Thread: DCs Say the Darndest Things

After I realised I was dreaming, I was for some reason convinced it was a shared dream.

Me: Why didn't you RC earlier? We could've gone lucid long time ago!
Friend: I tried a mental RC, but instead of asking myself what I did today, I asked 'Did I go to kindergarten today?'.

Originally Posted by no-name

D:

Worst. Pun. Ever.

Tell me about it. I found it very amusing in the dream, though.

Originally Posted by Hazel

Tell me about it. I found it very amusing in the dream, though.

I believe you... I find the stupidest thing funny when they come from my dream, but seriously, I thought that was a great pun... Well I heard worst, lol!

I was in a classroom with a motorcycle next to me. someone in the background says something about "motorcycle romance". a lady walks by and says "honey, if it ain't on a motorcycle, it ain't romance."

In a dream where I was in a hotel an the Arctic trying to solve a mystery, here's what my friend Tyler interjected after I pegged him as the criminal of the scroll.

TYLER "But how do you know I did it?"
ME "Because I'm Mark Wahlberg, I'm good looking, smart, and strong..."




I wish

From a dream I had yesterday, my geography teacher told everyone:

"Don't forget to brush your hair - It decreases blood pressure."

I had this non-lucid dream once where I was at my school. I accidentaly touched the back of someones head in the hallway. A teacher saw me and I fled to my classroom. After a while the teacher entered the classroom and the following dialogue took place:

Teacher: Sam, what was that just ago?
Me : Nothing.
Teacher: You touched someones head.
Me : Possibly.
Teacher: Is that smart?
Me : I don't know.
Teacher: Is doing that the indefinition of intelligence?
Me : No.
Teacher: Correct.
Me : Haha got you you!

Originally Posted by Identity X

Just some I remember:

Non-descript friend "I used to have a Volvo, but it crashed because I filled the engine up with chocolate". He then gets a miniscule < 2cm engine out of his pocket, with a brown stain on it. "Look, there!" I was lucid at the time so I quite rigtfully took the piss out of him and laughed till I cried.

lol

lololoolloloollolololoollololololllolololololololo lololoollololololololololo...

I'm not sure if I posted this here, but I was walking through some electronic shop one time. The manager was giving the staff a lesson on how to work the laptops, and there were a bunch of them lined up. The manager told them all to press a square button on the top, and it immediately lit up green and the screen came on. He said "congratulations. You managed to turn it on without breaking anything!". He wasn't being sarcastic in any way, either. Also, I saw a brief image of somebody selling a double barreled shotgun. My brother asked my dad what kind of gun it was, and he told him. Then my little brother (who is 8) said "Oh yeah. I saw them selling that at Best Buy one day." My dad simply replied "Yeah. They have to do it sometimes when they go out of business."

Had one the other night that I woke up laughing about...

I was having sex with this girl I know (who is actually a lesbian, but hey...) and while we were going at it she stopped and climbed off me seemingly concerned I was about to cum. I said that no I was fine and could easily last a bit longer, and she just looked at me with a thoughtful look in her eyes and said "huh, I can finish in 48 seconds!"

A friend did something dumb, I don't remember what.

Me: You're an idiot...

He starts crying

Me: What?

Him: I didn't know...

Surrounded by a bunch of zombies with an AK. Read it.

Originally Posted by Oniman's Dream Journal

I was in a field surrounded by houses. Choosing from a menu, I choose an Ak-47. Then zombies start pouring in from the alleyways in between the houses. They're easy at first, especially when I learn how to use the iron sights. But then they start coming in by the hundreds. I have seemingly unlimited ammo, just have to reload every now and then. However, they start surrounding me. I just empty into the head level of the zombies and take some of them down. Then bullets start flying beside me and I realize help has arrived. I reload, back up, and start taking them out. Then, with some of the zombies still alive, I hear a voice over "And so, in this day, the Southerners won the zombie war. They weren't really fighting against anybody in any way such as to win, but they killed more zombies than the Northerners. A lot more than the Northerners. Dang Northerners. And so, in this day, the South went down in history."

They all began to line up in rows, like they were supposed to be two long lines of couples. Some girl in particular...the guy went to her instead because he liked her or something. So I was kind of amused by this, but then I saw that they were standing next to a pillar, and my tall friend from college was behind it. I looked around and she looked kind of meekly back and said, "They didn't have anyone tall enough!" and I burst out laughing

I don’t often remember specific quotes from my dreams, and a lot of the ones I remember are my own instead of my DCs’… but I’ve accumulated a list of quotes over several years, so I’ll post some of them here:

When I was 3 or 4:
Me: [Sleepwalks down the hallway]
Mom: [Stops me and asks what I’m doing]
Me: “Where’s the big square?”
Somehow she figured out that I meant the bathroom.

A few years ago, I was half asleep having a dream about helping several people set my curtains on fire, when I woke myself up by saying “I can be the person with the blowtorch”.

In one dream, I was walking up my driveway and spotted a DC sitting in my yard with a rifle. I later nicknamed him “Fuzzy Lumpkins” like the fuzzy pink redneck from the Powerpuff Girls because of the way he acted.
DC: “GET OFF O’ MY PROPERTY!”
[Brief struggle]
Me: “You see, this is my property. That’s my driveway, that’s my house…”
DC: “Ohhhh…. Okay.”

