their spare time they run an agricultural lab here, to develop the natural side of things. As they went in, I chose not to follow them, and I rejoined my friends.
Later on, I remember us all arriving back in my home suburb. I remember meeting with Alex Leyland who pressured me into drinking the remainder of his alcoholic drinks, and then he left for home. For the remainder of the dream I stayed in a constant state of drunkeness which entailed difficulty walking, severe uncoordination, and a generally very expressive and sociable disposition.
On a brief stop at my house, my brother Rafael and my cousin Marianne joined the cohort of my friends, and they set the mission that would persist for most of the rest of the dream, the mission that we must go to Katoomba, via train. We left house quickly, with little time to prepare, and this was further hindered by my drunken state. Immedietly upon leaving, I instantly felt pangs of regret for my lack of preperation, for example, not bringing barely enough warm clothes or a jacket, not bringing much money, and not having a prepaid bus ticket for the bus to central station. On the disorderly and havoc-ridden journey to the bus stop, I became absorbed in the mission to obtain a prepaid bus ticket. I discovered that traffic light buttons had been recently installed with helpful prepaid bus ticket vending machines, but unhelpfully all the ones I came across were out of service for the time being. In my drunken state I clumsily and narrowly avoided disaster of collapsing over stalls in the immensely crowded and dark street.
Rafael ended up helping me get on the bus to central station since I had failed in obtaining a prepaid bus ticket before the bus came. This took us all the central station, which in the dream was a multitude of magnificence greater - with a size rivalling the biggest of shopping centres, and a luxurious sophistication rivalling the most prestigious hotels of the world - I later found out it was so posh that even the elevators that navigated the multitude of storeys asked for a seemingly disposable large sum of money in gratitude for their minimal services. On that note on the elevators, I might add that while being in my drunken state, the symptoms strangely extended to an unreasonable extreme fear of heights - and this meant that I couldn't use the great staircases that were abundant in this grand building because of the great heights they reached with only light railing, which at times was impressively unsafe, or even sometimes essentially missing.
The long and eventful episode of central station was mostly consisting of a furious and desperate search for the required items of : a prepaid bus ticket, a train ticket, and the information of what platform and what time the train would depart. In my stumbling state the difficulty of this task was made extremely difficult, especially with the added factor of a constate state of urgency that came with the rumours that the train was departing in less than 15, 10 or 5 minutes which I heard often; and the constant panic that came with my habit of losing track of where my friends and family actually were, in this huge complex station.
Marianne and Rafael had mentioned to me earlier that there were two diverging possibilities in the plan. They said one possibility was to catch the certain train that took us straight to Katoomba station. The second possibility they said was that we take a train that would not leave us at Katoomba station, and would then entail a massive hike through the wilderness in order to reach Katoomba, which they said that we had done once before, and that it took the entire night until morning to complete. I was confronted by a vision of a memory of hiking through a seemingly endless environment of pure nature, with my path being lit up by the occasional lightning strike, as we stoically travelled through pouring rains. I had an ambivalent sense of both foreboding and adventure as I felt that this option would be the one we would ultimetly end up with.
Back at central station, I came across so many of my friends and acquaintances, that it seemed to me that the massive cohort of my entire school year and more were all preparing to take the journey with us. After suffering a seemingly endless barrage of confusion, displacement from my friends, pangs of pain from the elevator fees, and states of freezing fear as I paralysed myself with vertigo on attempting to follow my friends up several staircases; I finally made a helpful acquaintance of a young professional blonde woman who was helpful in guiding me in finding the right places to buy a prepaid bus ticket and train ticket in the huge complex of the gargantuan station, whilst reminding me how many minutes I had left with which to board the train with. Thanks to her guidance, I was able to complete my required tasks - which led me to rejoin the cohort of my friends and acquaintances who were making a massive que on a giant staircase.
By the end of it all, the que did not even lead to any train, but rather, everyone seemed to be lining up to get into some sort of semi-organic looking futuristic mode of transport. The vehicle was planted int he centre of a great hall. It appeared as a giant semi-organic bulbous sack, with a tubular appendage extending from the top, which was the entrace, and spewed forth a narrow and fleshlike ramp which the cohort had steadily crowded onto. The young professional blonde woman was waiting by the foot of the ramp, and before I got on, I greeted her once more and thanked her for all her help. She made some sort of enthusiastic and cheerful hand gesture at me, and I then amorously held her hand before embarking, as an expression of my love and joy.
The ascent up the fleshy ramp was slow and congested, and by the end of it I was paired to enter the tubular appengade with an acquaintance from school with whom I enthusiastically talked with. The entrance was a tight squeeze to get into the appendage, like trying to get inside a carpel of a giant flower. Once I was squeezed in, I felt my body disintergrate into the fluid totality of the organic structure, and I felt as one with the totality of the cohort in here with me. It was at first pitch black, but soon a designed interface appeared, which appreared to be engineered for easy communication and entertainment for our uncarnate states as dissolved entities to fill the time of our mysterious long journey that lay ahead.
17.02.2010Fleeing from a Burning House (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was with some friends hanging out in someones house. A friend of mine suggested that we go out to a thai restaurant. Later, I was sitting in an alley, and I saw lots of acquaintances from my school pass by. A guy came up to me and started harrassing me to 'see' my wallet and phone, but I denied politely and he didn't persist.
After, I as with my mum in a street full of houses. Suddenly a red glow emanating from one of the houses, and soon it began becoming engulfed in a fire. We decided to leave the area in case the fire spread, so I followed my mum into the car. I remembered to ask myself if I was dreaming, and I became lucid.
I felt that this dream was quite unstable and could collapse if I tried to do anything drastic, so I decided to just sit back in the car seat and let my mum drive me to somewhere whilst I just observed the scenery of the drive in order to try and stabilise the dream. However, my attempts of non-action were thwarted by the dream, as a large set of keypad arrows suddenly appeared at the bottom of the field of my vision, and I was made to start navigating the car myself with these arrows, as if it were some sort of racing game.
The dream soon collapsed, and it was immedietly followed by a false awakening which I identified almost instantly, however I foolishly decided not to have another lucid dream, but rather to wake up. This was followed by another vague false awakening which I failed to recognise, and I can't remember what happened, but it wasn't too long before I really did wake up.
18.02.2010"Sacred, she told me to cross the open road" (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In this dream I was in an isolated house with my brother and other relatives. Me and my brother got into a fight, and I walked outside. As I was walking around, it started to snow all of a sudden, which I thought was really amazing for Sydney. Then, as I was starting to enjoy the snow, suddenly the sun appeared from behind clouds and melted it all away. My auntie and my cousin suddenly appeared, and we went back inside, and my brother soon left to go out. My other cousin was also there, and she seemed keen to do some sort of mystical ritual onto me which involved pinching certain parts of my body in a certain order and resulted in a great feeling of sudden relaxation. My auntie told my cousin to stop there, before "damages are done that can never be reversed". The next part, which we chose not to commence yet, involved a great deal of different vegetables (I saw a detailed diagram). As the dream was collapsing, I heard a poem being said whilst simultaneously a symbol was being drawn direct into my vision. I can only remember the last line of the four line poem: "Sacred, she told me to cross the open road". The symbol itself was of two silhouettes of a front-on potrait, one lighter and one darker, both arranged as if they were standing shoulder to shoulder, and of a much smaller scale in between them appeared a naked woman with long hair and her arms outstretched, and turning away from the viewer - so that she was standing on the connection of their shoulders and each of her hands were above each of the silhouette's heads. A wreath of golden flowers materialised above the woman's head.
20.02.2010Dangerous Bus (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Early in this dream I had an animal who could freely transform between a cat and a wolf. A man came and showed us a video he made concerning his struggles to preserve such an animal, and I applauded his efforts. Later I went for a long walk with my dad's family. I got wounded at some point, and my dad spat into my wound, saying that it would heal it the best way, and said not to say that he 'spat' in it, but gave me another word to use, which was invented and was complete gibberish.
Later I was leading a party of about seven people. To identify ourselves as a group, we all wore dark blue jumpsuits. We were travelling to somewhere on the coast. We got off the train at the station, and went outside to catch the bus. I had been notified that there was a chance that it had been organised for someone to meet us at the station who would escort us for the next part of the journey, so I went to notify the appropriate officer who was sitting an an empty idle bus, whilst my party boarded another bus with a female driver, which was directly next to the bus I was in. I notified the appropriate officer in the idle bus and he said that there was no escort avaliable for us. In the middle of talking to him, the other female bus driver suddenly took off and drove away, with my party on board. Immedietly, the officer I was talking to used his communication device to recall her, and hassled her to drive back, which she said she would do as soon as she could.
When she came back, about five minutes had elapsed, and I boarded her bus to find that all my party were missing, and the once full bus now only had about five people left, who I recognised as being from my school cohort, and they all looked terrified, clustered at the back. I walked to the back to join them assuming that the driver had just quickly dropped my party off at the destination. The people at the back whispered to me that everyone else who was previously on the bus is now dead, and that we need to be really careful with where the bus driver takes us. Another passenger whispered to me that the bus driver would gas us to death in the bus, but I assured him that we could easily open or smash the windows around us.
