I haven't read lesson 2 yet even though I saw it was out , but before I will read it I feel like sharing my experience from my last meditation. Since all day long I tried to study for my big test without much luck thanks to my little siblings and their friends who shouted, cried and whined all day long (I love them very much ,but can't they have a little respect to their elder brother especially when he tries to study!?) I have decided to go to my balcony and meditate. I sat down at my usual place ,near the glass wall (you can also refer to it as a window ,but you can't really see anything through it so I refer to it as a wall
),closed my eyes and started to meditate.
I mixed version 1 and 2 like I really like to do and in other words I tried to listen to the world around me and maintain the feeling of my body. I heard the sound of a sprinkler in my yard, a dog barking, far away cars, cars in my street and a loud voice which was of a party I think (or was it just my mind fooling me?
). I tried to feel my body in the same way I could hear the sounds around me ,but I couldn't for some reason. I could sense my body ,but it wasn't in the same way! I tried to open my eyes since I read that some people meditate with open eyes ,but it still didn't help.
Now I suddenly realized that I gave my sight too much attention. "So then ignore it" I thought to myself. I tried to ignore my sight and relieve my body (which I figured by now that was really tense!). Suddenly, the world I saw through my eyes became blurry , just like the things I usually notice that I ignore . Only maybe one spot on the ground of my balcony was clear. My back started to fall until I leaned against the glass wall. I felt my eyes closing ,but this time they closed naturally . I felt so relieved at that moment so in order not to ruin it I didn't even let myself swallow the spit inside my mouth (After a while I did...). Anyways at this point I started to feel my arms being pulled backwards by my back and suddenly I realized that my but and legs are moving forward!!! I always knew that there is a tiny slope in my balcony ,but I never actually really felt it had any effect on me some how. I opened my eyes to see if I was moving ,but according to my vision I was completely still. MY EYES WERE LYING TO ME!!!! I knew it! I could feel this slight movement of my lower body, sliding forward. I let my eyes close again and now in addition to these forces I felt my hand sliding across my leg. I knew this feeling already from falling asleep ,but this time I didn't 'help' my hand slide. I let it slide by itself. It took a while until it reached the ground ,but I was patient this time and at last it did (Actually everything I described took a while to happen I just write everything so fast so it seems it took a short period of time). Now my hand was on the ground , on it's back ,but my fingers were still curled. Then I remembered that hesse wrote something about 'feeling gravity' so I asked myself "can it be that I am feeling gravity?". In order to check that patience was required. I let my fingers loose and didn't interfere with their movement. I could feel the joints between the bones in my fingers slowly open and move toward the ground. Then I accepted the fact that all of these forces I felt were actually a result of gravity. I sketched in my mind a sketch of all the forces that influence my body just like I learned to do in physics class (Which I remember so well that I can upload it on paper). Actually at this moment I can say that I was aware of all of my body or at least of it's interactions (Well I can't say I was aware of my kidneys and my pancreas
).
The next thing to happen and maybe one of the most weirdest feelings I felt is that I lost feeling of my legs ,but in the same time I could feel them. I am not really sure how I can explain it properly ,but it was like my legs didn't weight anything, like they were asleep ,but I was aware of that and could feel them ,but not like I feel them right now. Maybe I just interrupted the flow of blood in my vessels when I put them on top of each other ,but I am not sure about it and can't really explain it well. After that I was able to stand up even though I couldn't feel my legs even though I could feel them in some sort of way ,but I had to use my hands in order to walk properly and it felt like I can fall really quickly if I won't pay my legs enough attention. After a while this feeling was gone and I sat here where I sit right now and started to write this long post. I am sorry this post is so long ,but I couldn't describe what I felt in a shorter way without missing parts (Now that I think about it I might have missed a few like the breathing and some of my thoughts ,but I wrote the most of the things i felt and thought so it is fine
).
Now my conclusions from this experience are:
1.Don't rely to much on sight , it can blind you!
2.Tension will distract you so let yourself loose
3.Don't force things to happen ,you will just waste energy. let them happen by themselves.
4.There are many things that I haven't experienced yet and now I will quote Socrates: "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing".
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