My grandmother found some old teleportation devices when she was going through her things. She was going to give them away, so I asked her if I could have one.
Nannie: “You can have one if you [something something] be our spot.”
Me: “What?”
Nannie: “[…] be our spot.”
Me: “Uh… okay.” [Still doesn’t understand]
[A few minutes later]
Me: “What was I supposed to do again?”
Nannie: “BE our SPOT! BE our SPOT!”
Me: [Stares blankly]
Nannie: [Sighs] “I mean that I want you to be our little girl again.”

My friend: [Starts gutting an animal]
Me: [Runs around screaming] “KAT’S DRAWING BLOOD! YOU HAVE TO RUN, KAT’S DRAWING BLOOD!”

In that same dream:
Mental patient: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill you if you don’t leave.”

My aunt, uncle, and cousins: [Hold out an ugly baseball hat with expressions of reverence] “This hat is very special!”
Me: [Mockingly] “Ooooh, what is it, a magic hat?”
Them: “Yes!”
So I put the hat on, poked our van, and it skidded sideways in the dirt. Then some thugs came after the hat and ended up chasing us around the yard to get it. One of them tried to trick me into trading the hat for some uncomfortable looking flip-flops that he claimed were even more magical.

In yet another dream, I had a Kit Rae sword with me, but I couldn’t remember its name. I was standing on a hill above the road next to my house, and a couple of people were about to pass by on a motorcycle. I wanted to impress them with my sword, so I held it over my head and screamed the name of the first sword I could think of:
“EXXXCALLLLIIBURRRRRRRRRRRR!”

Gosh this post turned out longer than I intended.

"now the mounting plastic you got somewhere"
when alfred diblasi (DC version) removes a card from the mac mini to put in the mac pro.

some girl said something not even offensive to her mom at a party, it was along the lines of "where did you put the forks?" her mom was flabbergasted and said "Ah!, is this because I don't let you shave?!" then the chicks face went completely straight and she slowly walked out the door.

this is from a non-lucid i had

I was in a mall walking by a resturant. I look over at this guy who is sitting with an old man having dinner(or whatever meal it was). Then i was in a movie theater the guy who was having dinner leaned over to me and said,"this movie better be good because the food killed my father."

I thought it was pretty funny when i woke up

lol at the one above me. I thought it was hilarious. I had a dream once where my friend picks up a walkman and says "have we learned to use these small computers yet". I tell her it's a walkman, and she drops it, disappointed. I pick it up, but by the time I get to it, it's morphed into an I-pod type thing. I turn it on and heavy metal starts playing. I look at the screen, and the band name is "extreme janitorial death". It's a picture of a bunch of janitors holding mops. Pretty WTF for me when I woke up.

LOL that was epic! Extreme janitoral death? Just last night i had a dream where my brother and i infiltrated some HUGE company corporation building an somehow after running from security (they saw us on camras) i spied my friend chey's party/sleepover in the building's cateria room. which looked suspicioulsy like my schools. anyways so we blend into her party and somehow my brother changed clothes? and there was police officers like 4 stationed around the party area to make sure nothing gets outof hand. i kept wondering where her parents were too. :/ anyways weird shit happens like i try to to wipe my face off with a tissue that i squirted hand santizer onto and some guy sees me and thinks im trying to sniff it and get high off of it. and im freakin out sayin i wasnt but he says something like
"Still i feel better telling the police officer about this" and goes to one showing him the tissue. 5 sec later i turn to see chey shoving her ass in some guys face. and then an officer grabbing her arm and getting her off the guy plus grabbing the guy.about this time, everyone (including me) somehow decides its time leave and at the SAME time everyone starts running away. but b/c of barb-wired gates only me an 4 other people make it out of the building. anyways long story short- two ppl come after us an when they FINALLY catch me (im thinking im going to jail) all the lady says is "Be a Good girl,okay?" lets me go and walks away. after chasing me for like 30min.so of course when i woke up this morning i was WTF?! DAMN that was long D:

i got another one to post from a non lucid

i was babysitting for one of my families' friends and then the babie's mom came in the room.

MOM: i almost forgot the potty seat which color do u want?
ME: I dont really care
MOM: well the babies do. They want it to be the same color as there poo. so pick one. there poo can be red, orange, yellow, green, blue, or purple so pick one of those.
ME: what about brown?
MOM:eww who's poo is brown?


lol potty humor

"Bro, don't do anything rash, there's a poison ivy bush over there!"

....ya get it? My DC's are clever as hell.

yeah... haha.. lol... I guess that was funny.

Young lady: They taked my child, and kidnapped my house.

((And yes, she really did say "taked."))

I was walking in the woods and that yellow rodent from pokemon randomly jumped out and told me to go f*ck myself and shocked me. Then I choked it then all the woodlan critters got pissed off and tried to kill me.

another one was last night

A hobo stole my social security in the parking lot and that fat comedian Ralphie may tackled him then gave my social back to me and invited me to his house. Then I told my dad we need directions to get there. And my dad said lets ask that hobo. I told my dad that hobo hates us and wont tell us anything. My dad then reaches in the cooler and grabs two beers and told me hobos are souless people that only live for beer and without it they will die. we then got the directions then my dad hit him in the face with the beer cans twice.