Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

[Carrot]

Hi, I am an OCD sufferer and I have been hindered by it since I could ever remember. Zoe had suggested for me to started a thread so OCD sufferers could discuss about this topic in detail. Just a brief intro about OCD: It is a mental disorder with two components: obsessions, which consist of thoughts, impulses, or mental images; and compulsions, which are repetitive behaviors that the person feels driven to perform in response to the obsessions. Here's a good read about OCD that I had found recently: Obsessive-compulsive disorder - children, causes, functioning, effects, therapy, adults, examples, person And here's OCPD, similar to OCD but not to be mistaken with it because one is a personality disorder while the other is a mental disorder. I believe the main differences between them is people with OCPD are carrying out their obsessions willingly while people with OCD are not. There's a possibility that a person has both of it though. Read more about OCPD here: Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder - children, causes, DSM, functioning, therapy, people, medication, women --- Back on topic, I think it would be good if we can state how badly OCD is affecting us and arrange the obsessions in order. Here's the main category of obsessions - fear of contamination, doubts, an intense need to have or put things in a particular order, aggressive or frightening impulses, and recurrent sexual thoughts or images. If anywhere you're not clear about them, refer to the previous OCD link I had pasted. OCD Severity: A little bad Obsessions in order of Seriousness: 1. Doubts 2. Aggressive or frightening impulses 3. An intense need to have or put things in a particular order 4. Recurrent sexual thoughts or images 5. Fear of contamination I've read that there is a possibility that OCD is caused by a lack of something in our brains. On a light note, we can chat about all those ridiculous and laughable things OCD had made us do. Lastly, to everyone who has it, you're not alone.

[Wolfwood]

Well.. I wouldn't consider having it as a disorder, but as I said in the previous thread: if I start pen spinning, I've gotta do it 40 times without failure. If I fail, then I start again. This has stopped me from leaving the house once.... until I succeeded. In my head, however, it was my means of quickly learning to pen spin without fail. Failure = punishment = more practice. Though I wouldn't say I consciously choose to do it, I just feel motivated to do it over and over. It doesn't extend to any other activity atm, but I imagine it would if I started another skill-based activity. Something similar occurred when I was learning the piano in high school.

[Carrot]

Well.. I wouldn't consider having it as a disorder, but as I said in the previous thread: if I start pen spinning, I've gotta do it 40 times without failure. If I fail, then I start again. This has stopped me from leaving the house once.... until I succeeded. In my head, however, it was my means of quickly learning to pen spin without fail. Failure = punishment = more practice. Though I wouldn't say I consciously choose to do it, I just feel motivated to do it over and over. It doesn't extend to any other activity atm, but I imagine it would if I started another skill-based activity. Something similar occurred when I was learning the piano in high school. Do you suffer from panic attacks or feel at a large discomfort if you don't spin your pen to 40 times consecutively? If you don't then most likely it's not OCD. I mentioned about OCPD, have you read about it? It's something rather similar. Both OCD and OCPD has a need for order.

[Wolfwood]

Do you suffer from panic attacks or feel at a large discomfort if you don't spin your pen to 40 times consecutively? If you don't then most likely it's not OCD. I mentioned about OCPD, have you read about it? It's something rather similar. Both OCD and OCPD has a need for order. It'll piss me off like hell if I get to 30 something and then it drops. Start again. Once I start though... I am finishing it. The good thing is that the very nature of this has allowed me to spin a pen 40 times without fail -- just have to get used to the weight distribution after a few tries.

[Carrot]

It'll piss me off like hell if I get to 30 something and then it drops. Start again. Once I start though... I am finishing it. The good thing is that the very nature of this has allowed me to spin a pen 40 times without fail -- just have to get used to the weight distribution after a few tries. Getting angry at something when you're so close to success is a normal human reaction. But after what you had said in your previous post, my guess is still it's not OCD. I have no valid reasons for my obsessions, unlike yours where you are using it to train yourself to practice.

