Thread: Alexa's Path -worksheet-

Level 1. I am sitting at the kitchen table in nighttime. Usually after 12am. The noises I hear are: the laptop cooler, the refrigerator, the tv in the other room, the central heating machine going on and off. Occasionally some clicks from the bottle warmer. These noises are constant, and somehow feel natural to be there..
After closing my eyes I noticed another sound that was coming from inside my computer. I think it’s the dvd-r, or could be another cooler. Casual other sounds can be heard. My father snoring, my mother coughing, some sort of crickety sound from outside, or a dog bark. Notice- the occasional sounds trigger thoughts, while the constant ones, I can focus on a lot better.
I will proceed to analyze each of them.
While examining the fridge, I noticed there are, 3 different sounds.. As I started trying to categorize the sounds, at the beginning they seemed to have had a rhythm. I then was able to be aware of my own breathing, as a sound, and then as my heart beat, as another sounds. I associated the sound from the fridge with the my own heartbeat sound, and it was a rhythm.
The next thing , I realized that I should stop thinking about the sounds. And just to focus on what I hear. I proceeded to focus and that gave me a very bad feeling… and a headache. But a terrible feeling. I got scared and stopped analyzing it and went to bed.
I tried to pick up sounds again in the room, while lying in bed. The attempt caused me to feel a burning sensation in one of my legs. I tried to stay still, and not focus on that sensation, but it was overpowering. I tried to visualize a hose and sprinkle imaginary water on my burning leg. I did not want to physically alter the sensation, but I wanted to try and control it with another sensation. The burning sensation faded a bit. I am unsure if what I tried to do worked, as in sprinkle the water from the hose on my leg, or the fact that I was using a lot of my awareness to think about the hose that I was already paying little to no attention to the burning one. I gave up after a while, and proceeded to touch my leg. It was cold.

Note to self. I now realized sounds trigger not just thoughts, but feelings. The next attempt I will use the sound of running water to focus on, and see if that gives me a good feeling. If it does, I will use that, to at least calm the effects of the bad feelings that the fridge gives me.

At this point I think, the simple attempt to shut down my thoughts gave me the bad feelings themselves... Or it could have been that I have started to be aware of my body, as I managed to hear my own breathing and feel my heartbeat. The time I have tried the first time, it was close to 3am, I have had a burned dinner that night, well just say that I have had not the best physical health at the time. I have tried again to just listen while in the bathtub, and I have had a much more nicer experience. The sound of the water was overpowering, my body completly relaxed, and in a very comfortable position. I have tried to listen to water sounds with my head above the water, and then with my ears beneath the water. When I have moved my head beneath the water, it was the nicest thing ever. The sound of the water had 2 dimensions, I could hear the ouside the water sound, and then the beneath the water sounds. Also beneath the water, my breathing and my heartbeat could be heard alot cleared. I came out from the bathtub completly relaxed, I was on the point of falling asleep. I will move to level 2 of this exercise tomorrow, and will be with water sounds again. I cannot seem to decide if I should stay in the bathtub again. I cannot hear alot from over there. I guess only practice there will make me know if it is possible to hear other sounds from that room, while the water is running.

Update - took a long break, used to much energy on daily basis sittuations, I will try level 1 tomorrow. I do realize my house is not that noisy as needed, not with soundproof windows and walls, so I will try this again in a park, tomorrow.

Okay. I have, for some reason, decided to try the version #3, as of yesterday. Wanted to put in practice something I really am lacking, called discipline. When life is challenging, I guess that is the best time to put it in practice. I have vowed to myself that I will do 7 days of technique #3, level 1, and this would be day 2. I also tried to include my husband into this, because he is good at meditation, among other things.