The bus dropped us off in an area abundant with hills, grass and forests, with very little signs of human construction to be seen, with the exception of of several gardens that looked thoroughly planned, with pathways and gates. As I lef the cohort of bus passengers from the bus, there was a choice of paths to take, and I felt a great sense of foreboding for all parths except a certain one that lef to a quaint garden on a hill (later I was told that the other paths would have led to instant death). I found out that this area was created as an inaccurate duplicate of a real place. My memory for the rest of the dream beocomes very vague, but I didn't remember ever leaving this place.
20.02.2010Alternate Matrix (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a dream that I was watching an alternate version of 'The Matrix'. Paul Giamatti was playing a scientist who was reassuring a depressed woman over the phone who said she felt disillusioned with the world. She was crying in a chair outside in the rain and she said she felt like the world was fake and didn't make sense. Suddenly Morpheus appeared in a chair next to her and silently gestured for her to hang up the phone, and she froze in terror.
23.02.2010Hermaphrodite Ambivalence (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I found myself in some sort of television show in America. I was in a set of guests sitting in a circle on stage, and the host was going around asking each person to share their story about the show's topic, which was sex. Finally, the host asked for the unique story of a certain busty woman with a mass of blonde curls. She said that she was actually a hermaphrodite, that she developed female breasts but also had a penis of sorts. She said that one day, when she was walking in the city at night, she was raped by a man. That man didn't seem to mind her hermaphroditism, and he became her lover for several months. After several months, when they were standing in a grassy field, she suddenly pulled out a gun and shot him - as a long awaited revenge for the initial rape - and he didn't die immedietly, but rather, walked around for a while, in disbelief of what she had done, and stumbled down into an underground bunker in the field where he died finally. She became crazy with grief and for many years refused to believe that he died, for many years claiming that he had simply gone missing and that she would find him eventually, and then sometimes leaving food at the entrance to the bunker, but never walking in fully.
24.02.2010Lucid Artistic Endeavor, In Gratitude to Robert Waggoner (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
My earliest recollection of this dream was something about being at the beach and frolicking in the waves.
Later, I was in the streets of around my house, looking for my friend Leon. I was walking around, and it came to my mind to ask myself "am I dreaming?". My initial reaction was "no, of course i'm not dreaming", but I persisted a little longer with the thought, and then I did realise that I was dreaming.
I remembered to try Robert Waggoner's 4 stage plan to have a good lucid. First, I made myself modulate my emotions and tell myself to stay calm. Then, I tried to make myself more aware that I was dreaming, and I stuck my finger through my elbow (for some reason I felt that the usual finger through my palm was not sufficient this time). Then, I maintained my focus by looking at my hands every once in a while - and I noticed some very prominent dark greyish blue veins showing in my palms. Then the hardest part, I had to establsh my intent. I decided I wanted to go to an 'art gallery' to 'see some art' for ideas for my next painting. Whilst trying to manouver myself, some very alluring girls kept manifesting in provocative closeness to me, and I had to really fight my temptation to turn this into a sex dream.
I decided to move up (levitate) through the ceiling of the room I was currently in, with the intent that the room above me would be an art gallery. On the way passing through the ceiling I was temporarily frightened by some heavy mould on the ceiling, much like that which existed in my grandmothers house. As I passed through, up into the next room which I was first assured to be full of art, I looked around and noticed that there was barely any art in this room (the only such art being simple decorative ornaments on the furniture and one small decorative wall hanging) and I realised that this room was very similar to one in my grandmothers house. I could hear my grandmothers voice talking to someone in the background, and she was describing how she was struck with a mental illness.
In this room I was confronted by my brother, who appeared very hostile towards me. I had encountered him downstairs earlier, where he had seemed normal. He seemed to be trying to make me leave, but I wanted to stay, so I tried to annihilate him with my lucid powers. I willed for him to disintergrate into nothingness, and sections of his body started to disappear. However, it was all happening too slowly, and he could still aggressively push me away with what he had left of his form. So then I willed for him to completely disappear in an instance, and it didn't work, and he continued to push me around in his semi-disintergrated state. I became a bit scared and confused as to what I should do. Disappointed with this failed goal, the dream collapsed.
I felt pretty disappointed upon waking - for both my unfruitful venture into finding artistic inspiration, which therefore in turn made in vain my abstinence from any other pleasureable dream elements.
02.03.2010Portrait of Two Lovers (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
My dream last night was a kind of portrait of two lovers who had to consider that they would inevitably have to seperate in a matter of days; the man had to leave for some reason. I seemed to be set in a 70's-esque period. The guy had black curly hair, sideburns, and wore a black coat. The woman had black hair and a black dress. All the furniture in the house had a vintage feel. They slowly danced to some soft music to relieve the sorrow of their inevitable seperation, and would always burst into tears when the knowledge of it would be brought up into focus in their collective thoughts. The man planned to paint a portrait of them both together before he would leave. I was somehow observing all this whilst painting a picture of a demonic monkey face.
02.03.2010Hermaphrodite Ambivalence #2 (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In this dream I was a hermaphrodite who would fluctuate on how I wanted to represent myself, as a man or a woman. For example, on one day I strongly felt like identifying myself as a woman, and dressed in womans clothes. However, in the afternoon, the femininity feeling died down and a masculine identity rose, and suddenly I felt embarrassed of being dressed as a woman. As far as sexual attraction went, when I was in male mode I was aroused by women, but when I was in female mode, I was not sexually aroused by anyone, feeling asexual.
Later on the dream seemed to revolve around and encounter with my dad's family, who did not seem to recognise my relation to them, and felt I was intruding into their house, as I was loitering in their kitchen.
27.02.2010Transport Food (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Note: before this dream I had at least 3 other dreams, one of which I think might have been lucid, but for the life of me I can't put together any solid memory of them. I tried to remember them for a long time upon awakening, which eventually led to me falling back asleep and having this dream.
Had a dream that I was gone somewhere with Kynan's family and lots of school friends. I was talking to Kynan's dad, who was giving me advice for university life. He said that I had to be a 'werewolf', as he put it, a metaphor for being able to be a good normal student by day and then also be able to transform into a party 'monster' at night.
On the return journey back, some of us were on some new car-like transport system, which had the hospitable services of a commercial airoplane. When I was a passanger here, there was a long excruciating scene of device failure, where I was trying to contact Kynan and Louis (who were on other transports) through an in-built phone. I could hear them talking, but whenever I spoke they seemed to not be able to hear me. The device had dozen of buttons without any labels, and I was experimenting for a long time trying to get a good result, but without sucess.
When the stewardess came around she gave us a choice out of two options for the dinner food. One was a kind of cake that had dozens of small whole fish embedded into it, and was meant to be a representation of an aquarium where the stewardess once worked. The other meal was a dead panda that had been skinned and then cooked (steamed perhaps) and then kept the form of its body by being bound in a total latex covering that had been painted to resemble the original appearence of the panda - yet underneath the covering was soft pink meat waiting to be eaten. It was meant to be a representation of Chinese culture in inventive new cuisine.
I told the stewardess that I might have to have the panda because I didn't eat any fish or seafood, and she replied "Ah, you have the same problem as me". She then told me not to have the panda either because it was sick, and left to go get me something acceptable to eat. Suddenly a visualisation appeared of a girl I knew going through the process of making 'acceptable food' in her home. It was pieces of chicken with vegetables on noodles - she called it "the family salad". However, she was disgustingly mixing it all together in her sink, which was already filled with piles of dirty dishes and scraps of discarded food, and the meal was getting contaminated with all this mess, but she didn't seem to care.
06.03.2010Sydney Terrorism (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This dream revolved around the attacks of a terrorist in Sydney. I was in the city with Pat, but for some reason I had foreknowledge of the terrorism that was about to happen - even though strangely I was confident to travel and linger in the areas that would be effected. The terrorist's weapon was some sort of hand held device that allowed them to shoot an invisible projectile of deadly energy to any desired location; it seemed like the ultimate weapon.
I came close to death many times as I became locked in an intense duel with the terrorist - who appeeared to be my friend Luke. The terrorist actually seemed somewhat reluctant to kill me (but was nevertheless determined) and I only survived because I was able to disable the weapon at times though some sort of built-in mechanism that he, almost playfully, allowed to take initiation, where a real-time fast-thinking game or sorts would be set by the weapon, granting me the ability to disable it's use if I didn't lose at the very hard game (losing would mean instant death for me, so the stakes were high). I can't exactly remember how it ended, but I vaguely think that I finally stopped his attacks from persistent counter-attack measures.
28.02.2010In the Wizardry Institution (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was in a harry-potter-esque environment, in a place that looked like outside the front of central station, near a place I heard referred to as "Kaldrad's Bridge". Everyone in the area were wizards. There was a guy who was supposedly my nemisis, trying to kill me, and I knew this deep down. However, on the surface he appeared as a nice person, and I openely supported him, even in the face of adversity from senior executives of the wizardry institution.
