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    Thread: DCs Say the Darndest Things

    1. #2701
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      Him: Really though, I need a skeleton. Do you know where I can find one?
      Me: *trying to be serious but clearly incapable* Did you check in the *covers mouth with one hand, bouncing in place with ill-contained glee* closets?

      That was my second very bad skeleton joke but I can't remember the first.
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    2. #2702
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      A dirty old Dream Character kept pinching me in the ass. We were outside in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. We were in a line.
      I recall that I told him to stop but, the more I told him to stop doing it, the more he did it and the more offensive it became.
      Me: "What the fuck!! Stop! Pinching me!!"
      DC: "Pinching booty man!! I liked it!!"
      That's when I let em have it. I kneed him in the nuts and slugged him in the face and knocked him out. Then I woke up.
      Last edited by Ibeauty; 08-02-2016 at 08:10 PM.

    3. #2703
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      "Scientists have confirmed that energy from renewable sources is the same color as regular energy!"

      -Dream newspaper headline
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    4. #2704
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      In one of my non-lucid shrinking dreams, I was in one of my mom's bird cages when Moxie, the Goffin cockatoo who noticed me in the food bowl. I recall that I was no bigger than a peanut. The bowl was full of bird food. He jumped down like a Velociraptor from his perch and let out a terrifying scream at me. He then said, in a Joe Pesci-sh accent, "I didn't do it! Who the freak are you?" Then he preceded in trying to eat me.
      I remember that I yelled in a scared elfin voice, "No!! Moxie!! Don't eat me! Nooo! Me no good!! Me no good!! Geez, It's a life and death situation for an imp like me!"
      When I woke up, I sat up and sighed with relief that he didn't eat me.
      Last edited by Ibeauty; 08-10-2016 at 01:10 AM. Reason: grammar much?
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    5. #2705
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      "Why isn’t every businessman a disco person?"
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      You cannot defeat the devil with his own weapons, you can only replace him that way.

      Violence is for those who are too weak to solve problems with words.

    6. #2706
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      A teacher in my dream who looked like the actor, Michael Weatherly, stood up and shouted at me, "SIT DOWN!! AND SHUT UP, SOLDIER!!" I remember that he startled me when he did that because I was late for class. "Yahhheeeck!!" It was an art class dammit!! Apparently, he was mad as a hatter.
      Last edited by Ibeauty; 08-21-2016 at 08:53 PM. Reason: grammer :(

    7. #2707
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      "We know that the winner of this
      Contest's going to be...
      A creepy-headed Asian girl
      With a face like Funyun Rings."

      - Chanted by a group of Americans in the audience of a Japanese game show.
      "Going through life worrying about the little things is like cooking with motor oil instead of cooking oil. Sure, you can still probably pull it off, but it'll leave a bad taste in your mouth in retrospect." - Me, apparently

      2015: 101 LDs, 2016: 114 LDs, 2017: 38 LDs, 2018: 20 LDs, 2019: 8 LDs

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    8. #2708
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      “Why do the same people always tell the truth in one ear and lies in the other ear and expect us to know the difference?”

      -Marcus

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    9. #2709
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      About two or three days ago, I had a non-lucid dream that I was a guinea pig for an anti-aging formula at a college laboratory that went terribly wrong on my birthday which caused me to rapidly aged to where I was like 80 years old, and getting older. At one point, I was arguing with a DC name Boothy who is my best friend in real life. We were arguing over Birthday cards. Is a month before my birthday too.

      Me: *In an old lady shrilling voice* "Oh yeah!! Maybe I don't want people to give a crap about me!! It's my youth and I'm going to die in an hour or so!! What do you think? Shit!"
      Boothy: "Don't say that!!" We are going to find a cure to this!! I promise!! We are almost there." The DC was trying to comfort me.
      Me:"Eh? Young man? What's yah say? Am I losing my hair?!!"
      Apparently, I was hard of hearing too.
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    10. #2710
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      Juat a random one; I tried to make my friends laugh by saying something along the lines : " Maximus meredus elianimus darimus"

    11. #2711
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      My mom was asking if anyone wanted snacks. I asked why she was asking. She answered, "Because a cousin is something you do within eight weeks.
      "

      Different dream:

      My brother just picked me up in the space shuttle he was driving. I asked where we were going, and he said "To the North Pole, to drop off this house."
      Apparently he was joking though, and actually we were going somewhere underwater.

    12. #2712
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      In a dream, I was at an airport with my boyfriend. I had a bag with me. Inside the bag, there was an old model cell phone that looked like the ones that we had in the 90's. It rang so, I answered it. Apparently, Margo Martindale was calling my cell phone. I remember she was like, "Hello, is this <my real name>? I answered with, "Hi!! I'm <my real name> and Sorry, she is not here right now, please leave a message after the fart!!"
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    13. #2713
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      During some sequence where it was discussed between a flight attendant and the owner of several 45kg containers of modeling clay the effects of expansion of the clay when the plane is at altitude: "It will blow up like an a$$hole!"

      edit: and from last night:

      On a landing part-way up the hill, on the left, I see a few marijuana plants prominently growing. There is even a sign there, "Marijuana." I say, "OH, LOOK! MAR-EE-JOO-AH-NA!" emphasizing every syllable.

      In another dream, I'm told by a narrator that I must "access the 1970 program 'ELIZA' and without using any interventional technology, get her to say <some dirty phrase>".
      Last edited by FryingMan; 09-26-2016 at 12:21 PM.
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    14. #2714
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      I had a fun conversation with a spiral galaxy last night. Haven't been lucid in forever.

      Galaxy: (with a big booming voice like god) I have attained the highest spiritual status and the largest physical form. I am a galaxy! But you may call me... uhh...

      Me: Your name could be... bob?

