Undoing

I dread the thought of the things I love- not people, I mean things, such as activities, hobbies, material posessions- mocking me in the face of disaster or tragedy; namely, in the face of death. in such a time, what good is the art I've collected, or the old cameras I like to use, or the tapes I enjoy, or any of these other insignificant pastimes? in the face of death, they all mock me. they laugh at me.
thoughts like this make me sick to my stomach. or, rather, reality checks like this. and of course they make me sick, they're supposed to. reality and truth are uncomfortable things. instead of turning to the existing reality and truth, we prefer to make up our own; and not only is this now consciously accepted by society, but lauded, actually encouraged.

I realize I'm not saying anything new. but, neither are you, or anyone else. there is ever only one, simple story, and though it never changes, somehow we never tire of it. the story is of the constant fight against the one thing we want the most.

and it can never end.

unless, you give up the fight. but you don't want to do that, do you? so the story goes.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...ightenment.png

so you ARE human

Do not give up the fight, give up attachment to the outcome of the fight. Why would you want it to end, that would just be death?

Anthropomorphic hobbies? If your hobbies and posessions mock you its because you've labelled them negatively, you're mocking yourself. If they bring pleasure or a sense of purpose to your life then they fulfill a useful role, forget future or past. The reason why mindset's such as your own arn't acted upon is because they ultimately lead to apathy, inaction and depression... and how is that useful? atleast you get temporary pleasure from the activities you currently enjoy.

Overthinking it.

overthinking, probably.

but there's so many little thoughts at once I can't see the picture. which is why sometimes I may ask a really, really obvious question and not even realize what I've asked. anyway I feel strongly that I am a sincere person and I can think of plenty of what I feel are acceptable reasons for why I do the things I do, but I don't fully trust my mind (if I can fall for placebo effect easily, what else is my mind doing outside of my control?), and I also feel that there are a lot of people who would think my hobbies etcet are lavish, excessive (I think I'm talking about asceticists here?). and my concern here is not so much about fitting in, but doing what's right. I know this sounds ridiculous and extreme, and probably self-righteous, but I'm serious: if giving up everything (material) and living like Buddha or Jesus really IS the right way to live, then I may try to pursue it, or else I'd feel awful guilty all the time. well, I already do, and I don't even know. I think I just have an extreme fear of being arrogant, so I keep myself in a position where I believe I'm always wrong. I'm not sure if I'm being clear or not. I appreciate your input, please tell me if I'm making sense or not. I promise I'm not as ignorant as it looks sometimes, I just can't hold all my thoughts together at once so I get confused/ask things I should or already know.

You make sense. I've felt that the things I spend my time and money on are selfish and a waste before, but then what isn't just a waste if you look at things from an ultra utilitarian perspective, everything will die in the end. The thing that makes art valuable is the experience(mostly in the creative side of it, but in the receptive side as well). The important thing is to remember the experience, to not get caught up in the end product.

What the buddha and jesus were after in living life without possessions is life without attachment, simplicity. Without attachment you can see thing clearly. But just giving up all your possessions will not free you from attachment, it is merely a technique at re-imprinting a new self.

Personally i don't believe theres one 'true/right' way to live. Having a 'right way to live' requires some kind of universal or otherwordly purpose or plan to judge ourselves against. I dont believe theres a specific purpose to our lives, we each form our own idea's and motivations in life as we grow. Maybe it's this scary lack of cosmic instruction that worries you, but it really shouldn't, to a certain extent it should free you.
I guess this is where many religions capitalize.. Giving their followers comfort from the great void that is our lack of cosmic purpose, assuring them that there's a greater meaning to everything, a right way to live, a comfortable self assurance that they're doing the right thing.

My recommendation is to understand who you are as a person and what makes you happy, you should worry less about being judged. Buddhism is indeed a great topic to look into, but not to the point where it consumes your life. Cherry pick aspects of it that help make you happy and that enhance your life in someway, such as self-respect, mindfullness to tame your thoughts a little and maybe views on morality. If you take one thing from Buddhism id recommend 'taking responsibility' for your thoughts and emotions. In most cases happiness is a choice, as is anger, pessimism, optimism etc.

Other than that i agree with stonedape, you gotta try to soak up the experiences and enjoy the ride before its your time to disembark.. You may only have one go, you can either enjoy it for what it is or spend it being miserable, its your choice. :P

I hope you find what you're looking for.

I would humbly point out that in believing, and therefore expecting to be wrong at every turn, you do yourself and the world a huge disservice.
At that point goodness of any shade gets lost in the shuffle, and it's hard to find it even in plain sight.
Humility has it's own kind of value, but how does it stand on it's own without the presence of some sort of conviction? Does it, even?
A person begins to wonder if they grant themselves the same acceptance they freely[or notso] give to others...
The world is beautiful and hideous, but somehow we happened to be part of it. Where's the truth in all that?


I tried really hard to be helpful, but it somehow came out this way.

I disagree with most of your assertions. Tell me if I miss the point..

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Originally Posted by nerve

and of course they make me sick, they're supposed to.

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That you get sick over real-world "reality checks" might say something about the way you wished the world would be. In that sense you'd be fighting reality in your head, and getting hurt every time it was made clear that the world is not the way you desired.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nerve

there is ever only one, simple story, and though it never changes, somehow we never tire of it. the story is of the constant fight against the one thing we want the most.

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That story only exists to people with strong desires that don't know how to approach obtaining the thing they think they want. Or for those who entertain "unrealistic" desires. Plenty of people aren't fighting. They're going with the flow, as it were, and enjoying what life has to offer them. First things first, though. You need to be rid of your suffering before you can begin enjoying much.

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Originally Posted by nerve

and it can never end.

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It probably wont if you keep thinking like that.