10.03.2010Professional Incompetence #2: Two Deliveries (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was at home arguing with a pizza delivey man and another 'electronics delivery man'. Apparently I had not been attentive enough to the door and the pizza delivery man had been waiting outside for a long time and had gotten so hungry that he ate almost all of the pizza we had ordered and was blaming us. The 'electronics delivery man' had a bag full of computer parts (like a mouse, usb cables, etc) but they were all soaked wet and he was blaming us for leaving the water sprinkler turned on, which he unwittingly walked into. Both men had a strange sense of entitlement and blamelessness which they promoted, however unconvincing their cases.
In another part of this dream, perhaps earlier, I was with a group of friends and acquaintences from school, and we were walking through some corridors and garden areas in some urban public space. I can't remember where we were going. I remember someone showed me a magazine full of crude images, including defectively formed genetalia and a bizarre deformity that culminated in parts of a face being formed entwined inside someone's upper intestines.
10.03.2010Trench Fish (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
From the parts I can remember: I was in a kind of harbour area. I was navigating myself individually over the body of water by walking on the clusters of boats and other floating devices - there were enough to allow me to get pretty far out into the harbour, which was clustered with such objects. I ended up loitering on some sort of stretches out nets over compartments of the water, and then suddenly through some sort of mechanism they began lowering and then rising back to the surface of the water. I had to nimbly find somewhere to support myself over the water while this was happening. It turns out these were mechanisms for fishing, and they placed me now in the presence of multitudes of caught fish. For some reason, I felt very drawn to these fish in an aesthetic way, while 'other people' found them disgusting. I enthusiastically replaces all the figures of soldiers in a war painting I was making with figures copied from the fish's resemblences, so now the painting portrayed six fish sitting in a trench.
11.03.2010Complex Fun with Television (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was watching a TV in a room with some friends. There were several remotes that people were navigating with, producing bizarre results. One remote seemed to change the visual aspect, browsing through a great multitude of different channels of visual. Another remote seemed to toggle through different channels of audio, and it also allowed for manipulation of different sounds that the audio could be filtered through, like a real-time vocoder. When the remotes were eventually passed to me, I spent some time experimenting with the possibilities here, with my friends providing an abundance of banter to purposefully distract me.
12.03.2010The Circus (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
As early as I can remember, I was at home, for some reason in one of our older houses, with my mum. She had told me something about having lost one of her phones. I was in my mums bedroom once and I saw her other phone had started to ring, so I picked it up. Some guy with a really blokey accent started talking to me, saying that he found my mum's other phone at the beach today, and that we could pick it up from the blue mountains because that's where he was going tonight. He said it would be wise to pick it up because it had $90 credit on it, that would go to waste if we forgot about the phone.
When I told my mum about the news she started frantically denying that she ever lost the phone. I told her to be serious because there was $90 at stake, and she still kept stubbornly denying it. At one time she neglectfully dropped $100 (in the form of two $50 notes) on the ground as she walked by. I picked it up and showed it to her, and told her how careless she was being with money, and she continued to deny this as well. I can't remember how this transitioned into the rest of the dream.
Next thing I remember, I went to go see the circus with my friends. It started off in a typical big tent structure somewhere in Sydney. They had clowns doing a performance where they had fake heads which were actually balloons and would eventually burst. There was an intermission of sorts, and I shifted seats to sit near someone I knew, who seemed to act strangely cold and reclusive and kept moving away from me.
After some time, suddenly the big tent transformed into a train and we all got taken to the blue mountains. Over there in another tent the show continued but there was a long waiting time of several hours to wait for everyone to get there. They were giving out free hardcover blank notebooks, and gave one to each person, but I took two, and Rafael got really righteous and angry with me, but I stood up for myself and reprimanded him.
When I got to the 'new tent', there was a guy in a blue gorilla suit sitting in the very centre of the tent, in a small performance stage, stationed at an electronic drum machine, with almost no barrier to stop the audience from crowding by his sides (there was no real distinction of the stage). He was constantly hitting the drums at a slow pace. The supposed backstory to his performance was that he was a 'blue bird' who learnt how to play the drums miraculously.
I was being led by a guide to my allocated seat in the tent, but she led me to the blue gorilla suit guy, and she then asked if I wanted to 'lie at his feet' and I said yes, and so she left my lying down on the floor right at the feet of the blue gorilla. I started talking to him and he was quite amiable towards me. He talked about his role in the totality of the performance, and I said that I remembered his character from when I saw this production as a kid. He mentioned how his role would gradually become more interactive as the performance went on. Eventually he decided that me lying down at his feet was no longer suitable, and he sent me to a privileged seat in the crowd where I was entitled to my own electronic drum synthesizer. So I sat there and playfully experimented with it, to the annoyance of other audience members. It had strange functions, such as a button that made it project strong lights onto a black marble that I was holding, creating a spectacle of galactic imagery with the lights, and eventually making the black marble levitate out of my grasp.
I noticed that Kynan had arrived and was sitting in a seat that had another drum machine (but it looked like it was of a different brand or model.) The blue gorilla suit man started encouraging us to keep experimenting and playing the drum machines, against the sentiments of some increasingly annoyed petty audience members who would complain about the repetitive noises. I glanced over to Kynan at one time and he looked like he was crying heavily with his face an expression of emotional torment; However, after a few seconds of being perplexed, I realised that he had just been cutting up some onions, which caused all the tears, and he was actually in a fine form.
Eventually the show seemed to fizzle out, and I was walking outside with Kip. We started walking home, and we realised how long it would take us since we were all the way up in the blue mountains. For some reason we started talking about the Sydney Morning Herald; and I joyfully frolicked down the streets, dancing and leaping as I went.
18.03.2010The Final Moments of Darwin (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was with some girl in a kind of university environment, which was all ultra modern in architecture. I was living in a tiny apartment which was on the site of this university campus. In one of the rooms I had some sort of archeological area with dirt and stone and a kind of terrain that flourished in a cut away area of a wall. It strangely had the images of Anzac soildiers superimposed into the trench, but I was with someone, my professor, who was actually an old white-bearded Charles Darwin, and he identified a fossilised mammoth tusk in the archeological site, but he immedietly moved it away somewhere because he said it was radioactive and dangerously carcinogenic if I had been sitting near it for a long time (and I had unwittingly been doing so, with my compuer desk right next to the archeological site.) He put the tusk in a red backpack and hung it from a pole a bit further back in the archeological site.
Eventually, Darwin gave me and the girl two educational pamphlets; One was on liver cancer and the other was on dreams and subconscious expectation on health, as well as hypnotism to cure such problems. Suddenly, Darwin collapsed and seemed to die, in a corridor of the building. As we called an ambulence, I became very scared because in part of the second pamphlet that he gave to us, there was a precise description of the condition he seemed to be suffering from, and so I saw it as a kind of prophecy being fulfilled from the pamphlets. At that point my liver started seriously hurting and giving me much constant pain, and so I thought I must have liver cancer as described in the first pamphlet.
Later, in a false awakening, I found myself in a strange place of Sydney, doing some painting on concrete tiles in the floor of some public square. A seemingly married couple in their mid 30's walked by, holding a canoe between them, and I overheard them talking about their plans. They talked of how they were at a certain beach in the morning but then as the day progressed, too many people appeared there, and it no longer had the exclusivity they yearned for; and they talked and talked about following a different coastline with their canoe, which the man had suggested, but the woman said that she ehard that there was a blockage along the way, and then the man said that a small exclusive beach had been cleared (and it was along this aforementioned coastline) that provided exclusivity and seclusion enough to satisfy them. The woman described this plan enthusiastically as "sexy", and that "they" had even cleared out a path into the bush (of which he called a "snake path" because supposedly it was made so that visitors could walk through the bush in a clear cut path where the disadvantage of not being able to sense the presence of snakes in the tall grasses would not be upon them).
30.03.2010Future of Cloning (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In this dream, the future was now, and the latest technology finally allowed for the cloning of humans. However, even though everyone was now priveliged to make their own human slave, it was a very long process, each clone took a very long time to make, and it seemed to be a very arduous procedure. In the dream I never even got to actually see any finished clones, just the constantly looming premise that I would soon have my own human slave. At one stage, in my enthusiasm I stumbled upon a room flooded with toxic liquid, apparently a necessary byproduct of a stage of the process (making the legs I think it was) and I tried to unclog the floor of the room so that the level of the liquid wouldn't rise to a potentially dangerous situation.
31.03.2010Kynan's Hallucinogenic Machine (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In part of my dream there was an extremely bizarre and surreal scene where Kynan had created some sort of machine or device in which the user would be plunged into some sort of vivid hallucination where Kynan would confront them face to face in a vision, and then he would appear to change his physical form - I saw him become an asian girl and then also another frightening girl/rat/dinosaur hybrid - and then the machine would record the user's confused and anguished reactions on video.