Day 1.
Explained my husband the technique, and we both took some eucalyptus candy - was the only strong flavored candy in the house-.
First I have felt the nice flavor, then my tongue started numbing down. We were still talking, my husband and I, while lying in bed, telling each other what we feel. We wasted the first candy just talking about random things, I think he was able to maintain awareness, while I could not. My mind, as the topics i would throw to debate, would be various. I recall anything would help to take my mind of the candy. listening to all noises i could hear, visualizing, anything really. I was better at hearing that at any point, i could shift focus on any sound, lose myself in it, anything but feeling the candy. It was, anguishing. After I have finished it, I took candy nr 2, 10 minutes after candy nr 1. The exact thing happened. I was amusing myself, laughing at the noises my stomach made. I remember with this candy piece, I was holding it with my teeth, because I could not bare having it in any place in my mouth, and just touching it with my tongue, every single time my mind would try and drift from the flavor. Started detecting sounds again, or feeling body parts tired, or anything really. Took a half an hour break, came to computer, read again instructions, and then took candy nr 3 and laid back in bed. Because I felt hubby was doing well with drifting off, decided to tell him about level 2 of the exercise, and he took it as a challenge.
This time we decided not to speak with each other, unless there's an important sensation we feel, and even then, just to word it out. With candy # 3 it felt a lot better.
Somehow the anguish came, but faded. I re-discovered the candy. The flavor was not only very refreshing, but its taste was somehow enhanced. I could hold it in my mouth again. I noticed how my tongue was super-saturated , so that's why I had to shift its position now and again. The texture was very smooth, soft in places saliva already partially dissolved it, like the edges, and thinner in the middle, where the tongue would rub the softer part again. Mid way, I have heard my husband say the following. "I feel I am spinning. Its like my brain is spinning with the speed of my fingers rotating. Its not my brain, its like its my eyes, but I know it is not my eyes", and shortly after he entered some sort of trance, he seemed very stiff, and his breathing was not the normal breathing while he is sleeping.

Day 2.
Here some questions have risen. I would really like some sort of elucidation on what just happened.
We had a nice day in the park, and after we talked a lot about his previous experiences while "dreaming" during dinner . I have had him read all the techniques used in this particular class, and he recalls doing some of them in the past. He recalls getting lucid, as in, his goal was to see his own hands in his dream, and he recalls the clearest OBEs. He has put 5 years of his life into this, and I was just so happy he shared more, as this was a topic he was never able to discuss with anyone. I tried to point out some things he has been doing "wrong" in my view, as in, same in my case, lack of discipline.
We both went back to bed, and took our candies with us. We discussed again, what should we do, if we should keep on talking to each other, or not. And what should I do if he gets the trace-like again. Should I wake him up and have him recall? Should I wake him up after a while? He just told me to question him . Which I did. We both started on our candies, and then, After a while, he again reporting something. He told me he is seeing his nose. I asked him, if he is sure it is his nose, and he said "i dont know" He told me the nose did not have skin, and there was also a mask. Then, some more minutes of silence. Then he started reporting again . He said he sees a hallway, a wall, and a door. At that point I started questioning him. I asked him "where are you" he told me he entered the room. I asked him to tell me what is in it, he said that he can only see a window. After about a minute, he said he saw a piece of furniture, which he opened, and this point was abit unclear to me, because he switched to spanish and my spanish is not very good. He then said there is also a chair, and a bed. I asked him to look outside the window and tell me if it is day or night. He said it is raining, that there are clouds. He also said that it is night. The next thing he said that there is a tree. I asked him again where is he, he said he went out the window, and his tree was there. I asked him details about the tree, he could not give me. I asked him what else he sees, he said a tractor. I asked him if he sees the window he came in, he said it is gone now, and there is a house, a door and two windows, but the windows are not the same windows he came in through. I asked him what else is there, and he said a dog house, but there is no dog, and there is a silver metallic dog bowl. I asked him if the dog bowl had a name, but it didnt. I asked him then if the tree is still there, and he said yes. He also said there was a fence. I asked him if he can see what is beyond the fence, and he said there is nothing. At that point he started complaining about pain in his left hand, and I was holding his right hand with my left. I asked him if the tree was still in sight, he said yes, and there is an apple there. I asked him if it is an apple tree, he said he doesn't know. I asked him, that if he climbed the tree, would he get a better view of what is beyond the fence, he said he cannot. He complained about the left hand again. I asked him, if he can locate the pain, he tried, but was unable to. I asked him how does his right hand feel ( I was trying to shift attention from his left to his right, so that it maybe not bother him anymore). He told me his right hand feels very nice. I asked him to try and shift some of the good feelings from his right to the left hand. There was a silence. I asked him if he is able to do so and he said yes. At that point, I felt my own right hand, numb. As in I had to shake it again and again, to get rid of the numbness. I asked him if his left hand felt better, then he reported pain in his eyes. I asked him where is he, he said he doesn't know. I asked him what is it he sees around, he said light. I asked him if the light had any colors, he said no. I asked him if the light was like sunlight, he said no. Then he told me he sees a seed, an apple seed. I asked him where he is again, he said inside the apple. I asked him what he was, he said he doesent know. He reported pain in the hand again. I asked him again, where was he, he said in the tree. That he sees the house, but it is very large now, because he is very small. I asked him if he can see over the fence, he said again there is nothing over there. I asked him if he wants to enter the house, he said no, that he wants to go over the fence. He said the dog house and the dog bowl were still there, and there is water in the dog bowl. He said that he is touching the water with his right hand, and it feels nice. The pain in left hand appeared again. I asked him if he can see his left hand he said it is not there. I asked him to try and grab his left with his right, and shake it gently, he told me he cannot because his right is in the water. He woke up because he almost choked on the candy and I was actually very happy. This , took about 1h. He recalled only the nose, and was abit freaked out, because he knew it wasnt his nose, and then, the water sensation, and there was pain in his left shoulder.