[Wolfwood]

Yeah, I wouldn't consider it OCD -- it doesn't extend into a general obsession or compulsion... it's just pen spinning, specifically. Though the number is a bit arbitrary. Your number 4..... how bad are we talking here? I mean, what do you consider recurrent sexual thoughts and images? And do you have 5 obsessions/compulsions, or did you need to list 5?

[Carrot]

Yeah, I wouldn't consider it OCD -- it doesn't extend into a general obsession or compulsion... it's just pen spinning, specifically. Though the number is a bit arbitrary. Your number 4..... how bad are we talking here? I mean, what do you consider recurrent sexual thoughts and images? Lol you really want to know? It was quite bad before but I managed to reduce it after I took the no fap challenge. Thank god. Otherwise I really would go mad. I used to doubt every image I treasure and almost every other word I type to contain vagina and any sexual images I really see will keep repeating in my head over and over again. Then I feel like raping almost everyone I see, including family members. Maybe you're in the list too.

[Alyzarin]

Hmm, let's see, what all tendencies to I have these days.... I'd say probably the worst ones right now are blinking, especially along with kind of flexing muscles in my head... which is hard to describe, no one ever knows what the hell I'm talking about, but I always just thought it was something everyone was aware of. X) I do it all the time. If anyone sees me it probably looks like I'm having a stroke or something. However, this one wears itself out... eventually it stops working, and I forget about it until much later it comes back again, at least that seems to be the case. This is only the second time it's come around, rather annoying. :T The other is cracking joints, which I do probably at least a few times every couple minutes when I'm just idling (i.e., not distracted), particularly in my upper arms and neck, but also knuckles and knees. Often times it goes along with the blinking/flexing thing, at least when it's around. Lesser than those is the symmetry, which is technically more severe when it's around, but that happens less often. I become very uncomfortable if my bodily sensations aren't evened out, and I'll go as far as somewhat severely injuring myself to achieve it. Sometimes I'll have to do patterns to balance things out, because it bothers me that a sensation was felt first on my right side and then on my left, or vice-versa. For example, I'll tap my finger on my right knee, then on my left, then left again, then right, then the exact opposite, and sometimes I'll do that a few times, reversing order each time. That's a basic example, but it also applies to things such as walking on tiled floors, brushing my hair out of my face, feeling cracks in the chairs I'm sitting in, seeing my hands/feet (particular fingers and toes) out of the corner of my eyes, or passing from one ground texture to the next, among many others. I also used to (and still sometimes do, but not as much) arrange my food in patterns based on size, shape, and deliciousness. It feels wrong to eat them in any other order. I'm sure more will come to me when I've had some time to think about it.... Oh, I also used to have to rearrange all of the objects in bathrooms whenever I would use them for extended periods of time (so basically, #2). I still do this often in my bathroom at home, but I can usually avoid it in other places now. That one's died down with age, thankfully. I also have to use the bathroom naked when I do, and arrange my clothes with the other objects. I can't stand it any other way. As far as this goes: OCD Severity: Varies, usually pretty severe when I haven't been doing psychedelics (and unimaginably worse when I've been doing stimulants) Obsessions in order of Seriousness: 1. Recurrent sexual thoughts or images 2. An intense need to have or put things in a particular order 3. Aggressive or frightening impulses 4. Doubts 5. Fear of contamination That looks about right....

[MindGames]

I have what I think is a mild form of OCD. I had it a worse when I was younger, but I managed to get it under control on my own for the most part. Usually when I keep repeating a behavior, it feeds the need to do the behavior more. So I just stopped doing those things, even though in a way it felt "good" to do them, like if it was some kind of addiction to the things I did, so it was hard to stop (and still is). I would do things like squeezing my eyes shut after looking at any bright light and looking at the after image until it went away, whispering words or phrases under my breath and blinking simultaneously until I got it right, coughing, sniffing (which actually acts as another stimulant because you're breathing in so quickly), clearing my throat, etc. Usually the coughing and sniffing and whatnot go hand in hand, and I still do it, although not as bad. The whispering type stuff is kind of weird, like sometimes I'm reading a book or a text and I'll repeat a phrase to myself in quick succession until it sounds "right", or when I uses to do the eye squeezing thing, I would actually inhale/whisper "squeeze your eyes shut" to myself simultaneously, and repeat it until they were both synced perfectly. I still have it mildly, not as bad though. Usually stimulants like coffee or adderall make it worse. My advice for anyone who has ocd (or whatever it is that I have) is to just not give into it. It was hard at first for me, but the less I did it the less of an urge I had to do it. Now it's a lot less severe.