04.04.2010Simpsons Tumour Humour (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was walking with Kip to somewhere in the eastern suburbs and we came across Tim, George and others on a path. I was introduced to some olders boys who were apparently George's 'older brothers'. Later, Kip and I left them all and we went into a building where we sat and relaxed in a cosy room with lots of globular lights on the walls and we talked for a while.
Somehow, life turned into an episode of the Simpsons. Homer arrived and parked his car in a room full of a vast multitude of really small midgets, and he was humourously rude to them. Bart was having strange headaches, and Homer threw one of the midgets hard and far, and it landed on Bart's head, but it got stuck halfway plunged into his skill. Eventually the midget was excavated out, but it made Bart's headaches worse. Eventually Dr Hibbert arrived, and was soon to discover that Bart was suffering from a brain tumour, and quickly took him into surgery. This cut to a later shot of ouside the surgery, but we could hear Dr Hibbert using a power drill. This seemingly sinister situation was meant to shock us, but then it was humourously revealed that Dr Hibbert was actually working on repairing one of his golf clubs, and had already succesfully operated on Bart, who was now on the mend.
02.01.2010Party to War to Death Camps, and then Renaissance to Art College (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was at some sort of party with my classmates. Gradually it turned increasingly violent when it was revealed that many people had brought home-made weapons and explosives. I started to join in the violence once I had been sufficiently harmed by an explosive made of potatoes that Petar threw at me. Gradually what was once a wild party was now a gory and brutal war. Suddenly the remaining survivors where whisked away to death camps where they planted us, literally, in fields of soil, with out heads in the dirt so we couldn't see anything, and occasionally they would bombard us with artillery fire, randomly killing some unlucky planted people. I was telepathically communicating with Oscar G, until he died because some bombs hit him. I was later relocated a few times to other such camps, eventually to one called "St. Buerg's" or something like that. I can't remember if I died or was set free eventually, but later the scene changed. I found myself naked except for a white sheet to wrap about me, and I travelled into an urban McDonald's, where I attempted to have sex with a young woman who was behaving in a very loose and promiscuous manner, and was fucked up on some sort of drugs. However, it was all too sloppy and hopeless so I gave up.
Then I arrived at some sort of educational institute where I sought out my old art teacher from high school, and she gave me counsel on deciding which art college to go to. Unfortunetly, I can't remember what conclusion she reached. First it was a one to one talk in the room, but eventually the seats got filled with other students, and I became increasingly embarrassed for being naked except for the sheet I had wrapped around my waist.
Dude! Your dreams are epic!!
thanks mate, glad to hear that you're enjoying this!
04.01.2010The Story of 1979? (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This dream started off with watching a group of police in an emergency situation. However, suddenly we were sitting in a theatre watching the police now perform some sort of act - a ballet to the music of J.S. Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" performed completely naked, and the lead role was played by a gay policeman who very closely resembled the German actor Gedeon Burkhard. Suddenly all my schoolmates were with me in the audience.
I told my schoolmates that these police were suspicious, and that we should follow them, and this led to a small group of us following the policemen after the performance, who travelled far, far out into rural Australia. We all arrived at a small country town, and stayed there for several days, surrounded by all sorts of eccentric characters who lived there. However, on the day before we were all meant to start the long journey back together, all my friends abruptly left without me. So, on the day that I was meant to leave, I organised a new travelling group, which consisted of: Matt, an old friend from way back, whom I oddly came across way out here; and a group of strong young blokes who were ex-soldiers apparently, whom I befriended, and also a Thai girl whom they, the soldiers, had with them.
In the act of retrieving all my valuable possessions I had brought with me, to be ready for the return journey, I found my video camera, my most precious possession, just lying in the bush surrounded by large aggressive insects - it had been apparently neglected by a man whom I had entrusted to look after it for a while and had now disappeared. I also had some minor help getting prepared from my own mum who was coincidently there on her own agenda.
It began to rain as soon as we started leaving. The dream ended with some sort of narration by an adolescent girl who said that this was the story of how her rural town high school was founded in 1979, which she had recently graduated from; and it faded to a still image of an internet forum thread where she was posting this narration.
04.01.2010Anti-Red Hair Warfare (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In an eastern european country in a time of civil turmoil, a beautiful red haired teacher is decapitated by a shotgun blast from a militia man. The justification given is that her 'kind' should be prevented from breeding with the population to keep it pure.
05.01.2010Mass City Brawl/Learning Language (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a dream that a huge fight was organised with all the adolescents of Sydney, with hundreds of people on each side; it took place in a large park where one side had built a makeshift fortress - who defended - whilst the other side were attacking. Several people died or were horribly injured; I escaped with only some cuts and bruises. I could not say for sure which side won in the end.
A much earlier and isolated part of this dream consisted with going on a holiday with the family and attempting to learn french; meeting a student of latin who explained that "no one had previously told him how horrible latin was", that he never knew it was a dead language and was really hard to learn, before he had chosen to study it and wished now that he hadn't picked it.
06.01.2010Meeting with Sebastian #2 (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This dream consisted of being at home and explaining to Sebastian the coincidence I had earlier of having a dream about him telling me about lucid dreaming in that occured in a previous dream.
08.01.2010Variations on School (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Most of my dreaming seemed to gravitate around the theme of school. The main episode I remember took place at my old primary school, but with my high school friends (and my high school teachers were there too). Emile had a made a Molotov cocktail, and he threw it at part of the roof but it failed to ignite. Kynan brought another makeshift one, but it was made of candle wax, and so when he let it off it only burned very intensely, but no significantly destructive explosion ensued. A teacher came to investigate, and he seemed quite cross, but was lax enough not to get anyone in real trouble - even when he probably knew it was Kynan's work.
In another later part of the dream, I was with an old school friend at one of my high schools, revisiting our old maths teacher, but she told us to go away harshly instead, saying we shouldn't be there.
10.01.2010First Lucid (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This was my first lucid dream I had since becoming really interested in it, even though the lucidity level was minimal. I woke up at 6am, to have some water, and to write the previous entry. On falling back asleep I eventually became conscious of dreaming whilst in a dream. I didn't get to do much though - most of the effort went to stopping myself from waking up and stopping it from turning into a non-lucid nightmare - I was trying to have control, but my control was very weak. I kept changing my mind so quickly as to what my intentions were, because I was so excited by the potential that I saw ahead. This made me never really enter a fully stable state of dream - tough I did catch a few false awakeings. Ultimately, what made me wake up was that I felt that one of my eyes was half open - though that was a false awakening - and so it felt like a real effort to keep the false 'real' imagery and light coming from that illusion of semi open eye from flooding the dream. I did also experience a little sleep paralysis upon waking.
11.01.2010Odd Facts About Pierce Brosnan (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a dream that I watched an episode of the Simpsons that was meant to parody Bunuel's "The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie" but it wasn't funny at all strangely. Then I had a false awakening - and then I dreamt that I talked to Chris about weird things that happened to Pierce Brosnan because of his Japanese following - such as him having most of his body temporarily stored in an open to public Damien Hirst style glass showcase - which included his brain - and then he requested for this to stop as he thought that having the public realise that he could function without his own brain would be bad for his public image. Then Chris also told me that they cloned Pierce Brosnan's brain and use it in small amounts as an ingredient in special edition Pierce Brosnan Brain Coffee. Then Rafael suddenly came in with a plate of bacon and shared it with us, and he started talking to Chris about how his favourite character from a superhero comic - some guy called "Dean" who made lots of funny jokes in the comic - according to Rafael, "in a strangely 50's accent", and whose final words when he died in the narrative were about his love of putting maple syrup on bacon - hence the bacon Rafael cooked was a tribute to him.
05.04.2010First Wake Induced Lucid Dreams (WILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I can't remember any of my dreams of the night sadly, but in the morning I feel I almost came close to having a WILD. I was drifting off back to sleep with my imagination taking control. Gradually I really felt as if my thoughts were coming to life, more and more they seemed to have control over themselves, and I was just to bear witness to them, rather than directly shaping them - I was now viewing the thoughts of my subconscious. The vision seemed to be a domestic setting where I could see an uncle of mine talking, I seemed to be viewing from a very low angle, as if I were sitting low or lying down, and I could hear my other relatives in the background, as if they were all gathered behind me somehow. It became more and more immersive, and I felt a gradual plunge, accompanied by weird bodily sensations where the vision became gradually more 'real' to me, and that culminated in a loud kind of "warped" noise once I seemed to have reached a certain threshold. However, after this point the vision dissolved, and I was brought back out - but then I was to witness another sort of imagery emerging from the darkness, forming totally beyond any intention of my ego. It seemed to be a blend of some sort of deep pattern mixed with the imagery of a boy wearing a hat walking in front of me. This eventually fizzled out as I gradually felt become more and more awake until I finally moved my body.
