House is by far my favourite television show. Its pretty much the only thing I watch on TV, and I watch it religiously
I absolutely love it
He has so many great 'Houseisms'
A few of my favourites:
After Tritter took all of House's vicodin, and he goes to his 'secret, secret, secret stash' - True House fans'll get this one XD
*opens a text book and takes out a thing of vicodin inside*
Cameron: You hid your vicodin in a Lupus text book?
House: Its never Lupus.
In the episode with the dwarf mother and her daughter:
Dwarf Mother: Are you high?!
House: Higher than you *snickers*
Heres some, but I can't remember the episodes they're from
Cameron: Men should grow up.
House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.
Foreman: I think your argument is specious.
House: I think your tie is ugly.
House: A patient comes because she's sleeping 16 hours a day, and it takes ten doctors and a coma to diagnose sleeping sickness.
House: How does someone just start drooling? Chase? Were you wearing your short shorts?
Chase: In pre-med, I had a professor who...
House: - touched you in the naughty place?
Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty.
House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.
House: [to the crowd in the walk-in clinic's waiting area] Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning.
Cuddy: Short, sweet, grab a file.
House: This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a bored... certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will.
[to Cuddy]
That is true, isn't it?
[to crowd]
But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
[nobody moves]
And who would rather wait for one of the other two guys?
[everybody raises their hand]
Okay, well, I'll be in Exam Room One if you change your mind.
Cuddy: Jody Matthews?
[Jody raises her hand]
Please accompany Doctor House to Exam Room One.
Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex.
House: Their mistake.
Foreman: You assaulted that man!
House: Fine. I'll never do it again.
Foreman: Yes you will.
House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.
Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
House: And the reason you want respect?
Wilson: To... get laid.
House: Right rudder. Bank, bank, bank!
Cuddy: Good coffee? The rest of this hospital is busting its tail and you're...
[House's eyes get really wide, and he hides them with his folder]
Cuddy: What are you doing?
House: Trying to think of anything except the produce department at Whole Foods.
[Wilson smirks]
Cuddy: I am working. It got hot. Stop acting like a 13-year-old!
House: Sorry. You just don't normally see breasts like that on Deans of Medicine.
[Wilson avoids looking at Cuddy's chest]
Cuddy: Women can't be heads of hospitals? Or just ugly ones?
House: No, they can be babes. It's just you don't normally see their fun bags.
House: You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a... I can't think of a non-sexual metaphor.
[After giving a patient a rectal exam]
Cameron: Do you have any idea what its like having a 6 foot tube shoved up your rectum?
House: No... but I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college.
Chase: The girl hasn't even kissed a boy, its a fair bet she hasn't had sex
House: Tell that to all the hookers who won't kiss me on the mouth
and many, many more
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