I do not know what to think of this. What kind of dreaming this is? Was I right to question him? I felt like sinking in deep waters doing that. I had no ideea what I was doing. And most of all, how can my hand go numb like that EXACTLY as he was trying to charge with good vibes his left hand? Some sort of answers and guidance would be nice at this point.

day3. I stopped doing that with my husband, until it will be clear to me some things, and I have some confidence to do so again. So day 3 with candy I was alone.

There was no overpowering sensation this time. After 10 minutes of sound scanning, I have decided to focus as much as possible on the candy. I realized it is also sweet! I tried a couple of minutes to differentiate the mint flavor from the sweet, to no success. Then I experimented Switching the candy in the mouth. I have tried several locations. First would be the tip of my tongue, then the bottom of it. Then under my tongue and the last would be on the palate of my mouth. The tip of my tongue felt very nice at the beginning, but after my tongue was filled with the mint flavor, it became pretty unbearable, I had to shift its place. The back of my tongue was worst of it all. The sweet could not be sensed almost not at all over there, and then my tongue felt almost immediately throbbing. Under my tongue I could not keep it very long, steady, because my mouth would overflow with saliva, and in the palace the sent was faintest of it all. I then remembered my anatomy class from 8th grade, where the tongue functions and taste buds were, and I realized that the sweet tasting ones are located in the tip of the tongue. I then realized that as long as the tip of the tongue would not throb or be overpowered by the mint taste, the candy would be very enjoyable. I thought then, that this is pretty much applicable for most foods, and that the positioning of the tip of the tongue itself its pretty amazing, since it kind of tricks us things are "good" tasting, as in sweet enough to be enjoyable, while probing just about anything, so that we put it in our mouth and eat it. And the reason we shift the candy in our mouth is because we want to give the tip a break, so the taste buds would not be overpowered by any sensation, and still be able to taste the sweet.

Day 4, day 5, and day 6, I have felt asleep with candy in my mouth. I woke up hours later and it was still there. How come it did not disolve in the sleep I wonder.

Originally Posted by AlexaMtz

Day 4, day 5, and day 6, I have felt asleep with candy in my mouth. I woke up hours later and it was still there. How come it did not disolve in the sleep I wonder.