After this I got out of bed for a while, but upon feeling very tired and drowsy still, I lay back down on my bed, and the next entry I wrote follows from here:
I seemed to have my first actual WILD. I started drifting back off into sleep, and this time I actually entered a dream with a continuum of consciousness. It was only very short this first one - I remember being really excited and cautious - and the dream state was still very unstable and weak. It simply took the action of lifting my hands to look at them in the dream (my intention here was to elevate my awareness by doing a finger through the palm reality check) for it to collapse. However, after it collapsed, I stayed persistent and managed to enter a second WILD, where I managed to do some more complex things. I was in a place very similar to a relative of mine's backyard, and I managed to fly around (albeit only a metre or so above the ground, in the swimming method) and put my hands through a solid object (the trunk of a tree). However, this dream was also very weak and unstable, and it did not take too much bravado for it to collapse.
After the second dream collapsed, I continued to drift into a state of semi-awakeness and semi-false-awakeness, where I continued to try and enter another dream, but everything was so horribly unstable and weak that it felt hopeless. Only after waking up fully did I realise that it was probably a lot more immersive than I originally thought it was. In this bizarre state I remember a number of strange experimentations; I seemed at one point to summon a small hand held fan in my hand, and thought that it would really be me holding a pen; I experimented with moving my limbs a lot, and at one point 'felt' the sensation of one of my arms moving up and down whilst simultaneously 'seeing' it lying on the bed completely still - this was an interesting kind of divergance of paradoxical feeling/vision ideas.
07.04.2010Winged Horse (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
At one stage in my long myriad of dreams, I did manage to have a lucid dream. The lucid dream started as a non-lucid where I was living in some house with all my friends. I remember at one stage having to walk around outside the house at night, I was very scared for some reason, and I was also very drunk and so were all my friends. Lewis arrived, also drunk, and comforted me about my fears, whatever they were, and I felt appeased and jovial from then onwards. Inside the house, his girlfriend arrived, and shared some food which she brought - some sort of weird looking hotdog thing that she said cost her $9, but she couldn't finish eating it (it actually looked intact), and she said the high price meant that it was of such high quality that even after she purchased it nine weeks ago, it still didn't go stale and was clearly edible even now. This rare item of food was contested between several hungry friends, and in the end I think Kynan got to have it, and I was disappointed because I was quite hungry.
Somehow the scene transitioned to a new location and I somehow came to realise that I was dreaming, I remember thinking how very odd this next episode was. I was in a strange Myst-like island, surrrounded by an endless sea and under an enchanting purple tinted sky. The island was quite small, but big enough to house several strange buildings, a forest with some very big trees, and a grassy field. My level of lucidity was very low, and I still was mostly going with the tenets of the dream, except I remember that I was mostly acknowledging to myself how weird this dream was, and being irritated by how hard it was to exert control in this environment.
I remember in the grassy field I went to some sort of stable to pick up my horse, which had wings, giving it the ability of flight. There was a big dog resting on my idle horse when I got there, and I remember trying to back my horse out of the stables and then fly up as high as I could into the sky as swiftly as I could, before the dog could notice and mobilise, as to try and cause the dog as much harm as possible from falling damage when it would fall off the horse. After completing this I made some remark about the superiority of horses over dogs.
I also remember when I flew past the tops of some of the gigantic trees, I kept being confronted by a scary ghost woman who I met as she was standing amongst the highest branches. Whenever I was confronted by her, the eerie feeling that accompanies nightmarish dreams kept creeping up onto me, but since I was lucid, I came to acknowledge that if this was a non-lucid dream she would cause a nightmare. However, in my confident awareness, I merely taunted her by flying around her in circles, trying to knock her out of the tree.
During flying after this, it became quite difficult to exert mastery over the navigation of the beast, and I was having trouble steering myself clear of the island, leading to an inevitable looping around certain island structures, especially a certain building which I felt I was compelled to visit. I acknowledged this irrational difficulty as being an unavoidable condition of the dream. I can't remember anything after, but it must have all eventually collapsed.
08.04.2010The Mysterious Weapon (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had another dream that I was at my art college, but of course the buildings were completely different - this time the grounds seemed much larger and the buildings much older, with an architecture consisting of a lot of interior space with an abundance of old and richly dark wood. The earliest event I can remember here was that some student nonchalantly handed me a gun, and foolishly I accepted, only to soon find out that some horrible crime had recently taken place. I kept it concealed in my jacket for a while, and tried to seek out my class. However, I became increasingly stressed about having this gun on me, so I abruptly left the class cohort when they were moving to somwhere, so that I could go outside and dispose of the weapon.
Outside I saw a bunch of people digging holes and trenches in the soil, many of which were being filled with soil. When no one was looking I quickly buried the gun in one of these such holes that was unattended for the moment. Then i went back to rejoin my class - which took me a while to find in this strange elaborate building - and I eventually found them as they were all descending a large wooden staircase.
09.04.2010Industrial Morph (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had one dream where I was in a blue-mountains-esque area that was very beautiful, with a lake and majestic blue mountains in the background. I was with my grandmother, and she had a camera with her - she talked something about the impermanence of our connection to this land, so therefore she wanted a photo of me, and Rafael (who I suddenly realised was also there), standing in front of the landscape - as a photographic memory of out connection to this land.
However, after taking the photo, the land seemed to go through some sort of industrial morph. Suddenly, the lake became ultra shallow, witha concrete surface beneath it and a population appeared as I saw other people nonchalantly walk through it; other concrete structures like bridges and paths appeared and I saw a bustling cityscape in two directions; strangely large concrete cones with the depiction of the mountains painted on them. After I wandered by myself into the bustling metropolis, and my memory of the scene fizzles out.
10.04.2010Summoning a Condor (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
A group of close friends and I were all living together in some apartment. At one stage I wanted to show off to them, so I summoned a condor as a pet, to live in the house with us. It helpfully started eating all the pest insects and dangerous spiders that it could find. It was also a very friendly condor - at first I thought it could be dangerous and harm people with its sharp beak and talons - but in fact it was very affectionate and would always "hug" me with its wings.
13.04.2010Three Medieval Princes (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
In a medieval town there occured an earthquake that killed all but around four people and destroyed everything else, including toppling all the buildings to rubble. The princess of the castle survived because she had been just previously sent away to a far off place in exile. The three other survivors included: a man who was meant to be the next prince and marry the princess; a midget who calls himself "prince" because of his high fashion; and a fat man whose first name was Prince. The fat man Prince was close to dying because of an infection in the form of a large black bubo on his body. The midget Prince also had a small black bubo on his arm that recently appeared and was starting to grow, and became very worried now that he saw the effect of the large one on the fat man Prince. As they all inhabited the ruined village of debris, whilst the midget and the dying fat man talked about what a "metrosexual" is, the future prince readied himself for the long journey to find the princess.
13.04.2010A Movie I Would Love to See (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This dream was some sort of trailer for a movie starring Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock and her fiance are standing outside their mansion on a balcony with their pet tiger resting beneath. However, it is already apparent that things are not perfect, as they are arguing over superficial matters. Another man who loves her is watching sadly through some bushes nearby.
Cut to many years later: Bullock's former fiance, now ex-husband, had died; and now her new lover is the 'other man'. However, now that they are together, the ghost of her ex-husband appears before them in the form of a living bronze statue with an 18th century wig. The statue ghost starts scowling at them and accusing them, but her new lover is defiant and says that things are great now that they are finally together. The ex-husband ghost statue becomes even more enraged and summons a big umbrella and tries to stab the new lover with its pointy tip, but it merely snaps off on impact. However, then the ghost statue points his finger at the new lover and casts a spell of freezing, and the new lover's clothes drop off as he shivers in cold. The new lover then proceeds to have some sort of body spasm which culminates in his penis falling off onto the ground. He then exclaims that its fine because that penis wasn't his anyway, and reveals that it originally belonged to the dead ex-husband. The ghost statue seems more at ease now - his immense rage finally calming. The discarded penis now transforms so that it now resembles a bloody, pulsating human heart - although it still maintains a likeness to genitals to an extent.
There is a silent bystander, a large, chubby, androgynous character wearing a quaint navy blue sailor suit, clown makeup on the face, and a bowler hat. It had apparently been standing there still and silent the whole time with a placid emotionless expression on it's face. Suddenly, the heart-penis levitates and lands sitting upon the head of this silent creature, and it causes a metamorphosis. The mysterious figure transforms into a thin, sickly looking man, standing with a hunch, wearing a dirty pink suit and pink top hat, clown makeup on the face still, but wearing an expression of an anxious, nervous, dopey smile.
18.04.2010Saruman Wants Me Dead (DILD)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a brief lucid dream. I started out non-lucid where I was at home doing something but gradually all these Lord of the Rings elements came in and before I knew it, my house was under siege by an army of orcs. They were all trying to get in the front, where there was a big glass window - the window was slightly open so there was a bit of a gap where they could shoot arrows through. I thought to myself "well I'm pretty much safe as long as the window doesn't break", and as soon as I thought this, it all went worse; a goblin operated ballista arrived and destroyed all the glass, and the orcs all flooded in.