[Alyzarin]

... The whispering type stuff is kind of weird, like sometimes I'm reading a book or a text and I'll repeat a phrase to myself in quick succession until it sounds "right" .... I still have it mildly, not as bad though. Usually stimulants like coffee or adderall make it worse. My advice for anyone who has ocd (or whatever it is that I have) is to just not give into it. It was hard at first for me, but the less I did it the less of an urge I had to do it. Now it's a lot less severe. Oh, I used to do that one too. Luckily not so much lately. That's how I've gotten out of a lot of things, just ignoring them, but more just show up later. :T It definitely works if you can stick with it, but I think I just have it pretty bad. I'd gladly trade some of the ones I have now for some of the ones I used to have. But honestly, it just really doesn't bother me that much anymore. It's annoying, but what're you gonna do? It doesn't inhibit me from living my life.

[Highlander]

I'm a little bit OCDish myself. I did tend to over check things like at work which used to cause anxiety, but I never used avoidance tactics as such. I used to doubt that I had done it in the first place. I'm not too bad as such now. I think it started probably from a job where I had to inspect at a factory quite repetitively. I must have got stressed, etc. I did use the OCD in a dream once where I checked my back gate was shut 2-3 times & that triggered awareness of the dream. It is more bad habits with me like picking at my scalp when I'm stressed, or making sure a screw or nut is tightened properly.

[MindGames]

Lol, I felt the same way. I just caught myself reading back my post and doing that one, actually. Something like "syn-syn sync-synced perfectly". xD But yeah, it always feels like more come up, but it helps if you just stop yourself when you catch yourself doing them. I haven't developed any new habits in a couple years I think, since I made an actual effort to stop.

[Alric]

I have it but only in a vary mild form. I have the symmetry one but only for things like right in front of me and only some stuff. My room is totally filled with clutter and I got stuff all over the place and my computer desk is packed full of papers and junk and everything is mixed around and all over the place like crazy. Nothing is organized at all, but I have like a piece of paper lined up perfectly with the base of my computer, and I got a calculator lined up with that and some times if I have a pencil it will be lined up too. Its odd that everything is a total mess but like a foot wide area in front of me needs to be perfectly balanced. I used to have it where some times if I spun around I would feel compelled to spin around in the opposite way as well. I also have to constantly check my keys while I am out as well. Some times having to check them multiple times in a row, even though I know they are obviously still there. I have a little of the contamination and this is the only one people have actually noticed and called me out on(the rest are so mild I am not sure if my family has even noticed). I always have to check all the silverware and plates I use to make sure they are perfectly clean. I even check paper plates, when they were in a stack and I take one other than the top so it should be fine as nothing touched it but I still check. I occasionally have random obsessions as well. Like I said, its very mild for me. I usually just do the stuff and move on, since I don't have any that causes me to act for more than a few second. So its easy to just do it and be done. I can also ignore most of them without to much trouble. It starts to build up and annoy me, but I never reach that overwhelming need to do it. Probably because I far before it got that point I would of just done it and been over with it. I think the longest thing I do, is if I need to wake up and I set my alarm, I some times check my alarm like 15 times in a row and reset it a couple of times because I worry I might of set it wrong, though that is only if its extremely important that I wake up on time.

[Wolfwood]

For those of you with symmetry OCD, does this mean if you were to design the interior of your house, it'd be mostly symmetrical in design? Do you not find symmetry boring/unprovocative?

[Alric]

It probably greatly depends on the person. For one you can have symmetry when it concerns your own body, and so when you design your house you would feel nothing at all. Secondly, there are different ways a person might see something as balanced. Like I said for me its fairly mild but when I do experience it, I need to see thing lining up and being very straight. I have a number of things in front of me on my desk and nothing is really symmetrical but they all line up on the same imagery line so they are ordered. As for being boring or unprovocative, that is entirely a personal choice. People with OCD don't do things because they find them pleasing or unpleasing. They do them because of some compulsion to do it, and if they don't they feel nervous or stressed. Meaning a person might do something and enjoy the look, or they might do something and hate the look. How they feel isn't really relevant to the disorder though.