Hah that's so weird. Careful there not to choke

I have found that these lessons changed my whole relationship with food. I now really experience each bite of my food, and with more intensity and detail. Moving the candy in your mouth is an interesting thing. It seems that if we receive constant input on a nerve, such as constant mint on a taste bud, that we erase that info before long. Moving it around wakes your brain back up to the taste.

I would not worry at all about your husband's experiences. You say he has done some of these lessons in other studies of his own. They all develop the visualization portion of the brain. that is why they are part of mastering lucid dreaming. You too will probably have all sorts of weird visualization experiences if you keep it up as long as he has.

Another week of attempts. I will now do the candy exercise at another time, as right before bed I keep falling asleep. 3 days of painfull toothache, and 3-4 of falling asleep. I have managed to successfully keep the candy in my mouth in the rest of the times.
The main observations I have so far. While it did not bring me any silence of thoughts, I can now maintain 1 single thought for a very long time, instead of thinking of 20. On two occasions I have noticed creative thoughts (as in, how to make a heart shaped pillow, in great detail). I also noticed breathing is very easy with a mint in your mouth, which I guess helps oxygenate the brain and its just very relaxing.
Before the mints I have noticed the way I fall asleep, and it was me thinking of random daily things, more on organizational details than anything, and all sorts of goals, then at a point some images would come very random and minutes after I would fall asleep. Those images have stopped, even in the times I have fallen asleep without the mint. I am going to switch now the candy flavor. Its lemon drop next week, and will move on to level 2 of the exercise.
Oh, and I will pick up the second exercise also, version 2. One of my realizations in the last session of the mint, was, that, no matter how aware you are of every detail of a given environment, be it in waking life or dream life, if you do not have awareness of yourself, its all pretty pointless.

You are doing great. I am pleased you are not rushing things.

Started level 2 of exercise, I do it random times a day, and also right before falling asleep. I noticed something about awareness, and my own attention in general. It is , first of all, limited. I only have so much of it. It also has a sort of depth to to. Some things are very very clear, and the more awareness I direct to it the clearer and more profound it gets. But while I do put attention on it, you take that attention from another thing. I do not think it vanishes from perception most of the times, because it can or it cannot, but it is just very hard to have the same keen focus on more than one thing. While trying to feel and hear, and taste it helped me a lot to keep my eyes closed. Not seeing anything, helped me keep focus and the same depth on a certain sensation. Now I am a bit confused also. The discoveries I have about some things seem like revelations, the more attention you put on it, the bigger the revelation. If I do not try and put depth to a certain sensation, and try and scan for more sensation, I basically turn into a radar, scanning and scanning. Then you lose depth to the sensations you already were perceiving, but it stopped my inner voice, for no more than a few seconds, just before i picked up something new. So I guess at this point the exercise can be done in both ways. In one way to just put as much awareness on a thing as you can possibly put without losing the other sensations, or just scan for more sensations and try and hold onto them, but the more they are, the fainter they feel. Would be very nice to combine the two.
Last night I tried to put as much attention I could on the candy. And still move my fingers, but to put as little attention to the rotating sensation, mainly i just have them move. I experiences a loud buzz in my ears. And then I noticed that the speed i was rotating fingers with increased a great deal. And the feeling of excitation came also.

Took a long break... As the tension in my daily life increased and I managed to not find any time for this. I am veryy sorry I have stopped. I managed tho, to cut back most of the drama in my life, that I was feeling hindered my growth and well being. These exercises, helped soo soo much. I managed not to get mad in a conversation I usually would have, but to see why that person was 'distressed' and even to manage to say something nice in return so it stopped the other person. But it has brought so many things about myself into my own awareness, things I was completely oblivious of. I think I will start over with level one. I have tried again level 2 but, i lost it. I am very sick of candy right now, but it will only add to the challenge. Finding time is .. hard. I think I am very disorganized though, and I do not manage my time well enough. Will work on that on the side.