Suddenly, I heard the voice of Saruman command: "Send out your warg riders!", and from that moment I knew I was truly doomed. I ran through the house all the way to the back, hearing the rapid footsteps of the wargs coming towards me. I got out the back door and then realised I had nowhere left to go as the as the backyard was enclosed by a surrounding high wall, and so I realised that I was inevitably going to die soon. At this point I realised that I was in a nightmare, so out of habit I decided to quickly try and find a less excruiciating way to quickly kill myself, as to wake up from that, as an alternative to experiencing death by getting painfully pounced on and eaten by a pack of wargs.
Whilst I was looking around for a quick suicide method (I contemplated plunging myself off a ledge that was only a few metres off the ground, hoping that if I tried hard enough it would be fatal) I suddenly thought to myself that rather than wake myself up, I could just turn this nightmare into a good lucid dream and keep on dreaming, so I decided to follow Robert Waggoner's MEME method immedietly (modulate emotions, elevate awareness, maintain focus, establish intent) - and one I did this, I suddenly felt as if I had total control over the direction of the deam, and all the fear and threatening elements disappeared.
My intention now was that I wanted to summon some dream characters so that I could question them about how they could help me have more lucid dreams. I wanted to find a new area, so a path with lots of concrete stairs appeared before me and I travelled down it through a mixture of walking and levitating. It came into my head to summon some guides by willing them into existence before me. I suddenly saw their (a pair of women) bodies materialise and rise from the ground. However, something unexpected happened, and they appeared to be missing their heads - or rather, they were standing so close to me in a strange pose where their necks were protruding out of my upper body, so their heads would exist inside my body. I akwardly stood there, looking down over their backs, as they stood still and lifeless before me, and I realised that I had really fucked this up somehow. I became a bit frustrated and felt the dream starting to collapse, and it did shortly.
20.04.2010Trying to Migrate (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
As early as I can remember I was going to a wedding of an invented daughter of a family friend. She looked a lot like him but with dark hair and she looked quite old. She was marrying a man who was extremely rich, but he looked even older than her father, he had bushy grey hair and glasses. They were getting married on the biggest cruise ship I have ever seen (in the dream I remarked that it looked like it was "as big as a spaceship"). It was incredibly massive and luxurious, but also incredibly claustrophobic because it all took place in an interior space which was filled with a sea of thousands of people. After the wedding they were planning to live together in an immense palace-like house in Bondi, which I also got to see at some point.
Back at home (which strangely seemed like my old Maroubra home) I was bored so I started reading a random book I found which was a screenplay for the movie "Cabaret". For some reason I found it intensely emotional (I don't have any such memories of the actual movie). Then I found on my computer a podcast which was a reading of this screenplay done predominantly by Tony Jones, but also with one other person who I can't remember (possibly John Safran?). They would often have breaks and start a discussion on the issues in the story aswell as current political media stories.
Later on, very uncharacteristic of me, I decided I was bored and pessimistic about my life in Australia, so I decided that I wanted to leave the country and go anywhere else. I went out and talked to Leon, and then he told me to talk to his dad about it. After I talked to Kostus, he sent me to meet his (invented) brother, who he said would get me out of the country in a no-cost method. I met up with this guy, who looked a bit younger than Kostus, and looked completely different - he was quite tall and built, had a shaved head and lots of grey stubble - he had a really hardened look on his face, which was quite Robert De Niro-esque - he looked like the kind of person you would cast as a criminal in a movie production.
This guy was very friendly to me, and I explained my objectives to him and he said he would help me out, and he started taking me to somehwere near circular quay or darling harbour.
He took me to a really seedy, ultra industrial looking area of where the city meets the water. He led me down to a small wharf-like area, where we saw a small orange boat, only a little larger than those "water taxis", and in fact I think it even had a taxi sign on it somehwere. It was about ten metres away from the wharf in the water, so he made us jump into the harbour and swim to it. He was a very good swimmer, but since I was a pretty bad swimmer, and that I had a phobia of the sea and deep water (I swear a felt something slimy brush my arm as I floated in the water!), I started stuggling and almost drowning. Eventually he saw this and swam back, and then grabbed me and dragged me all the way to the boat as he swam back there. Also, he had grabbed a large two sided oar, like the ones for canoeing, from the wharf, and had brought it to the boat.
Now that we were on the boat, I felt scared and wasn't sure I wanted to leave anymore - especially on this crappy little boat, traversing the seas with just one oar. I hesistated from doing anything for a long time, and the guy also strangely seemed stifled. I watched as back on the wharf, the actual owner of this boat was back from his break and has seen us hijack his boat, and was now causing a lot of attention to some to the situation, as a few people gathered to watch, and then my heart sank as eventually some very authoritative people arrived ad ordered us to swim back to the shore, and we did. These authorititative people were two female lawyers working for the police, and they had come to arrest us. They looked like they were in their thirties and were very professionally and sharply dressed.
As we came to meet them, they immedietly started laying serious charges of boat hijacking on the two of us, and the other guy looked very disappointed at the situation. I told the lawyers my whole story honestly, except omitting out any details that would make the other guy seem shady or criminal. At one point I exclaimed that I wouldn't say anything else without my lawyer, and they told me I watched too many movies, and that they were lawyers not police. The lawyers seemed to have enjoyed and even slightly appreciated this whole episode, as they laughed and smiled a lot in this encounter, and seemed to be taking it all in a very light-hearted way. They said the charges would be minimal as we didn't even mobilise the boat and leave from where it was parked. I also told them about how the other guy saved me from drowning, and they said that this information would lower his status from "perpetrator of the crime" to "accomplice to the crime", which would further lower his charges.
After that whole episode, they immedietly sent me onto some sort of bus transport to take me away to somewhere. I found many of my friends on this bus, and I sat next to Kynan for most of the trip. As I sat by the window and watched as we drove past the multitude of industrial shipping structures, Kynan talked to me about them, but I can't remember what he was saying. After a while I saw that we had reached somewhere in the blue mountains, as I saw great majestic valleys all around us now. The valleys were filled with low-lying clouds and fog, and strangely, there was immense coloured light effects going on, as masses of purple and green light illuminated the low-lying clouds and fog. Also, I came to realise that oddly, my jacket pockets were now full of candy and lollipops - and everyone sitting around me had the same. I tried to take one out to consume it, but then suddenly this authoritative old woman who was supervising the bus came up and took it from me, and demanded that I declare and give away any other ones I had, and I chose not to tell her that my pockets were in fact stuffed with them - however, she seemed to be taking this all very seriously, she stayed close by and annoyingly made sure that I was unable to take any other ones out of my pockets.
Eventually, we stopped at a blue mountains town. The old crone somehow caused us to all simultaneously "hallucinate" a vision of a girl leaving the local cinema, but there was something weird about this girl. Suddenly she morphed into a gigantic horrendous caterpillar creature and stared at us. When that was over, the old woman exclaimed that this monster was going to come after us if we had any candy on us (which all of us did). Kynan told me not to worry as he said that it was probably all fake scare tactics. I can't remember anything else after this.
23.04.2010Brief Relationship (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had this bizarre dream that whilst I was on public transport I started flirting with this pretty, polynesian looking girl, who was exceedingly amiable towards me. If seemed to go so well that she became very attached to me and even cancelled all her plans and decided to stay with me for the rest of the dream. However, near the end of of this very long and complicated dream she was finally disillusioned and left me, saying I was irresponsible - which, you could say was true in this case, because I always stayed quite detached from the whole situation; from the begining I was quite daunted by my own sucess, having expected this all to not go as 'well' as it did.
Along the way of the dream I engaged in many activities with friends, with whom I seemed to live in a commune with. For example, at one point, they all broke out into revelry and started setting fire to parked cars on the street outside and exploding them, starting a chain reaction of unsafe demolition.
Cool dreams mate. Yours seem to make a lot more sense than mine do.
Looking forward to your next post.
28.04.2010Boiling Flesh (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a creepy dream that after I was working on some music on my computer in my dark bedroom until really late on a hot night. There was a lot of device failure frustration as the headphones kept having volume problems. As my computer was shutting down, my brother approached me from the midnight darkness, naked, with some wet towels in his hands - and with a voice that betrayed an irrational half-awake state of mind he solemnly demanded that I rub his body down with the wet towels because his flesh was simply "boiling" and he couldn't sleep in such heat, and after I did, he started returning the favour to me (it was quite cool and refreshing).
28.04.2010Failed Internet Comedy from the 90s (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a short episode about Kynan coming over and finding an old VHS cassette in my house that was a forgotten failed comedy from the early 90s. The movie solely revolved around a man being unable to find a website url. However, the back cover of the movie case had about six different blurbs, and I kept having trouble finding again the one blurb that contained the plot synopsis, to show how silly it was.
