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      Member DeepBlue's Avatar
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      Dec 2008
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      No more Mr/Mrs 'Nice Guy/Girl'

      Hi there - though this might look like an advert, it isn't,

      I've not posted in almost a year but I've been reading a fantastic book lately. I turn 20 soon and I know that a similar age group visits these forums and some might benefit from seeing it. The author of the book is a therapist and marriage counsellor who has dedicated much of his career to assisting couples and men with something not often brought to light, but which is found quite frequently in modern times: the Nice Guy Paradigm.

      The book's website lists a few signs of it,
      - The relative who lets his wife run the show
      - The man who lets people walk all over him because he doesn't want to rock the boat
      - The guy who tells one person what they want to hear, then reverses himself to please someone else

      Some more thoughts, observations. Nice Guys and Girls,
      - May be someone who acts good and anticipates to please others
      - May be a guy who adopts exotic beliefs and acts very refined, but may feel he 'gives much more than he gets', especially with the opposite sex
      - They may procrastinate, avoid, and distract, perhaps feeling anxiety and doubt about things
      - He may be a guy who has feels he cannot be just as he is, and has to read 'pick up' articles, but has only found more anxiety and confusion. He may find such advice even revolting, frustrating, and unworkable, but might not like to admit this to himself.
      - She may be a woman of any age who consults horoscopes and watches for the right image to emulate, but may lack the connection with a man she strongly desires, and may feel rage towards men in general.

      I'm currently reading and assimilating the book. It's certainly real food for thought and though I am still processing it (it also has little exercises in the margins), it seems to be having a profound effect on me. Its website is nomoremrniceguy.com
      It can be bought on Amazon.com, Amazon UK

      The book is really written for men, by a man's perspective, but anyone should be able to benefit from it. I'm posting a link because I think some members might find it useful.

      Importantly, Nice Guys and Girls can read it and realise they don't need to distract themselves with bizarre humour, sacrifice themselves, or build walls of perfectionism and intellectualism. They do not have to put themselves down or accept shame about being sexual or having feelings and emotional boundaries.

      If you have found yourself as a Nice Guy/Girl in the past, I'd be interested in reading a reply. The thread might develop and I'll post a couple more thoughts. I don't mean to make an 'advert thread' - just a link to a useful read.

      PS. This looks like it's written by a spambot! But it's not.
      Last edited by DeepBlue; 12-08-2009 at 07:48 PM. Reason: Disclaimer

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