Originally Posted by AlexaMtz

Took a long break... As the tension in my daily life increased and I managed to not find any time for this. I am veryy sorry I have stopped. I managed tho, to cut back most of the drama in my life, that I was feeling hindered my growth and well being. These exercises, helped soo soo much. I managed not to get mad in a conversation I usually would have, but to see why that person was 'distressed' and even to manage to say something nice in return so it stopped the other person. But it has brought so many things about myself into my own awareness, things I was completely oblivious of. I think I will start over with level one. I have tried again level 2 but, i lost it. I am very sick of candy right now, but it will only add to the challenge. Finding time is .. hard. I think I am very disorganized though, and I do not manage my time well enough. Will work on that on the side.

This is a change in your whole person and should take place over many months or years. Some times you get caught up in life and forget self development, but as long as you keep coming back to it, you will always move forward.

Day 4. 2 of the nights I kept falling asleep again with candy in my mouth. So i decided to find some 40 mins for this some other time, while I am more alert. I have also bought a recorder, and I can listen now to my thoughts and sensations while more alert. It helped me a great deal. I can be a lot more objective about everything. I have noticed that I am not only focused on the candy, but I sound detect any sounds, and keep them in awareness, together with .. body sensations. Its more of a mix that I am doing, and my mind shifts attention from one to another until i get this numbness and I get so see HI... and thank for that candy to keep bringing me back, because I would doze off. I think that is happening in the nighttime, then I just pass out asleep. I am also an overtired mom, a recognized insomniac. I can thrive on little to no sleep , I just need now 3h of continuous sleep and I can still function. Its very hard in the days and nights when I do not get them. I am very irritated. I have also noticed the quality of the meditations are much much better when I am well rested, while when I am not my mind is just a mess and I feel very frustrated to the point I break down and cry or just snap at almost anyone from almost anything. I do not know if I should relate this to a lack of patience, but it could be that they are related.
I have also picked up some books on Dream Yoga. I have read some very interesting techniques that are of Zhine Tibetan Dream Yoga Practices.
I also want to mention Lucid is not my goal. I do not think it ever was, the way I see it, once I manage to have more self control, restraint, attention, and be more emphatic to deal with daily life issues, to be less judgmental, and not to hurt people with words (although I do relate that to being their problem for being hurt, but if I can also help it I should), I consider myself much more gained than gaining lucidity in dreams. I love recording my dreams, I think my dream self deals very good with the situations that she is thrown into. I still do recall the awesomeness of my only lucids, but I see it more of an prize which just comes with a certain kind of awareness. I will continue with this for the next 3 days, after which I will need to somehow find some time for level 3. Its hard to be a single mom... to find time for that kind of walks I have not chewed on candy at any point so far... Is it possible I find an alternate level three of exercise? Or maybe just postpone it ?
Oh and as a trick, I tried adding another thing. To restate my internal dialogue upon hearing it, upon a meditation session, together with the sound scanning. It worked. I have felt more inner silence that way, it prolonged it with some seconds, which is a big win in my book as of now. Every single time though, I have felt an acceleration. The buzz in the ears and the increased spinning of the rotation of the fingers.

Feel free to modify any lesson to fit your life. Just try to work on the same type of things.