30.04.2010Mice In My Veins (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
As early as I can remember (even though I know that a whole lot of stuff happened before this) I was with Kynan and Pat in some sort of institution (a type of university or school). We had walked into a computer lab and were sitting at the desks pretending to be part of the class that was happening. However, suddenly I became alarmed as I felt an immense pressure in the veins of my left hand, and I looked to see that great bulges were building up in my veins and then I could see them travel down my circulation stream. I thought that this signified that my life was in danger, as I could have a heart attack soon; so I asked the teacher for directions to the campus doctor and I left. I gradually arrived at the healthcare sector, where I saw a great many people from my old high school cohort. I had to cut through the waiting line and insist very hard before I could get a "doctor" to see my condition. In the end I was disappointed because they said there was nothing seriously wrong with me, and they acted like this was a common and trivial occurence with no danger (but I thought overwise). I even went through the trouble of getting a second opinion from another "doctor" and they told me very much the same thing, saying that having "mice in my veins" was no cause for alarm.
01.05.2010Obama's Secrets and the Delicious Chocolate Muffin (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a dream that mum was married to Barack Obama and we were all living in my grandmother's house (Note: this is not the first deam I've had about having Barack Obama as my step-father, weird huh). They had renovated the basement of the house so that on the weekends they could open it to the public as a shop to sell antiques. Barack took me down to the basement on my request and I met one of his daughters from a previous marriage, who was living down there for some reason (and strangely she was blonde and had very pale skin). I was trying to get Barack to show me some "secret stash" of something that I somehow acquired knowledge of (I can't remember what it was but I know it was something sexual), and he had previously shown me in the bathroom where he had hidden all sorts of private stuff in empty spaces behind loose tiles on the wall. In the basement I found a pile of cardboard egyptian pyramid replicas that were in a russian doll format of a smaller model underneath each one. Under the final one I found a secret stash of something mysterious but for some reason I didn't want to bring it out and identify what it was (it may have been condoms).
My mum and my brother also eventually showed up in the basement. We were all loitering around an immense antique dining table where someone had prepared an elegant feast with all sorts of nice delicacies served on plates and trays made of precious metals. I spied a delicious chocolate muffin that simply would not let me resist the temptation to grab and eat it immedietly - but as soon as I did, my mum exploded in anger at me, and continued onto a shouting rant about how selfish, arrogant and inauthentic I supposedly am - and my brother willingly joined in contributing to the barrage of verbal abust being hurled at me (and then he proceeded to eat one of the other muffins, without any backlash directed at him, after making a crude joke about comparing it to a woman's cleavage because of the crease that divided the top surface).
Later on the dream changed and I found myself in a heavily populated public space with Kynan and Kip, and we had formed an improvisational musical group as we walked around nomadically with out guitars in our hands, playing music for random congregations of people. I had the bass guitar and I kept on playing these really cheesy basslines to the music, but we somehow managed to pull of playing coherent improvsed songs.
02.05.2010Shared Dream Training Conference: Dreamers Against the Vicious Dog (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a short dream that started off as me and Kip walking down a street and getting chased by a huge dog. It was followed by a kind of false awakening, presenting a scenario that I was in this kind of 'dream conference' with a whole lot of guys from my high school. We were all sitting in my bedroom and we were discussing techniques to learn in dreams to fight people (or entities) that were threatening us. The chasing dog scenario was a kind of shared dream scenario we could all enter (with much effort).
We would all wake up back to the 'real world', in my bedroom, to our little training conference. Paradoxically, if we willed it enough, we could achieve these 'impossible' things in the supposedly real world (a huge gap in logic allowed for this scenario where I seemed to have no surprise or curiousity as to why the rules of the dream world had been applied to the 'real world' whilst simultaneously acknowledging their exclusivity to the dream world). For example, I was practising shooting long flames out of my fingers, and it was really occuring when I willed it sufficiently, in my bedroom, which I was totally casual about. I kept trying to go a step further with my flames technique, trying to achieve something that a friend suggested, which was to shoot golden flames which not only burnt things, but also transformed them into gold. However, I found it to be 'too hard' and never achieved this skill. We all talked about preparing to re-enter this dream and kill the dog - but it all seemed to fizzle out before anything could happen.
04.05.2010Goblin Fetish (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
This dream started off as far back as my memory goes as I was walking alone along a path in a dark forest, and I was carrying the blade "Sting" from Lord of the Rings. Sting started glowing blue all of a sudden, and a nazgul on horseback suddenly appeared and chased me off the dirt path I was taking, and followed me into the darkness of the woods. This was until Aragorn showed up and banished it.
We kept walking further through the landscape together, but it wasn't too long before Sting started glowing again, this time signifying the presence of goblins nearby, and it led us to an urban setting dominated by an immense building complex. It was full of tunnels and hallways. Inside a long hallway there were many doors that had signs that led to different places. We got to one that had a large sign outside that said "Goblin Fetish". We ventured inside with caution, and it seemed to be a kind of old tavern that was full of heaps of goblins; lounging about, in reclining in relaxation and rest, holding conversation and counsel with one another. It wasn't long before Aragorn and I started massacring all the goblins, and our ambush had the advantage of unsuspecting surprise. There was a huge proportion of goblins who were either children, elderly, or female - unarmed - so they were easy to kill. I remember distinctly at one point, Aragorn brutally slaughtered an infant goblin, tearing it from its mother's arms and crushing it beneath a heavy tavern stool and his boots.
Once they were basically all dead, Aragorn started interrogating an elderly female goblin, whom he had kept alive, who seemed to be the matriarch of the clan. He was interrogating her to extract information of some "recipe", as they termed it, whatever it was. However, he could only extract the first two thirds of the recipe before she started refusing to tell the rest, so he had to kill her too. I preoccupied myself with looking at their food supplies and in the kitchen oven of the tavern, I came across a mouth-watering tray of freshly baked chocolate muffins. I left Aragorn and went off somewhere else for a while (that I can't seem to recall) but I came back later (because I wanted to collect these chocolate muffins somehow). As I walked down the long hallyway again, past all the different branching venues, I saw: an old high school teacher of mine, in what seemed to be an artist's studio (he had talked about his desire to retire to painting after finishing teaching); and in another one I saw Leonidas, in what seemed to be a private lounge.
When I got back to "Goblin Fetish", it had all been cleaned up, the bodies had all been taken away and Aragorn has disappeared, and it had been renovated; the furniture and surfaces had all been renewed, changed from their dark medievalesque design scheme, now to a sleeker, modern look). Luckily the ovens had been left untouched and I was able to access my beloved chocolate muffins. Helpfully, there was also a supply of plastic containers that I could pile the muffins into and then put into my backpack. An old friend from high school randomly came across me, and we chatted for a while, but then I had to cover up the whole story of what once happened here whenever he inquired.
06.05.2010An Excursion Into Estrangement (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
Had a strange dream that felt so incredibly long, as if I've lived an entire weekend in the space of the two hours it really took. It took me about another two hours to write the whole thing down in my physical journal upon waking. The dream can be sectioned into three days, from Friday night to a Sunday. However one must note that in the dream I was sustained in a drunken haze through the first two nights, making the 'memories' very much vague and reconstructed, both in the dream and outside of it.
As a brief note in afterthought, the whole dream seemed to be very dark in terms of lighting - the nights were extremely vast in their blackness - and the days seemed to never peak because they were perpetually enveloped in a dark cloudy haze that only produced a dirty, grey kind of light. Also, not one single location seemed truly familiar to me. It was as if it all took place in a completely different parallel city. The city itself appeared to be older, seedier, more antique and more industrial - full of buildings unfamiliar even though some of them, in the context of the dream, had the backing assumption that they were supposedly familiar to me. The combination of this great unfamiliarity in conjunction with the great length of the dream resulted in feeling upon waking that I can describe as being comparable to finally returning home after an excursion into estrangement, and the ensuing empoverishment.
Friday Night: I got incredibly drunk at a club in the city somehwere, and this is where I supposedly met a man called 'Manuel'. We became friends quite quickly, and I can't really remember what we did, but I know it was a night of release via light-hearted frivolity.
In afterthought, though my recollection is poor, I had the feeling that Manuel was certainly an older man - though I am uncertain on how much older. I had feelings of both comfort and fear in this notion, as it seemed he was a wiser, calmer, more mature person who could be a good guide and a reliable, consistent friend. On the other hand, his identity was a complete mystery to me - I did not know what world he came from or anything about his background - we had no common history, which is something I can say for the rest of my friends. This notion now holds a slightly sinister tone for me, his motivations were beyond my comprehension.
Saturday: I can't really remember what I did during the day, but I think I spent it with Manuel in some seedy suburb, just hanging out, resting from the previous night and wasting time, before the upcoming party. In the evening, we travelled in through the city together to reach Kynan's house, the venue for the party.
The dream seemed to be set a few years into the future, my friend Kynan was older, had moved out his parents house, and was living now in his own large house with his girlfriend. Manuel and I arrived at the house eventually, also with a friend from university whom I met on the way, who was also quite drunk. It was an impressively immense party, full of both friends and acquaintences from high school and university, but also mainly populated by random people whom I didn't even know. For some reason Kynan designated me as "Official Photographer", and he passed to me a camera that I would use, so I was going around taking pictures of everything and everyone.