[littlezoe]

Finally i got to the thread... Well, i'll tell about my symptoms too. I'm not sure how serious is it on a "scale", but i grown out of some of them, althrough these days some are coming back more and more... The first and most severe OCD symptom for me is the need for order and symmetry in things. This often leads me to rearrange some things, or if they are not perfectly in a straight position or angle (just as i write this, i had to fix the angle of my keyboard o.o) then i have to fix that. If i place something on a table and they are similar sized, then all of those have to be in the same angle and the same distance from eachother. This is something that i do without thinking much about it anymore, it doesn't really bother me. Symmetry is also there in many-many things in my life. Then i also need to feel balanced... Aly said some good examples about this already, but for example when i step on a stone, i have to find another stone and step on it with my other foot too, to feel that impact on both of them. Otherwise i would be annoyed and feel unbalanced. It's also true if someone touches my clothes a bit on the bus or someone intentionally who i know, i have to make that same part of my clothes (or my hand) on the other side touch something as well. Sometimes i can make myself not do this when people watch me, but it keeps bothering me. Then there is my "obsession" with numbers. I had an obsession with the number 3 since i was young, but it's somewhat better now. I had to touch everything 3 times, no matter what we are talking about... handles, trees, chairs, tables, anything that i touched. I wonder how nobody noticed this... at least nobody told me they did. Because i didn't tell about my OCD to anyone before i found DV as i wasn't even sure that it's OCD, but now i know. So the obsession with number 3 is somewhat still apparent, but in less serious things, like when i eat candy, i have to eat them in a 1-2-3 order or 3 at once. If for example there is 4 left at the end, i take 3, then take the last one and imagine that i'm chewing on 2 more... I know it's weird o.o When i close one of my hands, i also feel like i need to close it 2 more times and close the other hand 3 times as well... it's not really noticeable, but i do this often. I also pet my cat in multiples of 3, lol.... this sounds stupid for sure xD Then of course these symptoms all can merge... Like for example, when talking about numbers that are not related to something i can interact with in real life (like it's on the screen or in a book or anything like that), then the number 5 and 0 are the numbers that make me feel good. Any others make me annoyed, because they are either off to the left or right on the 0-10 list. 5 is okay because it's in the middle, 0 is okay because it's at the beginning and end. A somewhat weird example about this is that when i play FPS games and the ammo is shown, i never let it stay on a number other than 5 or 0. Sometimes i can tolerate 3 or 6 for a while, but not for long... i only do that because i would shoot away all the ammo otherwise xD Another example for merges is that when i touch something with my hand accidently, then that makes me feel unbalanced and sometimes instead of just simply touching something of the same material with my other hand, i do it 3 times instead with both. Oh well... i think i could go on for long with this... For those of you with symmetry OCD, does this mean if you were to design the interior of your house, it'd be mostly symmetrical in design? Do you not find symmetry boring/unprovocative? I think symmetry only applies if it's about me or things that i place myself somewhere... or things that are mine. I doubt i would design a house... that wouldn't be a good idea for me >.> I don't know what would i do if that would be the case...

[Alyzarin]

For those of you with symmetry OCD, does this mean if you were to design the interior of your house, it'd be mostly symmetrical in design? Do you not find symmetry boring/unprovocative? This: It probably greatly depends on the person. For one you can have symmetry when it concerns your own body, and so when you design your house you would feel nothing at all. The symmetry thing for me is mostly concerned with the way I feel, being balanced in tactile sensations as Zoe and I have described. I don't really have it so far as arranging things in my environment goes as she and Alric do, though occasionally that applies to me, but it's not a huge concern.