Okay. On the 3rd of this month, I have had another revelation . I have noticed that if I focus every single thought to the candy, for as long as possible, the time in which I do the exercise is drastically cut, as in to 1/3rd of the usual spent time on it. Down from 55 minutes to 17 - 22. It always begins with .. random thoughts bothering me, which I pay attention to exhaustion of the idea, to get to some sort of a conclusion, or a solution. After that, all focus on the candy. Its very nice now, after so many days, that I have cleared so many of the ones bothering me, so now I have less and less, mainly unsettled cluster from throughout the day. But the candy now ends very very fast. To fast that is.
I have spent more days on doing the same, as in, all thoughts and focus directed to the candy, a couple of minutes into the exercise, as soon as the unsettled thoughts would exhaust. The very same result. I think it took me a while to assimilate the idea.
On the 6th I have moved to level 2. So far, I have chosen a different flavor candy, and a smaller one, and use it before sleep, while doing the exercise. And now, since I do focus on the candy with as much thought as I can, it exhausts very easy, so I do not sleep on it. I have to cut the exercise though, many times, mid way, because of baby waking up, during the before bed practices. I was also trying to get the same keen attention on both rotation of fingers and candy, but I cannot. Its more of a bounce, either its one or another. And now it just exhausts waaay to fast, I barely get to experience the buzz in the ears, even with the chunkiest piece of candy I could buy. Or any HI or HH. I will try with 2 candies during daytime. I still manage of finding a solution for doing level 3. Maybe a night stroll , once the baby is asleep. If not, motion within the house, or even a balcony, for a more diverse scenery.. With more practice and trial and error I will figure out something that does work for me.
Started supplementing Lecithin also, just 2 days ago, and I can already feel it working. My appetite went up. And good mood, but good mood is partially due to these practices also. Bye bye cluster of thoughts!
I have no words to express how much these help during day to day, and gratitude. Maybe once I build a bigger vocabulary I will be able to.

I have carried on with level two. I did it at another time, with more than 1 candy. They always seemed to finish very fast, so then I have chosen to repeat my mantra to block thoughts from forming. Instead of candy I would have mantra as a focus point, and then the rotating fingers. I was able to hold that state for hours, untill someone would interrupt me. It was darkness. Thoughts would attempt to form, I managed to block them, Images would pop up, still ones, moving ones, I would ignore them and just focus on my mantra and spinning fingers. I heard every single sound with the most profound hearing and felt the tiniest sensation in my body. Muscles twitching, my bra tickling my skin, and more revelations (truths so simple but with such a deep impact it changed me). It was extremely revigorating. I have also reports of my body moving without myself. Like, falling onwards sensations, in repeat, my hand moving without me. The buzz in my ears and the acceleration feeling were still there, until I haven finally had the realization that I can just slow down instead of accelerate. Sometimes I want to dwell on an image. Or a thought, or even a feeling, in that particular state. Dwelling on feelings that you are unaware off brings ups and downs in my general mood. Its like opening pandora's box. I feel now I have reached my cap with this exercise, with the personalized version of level 2. I know I could do a bit more improvisations with it, but I'd rather move to level 3 now, and maybe come back at it. I also do it as a before bed practice , and then also as a separate session, when I manage to find time without being exhausted.
I am still going to try and do now level 3. I need some sort of a routine for it, to incorporate it in. Maybe try and do an exercise in between, from closed eye to open eye, because so far all these have been closed eyes. I am not sure , but I will find a way.

Wow. Amazing progress. Thank you for taking te to honestly explore each section and not rushing forward.

Okay I feel the need to update on my progress. After these exercises, I have noticed both my awareness and focus are way higher than usual. I have kept reading some books, and tried Mindfulness of Feelings exercises, which is now my current block. I do not have to deal with all the thoughts if only my feelings would be more in check. This is by hard the hardest exercise for me. Basically when I get the keen focus, I take an emotion into it, and try and deprive it of thoughts , but it is very difficult since, basically I get memories of all the cause of the certain feeling, or related to it, and they are very hard to ignore . It takes weeks to understand it, and then put it on the "dealt with" list. And my father recently passed, so that is not helping matters at all.
Lucid dream wise, I have reports on lucid dreams every single time I try and do the level 2 of exercise, but while lying down. WILD attempts, I guess, but I never had a successful WILD, more like DILDs or short awareness gains/losses in the naps. I guess trying to keep aware carries on the dream world, or that state of mind. Im rather keen on the meditations a whole lot more than the lucids at this point.
Thank you so very much. For everything. I will keep posting progress, I badly need to start visualization techniques but as many memories and feelings I can clear, deal with and real-ize , the better.