Prophetics 101: How to predict like a pro.

Have you ever wanted to predict the future but were held back by the fact that you didn't have super powers or that it's impossible? Tired of wasting your money on ouija boards and tarrot cards that just don't work?

Well you don't have to!

In this step-by-step guide, I'll show you the truly true secrets of the masters. All the best tips and tricks that'll have you wowing the gullible for years, even centuries to come! You'll have to buy my series of books to get the whole low down, but if you aren't convinced that my information is 100% genuine*, then here's a little snippet from my book, absolutely free!

"...You make predictions in much the same way you use a shotgun. Imagine every pellet of buckshot to be a prediction. Now you just point it in the general direction of whatever it is you're trying to hit and BOOM! Hundreds of little predictions splatter brains all over the place! The arc of blood and grey matter will be so fantastic that people will ignore the hundreds of pellets that missed. "Wow! Exactly where he was aiming!" they'll say!"..."

Order now and receive a free instructional video on how to hold a church sermon! The first 100 callers will also get the hit self help book "Nine Ways To Lie Without Lying"!


*100%!

dunno about anyone else, but Im sold, where do I call? Wait dont tell me....it is a 1-800 number? maybe a 1-900 number?

*Orders*

I don't need the shot-gun method, I have the Marksman* method. My plan is to make a vague statement, get it included in a book with a bunch of other vague statements, then many hundreds of years later have people read the book and sort of do, or at least claim that they did, what I already predicted. They can describe that in a vague way, and include it in a later chapter of the book. Then more hundreds of years later, when the whole book is read, people will be amazed at my accurate prediction.

By having people read my prediction first, then carry out the action, I can't miss--hence, the Marksman* method. It's little cleaner than the shot-gun.

*This name was not inspired by Mark75, but it would make a good name for him if he ever wants to change his.

Wow, way to unite all the tarot card readers and ouija board makers against you...

Don't forget the goth kids playing with a jack-in-the-box.

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Originally Posted by Moonbeam

I don't need the shot-gun method, I have the Marksman* method. My plan is to make a vague statement, get it included in a book with a bunch of other vague statements, then many hundreds of years later have people read the book and sort of do, or at least claim that they did, what I already predicted. They can describe that in a vague way, and include it in a later chapter of the book. Then more hundreds of years later, when the whole book is read, people will be amazed at my accurate prediction.

By having people read my prediction first, then carry out the action, I can't miss--hence, the Marksman* method. It's little cleaner than the shot-gun.

*This name was not inspired by Mark75, but it would make a good name for him if he ever wants to change his.

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Hey!!! You ripped that right out of my book!!!!!!! MY BOOK WHICH YOU PROBABLY STOLE.

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Originally Posted by Spartiate

Wow, way to unite all the tarot card readers and ouija board makers against you...

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Something tells me that they didn't like me much anyway. =3

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Originally Posted by ExoByte

Don't forget the goth kids playing with a jack-in-the-box.

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That's a new one to me.

lol Nice.

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Originally Posted by Mark75

Hey!!! You ripped that right out of my book!!!!!!! MY BOOK WHICH YOU PROBABLY STOLE.

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Well, why don't you add this to the next edition: make sure you write the predictions in one language, and when they later claim to carry out the prediction they can describe it another language, and later still when they finally translate into something readable, they can use a third language. That way word meanings can be changed, if necessary, to make my sharp-shooting method even more effective.

If you think about it, though, it's kind of the opposite of sharp shooting because it's the target that's being adjusted, rather than the aim, which is fixed.

Oh. Well, OK, it's still different from the shot-gun method because it sprays less, and has less kick.

But the real question is: can I mount a red dot on it?

I recommend that you do.

Well I'm sold!