[Carrot]

And do you have 5 obsessions/compulsions, or did you need to list 5? You don't have to list all 5 but I am thinking if your OCD is a little serious, most probably you'll have all 5. I thought I have no unnatural fear of contamination. Ended up I'm pretty worried about staining my book with pee when I am reading it (stupid head). But I am actually pretty mild on that aspect. I did use the OCD in a dream once where I checked my back gate was shut 2-3 times & that triggered awareness of the dream. I was wondering about this lately, whether my OCD symptoms can be transferred into the dream world? If they do, are they just repetitive behaviours getting transferred over or my unconscious suffers from OCD too? From my dream recall, I can come to the conclusion that I don't suffer from OCD in my dreams. Meaning that OCD is most probably a conscious thing. I'll need some evidence to back this up from you guys. Do you feel that you suffer from OCD in your dreams? I've accidentally done an interesting experiment on myself. There was once when I was awake for around 32 hours, mainly watching shows. I realised after staying up for 30+ hours, my mind was so tired it can only focus on one thing at any moment, meaning my mind is a little incapable of having OCD thoughts. Tommo said that there is a possibility that a lack of sleep might help OCD sufferers with their symptoms.

[littlezoe]

Do you feel that you suffer from OCD in your dreams? That's a really interesting thought... Personally i don't remember any dreams in which i did anything related to OCD... Hmm... could we maybe test this somehow? I get lucid pretty often these days, i could try something... just not sure what...

[Carrot]

That's a really interesting thought... Personally i don't remember any dreams in which i did anything related to OCD... Hmm... could we maybe test this somehow? I get lucid pretty often these days, i could try something... just not sure what... But I don't know what will we be testing if you're testing for OCD symptoms when you're lucid. Because your conscious mind is mainly at work now. I guess it's important to differentiate whether OCD is a conscious, unconscious, subconscious thought or a combination of two or all of them.

[littlezoe]

But I don't know what will we be testing if you're testing for OCD symptoms when you're lucid. Because your conscious mind is mainly at work now. I guess it's important to differentiate whether OCD is a conscious, unconscious, subconscious thought or a combination of two or all of them. Well... that's true... But in non-lucids it's impossible to test stuff like this, since you can't control what you'll do... and if there is a chance that you'll do something related to OCD, that's never sure that you'll actually do something like that during the night when you would like to test it :/ Maybe Aly or Wolfwood will have an idea on this

[Carrot]

Well... that's true... But in non-lucids it's impossible to test stuff like this, since you can't control what you'll do... and if there is a chance that you'll do something related to OCD, that's never sure that you'll actually do something like that during the night when you would like to test it :/ Maybe Aly or Wolfwood will have an idea on this But the question is, are you really unlike yourself in your non-lucids? Do you feel that the actions you had made are impossible for you to do? I always feel that our dreams are a reflection of ourselves, our state of minds, our worries, and a lot of other things but mainly about ourselves. So although a DC may be less than the actual person they are in real life, our dream selves shouldn't be less than who we are in reality. So I can't say I don't have control over my actions in a non-lucid, I just don't realise it's a dream.

[littlezoe]

But the question is, are you really unlike yourself in your non-lucids? Do you feel that the actions you had made are impossible for you to do? I always feel that our dreams are a reflection of ourselves, our state of minds, our worries, and a lot of other things but mainly about ourselves. So although a DC may be less than the actual person they are in real life, our dream selves shouldn't be less than who we are in reality. So I can't say I don't have control over my actions in a non-lucid, I just don't realise it's a dream. I know what you mean and i fully agree with that, but that's not what i meant. Control is when at that exact moment, you can decide what to do, even things that are not even relevant to the dream's story... and that's only possible in lucids, since you need to be aware of where you are, what you are doing, ect.... In non-lucids it might feel like you made a choice, but you really didn't... Being who you are and what your personality is like will change how you react towards things in regular dreams, but that doesn't grant you the ability to consciously change things and decide, you need to be lucid to do that. I meant conscious control, by 'control', not your actions that are projected by your personality.

[Original Poster]

If I start thinking about sex, I have to masturbate. Does that count?

[mcwillis]

Here is the link for the official tutorial page for EFT. Study this page, practice the very simple tapping technique and you may find freedom from your OCD in a remarkably short time