      Bob: I AM BOB! Now tell me, why is your hair so long?

      Me: I don't know... I just kind of think it looks cooler that way...

      Bob: What would you do... If I were to cut it short?

      Me: My dream body is just a construct of my consciousness, allowing to have me a human experience in the dreamworld. Such damage could very easily be undone.

      Bob: F*CK!

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    15. #2715
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      My aunt to me and my brother ( because she thought we were annoying ) : " You haven't changed at all."

      Me : " Well your belly sure has!"

      OOOOHHH!(?)

    16. #2716
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      Quote Originally Posted by JadeGreen View Post
      I had a fun conversation with a spiral galaxy last night. Haven't been lucid in forever.

      Galaxy: (with a big booming voice like god) I have attained the highest spiritual status and the largest physical form. I am a galaxy! But you may call me... uhh...

      Me: Your name could be... bob?

      Bob: I AM BOB! Now tell me, why is your hair so long?

      Me: I don't know... I just kind of think it looks cooler that way...

      Bob: What would you do... If I were to cut it short?

      Me: My dream body is just a construct of my consciousness, allowing to have me a human experience in the dreamworld. Such damage could very easily be undone.

      Bob: F*CK!
      I can confirm that this is how a Galaxy would speak to anyone
      Last edited by SpaceGod; 09-29-2016 at 02:45 AM.
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      That certainly is a nice red button you have there.

      It'd be a shame if someone were to...

      Press it.

    17. #2717
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      My dream basically created a meme tonight... I don't remember exactly what was happening on the dream, I just remember seeing an image (maybe on a computer screen). It was one of these memes with some kind of text on top saying something and them the image is bellow it.

      The text said something like "I figured me and my friends' pretentious talk would be way more evolved by now. Here's an representation:" and them there was an image of Fred and Barney from the flinstones. It looked kinda like a classical image or an oil painting. Fred had a text bubble saying "My grandfather was a conservationist" and Barney just had this silly, spaced-out face and a text bubble saying "i'm cummin". I woke up thinking "Woa, that kinda almost makes sense.".

    18. #2718
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      Me, last night (non-LD), regarding a purple and brown fish with skin textured like rock, and a head plate separated into thirds from the diagonals: "This looks very Japanese."

      I remember that it was implied that Japanese meant really weird, and from last nights dream, I have discovered that my subconscious is pretty racist. All things considered, though, that was a pretty cool dream. And a vivid one at that.
      That certainly is a nice red button you have there.

      It'd be a shame if someone were to...

      Press it.

    19. #2719
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      A woman I vaguely know IRL came up to me in a crowded room and screamed in a 4 year oldsvoice-

      'Why did you tell everyone I wore big nappies?'

      To be fair to me, she had a nappy on over her jeans at this point....
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    20. #2720
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      I FINALLY spoke to a DC and she replied and I remembered!

      me: "how are you doing?"
      DC: "window"

      She got all embarrased at what she said, I cought off off guard, haha.

    21. #2721
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      (after long inspection of a rapidly deteriorating roof in former home, every few seconds I look again the boards look worse and worse, and finally the whole thing is on the verge of collapsing, the walls are bowing out, and I notice there's a giant shower head built into the new roof pouring water down onto the walls of the room. I step into the room and now it's a full "shower balcony" built high up on the wall of the room)

      Me: "WHO BUILDS A F^&*ING SHOWER INTO A LIVING ROOM!?!?"


      (earlier dream, I'm trying to give a guy directions to get to where I am and it's not going well.)

      Waiter: "Relax, all you have to do is choose the beer."

      (getting hands-y with a girl and I reach the "magic place" and feel around)
      Girl: "HEY, THAT'S MY P%&&Y!"
      Last edited by FryingMan; 10-12-2016 at 05:25 PM.
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    22. #2722
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      "...aaand it's termites for dinner!"

      "let's play 'nurse'!.....no peeking!"
      FryingMan's Unified Theory of Lucid Dreaming: Pay Attention, Reflect, Recall -- Both Day and Night[link]
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      “No amount of security is worth the suffering of a mediocre life chained to a routine that has killed your dreams.”
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    23. #2723
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      I had a dream once where my dream self wanted to try water-bending from Avatar the Last Airbender and I was in my backyard with a plastic gardening bucket full of water and the ATLA character Katara (who is a water-bender from the series) suddenly came out of essentially nowhere onto the scene as a dream character to act as my water-bending teacher. After my dream self tried to make the water levitate out of the bucket but failed, then tried to manipulate it into the air again and failed a second time, some clay appears on the ground randomly and Katara says:

      "If you're from Australia, with all it's outback, then shouldn't you be an earth-bender?"
      Last edited by MissByakura; 10-18-2016 at 12:32 AM.
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    24. #2724
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      I had a dream once where my dream self wanted to try water-bending from Avatar the Last Airbender and I was in my backyard with a plastic gardening bucket full of water and the ATLA character Katara (who is a water-bender from the series) suddenly came out of essentially nowhere onto the scene as a dream character to act as my water-bending teacher. After my dream self tried to make the water levitate out of the bucket but failed, then tried to manipulate it into the air again and failed a second time, some clay appears on the ground randomly and Katara says:

      "If you're from Australia, with all it's outback, then shouldn't you be an earth-bender?"

      And I was like:

      "Hell no I live on the coast."

    25. #2725
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      Me to violinist sitting in an orchestra rehersal: "I love sitting with the strings, it's like visiting a foreign country!"
      Violinist to me: "What are the winds/brass playing, is that Wagner? I can't make any sense of it!"
      FryingMan's Unified Theory of Lucid Dreaming: Pay Attention, Reflect, Recall -- Both Day and Night[link]
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      "...develop stability in awareness and your dreams will change in extraordinary ways" -- TYoDaS

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