For a great proportion of the party, I spent my time with a group of four people whom I didn't know and where slightly older than the rest of us (in their mid to late twenties). The close-knit group consisted of a man and three women. They all embodied a complicated relationship that could be described as a "love quadrangle", where two of the women were competing for the man's affection, and the other woman was a lesbian trying to gain the affections of one of the competing women who was bisexual. Basically, I was witness to lots of orgyistic displays of intoxicated eroticisms going on between this love quadrangle, in the space of one large bed, of which I took plenty of voyeuristic photos with the camera. The lesbian and the bisexual both had rich red hair and were wearing the the most amazing dresses that embodied a stunning equilibrium between elegance and sex appeal. I can remember both their faces distinctly, and the bisexual woman's dress was a pastel natural green colour that complimented harmoniously her richly dyed dark red hair (shoulder length, with a fringe) and her beautiful near-porcelain skin. They were all frivolous in this boschesque (à la Garden of Earthly Delights) revelry for many hours, alternating between dramas of seperation and affectionate expressions of physical lust, yet their existence seemed to be imbued with a kind of ultimate freedom - even though they were still consumed in the lust of youth, they had the means of realising it to its paradisiacal, fullest state of experience. It seemed to be contrasting to the ungraceful squabbles that the romance of the surrounding younger adolescent generation seemed to consist of, characterised with painful over-complexities and interference of ego that comes with the insecurites of being a person who is still growing up (and therefore having more moronic tendencies). My most distinct memory of this episode was when the lesbian was alone with the bisexual on the bed and she was finally able to capture the focus of the other's affections, and they engaged in a long, silent kiss, lying down.
Somewhere in this party later on I had an intermission of 'intermediate visions' where I was suspended into a domestic setting, no longer surrounded by the party, but now by my father, his wide, and my brother - but in the same house. I felt strangely unconfortable, as my brother heckled me for my camera, and my father and his wife rested together in a sickly, still and silent daze, on the couch with a quilt cover over their bodies.
Back to the real party, the foursome gradually left, and I went to rejoin the more familiar others. I didn't have much interaction with Manuel at this party, but I could feel his presence, and other people whom I talked to also mentioned his presence. I spent some time with Kynan, but he eventually retreated to the upstairs portion of the house with his girlfriend, once he as sufficiently tired and wasted. I'm sure I am forgetting some significant portions of what else happened at this party.
The party started to fizzle out eventually and people started to leave in large groups. There was a group of stoners sitting on a couch in the corner of the living room, and they had been smoking so much weed that they exclaimed that they had reached a high state, nay, a pinnicle, of complete and utter relaxation. They were in fact so incredibly and totally relaxed that it culminated in the complete relaxation of their bowel muscles and they all started uncontrollably shitting themselves on the couch where they sat - and they were perfectly content with this, so dazed off that they couldn't do a thing or care about it - they just kept staring off at the walls with their dozy smiles. However, the smell was putrid and it drove a lot of people to leave the party.
I remember leaving the party with Manuel, finally rejoining with him, and we travelled out into the night, into the heart of the city. We ended up on a long walk towards a train station. Along the way we were accompanied by long trains of similarly drunken party goers who had also come from the same party and were similiarly going on their way home now. Manuel and I spied a group of pretty, young women, whom I was eager to gain the affections of. Manuel, being the older, more mature man (he had even bought me my train ticket, and guided most of out passages through the city, as my intoxicated state rendered me useless in function and thought), came up with an extravagant, playful and odd scheme which he guaranteed, in a fatherly fashion, would win me the affections of these girls walking ahead of us. Manuel had dressed himself up in quasi-drag, trying to look as convincingly feminine as possible, but failing that he ended up just mostly covering himself up in cloaks and veils as to hide as much masculinity as possible. He told me to refer to him for now as "Emmanuelle", and that he will run ahead of me, and that I should put on an act, pretending to be a heartbroken victim of unrequited love, who would chase after 'her', in a feigned madness of passion, calling out 'her' name. Manuel's crazy idea behind this was that, as he explained it, the girls witnessing this would find their deeply romantic tendencies excited and awakened but this spectacle, and would then, in pity and in awe, seek me out and vow to mend the broken heart of the romantic soul that was so rare to come about in man of their demographic, in turn sating their own fantasies.
So, as I ridiculously began to chase after the ridiculously concealed "Emmanuelle", calling out her graceful name in the cold dark night with well acted facial expressions of torment, we ran past the train of girls. Aptly they observed and were subsequently enthralled by this supposed unfolding drama. They rabbled amongst themselves and found their romantic selves re-awakened in the flame of their intoxication, after many years of slumber in the world of the sober, the real and the disillusion. The scheme came into realisation as our feigned chase was now being pursued by the hysterical cohort of approximately five young women.
We eventually reached an antechamber to the station complex, and "Emmanuelle" swiftly disappeared into the shadows. I was left in the antechamber to my artificial solemn self as I prepared to meet my persuers. They arrived swiftly with a barrage of sincerely acted out queries - masks of concern over their attention seeking faces. I was amazed to recognise a female friend amongst this cohort, aswell as an old acquaintence from high school; However, the rest were unknown to me, which was a good thing for this scheme. It wasn't long before my act quavered, and for some, this called the return of disillusionment. However, some stayed, captivated. The aforementioned friend seemed to be consumed with emotion suddenly and began weeping in a dark corner of the antechamber, for reasons unbeknownst and unconcerning to me. The high school acquaintence was much calmer and gave me a warm acknowledgement of my supposedly troubled situation before she left. The other unknown girls stood back, silent and restrained, in awe of the exclusivity of my concern that the other girls had drawn out in their knowing and familiarity of me. My memory of the night fades out about here.
Sunday: My next coherent memory begins in the city again, on a dark and hazy sunday morning - perhaps I never left the city for the entire night. Manuel was nowhere to be seen. I was finally sober, but I felt weak, drained and frightened, as I walked the streets so unfamiliar to me, lost and in a daze over the myriad of memories that swarmed my mind as I tried to piece together a coherent reconstruction of the events of the past two nights. As I slowly ventured through the labyrinth of streets I spied upon a multitude of theatening and unfamiliar characters who populated this seedy sector of the industrial sprawl. Women who looked like addicts, and strange men in leather, with outlandish hairstyles, and carrying heavy, heavy gazes in their steely visages. I was, but not after a long time, sucessful in navigating my way out of this dark sector and back into an area more common and familiar feeling to me (well apparently so, but not really).
Walking down a placid avenue I stumbled across my first acquaintence of the day, a guy from my high school (whom I have little regard for and didn't have much pleasure to meet). I chatted to him about Kynan's party of the previous night, which he attended (everyone did!). I inquired about my mysterious friend, Manuel, but he had no recollection of him. We walked together until we split ways at the first train station we came across, and luckily I still had my ticket that Manuel had bought for me. Walking through the station I came across other acquaintences who attended that party, and similarly had no recollection of the elusive Manuel.
I made it back to my place of residency, also strangely unfamiliar and different, where I was greeted to a house brimming with people - with their activity however subdued into a contemplative recovery after a cathartic weekend of merriment behind us all. Most of my friends were here, notably Kynan. Sebastian was also here, and he had a great cohort of friends with him, at a meeting of sorts (probably the usual network of spiritual progressives business), as they assembled around the dining table.
I interrogated Kynan about Manuel, and he too strangely had no recollection of him, even though I thought that he would and should. Kynan seemed very tired and drained, the colour in his face gone. I suppose he drank a great deal at his party and so maybe it is his memory at fault. However, I had to ponder what of myself could be at fault, and considered the possibility that Manuel never existed. No one else had any recollection of him. I tried my hardest to recall his image, but strangely and alarmingly, I realised that I could not recall a face - not even a semblance of a face - there was nothing even remotely close to a face of recognition that I could ascribe to a memory of him. But yet, I had such a strong, vivid memory of his presence, of the feelings of spontaineous mateship and fraternity that he roused in me, or even paternal feelings at times. I had to consider that perhaps he was only an invention of my strained mind, an assemblage of an everyman that I had to construct for the gaps in my memory - or perhaps he was an aspect of my own character whom I externalised. I was both simultaneously hopeful and frightened that he may be a real person. Hopeful because of the bond we forged - and frightened because the bond was forged in my uncharacteristic state of degredation via intoxication, and it might not be a bond that I could now comfortably relate to or attach myself unto.
I eventually retreated to the dining table for the company of Sebastian and his thoughtful peers, as to root myself back into the world of serious things. I was hungry so I helplessly prayed upon a plate of scrambled eggs from the table, only apologizing minutes later to Sebastian for acting so uncharacteristically uncautiously on what might have actually been his own food - but he assured me that the plate did not belong to anyone, and I remained sceptical.